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Help- I feel lost

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Yaniv, Dec 23, 2005.

  1. Yaniv

    Yaniv Prince

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2002
    Messages:
    528
    Location:
    Alone, in my room
    Hello everyone.
    I turn to you in the forums here with a problem I have because I feel as if I have nowhere else to turn to.
    Here is my story:
    At the age of 6 me and my family had to move to the US because my father received an offer from his job. As it is easy to imagine, getting used to a new country as a child is not easy, especially when I have never spoken a word in English before. Eventually though I learned the language and managed to fit in slightly.
    When I was 12, my parents decided it was time to go back to my home country.
    This is where most of my problems had begun.
    I never managed to fit into the scociety due to the cultural difference that I obtained while in the US. Fights to defend myself were quite common.

    I am now 22 and I go to college. I have 0 friends in life- the only friend I had abandoned me about a year ago, I was to boring for him I guess. It's also pointless to mention that no girl has ever looked at me before.

    I rarely talk to my family because my Dad was never thrilled coming back.
    While he does love his children, his ambition for money was more important to him than the happiness of us.

    I play computer games such as CIV in order to fill the social hole in my life. This is why I ask this in the forums here, as I am a computer junkie myself, and this is the place I can relate to the most (although I know that the moderators do not always allow these threads).

    New Years is coming up, and so is my birthday- you can just guess what my plans are...

    I feel completely lost and I do not see things getting better anytime soon.
    Any advice as to how to help this truly lost soul would be higly appreciated.
    Thank you for reading what I had to say...
     
  2. eyrei

    eyrei Deity Retired Moderator

    Joined:
    Nov 1, 2001
    Messages:
    9,162
    Location:
    Cary, NC USA
    Go to a bar, have enough beer that you feel a little tipsy, and then start talking to the people around you...it may not solve your problem, but it is good practice for making friends. And if you make a fool out of yourself, first, noone is likely to notice since people do that regularly at bars, and second, making a fool out of yourself is a good way to meet people. ;)
     
  3. Stylesjl

    Stylesjl SOS Brigade Member

    Joined:
    Apr 30, 2005
    Messages:
    3,698
    Location:
    Australia
    First off- Don't kill yourself!

    Okay i was probaly overreacting but theres the warning anyway :rolleyes:

    Anyway it sounds like you probaly need to really find a hobby or something good to do. Playing civ is a good start, but maybe something that really will spice up your life
     
  4. North King

    North King blech

    Joined:
    Jan 2, 2004
    Messages:
    18,145
    Your home country... which is it... and how fluent are you in its language? I mean, I'd imagine by now you're doing fairly well communication-wise.

    So I haven't exactly been down the same beaten path as you have, I've been on my own rough one, and I've been in the area where I have no friends at all. Well, my advice is to be nice in general to the people you see in real life. Make conversation as best you can, and slowly try to make friends.

    It won't happen overnight--and most of the people who will "make friends" overnight probably won't really be real friends. Just try to be a nice guy in general, don't let life get you down. Life is what it is, so let it come to you, and do not get depressed.

    And most of all, cliche as it is, treat other people as friends yet to be made, do not refuse conversation. If you project the aura of a truly nice person, and if you eventually become that, not only will you become more at peace internally, but you will also gain friends.
     
  5. mrtn

    mrtn Shaven not stirred

    Joined:
    Mar 26, 2002
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    8,635
    Location:
    Stockholm
    Oh, that doesn't sound too funny... :(
    Is there any hobby you could start with? Maybe wargaming or something like that? Do you like any special music? It's easier to be a "social outcast" in a group, become a punk or goth or something. ;)
     
  6. El_Machinae

    El_Machinae Colour vision since 2018 Retired Moderator

    Joined:
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    There's nothing wrong with internet friends. Look around - there are 200 people here who like computer games too. Any forum is full of people who share interests with you. One of my best friends married a guy she met online (in a forum, actually), and they're doing very well
     
  7. Rik Meleet

    Rik Meleet Top predator Retired Moderator

    Joined:
    Apr 11, 2003
    Messages:
    11,980
    Location:
    Nijmegen Netherlands
    You are 22, the fights should be over, I suppose. So it's your loneliness we have to overcome.
    Go out to bars or other places. Because you are different than the other 22 year olds; you are interesting. Use your "differentness" to your advantage. And don't be afraid to fail. See it as a pleasure with a possible -not certain!!! - positive outcome. And if it doesn't happen; it will happen the next time. Just try to enjoy yourself is a good start.
     
  8. Kan' Sharuminar

    Kan' Sharuminar Fluffy

    Joined:
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    10,243
    Location:
    Aberdeen, Scotland
    Someone I know has a much lesser version of your problem. Namely he's stuck here away from his own city to do university. Trouble is, he can't meet any potential friends as he only needs to do the exams, not the actual going to class. So he has no friends here already, and he hasn't got the potential to meet new people.

