Askthepizzaguy
Know the Dark Side
It is 6:00 in the morning. A bright and sunny day dark and depressing pre-dawn here in Florida.
A pop-up appears on my screen. I shriek and hide in my closet for several minutes, setting myself up for some very mean-spirited punchlines. When I regain my courage, I check my screen and it tells me I need to update FireFox.
Okay, one click, and a free download, and a quick restart and I'm good to go.
Little did I realize I was about to undertake a fantastic journey... BEYOND THE REALM OF HUMAN COMPREHENSION!!!!
At 6:03AM I clicked on that fateful button, and was nearly instantly teleported.... TO THE FUTURE!!!
The clock on my toolbar told me that it was the morning of June 30th, at 6:04 in the morning, local time, Florida USA. It's a very talkative clock, you see. And so the screen flickered, and a window appeared, telling me that the download would take 4 weeks.
One second ticked away on my computer's chronometer. Now, it was telling me that the download would only take a single week.
Without knowing how, or why, I had been thrown forward in time by three entire weeks. But it got even more bizarre.... another second ticked by. It was now 7 hours away from being downloaded. Time was still moving rapidly, but was slowing down as I approached my final destination.
Then, within the span of a single second, it told me two hours, then 17 minutes, then 4 minutes, and then, 13 seconds, until at long last, I had arrived IN THE FUTURE.
Four weeks to be exact. It is now the 28th of July, I presume, even though my computer's Chronometer still reads 6:15 AM on the 30th of June.
Dear friends, I come to you as the world's first official Time Traveler. And I have to tell you, as a friend.... that you're all completely disappointing me. I had such high hopes for the future, and this dump is exactly the same as when I left. My progeny deserve better, should I ever choose to have any. This is depressing.
Look, you guys didn't even take the trash out while I was gone. That same milk is still in the fridge. Don't ask me to smell it, I know it's spoiled. And listen, Futuremen and Futureladies, what about the flying cars? You can make phones that fart but not flying cars? Where are your priorities!?! Seriously people, work with me.
Now, as disappointed as I am, I would still like to withdraw my money, as I assume my interest has compounded me quite nicely while I was coming out of the closet and experimenting a little on the internet for a few fleeting moments of indescribable new feelings. So I demand all my future dollars, which I plan to take with me back to the past.
Please send all monies to my PM box, but only if you MUST. I don't have time to check my email. It's the future, you should have brain mail now, just send it to my brain.
I'm going back to last month now. You'd better have this place cleaned up by the time I get back.
Also, Firefox doesn't seem to know how long it takes to download things, or is just schitzophrenic. [/don't explain the joke you just ruined it.]
"This forum requires that you wait 30 seconds between posts. Please try again in 2 seconds."
Haha, CivFanatics, little do you realize my computer can travel those two seconds in the time it takes me to type this sentence. Check and mate.
A pop-up appears on my screen. I shriek and hide in my closet for several minutes, setting myself up for some very mean-spirited punchlines. When I regain my courage, I check my screen and it tells me I need to update FireFox.
Okay, one click, and a free download, and a quick restart and I'm good to go.
Little did I realize I was about to undertake a fantastic journey... BEYOND THE REALM OF HUMAN COMPREHENSION!!!!
At 6:03AM I clicked on that fateful button, and was nearly instantly teleported.... TO THE FUTURE!!!
The clock on my toolbar told me that it was the morning of June 30th, at 6:04 in the morning, local time, Florida USA. It's a very talkative clock, you see. And so the screen flickered, and a window appeared, telling me that the download would take 4 weeks.
One second ticked away on my computer's chronometer. Now, it was telling me that the download would only take a single week.
Without knowing how, or why, I had been thrown forward in time by three entire weeks. But it got even more bizarre.... another second ticked by. It was now 7 hours away from being downloaded. Time was still moving rapidly, but was slowing down as I approached my final destination.
Then, within the span of a single second, it told me two hours, then 17 minutes, then 4 minutes, and then, 13 seconds, until at long last, I had arrived IN THE FUTURE.
Four weeks to be exact. It is now the 28th of July, I presume, even though my computer's Chronometer still reads 6:15 AM on the 30th of June.
Dear friends, I come to you as the world's first official Time Traveler. And I have to tell you, as a friend.... that you're all completely disappointing me. I had such high hopes for the future, and this dump is exactly the same as when I left. My progeny deserve better, should I ever choose to have any. This is depressing.
Look, you guys didn't even take the trash out while I was gone. That same milk is still in the fridge. Don't ask me to smell it, I know it's spoiled. And listen, Futuremen and Futureladies, what about the flying cars? You can make phones that fart but not flying cars? Where are your priorities!?! Seriously people, work with me.
Now, as disappointed as I am, I would still like to withdraw my money, as I assume my interest has compounded me quite nicely while I was coming out of the closet and experimenting a little on the internet for a few fleeting moments of indescribable new feelings. So I demand all my future dollars, which I plan to take with me back to the past.
Please send all monies to my PM box, but only if you MUST. I don't have time to check my email. It's the future, you should have brain mail now, just send it to my brain.
I'm going back to last month now. You'd better have this place cleaned up by the time I get back.
Also, Firefox doesn't seem to know how long it takes to download things, or is just schitzophrenic. [/don't explain the joke you just ruined it.]
"This forum requires that you wait 30 seconds between posts. Please try again in 2 seconds."
Haha, CivFanatics, little do you realize my computer can travel those two seconds in the time it takes me to type this sentence. Check and mate.
