Der Comrade: A Communist Penguinadua Story

The year is 1550 AD. The Labor Camps of Fanatica are full of people deemed "criminals" by the government. Word is spreading around of a possible revolution of the people.
Authors Voice: Hey, wait a min. Arent we already in the "government of the people?
SaaM... you of all people should know that this is no where near an of the people, for the people government. Anyway, thats another story. Back to this one: Cue music Look Down....Look Down....Dont look 'em in the eye...A-a-a-a-a-a....Youre here until you dii-ee
Yep. Its time for Les Miserables Commies. Yes, 123455. My name... Is Karl Von Marx..

To be continued... Here or in the RPG, though?
Basic summary: Karl Von Marx gets to leave, goes to work in the factory, gathers followers, sieges Penguinadua (I said I was gonna do this again... Just minimal Dada this time (we're peaceful, so we cant rebel against the wartorn society.))

All are invited to participate!!! Grab a handful of characters and sing Les Mis!
One day more...

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Javert: Well, 12345, what do you have to say for yourself?
12345: My name... Is Karl Von Marx.
Javert: You do not know the meaning of the law, Missure Marx.
12345 (Marx): I know the meaning of these 15 years.... a slave... to the "law"
Javert: Well, 12345, youre papers are in order. Please dont steal any more Beef Stroganof or break any more bottles of Chateau 1300
12345: It was a loaf of bread and a window pane, moron.
Javert: No, that was in Les Mis. You're "Das Comradde." You did a bit more then that
12345: Oh, right then... sorry... I'll go now.
So Karl Von Marx has been let free. What will he do now? Who will he MEET? THATS YOUR CUE, EVERYBODDY!

 

As soon as the news was around that the legendary Karl von Marx was released a murmur went through the nation. These were the days of the long working hours in the factories, the dirty 18 hours a day of coal-mining and the nearly-slave like treatment of the builders of the Wonders of Hoover Dam and Universal suffrage.

And suffering there was. The bosses of the Trans Fanatican RailRoad where nicknamed: "Gestapo's", an abbriviation of the motto; Giant Enterprises Shall Tax All People Owning Sestertien. The farmers were driven from their land by the same RailRoads and their once fertile farmlands were transformed into mines. They didn't get even a handful of Sestertien for that. The soldiers were forced to inhabite the new Egyptian colonies, without luxuries, women or even food. The huge increase in workers who were drafted and drawn from the smaller cities increased unemployment and wages dropped. They moved en masse to do the horrible work on the Railroads, the mines and went to the bigger cities to live there. There was a lot of suffering and misery.

And at the same time the Government and the Establishment grew richer and richer. The nation's treasury was increasing by many a goldpiece every decade. And the Aristocrats where competing in trying to build the most luxuries houses, cultural buildings and cities like Gorina and Tyvek were trying to amaze the World by buildings which only served their purposes.

The nation (read: only the rich men's nation) was being build up on the backs of the farmers, miners, workers, soldiers and railroaders. They wouldn't take it any longer.

The release of Karl ignited a spark of hope in their hearts. Perhaps this was the time to claim what should have been shared thousands of years ago.

 

Enter Stage Left,the villain of the piece, Lucius Hortensius Perigina.
LHP's family had lived in Penguinadua since its foundation. The family had grown rich and prosperous through farming and trade. There had always been a Perigina in the government at some level. The family was firmly entrenched in the ruling class.

Lucius was an embarrassment to his family. He did not possess the qualities that had made his family powerful and respected. Lucius was vain and self serving. He was also petty and cruel. However Lucius’ mother had petitioned her nephew, the General of Fanatica, to secure a position for him that befitted his rank. Against his better judgement Perigrina Aegyptus had arranged for Lucius to be appointed Prefect of the City Garrison. Although this position was largely ceremonial Lucius used it to enrich himself at the expense of the citizens.

