From God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater by Kurt Vonnegut:
"I should like to speak of the Emperor Octavian, of Ceasar Augustus, as he came to be known. This great humanitarian, and he was a humanitarian in the profoundest sense of the word, took command of the Roman Empire in a degenerate period strikingly like our own. Harlotry, divorce, alcoholism, liberalism, homosexuality, pornography, abortion, venality, murder, labor racketeering, juvenile delinquency, cowardice, atheism, extortion, slander, and theft were the height of fashion. Rome was a paradise for gangsters, perverts, and the lazy working man, just as America is now. As in America now, forces of law and order were openly attacked by mobs, children were disobediant, had no respect for their parents or their country, and no decent woman was safe on any street, even at high noon! And cunning, sharp-trading, bribing foreigners were in the ascendency everywhere. And ground under the the heels of the big city money-changers were the honest farmers, the backbone of the Roman Army and the Roman soul.
"What could be done? Well there were soft-headed liberals then as there are bubble-headed liberals now, and they said what liberals always say after thay have led a great nation to such a lawless, self-indulgent, polygot condition: 'Things have never been better! Look at all the freedom! Look at all the quality! Look how sexual hypocrisy has been driven from the scene! Oh boy! People used to get all knotted up inside when they thought about rape or fornication. Now they can do both with glee!'
"And what did the terrible, black spirited, non-fun-loving conservatives of those happy days have to say? Well, there weren't many of them left. They were dying off in ridiculed old age. And their children had been turned against them by the liberals, by the purveyors of synthetic sunshine and moonshine, by the some-thing-for-nothing political strip teasers, by the people who loved everybody, including the barabarians, by people who loved the barbarbains so much they wanted to open all the gates, have all the soldiers lay their weapons down, and let the barbarians come in!
"That was the Rome that Caesar augustus came home to, after defeating those two sex maniacs, Antony and Cleopatra, in the great sea battle of Actium. And don't think I have re-create the things he thought when he surveyed the Rome he was said to rule. Let us take a moment of silence, and let each other think what he will of the stews of today."
There was a moment of silence, too, about thirty seconds that seemd to some like a thousand years.
"And what methods did Caesar Augustus use to put this disorderly house in order? He did what we are so often told we must never, ever do, what we are told will never, ever work: he wrote morals into law, and he enforced those unenforceable laws with a police force that was cruel and unsmiling. He made it illegal for a Roman to behave like a pig. Do you hear me? It became illegal! And Romans who were caught acting like pigs were strung up by thier thumbs, thrown down wells, fed to lioins, and given other experiences that might impress them with the desirability of being more decent and reliable than they were. did it work? You bet you boots it did! Pigs miraculously disappeared! And what do we call what followed this now-unthinkable oppresion? Nothing more or less, freinds and neighbors, than 'The Golden Age of Rome.'
"Am I suggesting that we follow this gory example? Of course I am. Scarcely a day has passed during which I have not said in one way or another: 'Let us force Americans to be as good as they should be." Am I in favor of feeding labor crooks to lions? Well to give those who get such satisfaction from imagining that I am covered with primordial scales a little twinge of pleasure, let me say, 'Yes. Absolutely. This afternoon, if it can be arranged.' To dissapoint my critics, let me add that I am only fooling. I am not entertained by cruel and unusual punishments, not in the least. I am fascinated by the fact that a carrot and a stick can make a donkey go, an that this Space Age discovery may have some application in the world of human beings."
And so on. The Senator said that the carrot and the stick had been built into the Free Enterprise System, as concieved by the Founding Fathers, but that the do-gooders, who thought people shouldn't ever have to struggle for anything, had buggered the logic of the system beyond all recogniton.
In summation: he said, "I see two alternatives before us. We can write morals into law, and enforce those morals harshly, or we can return to a true Free Enterprise System, which has the sink-or-swim justice of Caesar Augustus built into it. I emphatically favor the latter alternative. We must be hard, for we must become again a nation of swimmers, with the sinkers quietly disposing of themselves. I have spoken of another hard time in ancient history. In case you have forgotten the name of it, I shall refresh you memories: 'The Golden Age of Rome,' freinds and neighbors, "The Golden Age of Rome.'"