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Can women and men just be friends?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Boundless, Jun 14, 2011.

?

Can women and men be just friends?

  1. Yes

    75.5%
  2. No

    9.4%
  3. Only in certain circumstances - specify below

    15.1%
  1. PlutonianEmpire

    PlutonianEmpire Socially Awkward Goofball

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    The one thing I frequently hear from those around me in real life is when it comes to relationships, it's important to be "friends first".

    In my opinion, that's setting me up for failure, because like most guys, I desire sexytimes, but expecting to have sexytimes with someone after becoming friends with them is only going to lead to trouble. Telling me to be "friends first, then gf/bf" is only going to automatically make me think that I'll someday be their significant other, or otherwise have sexytimes with them, which will lead me to making actions that will in the end only ruin the friendship.

    In the end, it probably just depends on the persons involved. Generally, I doubt that a guy and girl can be just friends.
     
  2. Hygro

    Hygro soundcloud.com/hygro/

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    on okcupid, there is a question that asks you to rank the following in preferred chronological order: "friends, lovers, love, attraction"

    Almost all girls ranked it:

    "attraction -> friends -> lovers/love -> lovers/love"

    There's a VERY important key here. Attraction comes before "friends". Friends never comes before attraction for it to turn into something.
     
  3. schlaufuchs

    schlaufuchs La Femme Moderne

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    This is truly a great post, and probably the thread winner. So I'm going to put it here to make sure it doesn't get buried at the bottom of page 2.
     
  4. SuperJay

    SuperJay Bending Space and Time

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    +10 points to Cheetah for accurate XKCDing!

    :clap:
     
  5. PlutonianEmpire

    PlutonianEmpire Socially Awkward Goofball

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    Do internet polls even remotely reflect real life?

    If the opinion I stated in the post you quoted is indeed wrong, then I stand corrected.
     
  6. Thoughtful Thug

    Thoughtful Thug Deity

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    If you are at least remotely attracted to a guy, and he happen to be your friend, why not sleep with him once? Would be unfriend-like if you have decided to keep the sexual tension between you and him and not doing anything about it. To me, that's torture. :p
     
  7. JohnRM

    JohnRM Don't make me destroy you

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    It is damn tough. Most people don't have the wherewithal to pull it off.
     
  8. barell

    barell Chieftain

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    I voted Only for some circumstances and I am surprised that it got so little votes. Most men that have a good female friend usually like her secretly. Same is for women, but it happens less often. In almost all of the cases, someone likes someone. I mean, it's easier for a man to hit on his female friend than to go to a club and use lines like these http://pickuplinesblog.com/ on women...men are cowards sometimes, that is the real truth
     
  9. Mise

    Mise isle of lucy

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  10. BvBPL

    BvBPL Pour Decision Maker

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    Yes, men and women can be just friends. However this does not discount the possibility of sexual tension occasionally. Boys will need to learn to keep in their pants, and girls need to be able to dismiss the occasional pass from a friend.

    Juggling that get a LOT easier in about five years. That will allow the lads to better understand their place on the two ladders.
     
  11. Aegis

    Aegis Deity

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    There actually is a scientific basis for that train of thought:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Westermarck_effect#Westermarck_effect
     
  12. Virote_Considon

    Virote_Considon The Great Dictator

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    For what it's worth, I have plenty of woman friends. A small number I would (and and even smaller actually have) try it on with. A large number I wouldn't, and the circumstances as to why vary with each. Sometimes with those I would, it's factors outside of me and said girl in particular that stop either of us making a move, and thus we ain't got round to it, etc. The vast majority of them are friends within various friendship groups, and a fair number of them I've known for so long that I just can't find them attractive. If it was a friend's girlfriend, I wouldn't go for her, even after they'd split up (bro's before ho's and stuff). Or if they were good friends with a bird I'd slept with or such, so long as the latter is also keeping such a distance from my good friends.

    Doesn't necessarily have to stop you.

    Yes you can.

    A male and female friend sleeping in the same bed in a non-sexual way is nothing important, nor nothing new. If sexual interest is not assumed, then I don't see the problem; if the guy is not showing his sexual interest which he actually has, then it's his problem and he should either man up or suck it up and ignore it.
     