 

When we last left Karl Von Marx, he was leaving the prison, his home for the last 15 years. He has come to work at the Penguinaduan Factory, where his job is to dislodge body parts from item dislodgers.
Marx: At the end of the day...la la la la la la.... *hums the rest*
From stage left, a scream is heard
Marx: Well, thats my cue. Now I just have to wait for the part to come down the line.
The part does... shall we say, eventually... move down the line
Mark: *picks up severed hand* Hmm... thats my third one this week. Something should really be done about this. Wheres that milk crate...
Looks around, finds a milk crate
All right! Listen up, everybody! The system is pushing us down! We are the masses, they are the few! We should rise to defeat them. *murmurs of aproval*
Come one everybody! Lets go form an angry mob.
And with these words, the workers break out into a Tony worthy rendition
Do you hear the people sing... singing the songs of angry men...

AN: Okay, guys. Whose up next? What will Karl do? Storm the factory doors? Grab a torch and pitchfork? Take a half hour intermission before the next really really long act? Your call.

 

As the mob in the factory continues to grow, news begins to spread to the surrounding towns. If the uprising becomes much larger, it will be a full-scale revolt. The local commander, Lucius Perigina, summons the captain of the guards, Sergeant-Major Grandmastorius Praetorius.

Lucius: Ah, welcome, sergeant. I assume have been heard of the developements in Penguinadua?

Grandmastorius: Indeed. Has the rebellion yet become violent?

Lucius: We do not know. You are to assume that the mob is armed and dangerous, and have full authorization to put it down with whatever means necessary.

Grandmastorius: Understood, sir. And if they prove to be unarmed and peaceful? How shall I quell it then?

Lucius: How would you quell an armed revolt?

Grandmastorius: With fire, General.

Lucius: And there is your answer. Now be on your way.

Grandmastorius: Yessir. Good day, General.

The Sergeant-Major and General exchange salutes, before Grandmastorius and his platoon of forces set out for the factory.

After a short time of travel, the troops arrive at the factory gates. Grandmastorius opens the doors and sees the massive mob, filling the entire factory. And yet it is silent, as von Marx speaks.

Grandmastorius: You there! Rebel! By order of the Prefect of the City Garrison you are to vacate these premises and cease all sedicious activities. Failure to follow these orders will result in armed extraction from these premises.

Marx: Look, my fellow workers and peasants! The bourgeouise have sent their lapdogs, the army, to suppress us! And what do we do with army lapdogs?

Worker #1: We eat them!

Marx: No, wrong. Anybody else?

Worker #2: We cover them in red paint!

Marx: Wrong again. Does ANYBODY know what we do with repressive soldiers?

Worker #3: We... oh, this is too hard! I say we eat them!

General agreement.

Marx: No, no, bad enslaved peasant, bad! We chase away soldiers! Now who's going to help me chase away these soldiers?

Worker #4: I will!

Marx: No, #4. You have no legs after that terrible accident, or have you forgotten?

Worker #4: But I can crawl faster 'an any man alive, I can!

Marx (mutters): That's the problem with workers and peasants... they're so much like.... workers and peasants...

Grandmastorius: Well, come on then! Disperse! Don't make me blow my whistle!

Worker #5 (aka Vlad Lenin): I say we kill 'em and hang 'em from the factory roof! It's time for a revolution!

Marx: Now, Vlad, let's not be hasty...

Just then a shot rings out. A single soldier has fired his weapon at the revolutionary.

Grandmastorius: No! Damnit, man, now we're in real trouble! This production is too low-budget for a major action scene.... I've got an idea. Look over there!

The soldier turns to look, and Grandmastorius looses a single round into his back.

Grandmastorius: There, all done, no need for more violence. Now skedattle!

Marx: But... wait... you've just shot a Fanatici soldier... that makes you a revoltuionary! You're one of us!

Grandmastorius: So I am... damned Mac logic.... I guess I'm in. Men?

The platoon nods agreement, and so the first Fanatici soldiers join the uprising. But who is this Grandmastorius, really? Is he truly a friend of the revolution? Or is he a penetrating agent? Can he even sing or dance? And what will become of Karl von Marx? It's your turn to decide.

