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His Finest Several Hundred Hours: A LoR story, starring Winston Churchill and his advisors

Discussion in 'Civ4 - Stories & Tales' started by 6K Man, Dec 5, 2017.

  1. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    <a faint buzzing noise is heard. Winston Churchill opens his eyes.>

    What is this place? Reminds me of a time in Bechuanaland...



    You're not in Bechuanaland. You're leading England in her darkest hour.

    It's her darkest hour, already?

    Afraid so.

    But we don't have any cities yet?

    No. Or electricity. Hence, "darkest"

    Right. Let's get on that. Who are you, anyway?

    *clears throat* Nancy Witcher Langhorne Astor, the Viscountess Astor. I shall be your domestic, economic, cultural and science advisor. You may address me as Lady Astor, or Milady or Ma'am if you prefer.

    Quite so. But did you not say, Mrs. Astor, that I am leading England? And if you must insist on formal titles, kindly refer to me as Sir Winston Leonard Spencer-Churchill, KG, OM, CH, TD, PCc, DL, FRS, RA. A considerably longer title than yours, what?

    Lady Astor (LA): *grumbles* Very well, we shall proceed on an informal basis. Our scouts have prepared a map for your review, to aid in choosing a location upon which to found London.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill (C): Great Scott! What a location!

    Lady Astor: Yes, it seems this is what is called a cooked start, Winston.

    Churchill: Splendid!

    Lady Astor: Before you get too excited, Winston, bear in mind that if the start wasn't cooked, England wouldn't stand a chance.

    Churchill: Oh. *beat* So, we're surrounded by lush, fertile land. Any suggestions as to where we should build our first settlement?

    Lady Astor: I recommend that we build on top of this barren, rocky hill, Winston.

    Churchill: You're kidding, right?

    Lady Astor: *eyeroll* No. You'll see why, later.

    Churchill: Very well, harridan.

    <London is founded>

    Churchill: Now, I must speak with our military. You there, soldier!


    Who are you?

    Soldier: I'm Monty, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: Monty?!!? I was warned about you, off camera... and told that I would recognize you by the ridiculous hat. And that you show off your nipples. You Mesoamerican chaps have a thing for nipples, I gather.

    Monty: *looking down* My nipples are under my uniform. And this hat is called a beret.

    Churchill: A beraaaaayyyyy? Are you French?

    Monty: No, Sir Winston. I am Monty, your military advisor, field commander, and aficionado of marching.

    Churchill: Not Monty as in Montezuma, then?

    Monty: No, Sir Winston. My full name is Field Marshal Bernard Law Montgomery, The Viscount Montgomery of Alamein, KG, GCB, DSO, PC, DL.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Ugh, another title. Monty it is, then. This might get confusing.

    Monty: Your orders, sir?

    Churchill: Go exploring.

    Monty: Right-o.

    Churchill: Since we can't farm rocks, we'll need to find some way to feed the English people, and "Rock and chips" doesn't seem too appetizing. Let's see about improving those Fish-

    Greetings, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: And who might you be?

    Your Minister of Production, Prime Minister.

    Churchill: Prime Minister? Simmer down, we can't even call this a proper Monarchy yet. What are your qualifications?

    I overhauled your war production in a time of crisis. Don't you remember, Sir Winston?

    Churchill: Sounds a lot like you're talking about events that haven't happened yet. Very well, time-traveling Minister of Production, what other qualifications do you have? What does publishing have to do with production?

    I invented the Page 3 Girl, and tranformed that invention into a pornographic publishing empire.

    Churchill: The what, and a whaaaa? Paper and Printing Press won't be discovered for another 4000 years or so, you know. So what should I call you?

    Lord Beaverbook, at your service, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: Great. This thread will be closed before it gets started. *sighs* Could you build some fishing boats, as I was trying to say two puns ago. And maybe a mine on the hill by that river?
  2. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Lady Astor: Winston, as head of government, you must decide what our learned men should... learn.

    Churchill: Ah-ah-ah. Not so fast., heiress harridan. If we don't choose a tech to research for 5 turns, we can avoid wasting beakers on something we subsequently find in a hut.

    Lady Astor: Fine. I'm sure you know what you're doing.

