Speaking as a middle aged uncle, I can affirm that I've never worn a skirt and gotten drunk. Though there was that time in my teens with the pink bath robe and the town square...
Can someone explain weddings?
- Thread starter emzie
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You just need to get in touch with your inner Scot. Then you can get drunk in skirts.
Dumanios
MLG
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As opposed to those middle-aged female uncles?
Eh? You can have (wine and) cheese and crackers at very upscale parties.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Of course, if you're willing to throw a $10,000 wedding for your favorite Yankee, I'll make sure you're allowed to wear a skirt and be drunk.
Aside from the costs, what I also don't seem to understand are the large gatherings. Maybe it's because I just don't know very many people, but even my mother's hundred-plus gathering seems large. Why are some folks compelled to have hundreds, thousands attend?
I was thinking more along the lines of what I ate when I was seven.
Traitorfish
The Tighnahulish Kid
Then there may be hope for you yet.
Well, I've been getting a head start on the "drunken" bit, so perhaps we could let that one slide?
Some people in the Society for Creative Anachronism have two weddings: one for the "mundanes" (aka their family and non-SCA friends) and one for their "SCA family and friends". The one I attended was a mix of 15th century Spanish and 16th century Stoney Indian/Scottish, and was very simple. The bride and groom made self-written vows in front of everybody in the feast hall, and some people gave gifts. And the conclusion of the ceremony was the groom chasing the bride around the head table because somebody gave them some cinnamon - he's got a weird set of allergies that means cinnamon makes him incredibly high and she wanted to keep the cinnamon away from him... hence the chase!
Around here you can rent a hall for considerably less than $1000. For food, get a few trusted relatives to prepare it ("trusted" in the sense that they know what they're doing in a kitchen AND are reliable). But unless your friends list includes a professional photographer, spend a bit extra for some professional photos.
I generally like to see guys in kilts...It's the skirts that tips it.
Part of it is the issue of who would feel "insulted" if left off the invitation list. And sad to say, some invitations are because of "business obligations" - your boss, co-workers, colleagues with whom you network - sometimes these people are seen as essential to invite to a wedding.
At least some people show some sense for weddings. It's not uncommon to see requests on my local Freecycle group for second-hand wedding stuff - decorations, favors, even the dress/veil.
MobBoss
Off-Topic Overlord
The cost of a wedding today can be flat out nuts. My wife and I got married in a traditional ceremony, but we did it in her parents back yard. So, a lot of it was do-it-yourself kind of thing, but it was a nice ceremony without having to cost us (and her parents) an arm and a leg.
Bottom line, there are ways to do things nice, but cheap...and there is nothing wrong in doing it that way either.
This thread actually reminds me of a big regret of mine, a good 15 years it must be now i was standing outside my local library to get some books to help me with homework, was waiting for my friend to come out when a young man came up to me and asked me if i would witness his wedding, that there was a civil marriage office just round the corner and that he did'nt have anyone else to do it.
At the time i was a fairly cynical person, he was dressed in jeans as i was and certainly in no garb for a traditional wedding, my first thought was he wanted me down an alley for a quick mugging, i glanced over his shoulder while puffing on a cig and saw a young nervous looking woman waiting for him some metres away and i just knew he was telling the truth, but to my eternal shame and regret i said no. (years later i found out there is indeed a civil partnership office just round the corner from there)
I just could'nt be bothered, my last memory of that situation as i left was watching him go up to other people and get turned down also, i really, really let down my fellow human beings that day i tell you, i hope he found someone with more brain and heart than i had at the time and i hope they've been happily married ever since.
Bah, sorry about the slightly off-topic reminiscing there, with regard to weddings, i think that true love probably does'nt require a grand ceremony, great if it's possible but for two people that really love each other they will both understand if it's not, and the smallest of ceremonies can be forever remembered with other things, i still remember when homer put an onion ring on marge's finger, real love is the key.