 

Marx: Good Mac logic... Since you defied the system, that makes you one of us, I suppose. I dont recal saying that, but now I do! I'm going off to sing more show tunes, so you all can continue marching towards... well, dont know where... Anyone have a railroad time table? A worker hands him a time table Thanks... Now the 2:30 to NoShoRet leaves at 3.. Whose comming with me? I've been meaning to pick up the score to Sweeny Todd as it is.. We can go shopping!
Suddenly, Marx's has two shopping bags at his side. He picks them up and twrils around alla Carson from Queer Eye
That was fun! Now, whose with me?

The peasants just stare a Marxx, wondering what the point of this interlude was, and if there even was one.

 

Still somewhat confused, the mass of peasants begins to march. In the front, the proud vanguard of the revolt sings proud, theatrical songs of revolution. In the back, a single workers is humbing...

Worker: The pinkos marching one by one, hurrah...hurrah.... the pinkos go marching one by one hurrah... hurrah...

Grandmastorius: Alright, enough of that then. Can't we at least be "reds"? The "pink scare" doesn't sound so scary, does it, now?

Worker: But we aren't from Cincinatti....

Grandmastorius: Now that's enough out of you. Don't make me blow my whistle.

Worker: Help! Help! He's got a whistle! I'm being oppressed!

Grandmastorius: Come on, come on, we're falling behind. Can't you sing in a French accent, like them up there?

Worker: Zi pinkos go marshing won by won hurrah... hurrah....

And so Grandmastorius smacks his forehead and rushes ahead away from the humber...

 

Marx: Yep... We're French... How did Karl Von Marx end up "vith a pucnh of pinkos?" Sees the shopping bags Oh... yea...
Speaking to the crowd, he well, speaks to the crowd
Anyone have any ideas what were going to end up doing? I dont think gay frenchmen counted into my original calculation

 

General CivGeneral and High Colonel Mara Jade comes into the Factory

CivGeneral: Ok, whats going on here?

Karl Von Marx: We are staring a reviloution

Mara Jade: A Reviloution huh, You better stop your radical uprisings. My Husband and I would aprehend you on the spot, but we would rather see you dispurse in a normaly fasion.

Karl Von Marx: Never, Communism will reign

General CivGeneral noticed Grandmastorius

CivGeneral: Grandmastorius, any word on how the situation is going?

Grandmastorius: [your line here]

OOC: I am leaving that part for Grandmaster to fill in. Plus Mara Jade and I would like to be part in this story.

 

Grandmastorius is somewhat embarassed at being confronted in this situation by a friend and peer. But he figues, ah hell, in a dollar, in for a million.

Grandmastorius: The situation goes well. The revolution is gaining momentum. On top of that, we're in the process of writing a new score and finalizing the choreography of the finale, "Massacring the Royal Family and Dumping Their Bodies in a Pit." Now, you have a choice. Join us, or... do something else.

Grandmastorius shrugs, unsure of what the other option is.

Mara Jade: Never! I'll sooner do something else than join your evil revolution!

CivGeneral: Now, honey, don't be hasty... do someting else is pretty harsh... let's think about this like logical adults.

Marx: This is a revolution! You don't think logically! You act based on emotion, in a rage, doing things future generations will regret!

Grandmastorius (quietly to a neighboring worker): Is he starting to bother you, too? I thought revolutionary leaders were supposed to be cool, and charismatic, and have interesting mustaches...

What will CivGeneral and Mara Jade decide? What will Grandmastorius do? And will Marx grow an interesting mustache? Stay tuned!

 

Marx: I see this is between you too, but look! I have a mustache suddenly! This plot makes no sense, but its fun! For some reason, I can suddenly play the Oboe!

Marx starts scatting on the Oboe. The others just groan

From the top people! A five, six, seven eight!

Chorus People: Lets dump the bodies... lets dump the bodies... do doo do do do do do do do do do doooo...

 

Marx: Well you two, what ill it be? Join us or be scared away and die with eh rest ot the loyalists.

