Chinese Revenge ][ Monarch Game III

[shady milkman]

The time has come...once again, I shall try to fight my way to the top on the impossibly difficult MONARCH level, and once again, I shall try as the Chinese. I'm not going to put up all the beginning stuff, because I don't have a turnlog or pics (or memory ) from that part of the game. I'm starting this off right about where things start to get interesting. As usual, any comments/suggestions/whatever are welcome. Wish me luck.

 

[shady milkman]

I begin my little sojourn in 250 B.C., an otherwise ordinary year. I originally intended for this to be a Space Race game, but events force me to reconsider my peaceful approach. I usually go by this rule: if I feel like going psycho and massacring everybody, I do it. That didn't work out too well in my last few games, but what the hell.

Anyway...back on topic. The year 250 is special because I notice a steaming mound of...something right on my doorstep. Whaddya know, it's a cadre of Byzantine scum, obviously not here to deliver flowers, eh? I think not, judging by the size of the force.

I move a few of the swordsmen I've begun stockpiling for just such an occasion to Shanghai or the mountains near it. Once again, you may notice, Shanghai is a chokepoint (or almost-chokepoint) town. However, this time I've learnt from my mistakes and have based a large force in Beijing and Canton. I batten the hatches and give Theo the boot order. Amazingly, she declares. I don't know what her motivation is, but she's about to get stomped.

The attack is surprisingly successful, almost knocking a HP off one of the spears defending. One of said spearmen is an elite after conflict with barbarians, and incredibly, he pops a leader. I have never, ever gotten a defensive leader. Plus, this is the first time I've fought an AI in this game, so the first time I've had an opportunity to get a leader. Amazing how the RNG works, ain't it?

Wow. I'm so happy...I bring three swords into Shanghai and pile them into the army, which then proceeds to whomp the bejeebers out of two unfortunate Byzantine archers. Too bad, so sad, boys. Better luck next time.

War continues for a few turns, with me massacring Byzantine archers and warriors as they pour into my territory. In 90 B.C., I get 20 gold for peace. That should give me some time to prepare an invasion force. In case you haven't figured it out, I'm planning to take over Byzantium sometime in the near future; the space race can wait. I mean, come on, it's only 90 B.C., I think I can have a little fun before crunch time, right? Right? Right. In 50 B.C., I revolt to switch to Monarchy, my favorite wartime government. This is gonna be messsyyy...

More to come.

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Ah, peaceful space race....

Good luck.

May the force be with you

 

[Dachs]

Stomp on the Byzantines, one of my favorite civs? I want a fellow CivFanatics member to beat the AI, but I also want the Byzantines to 0wn all others...dilemma...

Excellent story.

 

[shady milkman]

@Iggy- thanks!

@Dach- sorry mate, nothing for it. She started it though!

Anyway...onwards and upwards! I shall overcome the treachery of the underhanded Byzantine scum and TAKE OVER TEH WORLD MUAHAHAHAAHHAHA...ahem. Anyway, back to the game. One last update tonight before I do that damn English essay.

Before I left last time, it was 50 B.C., and I had just left my empire in a state of anarchy for the switch to Monarchy. Well, in the year 30 A.D., after a short 4-turn anarchy, I re-emerge as...a monarch, ironically enough. England (who?) bites me in the ass by finishing the ToA, one of my favorite ancient-age wonders, eight turns before I would have finished it in Beijing. The mangy curs! VICTORY SHALL BE MINE! I switch Beijing over to the Hanging Gardens, which it will complete in one turn. I guess that'll compensate. Well, not really, but it's still a nice feather in my cap.

I conduct a preliminary investigation of Caesarea, my first target, and see that it's relatively weakly defended. Only three spears and an archer are garrisoned in the city, and I'm quickly stockpiling swords, so it should be no problem to take at least a decent chunk out of Byzantium before I get slowed down. Finally, in 260, my invasion force is ready. I move them all down to Caesarea to begin the ownage.

Ahh, yes. I love the smell of...15 swordsmen and a sword army in the morning. I tangle with Theo's monkey warriors and hack them to ribbons, losing two swords, including one to a regular unfortified archer (WTH?). But it's all worth it, because in a single turn I take the city...

Update tomorrow.

 

[DvD-IT]

Amazing how the RNG works, ain't it?

NO!
It ain't.
The fact is, it is so evil it makes you lose a Tank against a Spearman, then it gifts you things like that Leader, to make you say 'Hey that RNG ain't so bad afterall'. That's WRONG! It's its subtle psychological tactics to make you think it ain't bad. Watch out, because the RNG IS evil. Even if you manage to kill 10 swordsmen with a warrior.

ahem

Ingame
- You are using GIMP for pictures editing right?
- For the rest what can I say, pump out soldiers and crush em all! That's the preferred tactic for most of us

 

[Ashlord]

Ah... Another Shady story. Love those captions from your previous stories. Have to watch laughing too hard while at work. Shhhh. Don't tell anyone. Keep going and the AS!!

