Civ3 Limericks

Discussion in 'Civ3 - General Discussions' started by SirJethro, Oct 14, 2002.

  1. cgannon64

    cgannon64 BOB DYLAN'S ROCKIN OUT!

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    Murielweiser: Come on...your posts are on average 4 minutes apart...I think that qualifies as spam! ;) :)

    CG
     
  2. Sultan Bhargash

    Sultan Bhargash Trickster Reincarnated

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    Cgannon complains about spam,
    I wonder why he gives a damn -
    He's concerned about thread time
    But up past his bed time
    And trying to get as much CFC as he can!

    ;)
     
  3. Sultan Bhargash

    Sultan Bhargash Trickster Reincarnated

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    Now I don't mean to hog the stage,
    But I'm now in a bit of a rage,
    Nobody has posted
    And this thread had coasted
    Right down to the end of the front page!
     
  4. Lt. 'Killer' M.

    Lt. 'Killer' M. Deity

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    Sultan is worried about this thread?
    I don't think he has reason to sweat!
    There's always me
    and if i am free
    I'll rhyme a lim'rick before bed!
     
  5. Four Four Seven

    Four Four Seven Spearman

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    Multiplayer technology?
    Firaxis owes me an apology
    Until they take out each bug
    I'll say with a shrug
    "Let's go play Age of Mythology"
     
  6. Raijer

    Raijer The 736th Beatle

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    I was at Amazon.com, what the hey..
    With my hand in my wallet's cache
    PTW or Mac Civ?
    What flaws could I forgive?
    Microsoft took my money today!

    So now I'll play Civ on my Mac
    Though Vikings and Arabs I'll lack
    I can hope, beg, and pray
    (Though Brad O. says no way)
    I'll soon have my Beserker doom stack

    and BTW;

    The Sultan, it seems, jumped the gun
    And figured this sweet thread was done
    Although I may slack
    I'll always come back
    Like a respawned civilization :rolleyes:
     
  7. Sultan Bhargash

    Sultan Bhargash Trickster Reincarnated

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    good job 447, raijer, Lt.

    Wonder whatever happened to Jethro...
     
  8. Aluan

    Aluan Chieftain

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    Chicago, Illinois
    Learning Civ3:
    "Warlord", "regent", "emperor" I mocked,
    Chose "Deity" and was right away shocked:
    Thirty units they had,
    I thought "This is bad!"
    And back down to Chieftain I was knocked.

    Often go I CFC to read,
    For advice my lousy game needs:
    "Don't always irrigate,
    don't built temples too late,
    or else you'll slowly get beat."

    (Actually I've gotten to the point where Emperor and below is really easy, but Deity is close to impossibly hard, barring a good start. And sorry for the quality of these Limericks; I didn't realize (actually I did, but forgot) how much work is involved in creating them. :p)
     
  9. Sultan Bhargash

    Sultan Bhargash Trickster Reincarnated

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    Welcome to CFC Aluan,
    What took you so long to get thru? and
    Your skills at Civ3
    Are much better than me
    Posting, not playing, is what I've been doing...

    Seriously nice to debut in this thread! Welcome!
     
  10. Pillager

    Pillager League of Empire Loyalist

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    Don't worry fans, I am back,
    To bring the lim'rick that this thread doth lack,
    Now I am here,
    You can all give a cheer,
    If you don't, I'll give you a good smack.

    ;)
     
  11. SirJethro

    SirJethro Paterfamilias

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    Location:
    Treadin' trodden trails...
    Limericks, limericks, I some new limericks
    I'm all out of rhymes, and all out of tricks.
    But Bhargash will taunt,
    And Killer will flaunt,
    That I'm no funnier than that Jackass flick.

    But I'll try, I'll try, oh lordy I'll try;
    I love these things like the Sultan loves Pie.
    Here comes my first shot,
    Whether you like it or not,
    The time for my return is nigh.

    There once was a gamer from Nantucket :satan:
    Who prefered his Cavs to his Muskets.
    But when he lost his last horses,
    And most of his forces,
    He restarted the game and said: ":nuke: it!".
     
