Can someone explain weddings?

[emzie]

The average cost of a wedding in Canada and the US is ~$20,000. The average cost of a wedding in the UK seemed to be in the £10,000-15,000 range (15-23k US). These numbers don't include engagement ring / honeymoon, just the wedding / planning / reception.

This seems like an insane amount of money for what amounts to a fancy party. Certainly when I got married, it was legal and nothing more: I got married in jeans for 75 bucks at a county courthouse in Ohio. We bought icecream afterwards so the total came to ~90.

I understand there's ceremony, rights of passage, and the like. But I just can't fathom why any right of passage needs to cost as much as a down payment on a home (20% on a 100k starter home / condo for the newly married couple). Did anyone here on CFC have a traditional wedding? Was it worth it? Was there anything special about the day that changed what it meant to be married?

 

[.Shane.]

Yeah, its pretty bizarre to me too. Luckily, my wife was not the sort who having such a lavish thing mattered to, so ours was done quite reasonably!

 

[classical_hero]

It is a special time for the bride since she is starting a new life with the man of her dreams, so generally she would want to have something to remember the occasion. Plus it is a good time for those invited, so why not celebrate an occasion that should hopefully be the only one in their lifetime?

 

[Cashie]

I think weddings are just expensive because of predatory pricing. You're generally expected to put on a show for it, though. If anything, you're going to have the pictures of it for a long time. But essentially, yeah: you're forking out huge sums of $$$ to impress people.

This seems like an insane amount of money for what amounts to a fancy party. Certainly when I got married, it was legal and nothing more: I got married in jeans for 75 bucks at a county courthouse in Ohio. We bought icecream afterwards so the total came to ~90.

I hope you're not divorced now

 

[emzie]

It is a special time for the bride since she is starting a new life with the man of her dreams, so generally she would want to have something to remember the occasion. Plus it is a good time for those invited, so why not celebrate an occasion that should hopefully be the only one in their lifetime?

I mean, I dunno about other men, but I also entered into a new life with the woman of my dreams.

Well that gets at another point. The whole symbolism of weddings is quite sexist: a father handing over authority of his daughter to the husband. I'm not sure what's romantic about it.

I hope you're not divorced now

4 years this April without any hitches. I mean, things can change, but from where I'm sitting, I can't really come up with a logical path to it. Plus, the icecream thing became a nice tradition.

 

[ParadigmShifter]

You want a woman to stop giving you oral sex? Marry her.

You want to stop sex altogether? Have a kid.

 

[Cashie]

Well that gets at another point. The whole symbolism of weddings is quite sexist: a father handing over authority of his daughter to the husband. I'm not sure what's romantic about it.

You can do away with the medieval parts if you want to. The bride becoming Mrs. Contre (or whoever) used to mean that she would become your "property." If I ever have a daughter to give away, I'll say "here, she's your problem now!"

4 years this April without any hitches. I mean, things can change, but from where I'm sitting, I can't really come up with a logical path to it. Plus, the icecream thing became a nice tradition.

Glad to hear it! The ice-cream is a cute touch.

 

[schlaufuchs]

You want a woman to stop giving you oral sex? Marry her.

You want to stop sex altogether? Have a kid.

Thanks for the professional advice!

It will become my mantra.

 

[Fugitive Sisyphus]

I can't imagine marrying a woman who would rather have a lavish, expensive wedding rather than a small, quiet ceremony with a few close friends and family.


...I may be a lifelong bachelor

 

[Fr8monkey]

Weddings are all about the bride's idea of prince charming coming to sweep her off her feet and live happily ever after.... I blame Cinderella.

 

[stormerne]

I've been married 4 times. (Yes really. And yes I finally got it absolutely 100% right.) The success of each marriage seems to have been inversely proportional to the cost of the wedding. My last wedding (in all senses of the word "last") cost just $25 in a judge's chambers... and it was actually the very best of the lot.

