[RD] Ask a Schizoaffective.

[Lemon Merchant]

I agree about the coincidence thing. As long as the stoppage in meds didn't trigger the situation. That was my concern.

 

[caketastydelish]

Oh, it did. It almost certainly did. But this is a good thing: It made me realize how much the med was holding me back. Now I take a different med, and at a much lower dose. I am exactly where I want to be.

 

[Lemon Merchant]

I'm glad you are where you want to be, and I hope that it continues for you.

 

[caketastydelish]

Why thank you!

 

[Hygro]

Oh, it did. It almost certainly did. But this is a good thing: It made me realize how much the med was holding me back. Now I take a different med, and at a much lower dose. I am exactly where I want to be.

You have to eat to sustain anything. Not eating produces a high and a crash

 

[caketastydelish]

I have not been eating much for the past several days (like I said, just French fries and a shake) and I am somehow leveling off at roughly 190 pounds. Although there could be something wrong with my scale. I'll have to go somewhere else to weigh myself, now I am curious.

 

[Bootstoots]

It's a possibility but here's the thing: I have been 99% depressed/sleeping all the time. I heavily lean on the 'depressed' side of things rather than mania. Then all of a sudden I cut off from that med, and bam, I suddenly got a bunch of energy. It's hard to call it a complete coincidence.

Did you ever have any manic episodes before you started taking antipsychotics? Being extremely productive and creative, not being able to sleep, having no appetite, racing thoughts, and sometimes also hallucinations and delusions are all common in bipolar people going through a manic phase. Also, bipolar patients tend to be depressed more often than they are manic.

It certainly sounds like this episode was caused by abruptly stopping your antipsychotic, but if you've ever experienced anything like that before, you should definitely bring that up with your psychiatrist.

 

[caketastydelish]

Before taking antipsychotics I was... not psychotic. Had my mental breakdown at 18, started getting on meds within a month or two

 

[caketastydelish]

As a side note, here's something else i'll add. I used to be sort of bitter about women and dating, but I've gotten to the point that I no longer am. Honestly if you've never had any experience (or very few) by age 20 or 21 or so, it's over. For someone to have barely had any experiences by my age, is of course very rare. And in that case there's usually a reason for it (there probably is). But I'm not going to worry about it, I've gotten over it.

As long as I have food, shelter, and something to give me purpose in life (in this case, writing), that's all I need. I would rather have these things than all the women and sex in the world without these things. The vast majority of the world (particularly if you include third world countries) have it worse than me, even if most of them don't have a mental illness.

I'm trying to get to the point where I don't beat myself up, but at the same time don't feel sorry for myself. I've found that's the healthiest place to be, and I'm rapidly reaching that point.

 

[Hygro]

This all sounds awesome, except that self care, aka especially eating enough, is crucial for sustainability. It's not about weight, it's about health. Keep the party going, keep the party sustainable!

 

[shadowplay]

This all sounds awesome, except that self care, aka especially eating enough, is crucial for sustainability. It's not about weight, it's about health. Keep the party going, keep the party sustainable!

You sound like one of the guys at the Dancesafe tents.

 

[caketastydelish]

Something else I think worth mentioning is all the same things that makes me a good writer, is what makes me extremely dull and boring in person. First, I have a very hard time showing facial expressions unless the subject matter is really exciting to me. I also talk in a dull 'robot' voice nearly all the time. And I'm terrible at picking up on social cues. This is all very common for someone with my illness.

But I have the tendency to obsess over something and think about it over and over again... Something ideal for a writer, because going back and improving your work will come natural to you. My ability to comprehend text, yet not be good with real world visuals, is odd. Especially for a man, because men in general tend to be more visual (men jerk off to porn, women jerk off to erotica)

I have serious trouble staying in the "here and now" and tend to drift off into my own little world. This is horrible in 99% of situations. One situation where it is perfect, is writing fiction.

The few women who actually have gotten to know me say that despite the setbacks I just mentioned, I have surprisingly interesting things to say, especially for a man in their 20's. With my knowledge of current events, politics, writing, etc I sound like someone much older. Maybe not getting laid makes me a "loser" but I'd easily rather be that than the type of guy that harasses women, won't take no for an answer, or even rapes.

 

[Synobun]

I have no idea how you came to any of those conclusions and positions in your post, but I guess I'll help you stay on-topic:

It's pretty universally agreed upon by any compassionate human being that asylums are generally no bueno for people with psychiatric disorders. That said, an alternative is rarely offered or conceptualized. As someone who is within that demographic of people who may be affected by that aspect of modern society, what do you think a better approach to long-term care would be for those who are a danger to themselves and those around them (either due to a break or a deteriorated condition)? Would this different approach be an altered form of what already exists or something new entirely?

 

[caketastydelish]

What's wrong with my conclusions and how were they not reasonable?

Anyway. 100 years ago the asylums were full. Because there were no medications. Now what they do is drug us up so much we become sleepy zombies with no energy whatsoever. I finally recognized it and am taking a lower dose than what my doctor wants. Maybe I'll go psychotic again and maybe not. But I'll never forgive myself if I don't get to live a full life.

The real problem is that psychiatry, as a medical field, is like 50 years behind everything else. It is extremely underfunded.

This might help:

 

[caketastydelish]

Somewhere around 50% of women with my mental illness will be raped. They are considered extremely easy targets.

So me just not getting sex - cry me a river

edit: I want this thread to be educational for the subject of mental illness in general, and to stand up for everybody. Not just an SOB boo hoo story for myself

 

[Hygro]

You sound like one of the guys at the Dancesafe tents.

Goddamn heroes.

 

[schlaufuchs]

You sound like one of the guys at the Dancesafe tents.

He is the Dancesafe tent.

 

[caketastydelish]

I'm having some psychological disturbances right now...

I know we can't talk publicly about them but if someone wants to send me a PM I'd appreciate it. I'm willing to talk to just about anyone as long as you haven't been harsh on me in the past.

 

[Narz]

You watch this :

?

 

[caketastydelish]

Too long. Summarize and I'll think about it.