Alexander's Quest [Earth18Civs]

[topsecret]

I thought you wanted to be called shotgun...
oops.

 

[hoplitejoe]

Late sub

 

[Lead Paint]

I thought you wanted to be called shotgun...
oops.

Haha I see where the confusion might arise Shotgun, your trusty and faithful Foreign Minister, pledges never to confuse the mighty Alexander again.

 

[topsecret]

Alexander: When do we update again? I need to crush Caesar and create Alex Salad!
Topsecret: You'll have to wait about 2 or 3 hours.

I may not get an update in then either, but you'll get your update soon enough...

 

[MoreEpicThanYou]

Make sure there's plenty of scenes of me being epic!

 

[topsecret]

Alexander and his advisors are sitting in the palace. Shotgun and Alexander are playing chess...
Alexander: Your move.
Shotgun: Check!
Alexander: There. Not check.
Shotgun: Check again.
Alexander: There. Safe.
Shotgun: And... Checkmate!
Alexander:
Christos: Sire, three strangers have arrived.
Alexander: Not again!
Strodon: Welcome to the glorious kingdom of Greece!
MoreEpicThanYou: We're not a kingdom yet.
Strodon: Minor detail...
MoreEpicThanYou: Minor, but epic!
Stranger 1: My name is General Olaf, and I'm a builder...
MoreEpicThanYou: Thankfully for you, you're not a general, or my epic advice would put you outta business!
General Olaf: Ok?
Stranger 2: I am Brandon Herren, and I'm a...
Christos: A cultural advisor?
Brandon Herren: How'd you know?
Alexander: I told him.
Brandon Herren: How'd YOU know?
Alexander: I know almost everything. Plus, you've gotta nametag...
Brandon Herren: Oh.
Stranger 3: I am Aldo Raine and I- don't have a job.
Strodon: That's a problem.
Alexander: You're all hired!
Aldo Raine: So what am I doing?
Alexander: You're in charge of Sparta. Unfortunately I haven't exactly founded it.
Aldo Raine: Ok? What do I do until then?
Alexander: How good are you at chess...

A few years later...

Alexander: Time for a report!
All advisors except for Shotgun:
Topsecret: Sorry to interrupt, but you guys should go make get your reports.
The advisors, except Shotgun, go get ready.
Shotgun: Sire, Hateshepsut has arrived and would like to talk to you.
Hatshepsut: Hello, Alexander. Surely the gods have smiled upon me, for they have led me to you!
Alexander: What gods? You don't even have atheism as a religion!
Hatshepsut: Good point...
Somehow MoreEpicThanYou is already back and says...
MoreEpicThanYou: Only epic civs have religions
Hatshepsut: Who's that guy?
MoreEpicThanYou: Only Alexander's Military Advisor. I'm your worst (and most epic) nightmare.
Hatshepsut: So, I'm here to ask you if we will have peace.
Alexander: No Wa-
Shotgun: Of course not!
Alexander: What he said.
Hatshepsut: Fine. Goodbye.
Alexander: I'm glad she left. She was ugly...
Shotgun: We'll declare war on her later.
MoreEpicThanYou: It'll be the most EPIC war ever!

The advisors return.

Alexander: All right. Strodon & General Olaf, Report!
Strodon: Sire, we have just researched mining, and can get gold, silver and-
Christos: A lotta other rocks.



Strodon: Sire, we are going to research archery next!



Alexander: Good. Punishing criminals won't require finding a pickaxe much longer!
General Olaf: We are still building a warrior. Which we were building when I got here.
MoreEpicThanYou: We're building that 'cause my army is way too small.
Christos: No trades yet, sire!
Brandon Herren: Our borders have expanded!
Aldo Raine: And, finally, You have 10 wins and 10 losses in chess.
Alexander: That wraps up a good days work. Now, Shotgun, how do you do blitzkreig anyway?

Little did Greece know, but they had a certain woman from Russia coming to greet them tommorrow

 

[MoreEpicThanYou]

You... are AWESOME. Not epic, but awesome. Looking forward to the next update!