  12. Lt. 'Killer' M.

    Lt. 'Killer' M. Deity

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    I ahd to print a HUGE file today, 4 by 7.5 feet, and transfering it from the PC to the printer took 6 hours (printing took 3 minutes :rolleyes: ). During that time I wrote the following poem:




    Here I sit and wait for the printer to work
    and then I realize that I am a jerk!
    Instead of sittin' and waitin' all time
    I should better think instead of a rhyme

    to post it then later on a certain website
    where all the other posters rhyme alright
    about nations and wars and loading again
    to land a game in the Hall of Fame.

    13% the printer has now
    I start a game - without any cow.
    How boring to play, no early foray
    my forces too weak, the empire to meek.

    17 does the window show
    I restart and the new position's 'just so'
    no river in sight but a wheat and some dye
    but what mysterious lands do there lie

    across those mountains, beyond my sight?
    I don't have scout - it will be a plight
    to search all the tiles that I cannot see
    away from my capital down to the sea!

    19 % - Oh God! I'm alone!
    Stranded on an island, lonely on my throne!
    Control-Shift-Q it now is again
    then restart, this time a pangaea game!

    A fifth of the file has now been transferred
    but the map generator seems not to have heard
    my pleadings and prayers for a nice map:
    in the mountains I start on a tiny gap

    between two jungles without even dyes!
    Whatever beyond these vast jungles lies
    my units won't see it with their eyes!
    Control and Q and my empire dies......

    Some Kilobytes later I finally get
    a starting position that is not bad!
    Several bonus-grasslands do show
    along with some game and also a cow

    'A river runs through' it down to the ocean
    I found my city, set the scout in motion
    to find that the place also does keep
    the promise of forests easy to reap

    to speed the production of barracks and troops
    so I can attack my neigbours and coup
    a 'Warrior Rush' so sweet to behold
    soon, soon before the night is old.

    I order the barracks and set up the plan:
    go scouting all over and then, and then
    hit them faster than lightning and harder than steel
    'glourious victory' - I known the feel!

    But as the printer reaches thirty I feel it within
    this will not be working, it would be a sin
    to send vet'ran warriors into a fight
    with Graecias Hoplites - too sturdy a might.

    33 it is now and no victim here
    aside from the Greek that I do fear
    just desert and jungle and a mirror mere.
    I give it up and go for a beer.

    Somewhat relaxed I return to the game
    to start again and now get the fame
    of a deity OCC challange won
    as 39 % of the file are gone.

    Alas luck is fickle and just as I start
    my boss comes in - I quickly dart
    for Alt-Tab to hide the secret I keep:
    I'm a civ addict, reason to weep!

    But hurry is never a good idea
    especially after three bottles of beer
    I miss-click and gone is my excellent city
    of Thebes (with Pyramids) - what a pity!

    Half of the file has reached ist destination
    I restart, this time with my favorite nation:
    Bismarck of Germany will rule the world
    panzers with banner of blue unfurled

    shall speed across the fields so green
    for fight and victory ever so keen!
    This time it WILL work and I will prevail
    in my quest for PtWs holy grail

    a conquest victory so i can show
    my warmongers qualities on the go.
    Cattle and iron and whales for a start,
    this way expansion is not an art!

    Indeed as the window's about to show 60
    the puny Aztecs, whatever their tricks be,
    will feel my power in culture and arms
    my Pikemen their Warriors cannot do harms!

    Soon they all fall to my elite Horsemens lances
    on Egyt then fall my hungry glances.
    They built me two wonders â?? to considerate
    what they spent on construction ! Now it's too late!

    Training the troops it should have been
    their workers now dig a road to Berlin!
    But lo! there is trouble brewing in the east
    and pesky grey Pikemen interrupt the feast

    I held to celebrate 80 on the screen
    and taking five slaves and some gold to Berlin!
    Ghandi the peacefull - oh how untrue
    the sneaky attack was just about due!

    He's greedy, he's pesky, he's powerfull now
    so quickly I order my Horesmen to go
    into the cities and get a new harnish
    without which they probably would just win 'gornischt'

    Deep into my pockets I have now to reach
    udgrades are expensive, 40 gold for each!
    But then as the printer begins to hum
    my troops start to march to the sound of the drum

    take Dehli and Sparta and Hyderabad
    I can now hear voices saying 'What?
    Sparta a town in Ghandi's empire?
    This German general must be a liar!'