Mara Jade and CivGeneral looks at each other. Then CivGeneral looks to Marx

CivGeneral: I have a couple of Armored Cars, Tanks (OOC: Think of the World War I Tanks before Moble Warfare), and some Jade Commando Solders

Mara Jade looks at CivGeneral

Mara Jade: What the?! Were supporting... ..them?!

CivGeneral: Yes Dear, Wew supporting them.

Mara Jade: I was thinking of also joinig there side.

Marx: Excelent, Attention Workers, we now have A Small Army Commanded by CivGeneral and Mara Jade. Err, what are your ranks?

CivGeneral: General of the Jade Commandos

Mara Jade: High Colonel of the Jade Commandos

Marx walks up to CivGeneral and Mara Jade

Marx: I have never seen a Husband/Wife Military Team in my life. You two will be my Commanders of the Military.

Mara Jade: Yes, the Jade Commandos have been using Armored Cars since We have discovered How to make combustion, The Tanks looks more like Large behimoths with side turrets.

Grandmastorius looks at Mara Jade and CivGeneral

Grandmastorius: You have made a wise choice. I would be happy to serve under your command

Marx: Welcome to the Reviloution General CivGeneral and High Colonel Mara Jade.

CivGeneral then places his hand on Grandmastorius's shoulder

CivGeneral: I would like Grandmastorius to be the 2nd Lt in the Reviloutionary Army.

 

Fortunately or unfortunately (depending on whose side your on), news of the armed strike reaches Noshuret. A skilled and respected general, Octavian XCVII, is dispatched with a regiment of riflemen to clear the sitatuion.

As you can imagine, such a debacle was embarassing to the Fanatican government. For many thousands of years, it had waged wars in the name of spreading of free, democratic ideals. With this small 'rebellion' came very open and harsh criticism from both home and abroad, as these apparently 'just' ideals were only for the rich.

Octavian, he and his ancestors themselves being trade representatives to other nations, did have a knack for talking things out. His direct orders from the Council were to avoid violence at all costs, and hopefully get a peaceful, bloodless resolution. Force was to be the last resort.

At least, that's what he told himself all the time. His real order was to masacre the workers and not tell a soul. No matter what the consequences, though, he was determined not to shed a drop of blood.

Unfortunately, though he had decent skills at the negotiation table and on the battlefield, Octavian was a bumbling character. He occasionally tripped due to the fact he was distracted by a doughnut that he just pulled from an obsure spot from somewhere on his overcoat. In general, he was clumsy, the likely reason he gave up a promising career in the Trade Ministry.

He and his forces arrived in Penguinadua, and politely asked to speak with the worker's leader...

The conflict's set up. Octavian's in town, so now we wait for the next person up to bat...

 

Octavian XCVII: Right then. Where's the Rebel Leader?
A Man With A Recorder Up His Nose: Im Leader
A Burgular In A Cheese Shop: No your not, Im the leader
Nose: No, you're a loony. Im the leader
Cheese: Youre the loony! Give me that recorder, loony!
Nose: Get out of my Cheese Shop!
Octavian XCVII: Okay... neither of them are the leader. I'll let these two Pythonic charactres continue on and whoever isnt under the 16 ton anvil when I get back wins, I suppose...
Moving through a crowd of bickering, yelling loonys and giant foam hammers, Octavian XCVII finally makes it to Karl Von Marx
Octavian: Please dont tell me you too are the leader
Marx: That I am.
Octavian: Do you have anything to do with Penguins on Tellys, Spam Songs, Money, A Deadly Picnic, A Lingere Shop, Knights that say Ni or any other rubbish that spawned out of the head of six loony brits.
Marx: No. And only five were brits. Gilliam was American
Octavian: Right then. Now, where were we...

Anothre Useless Interlude by SaaM! Oct is meeting with Marx. What will the others do?

 

Marx: You were just going to leave.

Octavian: Oh, really? Alright... wait, no I wasn't. I'm here to make you rebels disperse!