    Churchill: Good. Next, our reconnaissance. Field Marshal!

    Monty: We'll shatter the Boche. Shatter the Boche!

    Churchill: Um, it's just a tribal village. What did our scouts find there? Besides some Picts, I guess?

    Monty: Oh. This.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Excellent work. See, I told you that not choosing a research topic in the first turn would pay off!

    Lady Astor: Winston, I recommend building Stonehenge, once we have improved the land around London.

    Churchill: Why would we do that? Stonehenge is overrated, isn't it? Nasty Priest GPP, and all that.

    Lady Astor: My Domestic Advisor senses tell me that this is a VERY large world we live on, and Stonehenge will save England from having to build dozens of stone pillars in all our cities.

    Churchill: Um.

    Lady Astor: To expand English culture, of course. And make the English people happier; your inexplicably charismatic nature is enhanced by the presence of stone pillars.

    Churchill: Right.

    Lady Astor: And as you've noticed, London is exceedingly productive, due to having all that Stone to mine under the city's foundations. Perfect for building a large Henge out of.

    Churchill: Alright, you've convinced me. Although we won't get any Stone bonuses until we learn Masonry.

    Lady Astor: Given my antipathy to Catholics https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nancy_Astor,_Viscountess_Astor#Religious_views, I recommend learning Mason-

    Churchill: Thank you, Lady Windbag. Monty!

    Monty: Yes, Sir Winston?

    Churchill: Found anything?

    Monty: Yes, we founded York. And some tribesmen gave us a map.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Nice of them. Go find out what those other tribal villages have for us. I hope they're Picts.
  3. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Churchill: Lord Beaverbook?

    Lord Beaverbook: Yes, Prime Minister?

    Churchill: Stop calling me that.

    Lord Beaverbook: Would you prefer "Backwards Despot"?

    Churchill: Just tell me what London and York are building, please.

    Lord Beaverbook: Work boats, to harvest the local Fish and Crabs, respectively.

    Churchill: Thanks. Now go away. Field Marshal! What did those Pictish hut-dwellers give us?

    Monty: More wisdom, Sir Winston.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Hoody-hoo, another free tech! Man, this game is going to be easy. Go meet those other tribespersons, Monty.

    Lady Astor: Winston.

    Churchill: What?

    Lady Astor: Why are we researching Polytheism?

    Churchill: We're not. We're not researching anything until 5 turns have passed, and then we'll...

    Lady Astor: You forgot to pick a tech last turn, didn't you?

    Churchill: No, you forgot to remind me!

    Lady Astor: *sighs* I had hoped that you would research Masonry, to speed along Stonehenge. We can live on seafood for a while, but you could have also started research on Agriculture, so that we could improve the feral Corn outside of York.

    Churchill: Fine, we're rearching Masonry now.

    Monty: Sir Winston, our intrepid explorers have uncovered the secrets of

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Well done, Field Marshal! You see, Lady Astor, that your concerns were baseless. Here we have Agriculture, making good the lost time spent researching Polytheism.

    And you thought this game would be hard!

    Lady Astor: I confess to being surprised by your hut luck, Winston. You haven't been reloading, have you?

    Churchill: Of course not, I would never!

    Lady Astor: You certainly would and have. But not this time.

    Churchill: This game's gonna be easy! Field Marshal! What was in that last tribal village? Astronomy?

    Monty: Another map, Sir Winston.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Say, that looks like an island, doesn't it?

    Lady Astor: If it is, it makes the Great Lighthouse something to consider building, if we can put a city there.

    Churchill: I'll take your word for it. Now might be a good time to bring up a map of the rest of the world.

    Spoiler :

    Lord Beaverbook: Sir?

    Churchill: Yes, Lord Beaverbook?

    Lord Beaverbook: We've completed a second Gold mine near London.

    Churchill: Excellent. Now go tame that feral Corn!
  4. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Lady Astor: Winston?

    Churchill: Lady Virago?

    Lady Astor: Your scouts have uncovered the makings of a lovely city site north of London...

    Churchill: Great!

    Lady Astor: ...but haven't bothered exploring the environs.

    Churchill: I'll have Monty look at them. Field Marshal!

    Monty: Now who's giving the orders here, Sir Winston?

    Churchill: Me.

