Abusive Relationships
- Thread starter Fairy
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its not that they are stupid, they just dont see a rational alternative because of the state they are in.
of all the relationships of the girls in the mailroom im in, they all suck, the men dont respect them, are abusive emotionally, and mentally. They dont have much going for them in the first place, looks or smarts, so they put up with a person that treats them moderately better than this phantom awful lonliness.
of all the relationships of the girls in the mailroom im in, they all suck, the men dont respect them, are abusive emotionally, and mentally. They dont have much going for them in the first place, looks or smarts, so they put up with a person that treats them moderately better than this phantom awful lonliness.
Firstlady
Sunlight's Breaking
Sometimes the one being abused thinks that they can change the one who abuses...or with time things will get better and change. That's just what I've learned and seen.
Prince_Imrahil
King
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First off, sorry to hear you had to go through all that, and congratz for making it through and finding yourself into a good relationship! 
...but
as much as the guy is a ***** ***** ******* ******* ****** **** scumbag, pathetic and despicible in everyway, this still applies:
...there is no other reason for why people stay in abusive relationships. Now I don't mean to mean or suggest that you are stupid to this day, but just because it sounds bad doesn't mean its not true. Even if one has been there, keep asking yourself why you stayed in the relationship and you'll find that ALL the answers will suggest the same thing.
And NEVER accept anything or anyone except the law to punish you for doing 'wrong' or 'bad'... that's for you to settle with yourself.
The matter has to do with how you perceive yourself, and the need to be validated, accepted and approved of by others, because you had not yet been able to realize that all that matters is that you get all that from yourself.
...but
as much as the guy is a ***** ***** ******* ******* ****** **** scumbag, pathetic and despicible in everyway, this still applies:
...there is no other reason for why people stay in abusive relationships. Now I don't mean to mean or suggest that you are stupid to this day, but just because it sounds bad doesn't mean its not true. Even if one has been there, keep asking yourself why you stayed in the relationship and you'll find that ALL the answers will suggest the same thing.
And NEVER accept anything or anyone except the law to punish you for doing 'wrong' or 'bad'... that's for you to settle with yourself.
The matter has to do with how you perceive yourself, and the need to be validated, accepted and approved of by others, because you had not yet been able to realize that all that matters is that you get all that from yourself.
Fifty
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I beat the crap out of Perfection when he's out of line and that's how it's always gonna be. I balance it out with some reeeeeeeeal good lovin' though 
First off, sorry to hear you had to go through all that, and congratz for making it through and finding yourself into a good relationship!
...but
as much as the guy is a ***** ***** ******* ******* ****** **** scumbag, pathetic and despicible in everyway, this still applies:
...there is no other reason for why people stay in abusive relationships. Now I don't mean to mean or suggest that you are stupid to this day, but just because it sounds bad doesn't mean its not true. Even if one has been there, keep asking yourself why you stayed in the relationship and you'll find that ALL the answers will suggest the same thing.
And NEVER accept anything or anyone except the law to punish you for doing 'wrong' or 'bad'... that's for you to settle with yourself.
The matter has to do with how you perceive yourself, and the need to be validated, accepted and approved of by others, because you had not yet been able to realize that all that matters is that you get all that from yourself.
Thankyou first of all
I do understand your point a hundred per cent, and I think it can be right, but I think there are other ways too. If you're broken down so much its hard to get out of that vicious circle, and maybe thats when they start to become stupid.
no. being without people is a joy often times. for instance when reading books being alone is awesome.
Prince_Imrahil
King
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Sorry, it might not sound nice, but not seeing a rational alternative and allowing yourself to take abuse because its better than being lonely IS nothing but stupid. Why? Because, a person is only lonely when they're alone if they make themselves lonely. You don't need the company of people to feel good about yourself, and once you take an active role in YOUR OWN life, you will be a happier person and find that you NATURALLY attain the company of others.
