Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Eukaryote, Jun 23, 2009.
I believe in love in fist sight, but I also believe in taking a second look.
Obviously some people are going to instantly feel a strong romantic or sexual connection with a person, and then have that connection blossom into a loving relationship. Of course, some people are going to be hit by lightning multiple times in their life. Guess which one if more common?
So in practice, while it might be a wonderful concept, it's not going to happen.
Having loved and lost, I can say that it's pretty much bollocks. First time I saw my first love I thought "Hey what an attractive slut. I wonder if she goes all the way?" and the first time I saw my second love I though "Euugh. She looks like a tomboy with 9 kilos of makeup on and children's accessories.
It's nothing but a pipedream. I don't beleve in it and odds that I won't experiance live at first sight.
It happened to me and my gf. We caught each other's eye across a crowded room. That was eleven years ago and we're still going strong (living together for the last nine years).
I could see right away that she was very pretty, very smart, and not one to play stupid games (failure to spot the latter is the cause of much suffering imo). And there was something else - some quality that I could never quite put into words, but which I found immensely attractive. It was also pretty clear that she found me attractive too.
Of course, we didn't fall in love right away - we had to spend some time getting to know one another first. And it wasn't always plain sailing either. But, although I wouldn't call it love at first sight, it certainly wasn't just lust either.
The reason stuff like this happens, I believe, can be found in the subtleties of non-verbal communication.
Working with autistic kids has given me a better understanding of the power of the thousands of tiny signals we give off. These kids have trouble understanding such signals, which results in them having great difficulty in many social situations. And, what's more, when asked about it, they often express their total bafflement at how non-autistic people manage to communicate so easily with one another. It's almost as if people have some strange psychic powers, which allow them to have entire conversations without actually saying a word.
So, while I am very sceptical of the idea that one can truly fall in love at first sight, I think it's important to remember that a single look can convey a whole lot of information (most of it unconscious - but then attraction and love are predominantly unconscious).
Bear in mind just how much of the brain's processing power is dedicated to the skills required for finding and securing allies and sexual partners. The ability to size someone up in an instant, comparing the subtle cues they give off against an unconsious 'wish-list' of desirable traits, is pretty fundamental to human relationships in general, and romantic relationships in particular.
Of course one can fall in love at first sight. Although it is only first sight in a sense. Its not really like in Hollywood.
Hollywood version of love at first site involves having no idea what kind of person one would prefer for a mate and then suddenly finding them at first site.
Real version of love at first site involves: 1) Previously having fallen in love or constructed a ideal person in one's mind, then meeting somebody new who's body and initial behavior is roughly the same then yes then you would be instantly in love. So its a new person but not a new type of person. Of course you don't truly know what the person is yet but we're discussing love at first sight not long lasting love.
This happened to me twice already. One in Cracker Barrel. Once in a dream even. Weird.
Oh yes Winston Hughes good explanation too.
I don't think it's possible to fall in love "at first site". There's so much to a person that you can't pick up from just a look. You can have a strong attraction to someone at first meeting, but I think that anyone who implies they fell in love at first sight either has no idea what love is, or is exaggerating to make for a more fanciful story.
Agreed with all those who said that there's no such thing as "love at first sight". It's either lust or a crush.
Wow... Resurrected thread FTW.
Love at first site is real because its based on perception of the person not the actual person. A person can't understand someone based on first site. But they can subconsciously automatically create a semi fictional understanding of person at first sight. The understanding is a semi fictional since it includes very little real info. Nevertheless its a perception of the person's character based on little information. Don't your brains do this all the time? Subconsciously create a idea of a character. For me sometimes I perceive the character to be at first glance similar to ladys i've previously known and romanticly loved.
Reality of character is irrelevent for romantic feelings to be triggered. All that is needed is a perception of character and that can be created really quickly. Especially when th e mind already on high alert for any females similar to ones i've already met.
On of the key point s of romatic chemicals is to push people into making quick mating decesions. Love at first sight is just a extention of the theme. Not something new.
Romantic love doesn't promote rational thinking, why should it be started by rational thinking. Of course I hardly know the cracker barrel girl. But what I know triggers idea of character in my mind. That character idea triggers romantic chemicals. Doesn't anyone here ever intentional or subconsciously create characters?
I'm not implying that the romantic feelings are permenant, meaningful, or even highly developed. Their always considerably less developed and strong than ones that form over say a year or 20 minutes. Is the difference between 20 minutes and one second that big?
Remember my brain was already constantly bugging me about getting a girlfriend. I've already fallen in love before. I already created a ideal female in my head before. (Maybe should not have done that.)All my mind did was try to push me towerds a girl and transfer romantic feelings from one to the other. My head noticed initial similarity form one girl to the other and instantly transferred feelings. Basicly I fell in love with a idea not a person. Thats the kind of love at first sight I'm talking about.
Romatic feelings are not special or all that deep. Why should it be surprising that the mind throws them around quickly and poorly.
I fell in love with my wife the first time I saw her. She was exceptionally good looking, so yes, I was attracted to her on a physical level, but there was something about the way she talked and the way she acted that fascinated me. I had had other women affect me in serious ways but nothing like the way that my future wife did. The rational me says rejects the idea that you can determine something as serious as "love" at a first meeting; the romantic me wants to accept the idea that it is possible. The Japanese have a word, hitomebore. Loosely, it means "hit by the thunderbolt." That's what happened to me. I got to know her better, asked her out, and one year later we were married. We have been together forty two years.
I don't believe in love at first sight, but I do believe in finding a woman you feel attracted to and who you have a lot in common with at first sight. I found that last year. It's too cliché to say love at first sight, and I clearly didn't love her when I first met her. But I did feel something, and not just physical attraction (there are plenty of women I'm attracted to), but I felt a kinship with this person. It was good for a while, but the love didn't last. Anyways I knew when I first saw her she was like me, and we'd have a lot in common. I didn't love her at first sight, but I knew I would come to love her.
Experienced it already, so I don't have to "believe" it happens, I "know" it happens
And it's a very nice way to fall in love, though, obviously, not one which always ends well.
Edit : and crap, what's the stupid idea of necroing threads ? If you've things to deal with, post a new thread, don't bump up a whole serie of old ones...
I'm feeling a lot less jaded that when I wrote this, and have no justification for feeling so.
"Sometimes I'm thinking that I love you. But I know it's only lust ..."
I don't think so, it takes at least a few impromptu meetings and dates to evaluate someone's character. I knew my current girlfriend for about a year and a half before we started dating.
Although if something goes wrong in this relationship, I hope I am proven wrong again.
Christ, love's hard enough to deal with when it creeps up on you gradually. All at once? Nawwwww.
It can happen, and it'd be nice if it did happen to me, but I doubt it ever will.
I don't believe in it, and I wouldn't want it to happen to me because that'd mean I'd fall in love with someone based solely off of their appearance. Sure, there might be small things that I'd find endearing, like maybe her wearing a cute shirt with a smart writing on it, or maybe there's something about her over all style. It might even be sexy posture.
But that still shouldn't be enough for me to "fall in love" at first sight, like some sad Gym Class Hero song.
Why is Slobadog necroing so many threads?
Often you can tell from body language what type of personality they have, that's what happened with me. I saw this person acted at work the same way I do, and I knew there would be a connection. Although in hindsight, maybe it's best not to date someone so much like myself.
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