    Lady Astor: Him, officially.

    Churchill: Me. Anyway, keep exploring. You've done much more for our scientific advancement than Lord Beaverbook. Where is that old pervert, anyway?

    Lord Beaverbook: At this stage of the game I'm a young pervert. And we still haven't discovered Paper or a Dye resource. My best days are ahead of me, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: Fine. What good are you, then?

    Lord Beaverbook: London has built a Fishing Boat. I recommend we send it to harvest the Fish southwest of London. They'll take longer to develop, but will do a better job of feeding a growing city than the Crabs would.

    Churchill: Yes, and "Crab and Chips" doesn't sound appetizing.


    Stop sneaking up on me in that ridiculous hat, Monty!

    Monty: We've made contact with another tribal village, Sir Winston.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Another bloody map. At least I can see more tribal settlements; go explore those.

    Lord Beaverbook: We've successfully caught some Fish, Sir Winston. I recommend putting the citizens of London to work on harvesting the Fish, even if the Mines go unworked. Otherwise, the city will never grow.

    Churchill: Fine. Arrange the workers as you wish and stop bothering me about them every turn!

    Lord Beaverbook: Very well, Sir Winston. But don't blame me when London grows and starts working an unimproved Floodplain instead of the Gold mine.

    Monty: We entered another tribal village, and rifled through the villagers' purses when they weren't looking

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: At least it wasn't another bloody map. Look, keep exploring, but only tell me if we find something interesting, like a tech or a horde of Welsh barbarians.

    Lady Astor: Winston?

    Churchill: Yes?

    Lady Astor: The Buddhist religion has been founded.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Huh? Where?

    Lady Astor: In a distant land.

    Churchill: How do you know that?

    Lady Astor: If you keep asking me those questions, we'll never get anywhere.

    Churchill: Fine. Praise Buddha, wherever the hell he is.

    Monty: Sir Winston?

    Churchill: Mmmmmhmmm?

    Monty: Our Scouts each found a pack of hungry Lions.

    Churchill: Pride. What did the Lions teach us?

    Monty: To end our movement on a forest or hill. One Scout is Lion chow and the other is gravely wounded.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: So we won't be exploring any more for a while?

    Monty: Quite so. And especially not to the North. Never fear, we'll shatter the Boche!

    Churchill: Uh, sure. Someone give me some good news?

    Lady Astor: We have finally learned Masonry, Winston.

    Churchill: Where's the screenshot? How do I know it happened without a screenshot?

    Lady Astor: I don't do screenshots. Isn't photography the province of your production advisor, Lord Smutpeddler-or-whatever-he's-called? Anyway, Winston, I recommend that we research Animal Husbandry, in order to have the opportunity to herd the Pigs near York. And possibly find horses to draw our gilded carriages.

    Lord Beaverbook: I recommend that Lady Astor keep a civil tongue in her head, or my tabloids will not treat her well, 4000 years from now. I also recommend we research Bronze Working now, in order that we might work our populace to death and destroy the natural features of our land, in order to build things faster.

    Churchill: Spoken like a true plutocrat, Lord B! And we don't even have an inkling of Corporation yet.

    Lord Beaverbook: Thank you, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: But I'm going to go with Lady Astor's advice instead. Lord Beaverbook, are you sulking?

    Lord Beaverbook: No.... Yes. I recommend we build Stonehenge in London.

    Churchill: Wouldn't it be better in York? York has population to burn, err, whip. And York could also use a Culture source other than a single giant stone pillar.

    Lord Beaverbook: True. But we don't know how to turn people into buildings yet, and York has no source of production.

    Churchill: Fine. Make it so, London shall be the home of a giant magic circle of stones.
  5. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    (Churchill spends a few turns relaxing, contemplating his masterful management of the English economy, when a shadow darkens his door. It is Lady Astor.)

    Churchill: Something tells me you aren't here with compliments.

    Lady Astor: Your workers are idle, Winston. *shakes head sadly* This is poor planning on your part.

    Churchill: Poor planning? Poor planning? We have Gold Mines in London, Farms near York, and our fishermen bring home a bounty of Fish and Crab at the end of each day. Our production is just too efficient!

