Edmund Ironside
White Rabbit Object
I wasn't.
However I did fail to notice your two previous posts on this thread. My bad there!
A Teenager's Plead For Help
- Thread starter Caesar of Bread
- Start date
However I did fail to notice your two previous posts on this thread. My bad there!
Caesar of Bread
Ronald Reagan's #1 Hater
I've thought of Pastafarianism...
I only have a dad (my mom passed away when I was young). He's nice, a bit too strict at times, and is also questioning his religion and if he should have another wife.
How about you talk to her?Re : OP
My daughter is the same age as you. She's a super nerd, very obsessive, goes on & on about the lore of various games/shows/etc, she wants to be able to be a creator of stories not just a consumer but feels insecure about her abilities. I told her to take creative writing when she goes to high school in fall (she elected to goto virtual school for HS which I have mixed feelings about) but she's afraid she'll 'do badly' and 'get bad grades'. This is what I hate about school, it seems to reward people for right answers & discourage risk taking. But ideally creative writing is about effort & improvement, it's not like math where you need the right answers.
High school is weird, one of her best friends abandoned her & she doesn't know why (or maybe she does & doesn't want to share) so now it's just her & this one other girl. I'd like her to make more friends but she doesn't seem all hung up on it like I was when I felt socially isolated as a kid. Probably because she isn't bullied (afaik) & doesn't mind being 'weird'. Still, I think only having one close friend is too risky & limiting to one's personality & empathy development (the more people of various types you can be friends with the more different perspectives you can take on).
Anyway, don't mean to hijack your thread about teens entering HS in general but there's a lot of parallels w you guys (nerdy, not many friends, starting HS, also religious school altho she's leaving her Catholic middle school & going to secular HS). Re : her romantic inclinations, I have no idea, she kinda seems asexual to me, like she's still 10 or 11, which I suppose is easier to deal w as a father than if she was wearing makeup & talking about boys (or girls). It's hard to relate as she's so different than me because A : now is such a different time than 1993 when I was her age, B : she's a girl, C : her mom gives me 0 information about her life whatsoever & she's rarely goes deep about anything personal preferring to talk about her various obsessions (most recently this youtube series called the Magnus Archives & for over a year Five Nights @ Freddy's which I hope goes away soon).
Plains-Cow
Best Resource; Always Wins
What are your favorite pasta sauces?
Dads talking to teenage girls about personal stuff can be awkward on both sides. I'm lucky to have avoided most of that awkward stuff with my dad because he wasn't the arrogant, patriarchal jerk my grandfather could be when he got going, and my dad trusted me to be smart enough to not get myself into a situation I couldn't get out of. He respected my opinions and on the occasions when I did ask his advice, his first question was always, "What do you want to do?". His first concern was that whatever I was doing or where I was going, that it be safe and that I considered how I was going to get home.
Of course I can't speak for the situation with Narz and his daughter, but going by what he's said over the years and the many photos he's posted, I get the impression that they have a good relationship and he cares very much about her. It's just that the teenage years are fraught with a lot of uncertainty and kids feel pulled in a dozen different directions at once all the time.
Parental involvement and concern doesn't stop with the teens, btw. I joined the Society for Creative Anachronism when I was 23, and my dad was fine with that. My grandmother, on the other hand, listened to a cousin who convinced her that I'd joined a cult. And then there was the matter of gaming... a lot of the people in our SCA branch were into board games (they taught me to play the original Civilization board game that predated all the computer games), and there was a time when the gaming session went on and on... until we finally finished at 6 am. I was the only woman in the group, but wasn't there on my own; I'd gone with my boyfriend.
I tried to sneak into the house when we got there around 6:30. As it happened, she caught me, and my dad told me she'd been up several times during the night to see if I'd gotten home yet. He was a night owl and was up watching TV - and tried to convince her that everything was okay, it really wasn't that late, and it's not like I was out partying. I was with friends I'd known for years and didn't see a reason to worry unless I phoned (in hindsight I should have, but who knew the game would last over 8 hours?).
Narz
keeping it real
You never know, my daughter isn't religious @ all, her mom just put her in catholic school because she got a scholarship better & the public schools in Florida are not so impressive.
Yeah. I'm open to discussing whatever she wants but talking about deep, personal or awkward things is, well awkward.
I'm available to talk whenever she wants but I can't make her talk, 95% of the time she does not want to talk about personal stuff
Years ago there was this guy I was really in love with and he sort of ghosted me, like he stopped responding to almost all texts and messages. I had no idea why. I was really crushed.
About a year later I got a new SIM card with an old phone and I got back these old texts showing up as if they were new. I didn’t recognize his number and they were just weird out of context messages like “I’ll see you at six,” stuff like that.
I called him up asking who it was and he still had my number saved and told me his name. I was totally confused, I said I didn’t know anyone named that. I did actually remember him but in the moment I didn’t for a second because I hadn’t thought about him in so long.
Afterwards I didn’t feel anything, he was just someone I used to hang out with a year ago.
About the school issue do you really think you’ll be the only one in your situation? I’m sure lots of people who aren’t religious end up in religious schools, maybe even teaching there. I used to work for an Islamic school. It was part time and temporary work and they didn’t ask me about my beliefs or anything.
About a year later I got a new SIM card with an old phone and I got back these old texts showing up as if they were new. I didn’t recognize his number and they were just weird out of context messages like “I’ll see you at six,” stuff like that.
I called him up asking who it was and he still had my number saved and told me his name. I was totally confused, I said I didn’t know anyone named that. I did actually remember him but in the moment I didn’t for a second because I hadn’t thought about him in so long.