At the time i was a fairly cynical person, he was dressed in jeans as i was and certainly in no garb for a traditional wedding, my first thought was he wanted me down an alley for a quick mugging, i glanced over his shoulder while puffing on a cig and saw a young nervous looking woman waiting for him some metres away and i just knew he was telling the truth, but to my eternal shame and regret i said no. (years later i found out there is indeed a civil partnership office just round the corner from there)
I just could'nt be bothered, my last memory of that situation as i left was watching him go up to other people and get turned down also, i really, really let down my fellow human beings that day i tell you, i hope he found someone with more brain and heart than i had at the time and i hope they've been happily married ever since.
Bah, sorry about the slightly off-topic reminiscing there, with regard to weddings, i think that true love probably does'nt require a grand ceremony, great if it's possible but for two people that really love each other they will both understand if it's not, and the smallest of ceremonies can be forever remembered with other things, i still remember when homer put an onion ring on marge's finger, real love is the key.
Virote_Considon
The Great Dictator
I ain't getting married 'till they make polygamy legal.
Prove it!
warpus
In pork I trust
It's allll about the bride here. She has been promised "her special day" her entire life and goddamn it she's gonna get it!..
Then what happens is this.. Every single business you have to contact in order to make this special day happen will rip you off.. You want a layered cake? That'll be $100.. Oh, what is that, it's for a wedding? Make that $350
My sister just recently got married and the wedding cost around $30,000.. it was an insanely lavish party that obviously made her very happy.. but heck.. It'd be hard to screw up spending $30,000 on the average person and NOT making them happy. Heck, spend $2,000 on a party for me and I'll be ecstatic! Not to mention that if you threw the exact same party, and it WASN'T a wedding, it'd cost you maybe 50% of that $30k.
Listen, somehow it's been ingrained in our stupid little heads that these wedding things are supposed to be expensive and that you shouldn't mind being ripped off for all the things you have to get for it.. but I like the point about the mortgage down payment you made .. if two people really love eachother and want to start building a future together, what better way to do that then put all that money towards a new house? It makes far more sense
But then again, women never did make any sense..
MobBoss said:
I'm very surprised to hear all this from you, the old fashioned and sarcastically named prophet of common sense
I had you down as a supporter of lavish & expensive weddings for sureThe thing is that even if you do have a backyard wedding and do a lot of things yourself, some things can still cost quite a bit.. If you're not lucky enough to know someone who is a professional photographer, that will easily cost a couple grand.. and most photographers will even have the balls to NOT give you the digital copies of the pictures after the wedding is done.. and will force you to order overpriced printouts of the things. Similar things can be said about flowers, the cake, etc.
Is anyone surprised that I'm single?
MobBoss
Off-Topic Overlord
I'm very surprised to hear all this from you, the old fashioned and sarcastically named prophet of common sense
Just goes to show that people around here dont know me half as well as they think. While I may be conservative in many of my thoughts, that doesnt mean I am old-fashioned. There is quite a lot of common sense to be had in doing your wedding yourself or at least enough parts of it so you can save a ton of money and still have a quality wedding.
Free booze for 100-200 people? Having all your family and friends in one place and having a good time? A giant and attractive venue to accommodate dining and dancing? Extra decorations and matching clothing for at least some attendees?
It's no surprise that weddings cost a bit. When I organised parties as a student we'd spend £1,000 on drinks. And those were cheap undergraduate-party drinks, like cans of beer and cheap spirits. The same number of people attend a wedding, but need wine and champagne. They need food, which will cost as much as good drinks, so let's say £2-3,000.
I had my venue for free, and decoration wasn't necessary: we spent maybe £100-200 on it, but weddings need flowers. Also, we did the decorations ourselves on the cheap. If you pay a company to do it they'll double the price and then add some on top for style consulting, so we're already at £600 or so... but you've the Church/registry office and the party venue, so we'll add some more on.
I haven't considered the cost of hiring a venue, which is variable, but a nice hotel will charge similar ranges for an evening's use.
And maybe you want transport, music and staff...
