You won't be dissapointed.
Oh, I'm enjoying it very much. This is the most humorous Civ story so far. Thanks. Be quick about the update.
Idea: Go to www.google.com and type: french military victories
Then press I'm feeling lucky then post the results here.
Funny
I'd give spoilers... but they'd spoil. It's what they do
That IS funny!Oh, I'm enjoying it very much. This is the most humorous Civ story so far. Thanks. Be quick about the update.
Idea: Go to www.google.com and type: french military victories
Then press I'm feeling lucky then post the results here.
Oh, I'm enjoying it very much. This is the most humorous Civ story so far. Thanks. Be quick about the update.
Idea: Go to www.google.com and type: french military victories
Then press I'm feeling lucky then post the results here.
Alright, guy. We need a situation report here. If we want a shot at this, we need as much information as we can gather. Does Louis have troops nearby? 
My lord, the first French wave of attack has entered our borders near Beshbalik, just north-east of Kish. It is composed of 2 Macemen, two Horse Archers, a War Elephant, a Swordsman, an Axeman and five Trebuchet. I believe his plan is to besiege Kish next turn as more of his troops make their way to our lands. 
I believe it would be wise to finally take a look at the Power Graph, my lord. I prefer looking at graphs that show our Empire under a kinder light, guy. But, fine. I guess we have no other choice, now. 
Hey! We're not the worst anymore! Affirmative, sir. You can clearly see when you started building your Aztec Invasion Force. It may be small, but it is more modern than anything else in the world. We now have Knights and Musketmen while the rest of the planet still uses Longbowmen and Horse Archers. Since Portugal, China, Mongolia and Egypt are all at war, they suffer constant casualties, keeping their numbers low. What about Willem? We've known for a while now that Willem and yourself appear to have similar philosophies. He's building Cathedrals, not troops. Still. There's a pretty big difference between France and Sumeria, here. 
May I suggest an idea, sire? Guess it couldn't hurt... If we somehow convinced Kublai Khan to close his borders to France, Louis XIV would be forced to send additional troops by sea, taking the long route along the coast. By the time his reinforcements could reach us, we can have a welcoming party ready for them. That would mean we'd only have to deal with his initial wave of attack, my lord. It's worth a try. Good idea! I'll give Kublai a call... 
Well, well, well. Why am I not surprised to hear from my weak little friend? Hey! The Power Graph says our forces are pretty much the same, now. A minor set back that will be addressed shortly.
How about you stop trading with France? I stopped trading with Egypt for you, buddy. You owe me one. That's true, but the situation isn't the same. It's not just open borders we're talking about. Louis and I have a few trades on the side as well. I can send you stuff. I'll send it for frikkin' free if you just close those borders of yours right now! I'm not Mao Zedong, Gilgamesh. I couldn't betray my friends that easily. I wouldn't do it to you, and I wouldn't do it to Louis either. He finally stopped worshipping heathen Egyptian Gods. It's a great step forwards for him. We've made great strides, diplomatically. I won't let it all go to waste. Fine! Be that way. I can see it in your beady little eyes, Kubie. Deep down, you're rooting for Louis. I'll remember this, Kublai Khan. I'll remember this. No you won't. Bye, now! Darn it! Take a look at this strategic map I made, my lord: 
Ooh! Its in color. Nice. First, enemy forces. Given the point of entry, I'm assuming Louis plans to besiege Kish next turn, using his five Trebuchets to lower the defenses. Makes sense. 