    Lady Astor: You and Lord Beaverbook might believe that, but I know differently. I recommend we research the Wheel, after we learn Animal Husbandry. That will give our workers something to do, in building a road connection between York and London to facilitate trade. It will also allow London to get the benefit of York's Wheat and Pigs. The floodplains around London are filthy - some proper nutrition would make the citizens of London healthier.

    Churchill: Makes sense, unless we have no horses. Then it's Bronze Working all the way.

    Monty: Huzzah! And incidentally, Sir Winston, Lion Chow has now recovered from his injuries.

    Churchill: Marvellous! Let him continue to exploit the backward natives he encounters! We are the English, after all.

    (some time passes)

    Lady Astor: Winston? My learned folk have discovered Animal Husbandry. I recommend we study the Wheel.

    Churchill: No screenshot?

    Lady Astor: No. Everybody reading this has seen the tech splash screens a thousand times.

    Churchill: *sighs* Well, we don't have any Horses, so we're not learning the Wheel. Bronze Working it is.

    Lady Astor: Assuming we even find Copper, you'll still need roads to hook it up.

    Churchill: Fine. Go away.

    (more time passes)

    Monty: The pagan tribes have provided another map of the overseas lands

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Interesting, but unless the two landmasses get closer together in the south, we won't be visiting anytime soon.

    Lord Beaverbook: And our small-i industrious workers have produced a great Wonder that tracks the movement of the stars and reveals the size of the earth!

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: What do the stars tell us, Lord Beaverbook?

    Lord Beaverbook: Very little. When do we invent magazines?

    Churchill: Wait. What's THAT??

    Spoiler :

    Just how big is this bloody map, anyway?

    Lady Astor: I warned you this wouldn't be easy, didn't I?

    Churchill: It's still gonna be easy. Monty?

    Monty: Our Warrior has found Copper NW of London. I recommend that our Settlers found a city there, Sir Winston, so we can build better units than Warriors.

    Churchill: When did we build a Warrior, anyway?

    Lord Beaverbook: Sometime after you told me to stop bothering you with details.

    Lady Astor: I agree with General-

    Monty: Field Marshal.

    Lady Astor: -Montgomery. With only Warriors to defend with, our lands are vulnerable to the first barbarian unit that happens upon us. Settling near Copper would allow us to build Axemen-

    Monty: Who would actually stand a chance against a barbarian excursion.

    Churchill: But the barbarians are our friends! They taught us Sailing, Agriculture and Mysticism, and gave us all those semi-useless maps. Surely you aren't referring to the large Bear that keeps us from exploring east of York? I'm sorry, my mind is made up. We're going to settle that sweet Corn-Rice-Gems site instead!

    All: Don't blame me when England falls to a single barbarian axeman.

    (time passes)

    Lady Astor: Winston?

    Churchill: What now?

    Lady Astor: We've revolted to Slavery. You were waiting to do so after our Settlers were built, but you forgot.

    Churchill: *sighs* Yes. But at least the city hasn't been founded yet.

    Lady Astor: No. Which reminds me, we found a colony of Crabs near the Copper deposits, which would feed a new city there nic-

    Churchill: Stop haranguing me about settling near the Copper! Every Civ4 story has to have irrational decisions that almost spell disaster in it.

    Lady Astor: Very well, you're still the boss, until your head ends up on a barbarian pike. Although you should probably build Nottingham on the Grass hill SE of the spot you had planned for it.

    Churchill: Er, yes, that would probably be better.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Marvelous! Those Gems will boost our happiness and keep our Research rate high.

    Lady Astor: So you say.

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: So I do. Say, Monty, who's that Blue guy down there? Gilgamesh?

    Monty: We'll know next turn, Sir Winston.

    Spoiler :

    CDG: Greetings, English Pigdogs!

    Churchill: Charles! My old friend, brother in arms against the German hordes! So great to see you! So, shall we b-<dial tone>

    He hung up on me?!

    Lady Astor: Winston, De Gaulle doesn't like you very much.

    Churchill: But I thought we could be friends? He'd pretend to field an army against the Germans, and I'd pretend to give him a say on strategy. I <phone rings>

    CDG: Gimme Crab!

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: (aside to Lady Astor, sotto voce) He's demanding Crab! The nerve!