Afterwards I didn’t feel anything, he was just someone I used to hang out with a year ago.
About the school issue do you really think you’ll be the only one in your situation? I’m sure lots of people who aren’t religious end up in religious schools, maybe even teaching there. I used to work for an Islamic school. It was part time and temporary work and they didn’t ask me about my beliefs or anything.
Josu
Emperor
In answer to your first question, I studied in both Claretian and Jesuit institutions, and here I am, apatheist and politically lefty. Your personality is the only thing you have, do not abandon it, keep open eyes and ears, learn.
Also, I can not remember if I told you this before, rejections happen, move on, you are still young, you will meet other people, you will like some of them, you will be rejected again and you will be accepted. I did not met my wife until I was 30 and currently I am happilly married.
Finally I can not advise about sexuality, I have never had such experience, but do not allow this rejection being the engine that changes your life. Rejections happens and hurts but it should not be your lifes center.
Also, I can not remember if I told you this before, rejections happen, move on, you are still young, you will meet other people, you will like some of them, you will be rejected again and you will be accepted. I did not met my wife until I was 30 and currently I am happilly married.
Finally I can not advise about sexuality, I have never had such experience, but do not allow this rejection being the engine that changes your life. Rejections happens and hurts but it should not be your lifes center.
Angst
Rambling and inconsistent
sounds like a reasonably normal parent from this short blurb. then talking to him about directions is probably a good thing sometimes.
Someone here noted that advice from loved ones can be better because they've (presumably) got your best interests in mind. That is (hopefully) true. But it's also true that their advice can be heavily biased by their own circumstances and life experiences and more to the point emotional connection to you - they may feel that your best interests are absolutely to have a closer relationship with God, for example, and base their advice on how you would best do that.
The advice here, while (hopefully) equally well-meaning, is likely to make fewer presumptions about what is best for you, or at least, be more transparent about those presumptions. And, some folks here have been in circumstances very similar to yours and can offer not only general wisdom but 'if I knew then what I know now here's what I'd do differently' which can be the most helpful advice of all.
The advice here, while (hopefully) equally well-meaning, is likely to make fewer presumptions about what is best for you, or at least, be more transparent about those presumptions. And, some folks here have been in circumstances very similar to yours and can offer not only general wisdom but 'if I knew then what I know now here's what I'd do differently' which can be the most helpful advice of all.
Caesar of Bread
Ronald Reagan's #1 Hater
Today I heard some people at lunch say the most transphobic things at lunch in front of me (who they don't know is having considerations about his gender). One of them said "They called me transphobic? Well, another word for that is 'right'." I felt so upset when they said that comment.
Sorry if anything I said may have been upsetting.
Well, from what I have heard, she really is obsessed with her interests and has not had that many friends. That may be some indicator of autism, something that I could have and have thought at times that I have autism. I am sorry if I said anything wrong, and please forgive me. Also, since I heard that she is into creative writing, I'd like to see some of her stories. I also am into creative writing (having created some short stories and poems), so yeah.
Sorry if anything I said may have been upsetting.
Narz
keeping it real
She does talk about autism sometimes, she's definitely on the spectrum. Don't worry I didn't take any offense.
Caesar of Bread
Ronald Reagan's #1 Hater
I suggest that you share with her some of your interests. My dad shared with me his love of rock music, which strengthened our bond. Maybe try to play Civ with her or something.
Angst
Rambling and inconsistent
yea stuff like this can suck. when you're stuck at a place (such as high school), it can be hard to deal with. getting comments like that ain't stopping anytime soon. dealing with it, growing up is how to find a way of dealing with it. some people go more aggressive, others don't. personally i have become much less inherently combative as i age, rather entering the conversation to argue within the logic of the people i'm supposed to convince. how you navigate this can be difficult, of course. i have absolutely no clue how jesuit highschoolers think. but talking eg social subsidies makes sense in a right wing way of thinking when you point out how good distribution is for public safety and the economy.
a good thing is that a lot of them, as teens, are probably parroting their environment and may grow up. i was somewhat within my own political conviction back then, but the why and how still made me a goddamn idiot. then i flipped dangerously right. then i flipped back.
It's not unusual for teens to be obsessed with their interests, whether it's a sport, hobby, favorite musician, actor/actress, gossip in their social circle, etc.
I remember driving my family nuts over my obsession with Star Trek and the Irish Rovers (favorite musical group to this day).
Zardnaar
Deity
13/14 year Olds can be remarkably cruel. And high school can really suck. It's gotten better believe it or not.
It's a short part of your life.
My friend got sent to a catholic school. They weren't to crazy about it and in hindsight better than the public school I got sent to. It was Co Ed less violent vs Victorian type pull your socks up type school.
Angst
Rambling and inconsistent
right it also just clicked for me that american high school starts that young. yea that can just suck then.
danish high school ends a year after american college starts
Narz
keeping it real
Yeah she's very particular, doesn't like chess or most of the games I like. But yeah I got to keep trying.
Haven't played civ in over a decade maybe I'll try civ 7 when it comes out
Zardnaar
Deity
I started high school age 12. Violence, bullying etc were rife.
Joij21
🔥Deny, Defend, Depose!🔥
Uhh he quite literally went to Hell and back all while still living.
That's a pretty badass accomplishment so I'm not really sure he died with his passions unrealized.
Doesn't mean he'll find meaning or enjoy those labour jobs. Kinda like how a lot of people will suggest the military as like it's some kind of never fail solution.
Were his feelings for Beatrice autobiographical? The author didn’t literally go to hell.