 

[shady milkman]

@ DvD - ah...I'll let you in a little secret. There's a little man who lives in the Civ 3 CD who works the RNG. If you feed him he'll sometimes turn it in your favor. (He prefers BBQ Pringles.)

And I am using ArcSoft Photostudio 5.1 to edit my screens. (Came with my crappy camera).

@Ashlord - Thanks!

 

[Dachs]

(He prefers BBQ Pringles.)

What a coincidence! I eat them all at home, no wonder I get bad RNG.

The balance of power shifts! Think about this in RL terms: a provincial capital just fell to the Chinese! OMG! ROFLARP!

 

[shady milkman]

Dach, I like your thinking! And you better give the little man some Pringles before he bites your toes off...

 

[Dachs]

You look at assorted rodent pr0n?

Play t3h game before he bites your toes off, too.

 

[shady milkman]

lol, where the hell did that come from? And, ah...let's keep that our little secret shall we?

Anway, on to the game...

Last time, I had just taken the city of Caesarea, right on the border. In this installment, my troops make the push deep into enemy territory, to the land where the women are loose, the wine is cheap, and the piano keys are...ivory. Has the piano been invented yet? I dunno. Whatever. Anyway, in the year 300 A.D. the Byzantines mount their counter-offensive, which is weak to say the least.

All right, not a problem. Now, this is where it gets nasty. I move my swordsmen from Caesarea to eliminate the threat. Do you sense the nasty yet? No? All right, well I move an elite swordsman to kill an archer in the forest, and he wins. Nasty yet? No? Well, I get a leader from the victory. Are you sensing it yet? No? All right. Let me give you a hint: I didn't save after I got the leader. Now can you sense the nasty? I put the leader in Caesarea and...rush a courthouse. Wow, that's going down in the list of "10 Most Boneheaded Moves Ever." Unbelievable. I just clicked the icon without even thinking. Jeez.

Anyway, life goes on. I try trading with Liz, since she's the only other civ I know (I've neglected exploration) and I need Construction and Horseback Riding to advance. She won't trade either for anything less than Monarchy, Currency, and some gold. Screw that! She can keep her damn horses, I don't want 'em that bad, and it'll take me a grand total of nine turns to advance to teh Middle Ages anyway, so now biggie.

Update tomorrow.

 

[shady milkman]

Updaten!

Right-o. Last time I had just finished taking my first city...now we go beyond. I shall show you...the destruction of AN EMPIRE!!! And no, it's not mine.

You may recall that last time I had just lost a leader by using him to rush a courthouse. Quite the idiotic tactical error on my part, but actually it was just because of a stupid mouse click on the wrong button. I blame my crappy Elecom optical, the POS just doesn't go where you want it to. I'll be calling the company about that.

Anyway, I attack Constantinople in a cold, blind fury. A swordsman dies to a regular spear, promoting him...another attacks and dies without scratching him...another attacks and drops him to 1/4 but dies...and then, finally, the RNG gods deal the Byzantine scum a bad-luck back-slap and I massacre the next four defenders without taking any casualties. Jeez, this is starting to feel like work!

At least I get a cool six (!) slaves out of the deal. I'm planning to settle that open land to the north-east of Consantinople, it should make a nice, productive city once it's up to size.

Moving away from war for the moment, let's see what's going on in the world. England is now in the Middle Ages, which scares me, 'cos I'm a egotistical bastard and I don't like anybody else getting there before me. I try hooking up a trade, but of course I have nothing to offer except Monarchy and I don't want to give her that because it'll just make her stronger than she already is. It's all right, though, because Construction is due in 5 turns, so I'll be catching up right quick. Just a bit of a gap to make up, that's all.

I finish the Heroic Epic in Canton, and the Dutch paddle a raft up my shores. I'll tell you something...[nigel powers] There are only two things I despise in this world...people who are intolerant of other cultures, and the DUTCH!. [/nigel powers]

Anyhoo, a quick talk with William quickly reveals that he's up Feudalism..poopie. He also has Monarchy, so I don't even have a bargaining chip. That's wierd, because his empire is half the size of mine...where's all that money coming from? Anyway, since I can't trade for Feudalism, I'll have to self-research. It's due in 9, so I start a prebuild in Beijing. I don't think I'll be able to get it, though, since Willy's undoubtedly had enough time to start it already.

Blah blah blah...we skip ahead to 410 A.D., when I finally finish my campaign against the Byzantines after a quick and decisive battle down south...

