Cold War jokes!

[insurgent]

Some of the jokes from and about the Cold War are just hilarious...

This is a translation (from Russian) of a joke:
On his trip to the Soviet Union, President Kennedy saw many drunks. He asked Breznyev about it. Surprised Breznyev replied "...and there are no drunks in the US, in NYC?" "No" answered Kennedy. "When you come to NYC, you may shoot first three drunks you see." After 6 months, Breznyev came to NYC, and walked out of the Soviet embassy. He shot first three drunks he saw, and came back, and went to sleep. When he waked up next day, he read in the New York Times "A bald, short gangster shot three employees of the Soviet embassy."



Please post Cold War jokes here!

 

[.:KNAS:.]

oh that was just to much

 

[insurgent]

A delegation from his native Georgia leaves Stalin's office after an hourly meeting. Stalin realizes that he cannot find his pipe and calls Dhzierhzynsky to find out if anyone from the delegation took his pipe. After 30 minutes Stalin finds the pipe under the table and calls Dhzierhzynsky to let the delegation go. Dhzierhzynsky answers Stalin's call: "I am sorry Comrade, but one half of the delegation already admitted that they took your pipe, and the other half died during questioning."

 

[Simon Darkshade]

The second joke can be found verbatim several threads down, in a thread of my construction, entitled "Comrade Stalin".
I know this imitation was mean as a tribute, but it can a little far, and get certain people almost as unhappy as if someone had taken their milk...

 

[.:KNAS:.]

hehe, im gonna... wow im speachless

 

[Zwelgje]

Simon did it again...


Great pic!

 

[G-Man]

Originally posted by Simon Darkshade
The second joke can be found verbatim several threads down, in a thread of my construction, entitled "Comrade Stalin".
I know this imitation was mean as a tribute, but it can a little far, and get certain people almost as unhappy as if someone had taken their milk...

Kinda reminded me of the "Dr Strangelove" general...

 

[insurgent]

A man explains to the Soviet authorities that he has to go to the United States to help his sick uncle. The representative of the authorities replies: "Why would not your uncle come to the Soviet Union? You can take a better care of him here." The man answers: "I said that he is sick, not stupid."

 

[insurgent]

Just trying (for the third day in a row) to get this thread moving...

...

 

[.:KNAS:.]

I wish i knew any, but i dont, but you do a fine job of laying them down

 

[Juize]

Scientists find an old mummy in Egypt, and they're desperately trying to define it's age.
Finally, frustrated as they can't do it, they made an announcement on a newspaper,
where they promised to pay € 5000 to the first fellows who can define it.

On the next day, 2 KGB agents come, and ask to check the body in private,
without any scientist seeing them. After 25 minutes of alone with the mummy,
the KGB-agents come and say to the scientist's:
- This body is exactly 5217 years old.
- Gosh, that was fast, how an earth did you defined it?
- It confessed.

 

[insurgent]

That's the best one I've heard so far, Juize!

 

[stalin006]

why does the KGB always partols in the number of 3?
one knows how to read, one knows how to write, adn teh last one has to keep an eye on the two dangerous itellectuals in front !

 

[stalin006]

Soviet life as a train:
once stalin was in a train, and the train stoped for a mechanical disfunction, so he ordered the engeniers sent to a consentration camp and the workers were shot, then came Kruschev, he got the engeniers out of the prison camps and hired new workers, then came breznev and saw taht teh train would not keep going so he told the workers: "close the windows and act as if we are miving forward"

 

[stalin006]

mmmmh.....bad bad jokes

 

[Juize]

once stalin was in a train, and the train stoped for a mechanical disfunction, so he ordered the engeniers sent to a consentration camp and the workers were shot, then came Kruschev, he got the engeniers out of the prison camps and hired new workers, then came breznev and saw taht teh train would not keep going so he told the workers: "close the windows and act as if we are miving forward"

Old joke; I've heard it from Lenin to Putin.

 

[insurgent]

Originally posted by stalin006
why does the KGB always partols in the number of 3?
one knows how to read, one knows how to write, adn teh last one has to keep an eye on the two dangerous itellectuals in front !

 

[Optimizer]

Three East Germans sit in jail, telling how they got there:

"I was an hour late for work, so I was sentenced with sabotage."
"I was an hour early for work, so I was sentenced with espionage."
"I was on time for work, so I was sentenced with having a Western watch."

 

[Pragmatic]

Three Russians were sitting in prison in Siberia. They were all sharing the stories of why they were imprisoned.

The first said he'd been sentenced to prison for beating up Goldberg, an old Jew.

The second said he'd been sentenced to prison for defending Goldberg.

The third groaned, and said he'd been sentenced to prison for BEING Goldberg.

 

[Optimizer]

An American, a Russian and an East German returned from a moon expedition.

The American was told: "You have made yourself a great American hero. You may choose between a million dollars and a medal of honor."

The Russian was told: "You have made yourself a great Russian hero. You may choose between a million rubles and a medal of honor."

The East German was told: "You have been absent from work for one week. You may choose between a salary cut and overtime."