InfoAddict mod has this feature. It shows what the AI thinks of each other and what they think of you and who has DOF and Denouncements. In a nice circular chart with webs of relationships that you can filter and play around with.
I'm still somewhat baffled Firaxis hasn't yet taken some of those features into Gods and Kings or in a patch -- Something as simple as adding a button to check your diplomacy screen to check relations before agreeing to a DoF. Not being able to check diplo screen when AI comes to ask you for something is a pain.
Anyways, due to the recent patch I'm not sure on it's status. But yes, Civs do get penalized for most of the things they do.