Department of Stranger Affairs

[Whomp]

I agree with pindicator. I think we should respond with something regarding our capabilities. We're hoping to learn how to become more bureaucratic to speed up our research but we haven't figured it out yet.

 

[Tubby Rower]

ok... would someone like to be my press secretary and write this for me as I have no skilz in sweet-talking someone that I don't like

 

[Whomp]

How does this sound?

Hello Leader,
We're happy to hear that you're so close to learning project code ABC. We've noticed that the Oracle has provided your captial with some magnificent means of generating more gold and hammers. We heard it's called Burea...something.
Project metal metaling is coming along and we hope to provide it soon. We've had some problems as you know with the loss of one of our feared warriors and the infidel barbarians continue to be an annoyance. We're eradicating the problem as fast as we can.

Will you be sending project ABC when you're finished?

Sincerely,
Pifflenatress

 

[pindicator]

Figure I'd take a stab at it:

Dear Leader,
We hear rumors of letters and words being developed of a far-away land and are perplexed at the thought. Are not <Bird> <Cat Drinking Water> <Empire State Building> <Hot Babe Driving Convertable> clear enough in their intentions? Does not your Confucious say "Men's natures are alike, it is their habits that carry them far apart"? As both of our natures are true to fulfill the means of our bargain, we are working towards that end, but I think our people are not quite as adept as shuffling papers as yours. Perhaps you could send a few of your rumored "scientists" to help us complete the endeavor. We hear their knowledge is illuminating.

Habitually Yours,
Pifflenatress

And continually being revised, true to the editor in me... Oh, and the phrases surrounded by < > would be better as pictures, any random picture really.

 

[Tubby Rower]

I've already sent Whomp's... sorry pindicator

 

[pindicator]

No prob -- thought I would do some actual work instead of just giving out instructions

 

[Tubby Rower]

here's your chance pindicator!! come up witha witty response.

Dear Tubby and all Piffle People,

Yes &#8211; at first we were quite puzzled when the Oracle starting spouting all kinds of senseless legal jargon and endless regulations for performing common sense tasks&#8230; but it seems to have boosted production in Epsilon Eridani, so we decided to let it continue (although some of us suspect that these productivity gains are just an accounting trick).

If you can let us know when you expect to finish Metal Casting, we'll send you writing on faith, and then we can trade alphabet straight across for Metal Casting &#8211; with you reciprocating the good faith that we'll make the 30 good either in gold or another trade as soon as possible.

How does that sound?

Sincerely,
General_W, Servant of the Leader
Epsilon Team!

 

[pindicator]

Well, would getting writing right away be worthwhile? Sure, having it is better than not having it, but having it 10 turns earlier won't do us any good if we don't start a library/open borders, etc until after we have Metal Casting anyway.

Do we want to give them a definite number? Or still play it coy? I don't mind doing that, but I'm against doing anything to make them sospechoso. I could probably recycle a bit of what I wrote before.

 

[pindicator]

Here is a response just to get something out there. The second paragraph can be interpretted to agreeing to their proposal of sending us writing (I tried to hint at scientists without actually saying as much) so if you don't want it to say that then don't be scared to send it back for revisions. I am a bit of a writer, so I never think anything is "finished."

Dear General_W,

Perhaps you could send some of your number fudgers over to help our accountants out? Ours, unfortunately, are snobbish and effete about their profession: they squabble about balanced budgets, over-spending in government, transparency, privacy protection, FDIC insurance, IRAs, 401ks, and other acronyms that frankly annoy those of us that just want to see it done. We are quite eager to fulfill our end of the deal, and I tell our accountants to "Get 'er done!" daily but my southern drawl is not what it used to be.

I hear your people are far more refined in matters of this science. I could see an exchange program being beneficial: your learned citizens coming to our country in order to illuminate our technological endeavors while our squabbling number-crunchers would find solace in the bureaus and wardrobes of Epsilon.

Counting the Days,
Pifflenatress

Also, I'd wait a day or two before sending the response. Just long enough to drag our feet without looking like we're dragging our feet.

 

[Sweetacshon]

Well, would getting writing right away be worthwhile? Sure, having it is better than not having it, but having it 10 turns earlier won't do us any good if we don't start a library/open borders, etc until after we have Metal Casting anyway.

Exactly.. OB is not really an issue, and I'm not sure we are ready to start a library.. but then again, if they are willing to just hand it over....

Then again, they do want a direct answer on the amount of time left on metal... not giving them that would cause angst, imo, unless we just want to lie, take their free tech, and then reneg on the deal, sending an army their way instead

 

[Tubby Rower]

in the initial treaty there was no indication in there that we had to tell them how many turns until the techs are complete. As far as angst goes.. the more the better in my opinion.

 

[pindicator]

I disagree on angst. Let them focus their angst elsewhere and be pleasantly surprised when they find ours on their doorstep.

 

[Whomp]

I agree Pind. I think we can tell them if they look at our GNP compared to theirs that we're trying to get there as fast as possible. If we meet another civ with that potential land bridge it will help our cause immensely.

 

[Kickbooti]

Think White House press secretary, but actually done with some skill.

Aww, C'mon. Tony is the most engaging press sec in a long time. I mean who is more enjoyable to watch, Tony Snow or Joe Lockhart? Please.

 

[Tubby Rower]

another message from the pompous ones

Dear Tubby and all the glorious Piffles,

This letter is to follow up on my last letter (Sent to Tubby on 10/19) and to explore some further options.

We're pleased to let you know that we now understand the secret of Alphabet, and we are therefore eagerly looking forward to our agreed trade for Metal Casting. Please let us know when you plan to get Metal Casting. As soon as we have word from you, we'll be happy to transfer the knowledge of Writing in good faith, and then we can swap Metal for Alpha straight across.

As per our agreement, this still leaves us owing you 30 beakers. We are, of course, happy to pay this sum as soon as it's possible &#8211; but we also have another idea we think you may like. What if we taught you the secret of thinking deep religious thoughts and then about how to get people to support those that think the deep religious thoughts? (Meditation 80 and Priesthood 60 ). In exchange, you could teach us to build walls and catch yummy things in the water. (Masonry 80 and Fishing 40 ) That still leaves us with a slight advantage &#8211; but we hope you may be interested as this brings our trade deficit much closer to even much sooner.

Looking forward to hearing what you think!
Hope all is well in Piffledom.

Sincerely,
General_W, Servant of the Leader
Epsilon Team!

 

[Whomp]

Not a chance unless they agree that we get to go CoL and we don't want their stinkin' religion. We don't need them peering into our cities.

 

[Bede]

Let's get some more oars in the water (more firends) before we start trading useful stuff like walls and fishing nets to these guys. If they want something useful for their people to do let them figure it out for themselves, rather than us teaching it to them.

 

[pindicator]

I'd really not give them any technologies that let them develop their lands. They took the trade-off of not getting those by hitting their CS slingshot, so let's not mitigate the consequences of that for them in any way. (Giving them forges will be bad enough.)

Did we send the letter I wrote before? Do we need to edit it before sending anything? I think we should send something if they've given us two letters in a row now.

 

[Whomp]

I can't find their email so maybe we should send a message to General W. We may want to add that we are not currently interested in their religious techs but we are considering acquiring them at some point.

 

[Sweetacshon]

Nice reply idea, Whomp. We certainly don't want to give them any more of a leg up than they already have.