Help! I can't tolerate disagreements!

[Eukaryote]

I recently discovered something I don't like about myself. I have trouble tolerating my disagreements with others.

When I'm talking to others and we agree on something I think is important, part of me thinks, "Hey, this person is smart and they think I'm smart too. They understand what I'm saying and they have a firm grip on reality." On the other hand, if we disagree I part of me thinks, "This person is stupid and they think I'm stupid too. They don't understand me and just don't get reality."

Of course, I know these subconcious thoughts are BS but dissagreing with others unfourtunitly can still provoke an angry, defensive reaction in me.

So does anybody have any tips on how I could enjoy or at least tolerate disagreements better?

 

[Elrohir]

Be right all the time. That way, the only people who disagree with you will be fools, and you can just refuse to associate with them until they see the error of their ways.


Seriously, though, at least some of what you're saying is probably unavoidable. You can't always control everything you think and feel, and as long as you aren't screaming "YOU STUPID IDIOT! GO BURN IN HELL!" whenever someone disagrees with you, I wouldn't worry overmuch about it.

However, you might just try remembering that all human beings are fallible, including yourself. Maybe reflecting upon times when you were wrong, and later found that out would give you more tolerance towards people who disagree with you.

 

[Mr. Dictator]

i have the same problem at times. it's like i can't see any form of logic in some people's opinions so i don't take them seriously at all. i'm working on it, but i do believe it to be a fundamental element of opinions.

 

[bathsheba666]

Yes, you can...

 

[Gogf]

Think of disagreements as an opportunity to change people's minds.

Hint: Being rude and insulting are not convincing.

(I don't meant to say that you're either rude or insulting. My point here is to caution you against getting sucked into an argument that turns personal, which can be difficult at times.)

 

[EdwardTking]

I recently discovered something I don't like about myself. I have trouble tolerating my disagreements with others.

When I'm talking to others and we agree on something I think is important, part of me thinks, "Hey, this person is smart and they think I'm smart too. They understand what I'm saying and they have a firm grip on reality." On the other hand, if we disagree I part of me thinks, "This person is stupid and they think I'm stupid too. They don't understand me and just don't get reality."

Of course, I know these subconcious thoughts are BS but dissagreing with others unfourtunitly can still provoke an angry, defensive reaction in me.

So does anybody have any tips on how I could enjoy or at least tolerate disagreements better?

My comments are as follows:

(1) People who always agree with you are liars.

(2) If you have not already worked that out, you are not very smart.

(3) If someone disagrees with you, it could be that they are correct, and smart and you are not smart.

(4) You learn nothing from people who always agree with you.

(5) Ask the people who disagree with you; very politely; how come you believe in that; and listen, and you will likely learn something.

 

[Mango]

Form better opinions and do not make controversial statements. Also use modifiers in your speech to remove doubt. For example, instead of saying the sky is blue, say the sky is sometimes blue.

 

[Japanrocks12]

I'll tolerate your disagreement, but as long as you continue to persist with ad hominem attacks and distort the actual truth, then expect me to not hold back.

 

[EdCase]

Get over it. Rejoice in the fact that your capable of independent thinking.

The only time your going to be actually wrong is with numerical data or physical laws of the universe.
Everything else is open to interpretation. tTherefore you'll disagree with somebody sometime. Even when your two rational reasonable people.

 

[rkade8583]

I live for debate and argument, personally. I'm of the opinion that I can help these poor disillusioned people (like drugs for example) or they can give me solid helpful advice (like in relationships and losing weight)

 

[bhsup]

Be gracoius and let people wallow in their incorrect positions with a smile on your face. That's what I usually do. They're wrong, obviously, since they don't agree with me, but as long as they are content to let me be right, I really don't care.

 

[Ansar]

I disagree.

 

[Bill3000]

Think of disagreements as an opportunity to change people's minds.

That is possibly the worst advice, ever. The probability that someone is smart enough, convincing enough and polite enough to change someone else's mind, assuming the person is open minded in the first place, is roughly zero.

 

[EdCase]

That is possibly the worst advice, ever. The probability that someone is smart enough, convincing enough and polite enough to change someone else's mind, assuming the person is open minded in the first place, is roughly zero.

I disagree

Roughly zero ,as coarse a phrase as it is, still leaves a small chance, however infintesimal, of success. This makes the effort worthwhile.

See disagreements can even be fun!

 

[Eukaryote]

Be gracoius and let people wallow in their incorrect positions with a smile on your face. That's what I usually do. They're wrong, obviously, since they don't agree with me, but as long as they are content to let me be right, I really don't care.

However, you might just try remembering that all human beings are fallible, including yourself. Maybe reflecting upon times when you were wrong, and later found that out would give you more tolerance towards people who disagree with you.

I think I'll follow the wisdom of these two paragraphs. Thank you.

 

[Perfection]

I like using my superior wit to make them look foolish.

 

[The Lombard]

That's good if they're especially bloody-minded and you can't get anywhere with 'em. It's also good to do 'meatspace trolling'. Use every sly fallacy in the book until they're so frustrated they storm off and look stupid. Sophistry FTW! Since you can never be sure of any objective truth anyway, you might as well just take that ends-and-means route and 'win' by relative consensus.

So does anybody have any tips on how I could enjoy or at least tolerate disagreements better?

Remember that you can't be certain of anything. Not even uncertainty. 'Reality' is a lot less comprehensible than ya might think.

Also look into the nature of subjectivity and objectivity. It's literally nonsensical to think that someone can be wrong about something subjective, and a lot more things are subjective than people commonly think.

 

[robo-snickers]

Help! I can't tolerate disagreements!

i disagree i think you can tolerate them

 

[azzaman333]

I recently discovered something I don't like about myself. I have trouble tolerating my disagreements with others.

When I'm talking to others and we agree on something I think is important, part of me thinks, "Hey, this person is smart and they think I'm smart too. They understand what I'm saying and they have a firm grip on reality." On the other hand, if we disagree I part of me thinks, "This person is stupid and they think I'm stupid too. They don't understand me and just don't get reality."

Of course, I know these subconcious thoughts are BS but dissagreing with others unfourtunitly can still provoke an angry, defensive reaction in me.

So does anybody have any tips on how I could enjoy or at least tolerate disagreements better?

Swear at them more.

 

[Princeps]

Always agree with people. You'll have lots of friends.