Weddings can be cheap if you're willing to skimp on some of the traditional aspects, but gathering a large number of people from across the world, feeding them, refreshing them and putting on a party will of course be expensive. If I ever earn as much as I hope, I'll host a wedding-style party each year despite not having a bride.
I like to see my extended family and my giant but loose network of friends. At the moment I see my family at other people's weddings. Weddings are an important way of re-affirming social bonds precisely because they're well-attended and good parties.
If you don't have a well-attended wedding with a good party, then certainly in my family you're taking advantage of everyone else, who provide these fun events as well as supporting you through your crises.
It's no surprise that weddings cost a bit. When I organised parties as a student we'd spend £1,000 on drinks. And those were cheap undergraduate-party drinks, like cans of beer and cheap spirits. The same number of people attend a wedding, but need wine and champagne. They need food, which will cost as much as good drinks, so let's say £2-3,000.
I had my venue for free, and decoration wasn't necessary: we spent maybe £100-200 on it, but weddings need flowers. Also, we did the decorations ourselves on the cheap. If you pay a company to do it they'll double the price and then add some on top for style consulting, so we're already at £600 or so... but you've the Church/registry office and the party venue, so we'll add some more on.
I haven't considered the cost of hiring a venue, which is variable, but a nice hotel will charge similar ranges for an evening's use.
And maybe you want transport, music and staff...
Weddings can be cheap if you're willing to skimp on some of the traditional aspects, but gathering a large number of people from across the world, feeding them, refreshing them and putting on a party will of course be expensive. If I ever earn as much as I hope, I'll host a wedding-style party each year despite not having a bride.
I like to see my extended family and my giant but loose network of friends. At the moment I see my family at other people's weddings. Weddings are an important way of re-affirming social bonds precisely because they're well-attended and good parties.
If you don't have a well-attended wedding with a good party, then certainly in my family you're taking advantage of everyone else, who provide these fun events as well as supporting you through your crises.
Tani Coyote
Son of Huehuecoyotl
- Joined
- May 28, 2007
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Given that my Dad wants me to find a way to transfer 7K or so from his stock account into a bank account so it can be given to my brother, it sounds like my brother and sister-in-law have fallen into the same trap.
But, as was said, you want the day to be memorable. Some people may be content with simple weddings, and some may be too extravagant, but it shouldn't be an everyday event, since it's not every day you pledge to stay with a person you love!
But, as was said, you want the day to be memorable. Some people may be content with simple weddings, and some may be too extravagant, but it shouldn't be an everyday event, since it's not every day you pledge to stay with a person you love!
warpus
In pork I trust
I'm not sure if that's a European thing or not, but over here having to pay for your drinks at the bar at a wedding is not so unheard of.. it helps reduce the cost but not by much.. When my sister was doing her wedding, there was a significant discount (relatively speaking) to offer "free unlimited drinks to guests between certain hours" over having a cash bar. She ended up paying more overall, but not that much more)
Sure, what you say is true, it is expensive to throw a giant party, but the problem is that you get ripped off when you throw a wedding.. bigtime.. you could throw an equally extravagant party for half the cost, if it wasn't a wedding.
I want my future wedding(s) to be memorable, but not $30k memorable
Holycannoli
Deity
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- Apr 4, 2006
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- 2,406
If you want to put yourself in debt for a few years, have yourself a traditional marriage with reception.
There's a place nearby, the Pleasantdale Chateau, that's super extravagant, and you'll wind up deep in debt for years for 1 night of partying. Wtf? Look at the photo gallery on that link, and picture people actually paying 6 figures for a wedding there.
Oh, there's no pictures of the indoor arboretum or swimming pool, but I found pictures:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/stragglyr_chris/139279940/in/faves-10364245@N08/ is the arboretum that leads to the indoor pool.
I had a private tour of the place, and my jaw dropped at the incredible waste of money. Why spend that money on 1 night there, when you can use it toward a house or something? In other states, even an hour away in Pennsylvania, a wedding at the Chateau can actually buy you a house.
Weddings are overdone, especially around here. Yeah, they're a chance for a fairy tale to come true and to be a princess for a day, but geez!