 

[MantaRevan]

MantaRevan, technological overseer signing in!

 

[brandon.herren]

Great update

 

[topsecret]

Alexander: Another advisor? I get to hire someone!
Topsecret: Tommorrow, Alexander, tommorrow.

 

[MantaRevan]

Alexander: Another advisor? I get to hire someone!
Topsecret: Tommorrow, Alexander, tommorrow.

Awesome!

 

[christos200]

Great update.

 

[topsecret]

The palace was quiet...

Alexander: Who is that?
Shotgun: Catherine the Great.
Alexander: If anyone could stop me, it’d be her...
Shotgun: Good point.
Strodon: Here she comes!

Catherine: Alexander, your head would look good on a pole!
Alexander:
Shotgun: Catherine, why didn’t you ask your normal question?
Catherine: I’m not in good mood...
Shotgun: Why?
Catherine: I have to find my foreign advisor a new job, ‘cause he likes TECHS better than diplomacy...
Alexander: I’ll take him off your hands...
Catherine: Here, his name’s George.
George: I quit. Too many people ‘round here.
Alexander: Fine. Now I’ve got an open position!
Catherine. That’s your problem. So, want peace?
Shotgun: Surely not!
Catherine: Wonderful.



Catherine stomps off.
Alexander: We need a technology advisor, NOW!
Aldo Raine: How ‘bout me?
Alexander: You’re my CHESS advisor ‘til Sparta is founded.
Shotgun: Here comes a tall man, with a... What is that?
Stranger: My name is MantaRevan, and this is my trusty laptop.
Shotgun: What on earth is a laptop?
MantaRevan: You’ll find out if you research computers!
MoreEpicThanYou: Sounds like an epic tech.
MantaRevan: I’m here to apply for tech advisor.
Alexander: You’re hired.
MantaRevan: That was easy.
MoreEpicThanYou: Staples Button!
MantaRevan: So what are we researching?
Strodon: Archery.
MantaRevan: Hmm.
Manta’s laptop beeps.
Alexander & Advisors:
MantaRevan: No internet connection? I think we need to build the Internet project.
General Olaf: Just tell me when.
MoreEpicThanYou: Epicness is better than the internet anyway.
Christos: Are we just gonna sit around or play the game?
Alexander: Hey, if we get internet, see if there’s a chess game online, ‘cause when Sparta is founded, my chess player is gone!

A few years later

General Olaf: It’s done! It’s done!
Brandon Herren: What’s done?
General Olaf: The warrior.
MoreEpicThanYou: Can we declare war on Julius now? Rome has yet to feel my epicness!
Shotgun: Soon.
Brandon Herren: Can we build a monument now?
MoreEpicThanYou: Or barracks?
Shotgun: Or workers?
Christos: Or a lighthouse?
Everyone else: A LIGHTHOUSE? WHAT’S THAT?
Christos: I dunno. Just saw it on MantaRevan’s laptop.
MantaRevan: You got internet connection?
Christos: Yep. It came from MoreEpicThanYou’s House.
MoreEpicThanYou: I didn’t set one up.
General Olaf: It must have been caused by your epicness.
MoreEpicThanYou: Now you’re learning.
Topsecret: Guys, I hate to interrupt, but I gotta go. So, decide something to build.



General Olaf: Barracks.
MoreEpicThanYou: Epicness wins the day!
Alexander: I always get the last word.
Little kid: Boo!
Alexander: AHH!
Advisors:

 

[christos200]

Great update. I realy like this story.

 

[MoreEpicThanYou]

How did you know that my Internet connection is created by 100% pure Epicness?

Anyway, great update.

 

[strijder20]

Great update, is reminding me of Dhoomstriker's 'All trade leads to Athens'.

 

[MantaRevan]

I love this.

 

[topsecret]

How did you know that my Internet connection is created by 100% pure Epicness?

Anyway, great update.

Alexander knew.
Don't you remember?

I know everything

 

[topsecret]

Sorry, no update tommorrow...

 

[MantaRevan]

Sorry, no update tommorrow...

What? That's disappointing.