advice plz:(

[Vietcong]

well its kinda a long story, but my gf thinks i cheated on her. the thing is i never did!
she we are still together, but she keeps bringing it up and making me fill crappy about it! i tell her i love her and ill hear "well u didnt think of that when u did such and such*!!
hears the thing, i basically confessed to it, being mostly forced into it out of fear of if i say i didnt do it shell leave me for good..
here's the full story

me and a old friend of mien have been talking on my space, and i used to know her in high school. shes had 1 kid and is pregnate agin blah blah, i told her she "Looks hot" but only as a complament! nothing sexual at all!
my gf wanted my password, saying " if u have nothing to hide it will be ok".
so i did give her my password, and she found the old message. now shes full convinved i have been haveing some online afare or something!!
scared and thinking she wont bleave me, being the extreamly jelus gf she is, i was bascily forced to confes to something i didnt do! i tried telling her but she hangs up or just start yelling!

i realy need some advice on how to get her to sit down with me and talk
i am realy filling crapy, i fill like i realy did cheat with how she treats me now! i just want to get things out in the open and talk to her... and want her to know that im NOT a cheater!

 

[Pannonius]

Dump her! Bloody 10 chars!

 

[TheBladeRoden]

A woman who constantly accuses you of cheating is likely a cheater herself.

 

[skadistic]

What they said.

 

[b etor]

precisely. get rid of her. ugh what a betch.

 

[bhsup]

I wouldn't dump her right off the bat if you two were happy up until now. Goodness, that's a bit extreme. Still, trust is critical in a relationship. That said, you also need to look at what you did as well. While it may well have been innocent, one should always avoid situations where even the appearance of impropriety could exist.

Perhaps the best solution is to, even if you don't really think you're guilty of anything and if you can deal with doing this without resentment, is to apologize and say you were wrong. But then talk to her about your desire to keep in touch with old friends and see what she says about that??

 

[GVBN]

Typical female behavior

 

[Kozmos]

Split a banjo over her head.

 

[Vietcong]

what i did was admit i was wrong, said sorry, and admited to something i didnt do!
i ment it as a complament to a friend, not any thing sexual at all.

im just sick of filling guilty, like i did wrong, of constantly being buged about it, and so on.. she thinks im a chater, but i never did. i dont want her to think that or bleave that..

 

[skadistic]

Nothing will ever make her change her mind, nothing, ever. To her you will always be a cheater. Now is a good time to cut your losses and move on. And next time don't confess to something you didn't do.

 

[Japanrocks12]

well its kinda a long story, but my gf thinks i cheated on her. the thing is i never did!
she we are still together, but she keeps bringing it up and making me fill crappy about it! i tell her i love her and ill hear "well u didnt think of that when u did such and such*!!
hears the thing, i basically confessed to it, being mostly forced into it out of fear of if i say i didnt do it shell leave me for good..
here's the full story

me and a old friend of mien have been talking on my space, and i used to know her in high school. shes had 1 kid and is pregnate agin blah blah, i told her she "Looks hot" but only as a complament! nothing sexual at all!
my gf wanted my password, saying " if u have nothing to hide it will be ok".
so i did give her my password, and she found the old message. now shes full convinved i have been haveing some online afare or something!!
scared and thinking she wont bleave me, being the extreamly jelus gf she is, i was bascily forced to confes to something i didnt do! i tried telling her but she hangs up or just start yelling!

i realy need some advice on how to get her to sit down with me and talk
i am realy filling crapy, i fill like i realy did cheat with how she treats me now! i just want to get things out in the open and talk to her... and want her to know that im NOT a cheater!

Dump her. Relationships are based on mutual trust, and she isn't upholding her end. And I also suspect she's cheating on you.

 

[aneeshm]

Always, always, ALWAYS be in control.

Like pets, women need to be trained, and limits have to be clearly defined if you want to maintain control and keep her respect.

When she asked for your password, you could have refused, and said that it was your personal and private space, that it is something that everyone needs, and that her request cannot be entertained.

But that is now a sunk cost. Let it go.

Having found that, instead of confessing, you could have said quite clearly that your comment was innocent, and that (this is important - it gives you both the moral high ground and the emotional control to later exploit to your advantage) she was the one who wronged you, by assuming a sexual intent while you were simply catching up with an old friend. Say that you are hurt because of this, as it shows that she does not trust you, even though you trusted her enough to give her the password. Exploit this to the hilt if necessary later in the relationship.

If you find the above advice amoral - well, I'm a bastard who knows how to manipulate people's emotions. What can I say?

But again, that is a sunk cost. Let it go.