    But indeed it is true that grey troops took the town
    (that is why Alex wears a steady frown)
    before I got there to help him defend it.
    My power - for now to him I will lend it.

    As the first centimeter of the poster rolls out
    Ghandis iron is cut by a Scout!
    Who's fighting there validly on my side?
    It is dear Abraham, he battles all night!

    He's under pressure from left and right,
    Elizabeth's also after his hide,
    pillaging, bombarding, razing his towns,
    now wonder like Alex Abraham frowns.

    I quickly decide to do a big sweep
    across all these lands, to take and to keep
    as much of the territory as I now can,
    rest, regroup, advance again

    and cleanse the world of warlike empires
    except for mine they'll go to the pyres.

    Quite a bit of the poster's been printer
    and as I have earlier hinted
    I now own all of India and some of France
    which i capture by culture - lucky chance!

    Soon Lizzy kills Joanie and Abraham dear
    now only orange soldiers I fear!
    But Cavalry cuts through the Pikemen defence
    no Bowman, no Horseman can Stopp my advance.

    10% later I stumble across
    my warlike neighbors Lizzies boss
    Cathy it was who made her attack
    now it is time for some pay-back!

    As the last of the many hundreds of lines
    slips from the printer I capture Rheims.
    Now hiding no runnign has helped her survive
    our dear Cathy's no longer alive!


    '100' the status of printing is now
    for the file I printed and now I can go
    and celebrate over ten times that number
    on the histograph just before I slumber. :D
     
  13. Sultan Bhargash

    Sultan Bhargash Trickster Reincarnated

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    Whoa!!!! Killer, I don't mean to be nitpicky, but that one belongs in the thread "Post your Civ3 Epic Sagas Here"!
    :lol: BTW what does ’ mean?

    I find it hard to resist the urge to post compliments after each post here... so hurray for the return of Pillager and Sir Jethro as well. I won't sully the mood by trying to throw my own limerick just now. Need time to absorb Killer's creation...
     
  14. Lt. 'Killer' M.

    Lt. 'Killer' M. Deity

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    it means '

    typed it in word - bad mistake!
     
  15. Sultan Bhargash

    Sultan Bhargash Trickster Reincarnated

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    :lol: (I had actually guessed from context clues and was just ribbing you).

    If I get a chance before I go on vacation I am going to post a new thread of Civ3 poetry* and I would love you to reinsert this there.

    *(any form, but especially I would love to see parodies of well known poems there. I can see we are reaching the literary maturity to tackle bigger forms!)
     
  16. Lt. 'Killer' M.

    Lt. 'Killer' M. Deity

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    What has happened to this thread?
    All other poets gone to bed
    to not return
    so they can earn
    the fame of 'poet vet'?
     
  17. JollyRoger

    JollyRoger Slippin' Jimmy Supporter

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    When from vet we gain elite fame
    We'll bash conscript poets to shame
    To hell wih this thread, Let's put it to bed
    And start a smart-ass succession game

    (Eligible players would be tapped from significant contributors to this or any other notoriously funny thread. The point of the game would be to post the funniest report for your set of turns. Wouldn't have to be in limerick or poetic form - in fact that may be discouraged - but just something entertaining)
     
  18. Raijer

    Raijer The 736th Beatle

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    To the poets there's no disrespect
    But I think JollyRoger's correct
    Though his bluntness sure stung
    It's best to die when you're young
    Rather than wither away from neglect
     
  19. Sultan Bhargash

    Sultan Bhargash Trickster Reincarnated

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    This thread may be quite near to "through"
    And succession game may be what's new
    Like the Beatles we'll go out
    Instead of a blowout
    Like the Rolling Stones or the Who...

    If you do start a sucession game
    I'd be happy to add in my name
    But after Thanksgiving
    (I am vacation living)
    And only brought PTW disk cause I'm lame...
     
  20. Raijer

    Raijer The 736th Beatle

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    BTW - :lol: @ JollyRoger re What would Jesus drive?
     

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