The theme song of “Running in the Nineties” plays, with stills of Wall Street, famous CEO’s, and stock traders on the floor making for a title card of a sort. The camera pans into a live studio audience. A loud announcer fills the room
Q1 1993
"WELCOME TO THIS WEEK OF CRAAAAAAAZY CASH! WHERE WE TELL YOU WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THE MARKET! INTRODUCING OUR FIRST HOST, WE HAVE HARVARD ECONOMICS PROFESSOR, STEPHEN HUNTER!"
A bespectacled man in a tweed suit, with graying brown hair, waves amicably towards the audience from his armchair.
"AAAAAAAANNNNNND OUR SECOND HOST, FORMER HEAD COACH OF THE NEW YORK BERSERKERS FOOTBALL TEAM, JIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIM GARRISON!"
A tear away wall is broken through with a man in a collared shirt and a loose tie. He runs in front of the audience, high fiving them as he sprints across the stage. Hunter sighs and puts his face into his palm. Garrison does a few fists pumps and whoops before sitting down in his chair. As Hunter begins to speak, Garrison stands up for one last WOHOOO, and Hunter rolls his eyes
Hunter clears his throat “Good evening everyone. My name is Stephen Hunter and we’re here live from New York-”
At this, Garrison stands up for another WOHOOO
“Yes, yes. ‘Wohoo’. In any case, we have just seen the end of Quarter 1 of 1993, and it does seem that we have fully recovered from the collapse of ScamCo, Synergous, and The Middle Kingdom Bank. Small businesses have really helped drive the economy forward again, and with the rise of a few would-be conglomerates, it seems investors are ready to take chances again”
Jim snorted “IF BY INVESTORS, YOU MEAN THEIR DADDIES!” Audience gives a cheer, riling Jim up “LET ME TELL YOU, THESE BUSINESSES ARE GONNA BE HERE TODAY, GONE TOMORROW!”
“That is true Jim! Around 40% of these new businesses are actually funded with familial wealth. Not the majority certainly, but-”
“LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, YOU WANT TO PUT SOME OF THESE KIDS UP AGAINST A CEO LIKE MARK GRAYHEART? HE’S GONNA KNOCK THEM RIGHT INTO THE POORHOUSE!”
“Well I suppose now is a good as time as any to go into our industry by industry breakdown, starting with commodities. Four new companies have-”
“LET ME BREAK IT DOWN FOR YOU: ZAVOD GLOBAL? NO BUY! TYPICAL COMMIE TRADITION WHERE DADDY HANDS YOU EVERYTHING ON A SILVER PLATTER. YOU DON’T WORK IN COMMUNISM; OTHER PEOPLE DO IT FOR YOU! ZAVOD GLOBAL IS A NO BUY”
“Ok, I think you have a fundamental misunderstanding of what Commu-”
“AND THEN WHAT’S WITH THE HARWAY CONGLOMERATE? YOU DON’T LOBBY WITH COMMODITIES”
“Well if a government decides to nationali-”
“IT’S WINDOW DRESSING! YOU PUT A GUY LIKE HARWAY IN A BIOTECH FIRM NOT A MINING COMPANY”
“It seems you have a strong opinion on Mark Grayheart, how do-”
“MARK GRAYHEART! MARKY MARK! WHAT A GUY LET ME TELL YA! HE’S THE TYPE OF GUY WHO I WANT RUNNING MY COMMODITIES COMPANY”
“Wait so let me get this straight. Keeping in mind that none of these companies are selling stocks, you say ‘No Buy’ to right now the world’s most profitable company, and you say ‘Buy’ to the least profitable commodity company right now?”
“IT’S A FIGURE OF SPEECH STEPHEN! AND YES, I LOOK AT THE LONG TERM AND I SEE THAT THE COMPANY MOST SET UP FOR SUCCESS RIGHT NOW IS GRAYHEART”
“Well we shall see. At least he is doing better than the Ming Corporatio-”
“THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU PUT A RICH KID IN CHARGE OF A COMPANY!”
“For those of you unfamiliar of what Jim is talking about, an explosion at a Ming Company Oil Well in the Arab League left five people dead and three more wounded. The government of the Arab League assessed a fine and the company needed to make minor repairs.”
Garrison began shouting but Hunter cut him off “Jim, I swear to God if you say something tasteless, I will absolutely punch you in the face.”
Garrison pondered a bit as Stephen continued “Of course, the Ming Company is more focused on its upcoming software business. It is currently unknown what kind of project that CEO Yang Kang will pursue, but right now he has the opportunity to establish himself as a major player in the software market”
At this, Garrison had regained his composure and jumped in “ABSOLUTELY STEPHEN. RICH KID KANG HAS A CHANCE TO MAKE DADDY PROUD; WILL HE BLOW IT?”
“Hopefully not. On the hardware side of the electronics business, we have Peaches, Inc. and Lalbagh-Yutani with factories both in India. Both of them are actually making outdated Pear computers, which must be a bit embarrassing considering both of their backgrounds. Profits were strong for both companies considering the high demand for Pear computers in ASEAN, but it’s unlikely they’ll see profit levels like this for long. I know I will regret this but Jim, any analysis on these two companies?”