  13. Masquerouge

    Masquerouge Deity

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    I say yes, but it's easier when you're not single :)
     
  14. Aegis

    Aegis Deity

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    This is fairly accurate. :thumbsup:

    What people think/want is different from what they'd actually do. Personally, the negative consequences of attempting such an endeavor outweighs any desire I might have. The reasons why I have ended relationships before are the same reasons why I would not pursue a new relationship with someone else: I realize that it would not work out.

    There is nothing wrong with finding a friend attractive, but if you understand that that person has an important character trait that is incompatible with your own, that makes it easier to keep things platonic.

    For instance, I'm a competitive guy who wants to do my best at sports, even if I lose. It is my belief that you should always try your hardest because showing 'heart' matters to me. It shows that you care, that you did your best to succeed, and that your opponent had to work hard in order to win. If at the end of the day, you have done your best and still fail, you can still rest well knowing that you gave it your best shot and that your opponent respects you for not being an easy adversary to defeat.

    Contrasting this to a girl I knew, who was so uncompetitive that she didn't even want to play boardgames for fear of losing. When she was growing up and trying games/sports, her father would put her down whenever she failed, and it became ingrained into her that if she could not be the absolute best at something, then she might as well not even try. That mindset never made sense to me because, how can one become the best if they never try, or never keep practicing? That defeatist mindset is a deal-breaker for me as that would cause major problems in the relationship, plus that is not an attitude that I would want passed on to my children.

    In another instance, I once dated a Catholic girl who, whenever we made out, had flashes of Jesus going through her mind, making her feel guilty. That, in conjunction with having to attend depressing, soul-crushing sermons at her church and dealing with her uber-conservative family caused me to never want to date another devout Catholic girl again.

    So sure, I might find a girl attractive and wouldn't mind sleeping with her, but if I know that it would not make for a good relationship, I would not actively try to sleep with her or start up a relationship because I understand that would only lead to huge headaches for the both of us.
     
  15. Arwon

    Arwon

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    Not all men can be friends with all women.

    This doesn't negate that some can with some. There are women I am great friends with and that's always been it, there are others with whom there can be no possible ground between sex/romantic involvement and nothing. It's not strictly a matter of attractiveness (just cos I think they're hot doesnt mean I'm into them) or personality compatibility or any other objective rubric. It's not even whether they're my type or not. These things are mysterious and random.

    Different people are different, yo.

    Edit: ALSO, friends can have sex sometimes without implicit romantic subtext. Been there too. Sometimes it's just alcohol and/or horniness.
     
  16. IglooDude

    IglooDude Enforcing Rule 34 Retired Moderator Supporter

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    :agree:

    It's also easier when you're older than 25 or so and the bubbling cauldron of hormones has simmered down a bit.
     
  17. SuperJay

    SuperJay Bending Space and Time

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    Yep, this. Some of the cool cats in this thread seem to think that seeing your female friend as attractive or actually desiring her at one point or another means you are not actually friends - and I say bollocks to that! How does that make you any LESS friends? Harboring some secret soul-consuming adoration is different than going "damn, she looks good right now." Hell, I'll tell them that straight up. It's not weird or awkward and I'm not actually trying to get in their pants, it's just acknowledging that yeah, you've got a nice rack. :lol:
     
  18. Neonanocyborgasm

    Neonanocyborgasm Deity

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    That's a different situation, when there are commitments. But even in commitments, there can be attraction, and many have slipped.

    Pretty much spot on.

    There are too many AFCs (average frustrated chumps) running around with this false sense that if they befriend a girl first, they are more likely to get with her, when all they do is lapse into the friend zone with no hope of escape.
     
  19. warpus

    warpus In pork I trust

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    Men and women CAN be "just friends", but the thing is that if you're even slightly attractive, things can get "interesting".

    Let me explain what I mean. Women (maybe not all women, but a lot of y'all) have this uncontrollable tendency to be cute and flirty. Now, even if you're just being friendly, men pick up on that as "she might be interested". It's subconscious. It attracts us. We will want to sleep with you, even if we don't think about it consciously at first.

    It shouldn't be an issue if you're both mature, but I'm not surprised that ALL of your "lad friends" (or whatever) have declared they have feelings for you. From what I've seen you like to all go out to clubs, dressed in provocative non-burqa like attire, and dance the night away. There is obviously some physical contact there, and cleavage. That's all it takes.

    GOOD LUCK
     
  20. SuperJay

    SuperJay Bending Space and Time

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    Brilliant, as always. :lol::lol::lol:
     

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