Who here would rather have a simple wedding, and all the money that would have been spent on a nice reception etc. instead be put toward a down payment for a house?
There's a place nearby, the Pleasantdale Chateau, that's super extravagant, and you'll wind up deep in debt for years for 1 night of partying. Wtf? Look at the photo gallery on that link, and picture people actually paying 6 figures for a wedding there.
Oh, there's no pictures of the indoor arboretum or swimming pool, but I found pictures:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/stragglyr_chris/139279940/in/faves-10364245@N08/ is the arboretum that leads to the indoor pool.
Spoiler :
Spoiler :
Spoiler :
Spoiler :
I had a private tour of the place, and my jaw dropped at the incredible waste of money. Why spend that money on 1 night there, when you can use it toward a house or something? In other states, even an hour away in Pennsylvania, a wedding at the Chateau can actually buy you a house.
Weddings are overdone, especially around here. Yeah, they're a chance for a fairy tale to come true and to be a princess for a day, but geez!
Who here would rather have a simple wedding, and all the money that would have been spent on a nice reception etc. instead be put toward a down payment for a house?
Tani Coyote
Son of Huehuecoyotl
- Joined
- May 28, 2007
- Messages
- 15,191
That's the thing. People would rather be rich for a day and be poor for a long time afterwards rather than be poor for a while and be rich for a long time afterwards.
Let people waste their money. Any child of mine better not expect something huge. A few thousand tops!
Let people waste their money. Any child of mine better not expect something huge. A few thousand tops!
People do try and rip you off for weddings, its true. My wife and I are lucky to have a large network of friends and family to draw upon--sister in law on my side is a professional photographer, close family friends own a beautiful farm in wine country in Northern Cal., father in law and friends are contractors and built a dance floor, (!) knew a great officiant for free, found a startup catering company that gave us a huge discount, sister in law's (wife's side) friends bussed tables for $10/hour, and friend brews beer and brewed 2 kegs for nada (bought the other 2). We hired a DJ just for the reception and not the ceremony--used a laptop for the ceremony music. (We discovered a kind of hilarious "DJ's Union" while researching this, apparently they post tons of Youtube videos of iPod weddings gone wrong in an attempt to scare people into continuing to use DJs. 
)
If you can get the location for free it's a huge cost taken care of. The next big expense is food and renting tables and chairs and so on, which is hard to really avoid if you have a lot of people and you want a dinner reception. For my wife and I planning the wedding was, in itself, actually an enjoyable process looking back because so many of our close friends and family were so involved, it really brought the two sides of the family together.
) If you can get the location for free it's a huge cost taken care of. The next big expense is food and renting tables and chairs and so on, which is hard to really avoid if you have a lot of people and you want a dinner reception. For my wife and I planning the wedding was, in itself, actually an enjoyable process looking back because so many of our close friends and family were so involved, it really brought the two sides of the family together.
Newsflash, guys: It isn't only the bride's day - it's her mother's day! The bride's mother feels just as entitled as the bride does - perhaps even more. A lot of weddings end up costing megabucks more than necessary because the mother and the daughter can't agree on what theme, what colors, what kind of cake, dress, venue, etc. and sometimes the mother changes things halfway through the planning, which eats up more $$$$$$. Small wonder some couples decide to elope.
Like military budgets, right? A $5 tool suddenly becomes worth $250 just because it's for the military.
In my own family... I don't know how much my parents' wedding cost, but they were married in a church, my mom had a traditional dress and veil, and professional photos were taken. The reception was at her parents' home, with (I'm guessing, from the photos) just immediate family attending. The honeymoon was in Yellowstone. The marriage lasted approximately 11 years.
My grandparents, on the other hand (dad's parents), got married in a judge's office, they wore neat, sensible clothes - nothing fancy. I don't know if they ever did have a honeymoon or if they went from their wedding back to my grandfather's farm. I'm sure they must have had a nice dinner, though. Their marriage lasted over 50 years.