But letting yourself be subjected to such just to get the validation from others because you can't validate yourself is stupid. It's tragic, and sad, and shows that a lot of people are ******* to treat others like such, but it takes two to make a screwed up relationship.
Prince_Imrahil
King
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The only reason a person would want you and is nasty **** **** is to fullfill their own needy desires, both physical, and the desire to also be able to validate themselves by proving that they are better/superior/in charge of someone else.
And you can be alone, but you dont have to be lonely. When you're happy alone, you'll find others easier as well.
Thing is, its stupid to let yourself get broken down. Now please, don;t get me wrong, I'm not saying that you are blameworthy for the actions of another, and I fully understand people's need for other people, but it's when this gets in the way of one's own well-being that is, what we are referring to here as stupid, though another word might suffice better.
and that's stupid of them... I'm going off bad here because of that word, please note I do not hold them in contempt in any way, but to accept such an outcome is stupid in and of it self, because the alternative (loneliness) is only as bad as they make it.
Bad Player
Deity
Mmkay so kinda hard topic to think about but it is a vital part of our society today unfortunately, for both males and females.
I myself have been in an abusive relationship of way too long [I don't even remember anymore, something like just below two years? Anyways..] and I was told it was because i'd done wrong and was bad, and I tried so hard to think of something i'd done wrong to make excuses. I was humiliated and my body was just slated in every nasty possible way. He'd chat up other girls, say how wonderful they were and how disgusting I was right in front of me.
Eventually it got way too far and I wasn't going to be forced sexually, so I left him, but the question is why did I stay with him so long, believing it was my fault? Well as both a sociologist and psychologist I know why, but some people can be cruel in how they tackle it.
Some say the people are stupid and need to get their act together, but unless you've been there, how can you say that?
I just wondered what everyones views on this were because its a very interesting subject that I enjoy finding out about
[P.S. I'm in a loving long term relationship now so all is well]
[x. Discuss .x]
How can you be both a psychologist and sociologist at age 18?
Bad Player
Deity
As mentioned above I think it's largely because women would rather have someone than noone (self-esteem issues)...
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Moderator Action: ALL: Watch the language, please.
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Shylock
Hey smiling strange
I don't get what the hell is so hard about leaving.
It seems pretty hard for them to give a non-abusive guy the time of day. But an abusive boyfriend must be kept at all costs.
Simple, it isn't either. User you got greedy, if you're going to make stuff up to lend yourself credence be a little believable. Saying that you took a class in those is much better.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was lying about it's gender too.
It seems pretty hard for them to give a non-abusive guy the time of day. But an abusive boyfriend must be kept at all costs.
Simple, it isn't either. User you got greedy, if you're going to make stuff up to lend yourself credence be a little believable. Saying that you took a class in those is much better.
I wouldn't be surprised if it was lying about it's gender too.
Kozmos
Jew Detective
Some people are masochist I guess.
Narz
keeping it real
Being emotionally self-sufficient is the key. Also having a wide network of friends/potential suitors. You have to know you're worth more than being mistreated. If a dude says you're ugly or stupid or whatever why on earth would you stay with him? The only reasons I can think of are fear, security (money, or emotional security, masochism, the ill-founded belief that a guy who is angry & abusive makes a good protector (completely illogical but girls seem to think this for some reason) or the belief that "he will change" (some people change, but not usually the ***hole type).
Moderator Action: Language - warned.
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Jerks suck but then again it's partially because of jerks girls just can't get enough of nice guys like me.
Moderator Action: Language - warned.
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Jerks suck but then again it's partially because of jerks girls just can't get enough of nice guys like me.
Prince_Imrahil
King
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The only reasons indeed are silly reasons. If you're not one to put someone in their place, leave.
Abusive relationships appear "silly and stupid" to those who are not in them, just like belief in god appears stupid to an atheist. Rationality is a luxury provided by distance. "Needy" people do suffer from abusive spouses, but mostly it is the controlling partner who breaks down the other and uses a variety of techniques to dominate and control. It usually takes a third party help an abused person "get out" and see other options.