    Lady Astor: (sotto voce) Winston, I recommend giving it to him. It's not as if he can build anything with Crabs, and it might make him like us better. Besides, giving people Crabs runs in your family. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lord_Randolph_Churchill#Marriage

    Churchill: I'll ignore that comment for now. Fine, give the French Crabs!

    Lady Astor: And you can always cancel the offer in 10 turns.

    Churchill: Like we'll remember that.

    Lady Astor: Also, we just discovered Seafaring. And no, nobody cares about the screenshot.
  6. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Churchill: Monty, could we get a look at all those maps Lion Chow and his friends have been collecting instead of useful things like money?

    Monty: Absolutely, Sir Winston:

    Spoiler :

    Churchill: Waitaminute… De Gaulle isn’t even on our landmass? He’s on an island?! We should have ignored his empty threats and kept our Crabs!

    Lady Astor: Yes, Winston, it seems we are on an island, all to ourselves. Very fitting…

    Churchill: Splendid isolation!

    Lady Astor: …although it’s quite likely that De Gaulle will be able to settle the isthmus across the water from him, long before we can expand that far.

    Churchill: Well, we’ll have to start calling him Norman De Gaulle, then. I’m still mad that we gave him Crabs when he’d have no military recourse if we had refused.

    Lady Astor: If nothing else, it’ll make him happier with us, in case we want to open borders with him someday. But there’s something else to the north that you should be aware of…

    Churchill: The island?

    Lady Astor: It might not be an island, which would make the Great Lighthouse less desirable. Perhaps we should recruit more Scouts, so we can explore north of Nott and make certain?

    Churchill: I’ll have Monty get right on that.
  7. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Monty: I can report that the mysterious land across the water north of London, is definitely an island. Or another continent.

    Churchill: And how can you be sure?

    Monty: Look closely.

    Churchill: Well, blimey. Good eye, Field Marshal.

    Lord Beaverbook: We have built another Worker in York, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: Start building-

    Monty: Lion Chow has met some more tribesmen, Sir Winston

    Churchill: If these tribesmen know about iron mongery, why are they living in grass huts in the forest? Carry on, Field Marshal. Well, Lady Astor, have our so-called Scientizers-

    Lady Astor: Scientists.

    Churchill: -learned anything that can compare with Iron Working?

    Lady Astor: Just Writing.

    Churchill: Oh, marvelous!

    Lord Beaverbook: Now we can build Libraries, Sir Winston. I recommend putting one in London as soon as possible. And York.

    Churchill: Not until we build Granaries, Lighthouses, and more Settlers. Lady Astor, have your learned folk work on an Alphabet. Not much use in writing without one. We<brrrrrring>

    De Gaulle: Allo, allo? C'est moi, your bon ami, Charles De Gaulle.

    (De Gaulle wipes what appears to be melted butter off his fingers with a napkin. In the background, two trays full of empty crab shells are visible. Churchill seethes)

    Churchill: The damned cheek of the man!

    Lady Astor: Yes, Winston, but we must make allowances for the French, who will still be annoying us several thousand years from now. I recommend that we accept the Open Borders request. The French are far enough away that they won't gain much from it, and it can do nothing but improve our relations.

    Monty: Until we meet their enemies.

    Lady Astor: True.

    Churchill: And besides, we have so much land to expand to, the French can't possibly beat us to the good locations.

    Lady Astor: Just remember, Winston, that everyone else probably has a similar amount of territory to expand to. And so far, we haven't expanded very much.

    Churchill: Fine. De Gaulle, you may have your Open Borders. But there's one more thing.

    De Gaulle: Quoi?

    Churchill: No more Crab for you!

    <dial tone>

    Churchill: I won't lie, that felt good.

    Lady Astor: And we finally built Hastings, in a location that will allow us to mine Copper for better weapons. That should make General-

    Monty: Field Marshal.

    Lady Astor: -Montgomery happy.

    Monty: Quite so, Sir Winston. We must have a firm base before we can launch military operations against the French. Or against anyone other than the Bear east of York.

    Churchill: Splendid!

    Monty: However, it is my sad duty to inform you that the intrepid Scout, Lion Chow, has fallen victim to a Lion attack.

