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A Story A Week

Discussion in 'Civ3 - Stories & Tales' started by SicilyGuy, Jul 2, 2006.

  1. SicilyGuy

    SicilyGuy Chieftain

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    ok here's what i noticed-i can't keep a good story for more than a week. so what i'll do is i'll post a new story every sunday, and post 1-7 updates, or "chapters" a week. if the story is good enough to continue after that week, tell me and i'll start a thread 4 that story. note: some stories will be non-civ related and based off of completely random things from alien invasions to alternate history to civ games i play. ok so yeah post as much feedback as possible: comments, criticism, how much you hate my writing or if you like it so yeah.
     
  2. SicilyGuy

    SicilyGuy Chieftain

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    Sino-Greek War

    note: this story is not necessarily based off of civilization, but more off a NES-like game i played at my school, with various names such as "The country game" or "the war game" where kids play as crusading war mongers and try to conquer and gain political influence on other players. This may have been one of my favorite wars fought in the game, between the Greeks and Chinese.

    Chapter One: "The Beginning of the End"

    The Greeks, in the year 47, owned the southernmost of the Balkans, Crete, Cyprus, Syria, Basra, Kuwait, and Goa and Bombay in India. The Greeks were one of the only democratic systems in the world in 47, and their President was Kyle I. He wanted to expand his colonies in Mesopotamia and moreover India. The Indian government was run by a pacifist despot, Samarth. The Indians had no army and barely any money, but their Emperor Samarth was "divine" by their gods.

    "Come on! India would be sooooooooo easy!" President Kyle I explained to his Senate. He was pathetically childish, only won the elections because his family was rich because of a shipping company.

    "You don't understand. The Chinese and Indians are trading partners...that could erupt in war with those Chinamen...their savage leader has a modernized military that would be harder to f--" the Congressman was cut off.

    "Well, too bad. You guys have no real power. Your just advisors. I WANT WAR." The president threw a temper tandrum.

    The Greeks had a professionally trained army of about 18,000, compared to India having no army but a massive 250,000 reserves. From Goa and Bombay, a small force of 600 Greeks dispersed and raided Indian villages. On January 2, 48, India officially declared war and rounded up a military of poorly trained conscripts. And all Chairman Ching of China could do was watch until he felt like pushing the red button, turning a camera on and gaining access to all television stations in China and issuing the deplotion of millions of Chinese armies.

    "We'll wait." he told his advisors. January 2nd, 48, was The Beginning of the End of China and the glory days of the east, as Ching later remarked.
     
  3. carmen510

    carmen510 Deity

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    This is pretty good, though I think why you don't have a good story might be because you don't update for more than a week. You should try and update for 2 weeks. By then, people will want to see your story.
     
  4. SicilyGuy

    SicilyGuy Chieftain

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    so ur saying 2 update once evry 2 weeks?
     
  5. secretninja

    secretninja Chieftain

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    i disagree, carmen510. i say 2 post at least once evry three days. that'll keep the audience knowing that the story is up and running
     
  6. carmen510

    carmen510 Deity

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    I didnt mean post once every 2 weeks. I'm saying to regularly update for 2 weeks (Like 7 updates for 2 weeks is fine) and see if u get a good response. If u don't then u might still wanna add on, or abandon it.
     
  7. SicilyGuy

    SicilyGuy Chieftain

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    New Indian Empire

    January 5, 48, the Indian government issued the Defense Act, to create an army. The army would consist of roughly 200,000 men, but all untrained and some only armed with slingshots and swords. In Delhi and Bhopal, India's two largest cities, every man "past puberty but young enough his wife has not reached menapaus" was recruited. The Indian army marched west to meet with the Greek army.

    On January 10, Samarth himself leaed the military into battle. They had 35,000 men, some armed with rifles and bombs. Greek reinforcements at Goa gathered at about 2,000 men, with tanks, helicopters, artillery, etc. The disastrous Indian offensive caused 17,000 Indian casualties, but only 21 Greek casualties, 10 being death.

    General Kyle II, Kyle I's son, was plotting an offensive in Bengladesh. His plan called for recruiting another 10,000 Greek soldiers and moving up the Ganges Delta and massacring villages and taking thousands of civilian hostages. His plan went into affect on January 24.

    "Alright men, here we go into battle. We're going to move up the Ganges in riverboats. Our machine guns will run out of ammo fast so we have 50 ammo boats behind us. We're going to take captives and loot, and only 5 miles before Dacca we're going to turn back and load our captives and other stuff we just got onto cruise ships...then we'll go back up and attack Dacca." Kyle II told the new recruits. He was heir to the presidency in Greece. His father's shipping company provided the ships needed to execute this mission. He himself was never in combat, was just a rich kid, laid back, and now wanted glory before he became president.

    The plan went into affect. In entering the Delta, 7 Greek soldiers were injured and 1 was killed. Indian casualties were unknown. Six hours passed as the Greeks moved up the river, another 15 injuries and 6 deaths were known. 3,000 Indians were slaughtered in the malicious offensive, and there were 800captives. Going back out into the Bay of Bengal though the Indians caught wind of the offensive and sent 40,000 men to fortify Dacca. The siege of Dacca began late in January 24 and lasted until February 20. On February 20, after half the city's population died of starvation, deprivation of water, being shelled, or lack of medical care, the city surrendered and so did India. Greece now controlled the subcontinent...sort of.

    Samarth moved to Banglore, one of the cities that was nominally independent from the rule of Greece. He told some of his new 'comrades' that "I was drugged when i signed that treaty...they put something in my drink. But now we meet here and have the potential to spur rebellion in India and other Greek colonies craving independence. Will you take my word, and sacrifice your lives for the good of the Indian people? I will." He was talking to young men, age fifteen to thirty, and was urging them to randomly attack Greek outposts, railways, etc. He wanted Indian independence-and the Chinese did too.
     
  8. BuckyRea

    BuckyRea Boldly Going

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    What'll make your stories more engaging to the readers are:

    (1) Less passive voice (eg, don't say "In entering the Delta, 7 Greek soldiers were injured and 1 was killed." but "the enemy injured 7 Greek soldiers and killed one" -- also, plans go into effect, not affect)

    and

    (2) More pictures. This is the internet, where everyone has short attention spans (something about those ions constantly piercing our retinas and shortwiring the brain's ability to focus).

    Plots are okay (this one certainly has potential), but how you tell the story matters more than the story you tell (in my opinion, of course).

    Also, a good car chase scene culminating in big explosion always makes any story better. But obviously your Civ3 game has to get to combustion technology before that can happen.
     

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