Well, Mr. Montezuma, we are here to address your concerns about the lack of respect you feel as a world leader and a military power. We have researched the problem and we are ready to offer our advice. This is Mr. -
Bernie, gladtomeetya, yeah, my last name is really Barnard, but everyone calls me Bernie. Say, Monty, oh, you dont mind if I call you Monty,do you, thanks; well listen Monty, like I was saying, you guys have got yourselves an image problem. I mean, you guys are perceived as weak, a pushover, pansies, youknow? Thats not what you wanna be. Imean, you guys dont even use bows and arrows in this here, whatyacallit, Jaguar Warrior of yours. Ya need to upgrade, get some Uzis and some of them, uh, Claymores, yeah, hes a real good fighter that Claymore guy, must be the Irish in em, right? Anyway, you need to get a new name, I mean PETA, a group which I have no personal use for, but they do get a lot of press, PETA will be all over you like stink on a full diaper if they hear your top of the line unit is named after an animal and you use animal skins as part of your uniform, youknowwhatImean? These people are just crackpots, but the press likes em-
Next! said the man at the end of the table.
Sir, the issue is quiet simple. Your prized unit is perceived, quite frankly, as little more than a joke that triggers a ridiculously early bonus time for your people when they are too small to make use of it.
Tell me something I dont know, commanded the man at the end of the table.
Yes, well, sir, to be regarded as an equal, say to Rome or Greece, you must be better than Rome or Greece. This will not be easy.
And you have a plan on how to do this? was snarled out.
Yes, I do. It is quick simple actually. Conquer the world.
Conquer the world! Conquer the world? Oh, yeah, anyone can do that. It proves nothing.
It proves something, sir, if you do that with your Jaguar Warriors as your only offensive attacking unit. Or is that too hard a task for you to do?
Silence.
Hmm. Using only the Jags. Need a lot of them, but they are cheap to make. Have to win quick, also. Dont want to face tanks with stone knives.
Okay, youve got a deal. My Jaguar Warriors will conquer the world. Now find me some generals.