    Churchill: Another bloody Lion? I thought our Scouts were trained to defeat animal attacks. I - (Churchill stops speaking as he realizes everyone else is observing a moment of silence, and belatedly doffs his bowler)
  8. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Churchill: So now, we can no longer explore.

    Lady Astor: Yes, although our island was already explored.

    Monty: Sir Winston, we should build some ships to explore the French coast.

    Lady Astor: Libraries are a bigger priority, Winston.

    Monty: And Axemen, once we connect that Copper resources.

    Lady Astor: Oh, definitely.

    Churchill: Lord Beaverbook? Why is our production lagging our needs?

    Lord Beaverbook: You wasted a turn of production revolting to Slavery some time ago, but haven't rushed any production. That's why.

    Churchill: Oh. Well, get on that.

    (A Granary is whipped in York for 2 population. London finishes its Lighthouse and starts a Library)

    Churchill: Much better!

    Lady Astor: I recommend that we build a Library in York, Winston. We have enough happiness resources to grow our cities and work multiple specialists while growing.

    Monty: May I remind you, Sir Winston, that our army consists of three warriors in the field and a garrison in each city.

    Churchill: But we still don't have Copper.

    Monty: We would , if you had built Nottingham by the Copper instead of chasing Gems we don't need yet.

    Churchill: Water under the bridge. Build that Library in York, and a Granary in Nott.

    Monty: <grumbles> Don't come crying to me when that Barbarian near Nott bypasses our Warrior, Ironsides, and starts pillaging.

    (some time passes)

    Lord Beaverbook: We have Copper now, and Gems, Sir Winston.

    Lady Astor: De Gaulle has Copper too, Winston.

    Lord Beaverbook: And our population has slaved over the Library construction in York and London, completing both buildings early.

    Churchill: Great! I'm sure they have a profound sense of satisfaction, wherever their spirits are now. Start an Axeman in London.

    All: Finally!

    Churchill: And... the Great Wall in York.

    Lady Astor: Winston, we don't need the Great Wall. We have just connected Copper, which will solve any barbarian problems. The bottlenecks on our continent will make fogbusting relatively easy. And there are no AIs nearby who could invade us.

    Churchill: Yes, but we have Stone, and it's there. Build it anyway.

    Lady Astor: For the fail gold?

    Churchill: Um...sure?

    Lady Astor: <rolls eyes> It seems like now would be a good time to do some planning, instead of whatever you've been doing for the last two thousand years. Here's our standing among the world's nations.

    Despite our wealth and production, we lag other nations in military strength, and have very little land.

    Churchill: If we have only met De Gaulle, how do we know we are ninth in military power?

    Lady Astor: If you can suspend your disbelief for instantaneous communications with De Gaulle, why not for this?

    Churchill: Well put.

    Lady Astor: The point is, we have two large, productive cities, but only four in total, and De Gaulle has three on his own. Now, observe this map. General?

    Monty: That's Field Marshal! Sir Winston, I have already pointed out that our field army consists only of three Warriors...

    Churchill: Which I note you have named Dill, Brookie, and Ironside.

    Monty: Quite so. But beyond that, we have ascertained that we are on an island, but have done nothing to explore the surrounding lands, and locate our enemies.

    Churchill: What about friends?

    Monty: I doubt we will have any, since you can't even get along with De Gaulle.

    Churchill: At least the technology screen looks good. Right?

    Lady Astor: Yes. That's something you're doing right. Of course, your start position was 2 Gold on a river, so at this point it would have been hard for you to mess that up.

    Churchill: Ugh. If you were my wife, I'd drink your coffee.

    Lady Astor:
  9. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Churchill: So things are good, but not great. Any recommendations?

    Monty: I suggest that you build Axemen to drive off the barbarians lurking at our borders. And some ships with which to scout.

    Churchill: We're getting to that, when we see the whites of their beady little barbarian eyes. What about production?

    Lord Beaverbook: Might I suggest that we work our citizens a little harder? Not necessarily to the death, oh no. But, we do have a lot of them. And not many trees. And a lot of water tiles we'll never work.

    Churchill: Good plan, might as well get a head start on genocide. Lady Astor?

    Lady Astor: I know very well, Winston, that you'll try to build every wonder in the game.

    Churchill: Not Chichen Itza!