    His solution was to find other places to meet folk. He goes to gym every other day and got a part-time job. I imagine it's helping, as through him we have a mini pre-Christmas gathering set up tommomow, and myself and other collegue are going with him to the cinema later in the week.

    Generally, I think my advice was to find some activities that force you with others, but at the very least internet forums have got me through some lonely nights.

    Is a very good point.
     
  9. AceChilla

    AceChilla Goedheiligman

    Joined:
    Dec 29, 2003
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    2,333
    Location:
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    Go play some team sports
     
  10. Sophie 378

    Sophie 378 Avvie by ybbor

    Joined:
    Apr 27, 2005
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    Location:
    bham.ac.uk #FIFTYCHAT >#civfanatics
    Been there, done that, bought the Tshirt.... I was home educated until age 10 and we keep moving house - it's been really hard even learning how to attempt to make friends let alone make and keep them. I really feel for you. Suggestions (yeah, I know it's a cliche, but it's helped me): is there anything you (used to or currently) enjoy doing, or that you think sounds interesting and you'd like to try? See if you can find a society or club locally about it. Singing? Reading? Kitesurfing? Cutting down trees to save the world (conservation volunteers)? Cycling? Team sports are a great way of meeting people ± making friends, societies are pretty darn good too. Volunteering is pretty good too, especially if there are schemes whereby you can get your expenses paid and a pretty certificate too. :)rolleyes: how wonderful, I can put it in my CV.) Universities are full of daft societies whose main aim is to have a drink and a laugh, as far as I can see; many also let non-students join.
     
  11. Swiss Bezerker

    Swiss Bezerker Emperor

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    Location:
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    well at least it could be worse: you are in a horrible social possition but at least ure in college.
    Also, no one knows u so have a fresh start to develop social skills and although that isnt the easiest thing to do, ule learn from it
     
  12. JohnRM

    JohnRM Don't make me destroy you

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    Volunteer for some kind of charity organization, get a job doing something that makes a difference in people's lives, or go back to school for something. Don't listen to these morons that tell you to go to a bar and get drunk.
     
  13. sourboy

    sourboy Awakening...

    Joined:
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    Bars are an option, but alcohol can encourage you to sink deeper. I would recommend social hobbies. I myself have decided to learn to skate, and joined a beginner hockey club. There's guys from teens to fifties, fat guys, gay guys, girls, asian guys, computer nerds, hippies, etc. We all just want to play hockey, and so we've all found a way to bridge social gaps and are starting to get to know each other. You should do the same. Learn guitar and answer an ad to jam with others in your area. Musicians are weird normally anyway, so if you are not socially adept, you've got an excuse. Just take a chance. you've got nothing else to lose at this point anyway, no?
     
  14. Archbob

    Archbob Ancient CFC Guardian

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    Find a hobby. Try tennis or something, great friends to find when you get a hobby. Your not going to find too many friends playing Civ all day.
     
  15. vbraun

    vbraun Raytracing

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    I reccommend something more then a hobby. Become absolutly dedicated to something.
     
  16. Fox Mccloud

    Fox Mccloud Deity

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    Yaniv,

    The only frinends I have are my family and my dogs, and I'm happy with playing with my dogs. :) I recommend you get a dog, and you will have the greatest friend you can have. :)

    Or, of course, make friends online, at these forums. What country are you from, by the way?
     
  17. Archbob

    Archbob Ancient CFC Guardian

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    Friends online are not real friends. I think you have to actually meet someone to have a "real" friend.
     
  18. homeyg

    homeyg Deity

    Joined:
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    I too have basically no friends. It may be because I'm too damn quiet or anti-social to make any really good friends. Everyone at my school is an a**hole who likes to go out and get drunk every weekend (which I don't wanna do) and I haven't had a girl look at me (like you said) in forever. I guess you could say I'm a loser, but one thing that keeps me from being a total loser is that I play football for my school. But that is worthless because I'm endlessly put down by the people on the football team. Now that I look at it, I guess I am a total loser. So, in conclusion, I have no help for you except that you now most likely see that you're probably not the only one with 0 friends.
     
  19. Archbob

    Archbob Ancient CFC Guardian

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    Dang, is it a trend that Civers are people with no friends?

    Thankfully that is not the case with me. Just try to be more social and optimistic. There will be people who like you. Don't worry about the girl thing too much, make some friends first.
     
  20. Kyriakos

    Kyriakos Alien spiral maker

    Joined:
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    One thing not to do is to find company with which you are not at all happy with, and then stick with it due to insecurities. This can easily destroy any person.
     

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