20-second mantras

[EgonSpengler]

I probably don't have to tell you, but just in case: 20 seconds is the recommended time for properly washing one's hands, which has lately become critical.

I've discovered that 20 seconds is a long time. I think I've typically spend 8-10 seconds, and I find myself getting almost agitated round about 16-17 seconds. The common advice is to use "Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star" or "The Happy Birthday Song" as a mnemonic to wash one's hands for the full 20 seconds. Unfortunately for me, I loathe both of them. So I've been trying to come up with some alternatives that don't drive me to madness.

So far, I've found two soliloquies from movies that are close to 20 seconds (well, technically one's from a play, but I've only ever seen it onscreen).

---

This one was suggested on Simon Mayo & Mark Kermode's show:

"I don't know who you are. I don't know what you want. If you're looking for ransom, I can tell you I don't have money. But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career, skills that make me a nightmare for people like you."

Up to here, it's almost exactly 20 seconds, but Neeson puts dramatic pauses in his reading that I can't seem to emulate in my head. I tend to rush the delivery, making it only about 16 seconds.

"If you let my daughter go now, that'll be the end of it. I will not look for you. I will not pursue you. But if you don't, I will look for you. I will find you. And I will kill you."

In total, this is about 38 seconds at Neeson's gravelly, let-it-sink-in pace. I go faster than he does, though, and I often forget "skills I have acquired over a very long career", so it works out for me.

---

"We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day."

This one's actually about 30 seconds, but again, I tend to rush it. I also seem to forget "this day shall gentle his condition", I dunno why.

 

[IglooDame]

This may be cutting the Gordian Knot, but I've been doing well with just counting seconds: one mississippi, two mississippi, and so on. I can recite any number of movie quotes, but I can't think of any long soliloquies. Maybe Hamlet's 'To be or not to be', how many seconds is that done at proper theatrical pace?

 

[Gori the Grey]

Yes, a quatrain of a Shakespeare sonnet is about the right length. If I had any kind of social media savvy, I'd be setting up a website called "hand washing quatrains--learn Shakespeare during the Covid Virus"

 

[Birdjaguar]

Water, soap and scrubbing, scrubbing scrubbing
Add the fingers, add the palms with rubbing, rubbing, rubbing
Around the wrists across the backing
20 seconds needed to send the virus packing!

Repeat

 

[Valka D'Ur]

This may be cutting the Gordian Knot, but I've been doing well with just counting seconds: one mississippi, two mississippi, and so on. I can recite any number of movie quotes, but I can't think of any long soliloquies. Maybe Hamlet's 'To be or not to be', how many seconds is that done at proper theatrical pace?

Imagine Kenneth Branagh reciting Shakespearean soliloquies, since he makes such a big (over)dramatic production of it. So while I enjoy his movies (well, not Hamlet; I prefer Gibson's version), he does take longer at it than some other actors.

I used to have "To be or not to be" memorized. If one soliloquy isn't long enough, recite two. Or sing a song that you know is more than 20 seconds long.

Btw, with all this hand-washing, remember to take care if your skin starts drying out. It's still winter in parts of the world, and if the indoor humidity is low, that can lead to problems. Using moisturizing lotion will help keep your skin from drying out, and may also help you to not touch your face as much.

One of the public service announcements about touching the face had such helpful advice: Keep your hands in your pockets.

Thanks a lot. Most women's clothing these days doesn't have pockets.

 

[amadeus]

Learn the Presidents in order and recite them? I imagine by the time you got to Lincoln or Cleveland you’d be good.

 

[IglooDame]

Learn the Presidents in order and recite them? I imagine by the time you got to Lincoln or Cleveland you’d be good.

Except when you get to the modern ones the mention of one or two will make you want to wash your hands all over again.

 

[amadeus]

Except when you get to the modern ones the mention of one or two will make you want to wash your hands all over again.

I tried it just now. I got to James Monroe, then had to skip ahead to Grover Cleveland and I could name the rest.

You can do it with any list. General managers of the Yankees fired by Steinbrenner. By the time you get up to Billy Martin’s third or fourth firing you’ve probably been in there five minutes.

 

[IglooDame]

I tried it just now. I got to James Monroe, then had to skip ahead to Grover Cleveland and I could name the rest.

You can do it with any list. General managers of the Yankees fired by Steinbrenner. By the time you get up to Billy Martin’s third or fourth firing you’ve probably been in there five minutes.

Indeed. Though how do you keep in mind which Billy Martin firing you're reciting?

But maybe more literal mantras, too, while we're at it. How long does it take to speak (in a not-stressed peaceful voice) the Serenity Prayer?

 

[Arakhor]

I started reciting the Periodic Table. I've known the first ten elements ever since secondary school, but over the last week or so, I've increased all the way to krypton (element #36).

 

[amadeus]

Indeed. Though how do you keep in mind which Billy Martin firing you're reciting?

Seinfeld reruns. I liked every time Larry David did the voice.

Fun fact: the actor’s name who played Steinbrenner is Lee Bear.

 

[civvver]

too long?

 

[Gori the Grey]

Or, I suppose another literary possibility would be little stretches of Ovid: Ovid-for-Covid. I'll think if there are any good ones. (It's Lucretius who has that famous description of the plague, though)

 

[hobbsyoyo]

NASA made a really cool handwashing mantra that was based on the launch countdown for the shuttle but I can't find it.

 

[amadeus]

I was thinking the whistle part of “Do the Hustle” by Van McCoy. It doesn’t get up to 20 seconds unless you repeat a little.

But throw in a little “Winchester Cathedral” and you’re good.

I find “Winchester Cathedral” a little harder to keep the tempo right though.

 

[GoodSarmatian]

"There is no hope, there is no hope, there is no hope" repeated over and over every time I play with the idea to waste money on a lottery ticket.

 

[Grisu]

"I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain."

 

[amadeus]

This one includes a counter.

I guess this game frightened me as a child. It’s been a while though since I’ve watched TPIR.

 

[Traitorfish]

The chorus to Limp Bizkit's 2000 nu metal opus "Rollin'" is exactly twenty seconds long, so that's what I've been working with.