Now that you've confessed to something you didn't do, the trust is completely gone, and you're pretty much screwed. She seems to be a she-dog anyway, so I'd suggest you both do some introspection, and talk things out. This time, be FIRM, tell the complete truth, as it is, and don't give in, whatever happens. If that doesn't work, and she doesn't reform (make it clear that that is what you expect), ditch her. In fact, given what you've posted, I'd say you ditch her anyway.

Be firm, be a man, and always, ALWAYS be in COMPLETE control.

 

[rkade8583]

What happens sometimes in relationships like this is that the girl accuses the guy (or vice versa) and the defender decides that if s/he is going to accuse me of it, I'm gonna do it so she'll have a real reason.

Yeah, don't go down that road. She has some trust issues, man.

 

[Bugfatty300]

Sorry but you only have yourself to blame. You should NEVER have given her your password. The minute someone starts demanding passwords for your private stuff is the minute you kick them to the curve.

People treat you how you let them treat you.

 

[Volum]

Well, to join the "choir" you shouldnt have confessed to it you havent done anything.

Also, relationships are based on trust. IMO shes either looking for a reason to break upp with you, or shes trying to make you do it cause shes "expecting" to be hurt (low selfesteem)

Just tell her that if she cant trust you, then well.......

 

[Japanrocks12]

Always, always, ALWAYS be in control.

Like pets, women need to be trained, and limits have to be clearly defined if you want to maintain control and keep her respect.

When she asked for your password, you could have refused, and said that it was your personal and private space, that it is something that everyone needs, and that her request cannot be entertained.

But that is now a sunk cost. Let it go.

Having found that, instead of confessing, you could have said quite clearly that your comment was innocent, and that (this is important - it gives you both the moral high ground and the emotional control to later exploit to your advantage) she was the one who wronged you, by assuming a sexual intent while you were simply catching up with an old friend. Say that you are hurt because of this, as it shows that she does not trust you, even though you trusted her enough to give her the password. Exploit this to the hilt if necessary later in the relationship.

If you find the above advice amoral - well, I'm a bastard who knows how to manipulate people's emotions. What can I say?

But again, that is a sunk cost. Let it go.




Now that you've confessed to something you didn't do, the trust is completely gone, and you're pretty much screwed. She seems to be a she-dog anyway, so I'd suggest you both do some introspection, and talk things out. This time, be FIRM, tell the complete truth, as it is, and don't give in, whatever happens. If that doesn't work, and she doesn't reform (make it clear that that is what you expect), ditch her. In fact, given what you've posted, I'd say you ditch her anyway.

Be firm, be a man, and always, ALWAYS be in COMPLETE control.

I agree with you about the "being in control aspect", but I think that snuffing the woman out is too excessive. Like men, women are people, and in a relationship, only an equitable distribution of control and power will result in maximum satisfaction (from both sides)

 

[EdCase]

what i did was admit i was wrong, said sorry, and admited to something i didnt do!
i ment it as a complament to a friend, not any thing sexual at all.

im just sick of filling guilty, like i did wrong, of constantly being buged about it, and so on.. she thinks im a chater, but i never did. i dont want her to think that or bleave that..

First mistake..apologising for something you didn't do.
Second mistake....not walking away from this harpy.
Third mistake.....see second mistake.

as for this line........ "Be firm, be a man, and always, ALWAYS be in COMPLETE control.".... he forgot to add "be alone until the end of your days."....The right relationship has no control issues, your together because you wish to be. Nobody has to be in control ...thats just outmoded macho bullsh*t.


She doesn't want a boyfriend she wants a chewtoy. If your happy to be a chewtoy then keep trying. If not then give it up.
Trust is either inherent in a relationship or it isn't.

Walk away. The right one will be out there somewhere.

 

[Rhymes]

Why do you love her exactly. Does she have good sides or are you just afraid you wont find another girl if you dump her?

 

[Ansar]

Smack her in the face and tell her to get a grip.

 

[Dann]

I usually don't care for threads like this but for once I'll say something.

The others have already given detailed analyses of how royally you've screwed up. I won't go there anymore.

Anyway the next time she brings this up again tell her this: "Allright fine so she's an old flame of mine. WTH am I supposed to say to an old friend? That she looks hideous? Besides she's already a mother AND pregnant again. Am I that stupid as to ditch YOU for HER?! C'mon stop being so paranoid. Here I bought something (cheap trinket, clothes, food etc.) for you..."

Guaranteed to shut her (your GF) up.

Note: Appropriate bribe is dependent on her taste level. If she digs signature stuff God have mercy on your soul.