And he's....OUTTA HERE!!! One down, three to go. That wasn't so bad, was it? Total casualties on my side of the war were:

Swordsman x3
Leader x1 (my stupid mistake)
Spearman x2

Casualties on the Byzantine side:

Archer x15
Spearman x28
Warrior x6
Settler x2
Worker x4

Update soon...expect some serious carnage in the next couple updates.

 

[Lord_Iggy]

Nice work Shady.

 

[Dachs]

Nooooo! Where's &#$@ing Belisarius when you need him? Or even Basil II Bulgaroctonus, or Heraclius?

j/k Great updates! May China take the place of the *rightful* rulers of the world comparatively easily!

 

[shady milkman]

Are you referring to Basil "The Bulgar-Slayer", who committed the worst eyeball atrocity in the history of...history? He's my hero.

 

[Cheeze]

Go Shady!
Go find some other people real quick. It'll make research cheaper, and you can trade, and you can make good trades, and then you can SWINDLE THEM....*blink blink* oh yeah anyways, good job! If this is an archi or continents map (which I'm assuming it is) you may just want to secure your landmass.
Anyways I'm not that qualified to tell you what to do.
Except for this: make like the eyeball atrocity guy. He sounds pretty darn awesome.

 

[shady milkman]

If you want the details...hell, even if you don't just cos I'm gross.

Basil divided 15,000 POWs into groups of 100. In every hundred, he blinded 99 and left the last with a single eye to guide his group home...donkeys pulled wagons filled with the eyeballs.

Gross! I like him...anyway, Cheeze, thanks for the support. I can promise plenty of wig-splittage just for you!

 

[shady milkman]

Updaten!

Right-o, the Byzantines are gone...three opponents left to crush and I'll achieve me a conquest victory! Domination is a remote possibility, but I've changed the required terrain/population percentages to 99/75, so I highly doubt that'll happen. But hey, you never know.

Anyway...

Lots of stuff happens before I get in a war again; this is, after all, my Age of Discovery, or Age of Enlightenment, or whatever...the early Middle Ages, baby! YEAH! I gotta make the most of it. My civilization is really starting to develop; with Chengdu founded in the south on that open plain north of Constantinople, I've got my territory filled in, and everything's starting to fall into place. I build marketplaces, aqueducts, courthouses, temples, libraries, and barracksi...barrackses...whatever. The gist is that my cities are starting to become fully developed, many of them reaching the double digits of population size.

I start Sun Tzu's in Beijing as a prebuild for Leo's Workshop; the only problem I run into is that as Invention nears, I notice something troubling over in Dutchpersonland...they will finish STAW in 6 turns, and I won't get Invention for 7. This presents the obvious problem that my prebuild won't stretch until I make the discovery, since the "change build order" prompt will come right away on my turn...I push the science slider up and manage to nab Leo's. That's good news! I've been steadily stockpiling Horsemen and disbanding my old swords for a while now, and once Leo's comes in I set to race for Chivalry...can anyone see where this is going?

Nothing happens until the 800s...this is where things start to heat up. My kingdom, built from scratch through rough times and war, will be put up against the mighty Dutch Empire. Can I beat Willem? I think so, mostly cos he's a big sissy and he's probably too high to fight back anyway. I mean, we all know what's legal in Amsterdamn, right?

Here we go. It all starts when I sell Joan incense for gunpowder [] and search the map for a source of Saltpeter. I locate one, and guess where it is? In Dutch territory! I guess that gives me reason to attack...hey, if the US can invade small middle-eastern countries for oil, why shouldn't I invade the Netherlands in a quest for gunpowder? Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

That's it...I consider where to land my troops. I want to make my initial assault at Rotterdamn; with a quick culture expansion, I'll have the saltpeter within reach in a few turns after taking it, and it's an easily defended position, surrounded by hills where I can build forts and fortify large quantities of Muskets. Here's the strike plan:

My forces there are 20 Riders and 14 Trebuchets carried by 12 caravels. It's time to split some wigs! In 920, I drop my troops off at the LZ and pray...on the IT when Willem tells me to get out or declare. Yeah, like I'm gonna invade...damn, did I accidentally click on the wrong button? Bummer. Looks like I'm gonna have to go to war. With lovely timing, I complete Copernicus' Observatory in Beijing. My capital's turning out a lot of wonders...if I don't watch it I might accidentally get a 20K culture victory.

More to come.

 

[Lord_Iggy]

I guess that gives me reason to attack...hey, if the US can invade small middle-eastern countries for oil, why shouldn't I invade the Netherlands in a quest for gunpowder? Seems perfectly reasonable to me.

Hear hear!

And good luck against the Dutch.