Marx: I was hoping you would forget that part.

Octavian: Well, I didn't. Now, let's negotiate. By order of the Fanatican government, you must disband. If you leave peacefully now, then you will not be prosecuted in any way.

Marx: Did you hear that, boys? If we give up now they won't prosecute us! What do we say to government lackeys who order us to disband?

Worker #1: We eat 'em!

Marx: Why are you still here? Didn't I tell you to leave after the last time you said that?

Worker #2: I think it's a good idea! Let's eat 'em!

Marx: No, no, down boy, down! We aren't going to eat anybody.

General dissapointment among the workers.

Octavian: Well, thank you for that. But really, we need to discuss this. Otherwise...

Marx: You'll blow a whistle at me?

Octavian: Only as a very last resort.

 

OOC - @GM & Stuck, Umm you forgot to add me and Mara Jade into the story . We said that we are going to join you on your side.

 

Enter Vice President and Governor of Esquiline Rik Meleet
Riding on his giant horse, followed by some hundreds of citizens and loyal soldiers Rik's profile appears on the nearby hill.

Rik: I am not going to discuss this rebellion with you. This rebellion is illegal and an insult to everything Fanatica stands for. I shall not have it.

Octavian turns around and his hope of survival returns.

Rik: Release Octavian XCVII now. We outnumber you 10 to 1 and are ready to strike and we'll do so if required. We have tanks. CG: What are you doing there ?

CivGeneral: You don't have tanks; I order the army and this revolution is a good thing.

Rik: I am not debating the legality of this so called revolution now, I am here to take Octavian XCVII from your hands. I will leave you in peace for now. And your tanks are still in their barracks and currently not here.

Rik and his followers move down the hill and quietly split the rebels in 2 smaller groups. Rik steps down from his horse and hands the horse to Gladiatus. He walks with big steps to Marx, CivGeneral, Grandmaster and Mara_Jade, who are still holding Octavian XCVII.

With a powerful look Rik stares in the eyes of all 4 of them while his hands reach out for Octavian. Rik and Oct walk together back to Rik's horse. They ride away.

Back on the top of the hill Vice President Rik turns around and shouts: The Government will discuss your demands with the leaders tomorrow afternoon in the neutral city of Tyvek. You can choose who will join from your group, but no more than 4 are allowed.

And: If you decide to become violent; we will crush you and if we can't, we'll pull back behind the impregnable defensive line across the Esquiline-canal. I hope you'll be in Tyvek to discuss your rebellion tomorrow afternoon.

Rik and Octavian leave the stage to the right

 

OOC: CG, not every character is in every scene. I wasn't even in my own last scene. It was a scene between Marx and Octavian. Be patient.

 

Mara Jade: Our World War Iish Tanks and Armored cars will topple your reign Rik.

Rik: Realy, then this reviloution should stop

Marx: We will never stop

Grandmastorius: As a newly promoted 2nd Lt. I will not stand down.

Rik and Oct walks away

CivGeneral: I have a plan incase they do build a defensive wall around the capital. Its called, The Railroad Gun. Its a big massive behimouth Artillery piece that can bombard a city within a distance of 10mi. Marx, I want the Workers to build this weapon. This weapon is for the glory of the Reviloution.

Mara Jade: Hopefully we can brng the government to there knees

OOC @Rik: Umm, Mara Jade in this story does not have an underscore in between "Mara" and "Jade" .

 

Marx is worried. His tank divison seems a bit trigger happy
Marx: Cant we just taunt them and throw evil rabits and holy hand grenades at them?
Calling to the crowd, he starts a chant
Crowd: ECKY! ECKY! ECKY! ECKY! PU-CLANG! ZOOP! BOING! NI!
AN: I just want a Dadalike revolution. Mabey we can get the workers of the world to unite into some evil transformer robot, and the RPG Police can come and yell at them for breaking the tech rule and the workers will just end up a steam powered demon-thing. Just fun, no war. Wars were always a boring part of the RPG.