 

[Leonel]

I never got paying huge amounts of money for a party. At most I'd do a small church with a modest reception. Otherwise I'd just be down with a courthouse deal and a get together at our place.

 

[mangxema]

The average cost of a wedding in Canada and the US is ~$20,000. The average cost of a wedding in the UK seemed to be in the £10,000-15,000 range (15-23k US). These numbers don't include engagement ring / honeymoon, just the wedding / planning / reception.

This seems like an insane amount of money for what amounts to a fancy party.

And what's one of the things that married couples fight over the most? Money! Makes no sense to me.

I can't imagine marrying a woman who would rather have a lavish, expensive wedding rather than a small, quiet ceremony with a few close friends and family.

...I may be a lifelong bachelor

Ditto.

 

[Luckymoose]

If I ever get married it will be lavish because the brides parents pay.

 

[otago]

Groan, did someone have to bring this up.
New rule, unless the bride is a virgin no flash church wedding and reception.
Now, how do I tell my wife, from a long distance will be safest.

 

[MagisterCultuum]

A good friend of mine (my first love, who I now consider more like a sister to me) got engaged 9 days ago. I haven't talked to her since then, but in the past she has always expressed a preference for very cheap and simple wedding ceremonies (cheaper and simpler than I'd like even). I remember back in high school she claimed that her friend was insane for wanting to spend $300 on a prom dress, and that $100 is plenty to spend on a wedding gown. Last summer she claimed that 2 months is plenty of time to plan a wedding, and that she wants to spend as little money as possible on her own wedding so that she can spend as much as possible on her honeymoon.

 

[RedRalph]

You want a woman to stop giving you oral sex? Marry her.

You want to stop sex altogether? Have a kid.

Not in my experience. However, if you want to stop having loud sex altogether, a kid will do that (unless the kid is deaf)

 

[Leifmk]

Well that gets at another point. The whole symbolism of weddings is quite sexist: a father handing over authority of his daughter to the husband. I'm not sure what's romantic about it.

Nothing like that in our wedding ceremony. I stood around waiting with my best man and the Unitarian minister who did the official bit (which he did for only gas money; dude really likes doing weddings) and my bride came walking escorted by her best gal, there was a nice speech and some poetry reading the details of which have COMPLETELY escaped my mind now, and we did the "do you want to marry this person" bit and signed the papers in front of witnesses, no transfer of authority involved in any direction.

We did have a pretty good party -- about 60 guests altogether (we chose to invite only close family -- i.e. our parents and living grandparents, our siblings, and their partners -- and leaving most of the spots to friends). We paid what amounts to about $5k in USD, I guess; the major items were, in descending order:

1. Food and drink (lavish tapas menu, open bar) -- we believe in feeding our guests.
2. Renting a venue (complete with bartender and cleaning service) -- we obviously needed a place to throw the party.
3. Special fancy dresses for my bride & myself (hand-tailored dress for her, shirt of same material for me) -- one wants to look unusually good on a day like that.

For music, we used my old laptop with an mp3 playlist, hooked up to my old stereo.

Our honeymoon cost more than twice as much as the wedding itself. MANY times more if you figure in the consequences (our first child was conceived in a small cabin in the Maldives...)

 

[classical_hero]

If I ever get married it will be lavish because the brides parents pay.

make them suffer. Actually since they do pay it, we guys generally don't have to worry about the costs until we are married.

 

[JerichoHill]

Yeah umm, the average is probably brought by insanely expensive weddings.

The median wedding cost? lower.

My wife and I had a wonderful ceremony w/200 people. less than 7K and that included sprucing up her parent's place with a new patio and interior paint.

And our wedding took all of 15 minutes b/c we wanted to party. Was my wife handed over from her father with his authority? Nope. That's a silly critique.

And to Paradigm : Not true, at all.

@All The number of thing any two people fight over is money. So it shouldn't be surprising married folks do. My wife and I have no issues on that front. I get to handle it all, cause she figures I'm an economist so I better not stink at it.