If France takes Kish, she prevents us from winning the game by cultural means, divine-leader. Makes even more sense. But Louis also has a few Horse Archers. There's a chance those troops could attempt to pillage our lands. A Warrior hanging about higher north could do the same. That Warrior had been gathering intelligence, and now that that particular mission is complete, he could go on a suicidal raiding mission. What about us? How do we defend? My lord, the longer this war lasts, the better our chances. Eridu and Uruk are able to produce new units every two turns units stronger than France's. But we need to deal with the first wave of enemy attack if we want to be ready for the next ones. At the moment, Squat the musketman is on his way to Kish, and he'll be the first one there. However, Uruk will have trained another musketman next turn, and we've already recalled the one stationed in Bad-Tibira. With three musketmen or more, and a Castle on the way, I think we'll have good chances of successfully defending Kish, should the French strike early. Are there any alternative strategies? The two Knights stationed in Lagash, Jack and John, are on their way. They are currently escorting three Trebuchets of our own to Kish. I made them end their turn one space short, however. Had they camped on our Ivory camp, French forces could try to attack them, which is not to our advantage. Here's my own idea, my lord. Trebuchets are made to be sacrificed to seriously damage enemies troops, especially stacks like the French one we're dealing with now. We could sacrifice those Trebuchets, and have our Knights and Musketmen annihilate the damaged French survivors. This will give us time to prepare for Louis' second wave of attack. Sounds good to me, we'll do that.
I have another suggestion, sire. I'm listening. If we had a war ally, Louis would be forced to keep a lot of his military at home, in order to better defend himself against possible invasion. That's a good point. But every one's already involved in wars of their own, or they're yellow, like Willem. Willem is actually orange. You know, Prince of Orange? I'm just saying nobody will join us. Not so, sire. In absolutely every single one of the BTS games we've encountered him in, we've noticed that Zara Yaqob is ALWAYS willing to war against absolutely anyone, for the right price. In this case, both the Ethiopians and the Aztecs could join our cause. Should it happen, we could even get lucky. If Zara captures any French cities, we'll be home free. If Louis grabs any Aztec or Ethiopian lands, it could lead to the foothold you wanted on the eastern continent when we capture the cities Louis captured. And even though he's a vassal, Montezuma has a great deal of troops. He could gain enough in the war to gain his independence from Zara, and become our target once more. Good point! I'm dialing as we speak! 
Hello? Zara! Buddy! How have you been? Quite well, thank you. My sisters tell me your country is presently under attack. Just goes to show you can never trust anyone, huh? I'm hoping I can trust you, actually. I notice your military is mighty and antsy for some action. France could be the target they seek. I'm listening. How about I give your backwards Civilization knowledge of Music and Compass, and you war against Louis XIV? As luck would have it, I was looking for an opportunity just like this one. Consider it done, partner! Thanks, dude! You're a life saver! 
We're the largest? Huh. Go figure. Largest army and smallest country versus us, the largest country with not so many troops. Anyhow... I want to know what happened, so let's move on. What? I'm kinda busy, here! 
Wanna trade maps? Sure, sure, whatever. Take mine, I'll take yours, let me get back to my business. China thanks you! Now that that's taken care of... What is it this time? 
Wage war on China with me, friend! But... I'm busy with a war of my own. I have, like, five units. How many do you think I'd send to China? I'd be hoping for five of them. Would that be possible? No, Joao, it wouldn't be possible. It's not even close to being realistic. Do you people ever think before you start dialing my number? Now you're making me sad. Would trading maps stamp a smile on your UFO-bearing head? No, but I'll do it anyways. See you next time, Joao!
GILGAMESH! For crying out loud, we're in the middle of a war here!! Why does every one bother me now, right when I actually have better things to do! An extremely viol- Just do whatever, buddy! Jeez! I don't even have a choice to make. Why bother me with this? Well... Just look behind you and imagine that a door is present. Close it on your way out. 
Sire... We're at war, here! What do you want? I want my war report! I just thought you wanted to know that the Great Scientist Micheal Faraday is born in Kish, and- Just send him to Lagash to build an Academy, and let me get my flippin' war report! My lord! FINALLY! Since Louis has nothing so strong as Galleons, I've sent our fleet to pillage the French coast. That's good and all, but it's not what I want to know. War report! Certainly. The French troops advanced towards Kish, just as we expected them to. They won't do any pillaging, it seems. I've ordered our Trebuchets to attack the French stack. 
As you can see for yourself, my lord. The enemy stack isn't as strong as it once was. Meanwhile, Squat the Musketman and Jack the Knight have arrived in Kish. They're not in a position to attack the enemy just yet, however. We should do that next turn. Good job, soldier!