“IT’S TOUGH TO SAY STEPHEN. LABAHA YATANNY HAS A REAL SMART GUY, REAL SMART. GET THAT MAN A LAB AND WE’RE GONNA SEE SOME GREAT THINGS FROM HIM. BUT STOBS? STOBS??!?! THE GUY IS A LEGEND. THE GUY COULD TAKE A PISS ON MY ROSES AND HE’D HAVE ME PAYING HIM FOR ‘PLANT GROWTH HORMONE’, THE GUY IS JUST THAT GOOD”
“Ok, well it’s Lalbagh-Yutani, but aside from that and the mocking accent, that was impressive Jim.”
“THANKS STEPHEN. I DID GO TO HARVARD AFTER ALL”
Stephen stares into the camera
“I didn’t believe it either”
“LET’S MOVE ON TO MY LEAST FAVORITE SPOILT BRAT, MARK BRIDGE”
“Ahh yes, Eurosense. I must say, while I questioned his wisdom in the opening of the recording studios without the money to pay top talent, the movie theaters he has opened are quite nice! Jim and I actually went down to his theater here in Manhattan and I-”
“WAS NOT IMPRESSED”
“That was literally the opposite of what I was going to say. And I thought you had enjoyed it! A classic Jean Valluc movie, the story was-”
“THE PUPPY WAS A COMMUNIST!”
“Jim I hardly think-”
“COMMUNIST! EUROPEAN COMMUNIST SCUM”
“You were crying in the theater! You loved that puppy!”
“TEARS OF RAGE”
Hunter sighed “In any case, the theaters opened to mixed receptions in the various markets. Western Europe they had a strong opening, while in the PTP his theater barely turned a profit. But the biggest surprise was the ASEAN market, with the theater in Singapore seeing massive amounts of customers. The news even claimed that people were waiting hours in line to see the same movie twice! While I’m not ready to declare Bridge the heir to the entertainment industry, he already is forging a strong brand loyalty in ASEAN and that is the first step to-”
“BANKRUPTCY”
“I was going to say something else, but alright then, let’s wrap this up. Already being dubbed the ‘Princess of the Arms Industry’, Rebecca Lott-”
“REBECCA LOTTS A’ “
Hunter slapped Garrison “DON’T YOU SAY IT! NOT ON LIVE TELEVISION YOU MORON”
“I WAS GONNA SAY LOTTS A’ “
Hunter slapped Garrison again
“MONEY! NOT WHAT YOU’RE THINKING, JUST LOTTS A’ MONEY”
“THAT IS A LIE AND YOU KNOW IT”
“ARE YOU GONNA FIGHT ME HUNTER?”
Security quickly rushes the stage to hold back Garrison, who is wildly swinging despite being firmly in the arms of burly security guards. Hunter wipes his sweat off with a handkerchief, regaining his composure as Garrison is given sedatives
“Viewers, I do apologize for this. I don’t quite know what came over me. Where was I? Ahh yes, Rebecca Lott running Gog and Magog, Ltd. It’s definitely not the top market right now for weapons, but she does avoid the competition for the obvious markets in the NAU and EU. Reproducing generics, Lott made a tidy sum helping equip some of the WEU’s most outdated units, but she’s absolutely going to have to make some adjustments to stay profitable for the long term. Those watching Gog and Magog should look for the WEU raising their arms budget, giving permission for her to sell abroad, or, heaven’s forbid, a war breaking out. It’s clear she definitely has some work cut out for her.”
Looking over his partner, Hunter smiled as he saw Garrison stir from his sedation, yawning and rubbing his eyes
“Hey there buddy, feeling better?”
Nodding as he stretched, Garrison mumbled something incoherent. Hunter nudged him “Want to wrap up the Biotech companies?”
Garrison nodded and began “There are two new players in the market right now; Tianlong Pharmaceuticals and the Guscott Group. Right now they are both producing generics, but it seems to me they may be pursuing different strategy. Samantha Guscott is known as a wheeler and dealer in political circles and can get her way when no one else can. But Rui over at Tianlong is a certified dealmaker and likely is eyeing expansion into other arenas too. We’ll see how the two compete against one another; right now it’s anyone’s game.”
Hunter nodded “Thank you for that Garrison. And that is all for this week’s… “Crazy Cash”. We hope you join us next week for more exciting coverage of the market”
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MARKET TRENDS:
Right now, Commodities are going upwards in price. Demand is not yet close to being met
Generic Electronics is staying stable in price for now, but will fall sharply if a new piece of hardware is introduced that changes the game
Generic Pharmaceuticals is staying stable in price for now, but will fall sharply if a new pharmaceutical is introduced that changes the game
Generic Weapon prices are currently staying stable, but there is a demand for higher tech weaponry.
Global Elections are being planned for Q3 of 1994
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I tried humor. Sorry if it was awful but this is the best recollection of Mad Money and other such shows I could muster. It was a pretty hazy memory to begin with
STATS
