400AD: Multiple Achievements
News Bulletin at BBQ News (They completed the C till it became a Q)
Reader: In typical Gandhian propaganda...oh . .. .. .. ....I am on air?..........Uhhh.....The latest reports of our glorious empire show us how we have managed to achieve many targets this year. Our correspondent interviewing The Great G and his advisors:
Interviewer: SO what we achieved?
Michaelangelo: We have achieved many things this year and laid the foundations of many new projects. Delhi has completed the National Epic, a move that is sure to make it a place for renowned artists, merchants and scientists and to accommodate the latter, we have started a Great Library. Also, Bombay has now a fire tower that guides ships in, at a scale so grand that it is being hailed as the Great Lighthouse (funnily a tourist just called it the Pharos at Alexandria). madras has added to the list of its achievements a -whatdoyoucalllit - trapezoidal structure which you can see on screen
This for some strange reason has inspired our soldiers to defend better
(After the non-existent TV van and interviewer leave, )
Gandhi:I must personally congratulate their creators, by chopping off their hands to ensure that they never recreate it
But lewitt, I have a question
Gandhi: No where in my records do i indicate that i researched Writing. Did I get it from a goody hut and put some other tech which i researched in its place?
Lewitt; P-p-perhaps, sire, I don't know
Gandhi: Why are you quivering (and we leave them at that... only to come back and continue)
Gandhi: hmm, I expanded by the way to get Calcutta
640 AD: We are engulfed
Michaelangelo: Another guy called Norbert Rillieux with a miner helme - (Gandhi's now obvious reaction: )
Lewitt: We also finished the ability to make self functioning automated items called machine and have started researching something which will help the unemployed in our cities employ themselves usefully in what will be called the bureaucracy as civil servants.
Michaelangelo: A gigantic bronze Statue, holding aloft a torch, in the form of a muscular man has been created to guard the entrance of Bombay. We bring to you, an exclusive sneak peak
A voice from heaven (to be accurate, Leonardo Nimoy's voice from heaven) "The bureaucracy expands to meet the needs of the expanding bureaucracy"
Gandhi: Okay, we get it, no need to be so melodramatic about it
Lewitt: And we have started philosophy
Gandhi: Yeah, and i need to visit someone....
(enters a library with the stars and stripes in one corner and a picture of honest Abe near it)
Gandhi:You teach us Horseback riding and we shall teach you how to use a word which is compound of first two greek letters
Roosevelt: D-UH?? This is Greek to me?
Gandhi: I forgot! Big Chief learn riding Mustang form little chief, Big Chief teach Little Chief ABC. Comprehend?
Roosevelt: Yeah sure!
880AD: Gandhi's boon, Lewitt's bane
= Gandhi's reaction to, guess what --- Zang Heng is born in Delhi
Gandhienters the conference room with a new map under his arm, making Lewitt suspicious) Well, I had apparenly by mistake ordered some city to make a sett-
Lewitt: Nooooooooooooo!!!! What ahve you don?
Gandhi: Is this how you speak to your lord protector and master? Lewitt, do not cross the line or your head will decorate this room....on a pole HEE HEE HEE
Lewitt: But the expansion?
Gandhi: our economy is fine enough, I do not want to explain myself to you, o shut up
(they all file out to the podium)
Gandhi: Brothers and Sisters of our glorious empire. We have increased our empire's strength and reach, so behold- LAHORE
920AD: Culturally acceptable
Michaelangelo: We bought Acme Inc's "Build your wonder (packed inside, just add mortar)" package, but apparently the pack also included a person, so when we built the Notre Dame in Madras , we also got-
A Hunchback: Gar!
Michaelangelo: he means he's called Quasimodo!
Michaelagnelo: He says he doesn't like this place.
Michaelangelo; I don't think I need to translate that...
940AD: A GM, for a change
Lewitt: For variety, this time, instead of someone with miner helmet, we have got someone with a camel
Gandhi: Ha! a merchant! Lewitt, send him to washington, and then when we get the dough, don''t cry over the economy
Lewitt: aye aye captain