Bread

Omni314

Prince
Joined
Mar 1, 2009
Messages
586
Location
Great Britain
Bread Kills!
1. More than 98 percent of convicted felons are bread users.
2. Fully HALF of all children who grow up in bread-consuming households score below average on standardized tests.

3. In the 18th century, when virtually all bread was baked in the home, the average life expectancy was less than 50 years; infant mortality rates were unacceptably high; many women died in childbirth; and diseases such as typhoid, yellow fever, and influenza ravaged whole nations.

4. Every piece of bread you eat brings you nearer to death.

5. Bread is associated with all the major diseases of the body. For example, nearly all sick people have eaten bread. The effects are obviously cumulative:

99.9% of all people who die from cancer have eaten bread.
100% of all soldiers have eaten bread.
96.9% of all Communist sympathizers have eaten bread.
99.7% of the people involved in air and auto accidents ate bread within 6 months preceding the accident.
93.1% of juvenile delinquents came from homes where bread is served frequently.
6. Evidence points to the long-term effects of bread eating: Of all people born before 1839 who later dined on bread, there has been a 100% mortality rate.
7. Bread is made from a substance called "dough." It has been proven that as little as a teaspoon of dough can be used to suffocate a lab rat. The average American eats more bread than that in one day!

8. Primitive tribal societies that have no bread exhibit a low incidence of cancer, Alzheimer's, Parkinson's disease, and osteoporosis.

9. Bread has been proven to be addictive. Subjects deprived of bread and being fed only water begged for bread after as little as two days.

10. Bread is often a "gateway" food item, leading the user to "harder" items such as butter, jelly, peanut butter, and even cold cuts.

11. Bread has been proven to absorb water. Since the human body is more than 90 percent water, it follows that eating bread could lead to your body being taken over by this absorptive food product, turning you into a soggy, gooey bread-pudding person.

12. Newborn babies can choke on bread.

13. Bread is baked at temperatures as high as 400 degrees Fahrenheit! That kind of heat can kill an adult in less than one minute.

14. Most bread eaters are utterly unable to distinguish between significant scientific fact and meaningless statistical babbling.

In light of these frightening statistics, we propose the following bread restrictions:

1. No sale of bread to minors.
2. A nationwide "Just Say No To Toast" campaign, complete celebrity TV spots and bumper stickers.
3. A 300 percent federal tax on all bread to pay for all the societal ills we might associate with bread.
4. No animal or human images, nor any primary colors (which may appeal to children) may be used to promote bread usage.
5. The establishment of "Bread-free" zones around schools.
:goodjob:
 

ParadigmShifter

Random Nonsense Generator
Joined
Apr 4, 2007
Messages
21,810
Location
Liverpool, home of Everton FC
Ergot grows on bread ;)
 

Omni314

Prince
Joined
Mar 1, 2009
Messages
586
Location
Great Britain
have you seen the kind of explosive reaction you get when you make it

Link to video.
its leathal!


And have you heard about the grass

The theory of grassiens
People all over the world are always looking for signs that there is life 'out there', that aliens exist and are coming to find us.I think they're already here, and have been long before us!

Grass.Yes that small little plant that everyone takes for granted.This apparently innocent plant, has a lot of evidence against it.For example; It was around for millions of years before us(and is still here), It never dies of the cold, and can be trodden on tonnes of times without being harmed,and last but not least.....it has already accomplished world domination!!

Think about it, every where you go there is grass, all over the world, and has been for years and years.People grow it, sit on it, live on it, and animals eat it! It is always there....always watching.And oneday, it may either decide to attack or be friends...but its out there.
 

Earthling

Deity
Joined
Nov 9, 2008
Messages
8,518
Didn't the old proverb go,

"We should bread a master race, yet master races taste better deep fried?"
 

Gori the Grey

The Poster
Joined
Jan 5, 2009
Messages
8,074
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