Girl/Dating Scenario

[capslock]

OK, here is a quick little dating scenario to discuss. It involves dating rules dealing with dating friends' exes, how long before you can, is it ever acceptable, what situations make it acceptable, etc, etc.

Your best buddy is dating a girl and falls in love with her. After about 4 months of them dating, though, she breaks it off with out much explanation. Apparantly, she just wasn't interested in him the way he was in her. He is heartbroken, seroiously hurt.

You are somewhat friendly with this girl through school and mutual friends. When you return to your old job (you've been traveling) you find she works there and you are forced to work in a somewhat social environment with her. It is clear she has a crush on you, but is holding back because she jsut dumped your buddy. She is very cute and you would date her if you could, but obviously not right now. You work with her and become friends.

Two years pass, and even though you've moved to different jobs, you remain friends with her. Then you lose touch for a year, but remember her fondly. You get the chance to see her again, 3 years after she dumped your buddy, and take it. She still has a huge crush on you and you still like her. The opportunity to hook up and date is perfect and you both want to. Your buddy, meanwhile, has gotten himself a new girlfriend (of about 5 months), but is still somewhat bitter about this girl.

What do you do? Do you date this girl or not?

 

[CaptainF]

Date the girl. If he's with a new fling of his own he can't complain.

 

[dwaxe]

3 years?

Hell yeah! I don't see any controversy after three years.

 

[Nylan]

Yeah, its been long enough. If he's still got issues then...well...he's got issues

 

[CIVPhilzilla]

If the scenario was the initial meetup shortly after the breakup I would say no, which you did do. Now that significant time has passed I see no issue.

 

[LightFang]

Date her, date her.

Be brave, capslock!

 

[Archbob]

Date her, if he has any problems, challenge him to Mortal Kombat and see who is the better man.

 

[Miles Teg]

Significant amount of time and he's moved on? Go ahead and make a move. Unless this is all a trick question and our hypothetical man is married or something

 

[Shadylookin]

I wouldn't have waited 3 seconds. A breakup means it's over I don't subscribe to the notion that you get some unspecified cooling off period

 

[Mandeville]

Try dating other chicks and enjoying your life more so you arent fixated on some stupid hoe from 3 years past.

 

[sourboy]

Talk to him about it. If he says no, tell him "hey man, it's been 3 years and you've moved on." If he stands firm, then you will be hurting your friendship by dating this girl (who screwed him over, what makes you think she'll treat you better?).

If he's reasonable and mature, there's no problem: date her.

It all comes down to being loyal or selfish, or just plain mature -- and all based on perspective.

 

[Nylan]

Talk to him about it. If he says no, tell him "hey man, it's been 3 years and you've moved on." If he stands firm, then you will be hurting your friendship by dating this girl (who screwed him over, what makes you think she'll treat you better?).

If he's reasonable and mature, there's no problem: date her.

It all comes down to being loyal or selfish, or just plain mature -- and all based on perspective.

Why does he need his friend's permission? Especially after so long? It's not like he has any rights on her life anymore, the relationship is long, long dead.

 

[sourboy]

Respect, for his friend. He has the right to date anyone he wants, but obviously certain people become "taboo" in the eyes of others. If this is a close friend, he should ask him first -- not jeopardize their friendship. If it's a casual friend, it's probably best to seek his own happiness. It really depends on this other guy, but my answer is still "respect". Respect has been lost by today's youth.

 

[G-Force Junkie]

Why does he need his friend's permission? Especially after so long? It's not like he has any rights on her life anymore, the relationship is long, long dead.

I think it's more or less a courtesy to his friend. I think that asking is optional after a year or so after the break-up. Before a year, asking is more necessary, but the necessity should be determined on whether or not they have visibly moved on.

 

[Nylan]

I think it's more or less a courtesy to his friend. I think that asking is optional after a year or so after the break-up. Before a year, asking is more necessary, but the necessity should be determined on whether or not they have visibly moved on.

Well not only has his friend moved on, but its been forever as well.

 

[G-Force Junkie]

Well not only has his friend moved on, but its been forever as well.

Well, I'd go for it in this particular situation. I was being more general.

 

[Nylan]

Well, I'd go for it in this particular situation. I was being more general.

Yes, it does make sense to have a grace period of some kind out of respect, but I think even a year is far more than enough.

 

[Ecofarm]

Don't date her. Have some nobility.


ps. Love the Palin avatar, CIVPhilzilla; it makes me horny. Did you see Katie Couric in Palin-style hair a couple months ago?

 

[CaveDweller]

Don't die wondering.

 

[Japanrocks12]

for heaven's sake, man, date her!