    Lady Astor: I'm not sure anyone considers that a wonder. At any rate, I recommend that you build The Great Lighthouse instead of the Pyramids.

    Churchill: Why can't we have both?

    Lady Astor: Because we've done very little to colonize the island we are on, and our enemies are outstripping us in size. We need new cities more than we need extra Wonders.

    Lord Beaverbook: OutSTRIPPING. Heh. <sniggers>

    Lady Astor: (Ignoring LB) We will likely have many coastal cities that would benefit from the Lighthouse. There's a nearby island we could colonize, for massive trade route bonuses. And as for the Pyramids, we have little need for the happiness bonuses from Representation, due to the number of luxuries we can produce. The bonus science would be nice, but not essential, especially considering that only York would really benefit.

    Churchill: So, Lighthouse first, then Pyramids?

    Lady Astor: No. And once we finish Currency, we should work towards Mathematics and Metal Casting, which will improve the productivity of our cities.

    Churchill: And their few remaining trees. Very well. We'll build Axemen for defense, Settlers for expansion, Triremes for exploration, the Great Lighthouse, and keep our research levels up.

    Monty: May I remind you, Sir Winston, that barbarian Warriors are threatening both York and Nottingham. As our Nottingham sentry is about to be outflanked, I'm moving him back across the river, so if he should fall in battle, Nott's garrison can avenge him.

    Churchill: Make it so!

    Monty: Warrior Dill has defeated the barbarians, Sir Winston. But there's another problem. Due to our lack of mobile defenders, a barbarian will occupy the Elephant herds east of York next turn, and our military cannot prevent that.

    Churchill: We'll kill him later, and rebuild the Camp with the Workers that Lady Astor doesn't think are working enough!!

    Lady Astor: You're forgetting that if the Camp is occupied and pillaged, all our cities will be less happy, and York will lose 1/3 of its production capacity. Those elephants were vital to cart stone to the wall construction site, apparently.

    Churchill: Crap, you're right. What can we do?

    Lady Astor: We must spur the labourers on to greater efforts, so that the Wall is finished immediately. That will expel the barbarians from our lands and prevent the Camp from being pillaged.

    Churchill: How can a wall expel Warriors who are already past it?

    Lady Astor: (sighs) They're claustrophobic barbarians, okay?

    Churchill: Makes total sense. Do it!

    Lord Beaverbook: When a problem comes along... :band:

    Churchill: No Ivory for you!
  10. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Lady Astor: Now that The Wall is finished, I recommend we slow-build a Settler in York to give its citizens time to recover from Lord Beaverbook's new wave concert. York can support Scientists, too.

    Churchill: Fine.

    (time passes)

    Lord Beaverbook: We have completed an Axeman in Nottingham and a Settler in London. As suggested, we're building a Trireme in Nott and another Axe in London.

    Monty: We'll need at least one of our Axemen to escort Settlers, as there are barbarian Archers about. And I'm sending our Nottingham Warrior north to explore, with the Axe serving as garrison.

    Churchill: Sounds great. Don't let him get eaten by a Lion, though.

    Lord Beaverbook: I know you want another Settler in York, but I recommend against further rushing due to lingering unhappiness there.

    Lady Astor: And we want to let those Science specialists continue their work. Perhaps one of them can found an Academy in another 15 turns or so?

    Churchill: I don't know, Lady Astor. I favour a settled Spy. Some Eric Ambler type, perhaps. Or Len Deighton. At least he could cook.

    Lady Astor: With just De Gaulle as a neighbour, all those Espionage points would be wasted.

    (a few turns pass. Churchill re-reads The 39 Steps, finds it anticlimactic)

    Monty: Our Axeman has killed a barbarian Warrior!

    Churchill: Is that all? Where are our new cities?

    Lady Astor: Our Settler and his escort are still marching to the Pig/Fish/Rice/Dye location SE of York. Settlers are terribly slow in LoR.

    Churchill: Right.

    (More marching)

    Lady Astor: We have discovered Currency, Winston. And we've started Mathematics, which will boost production from what few trees we have. And not incidentally, get us closer to Civil Service.

    Churchill: That's what we need, a new class of professional government advisors. Couldn't agree more. Carry on!

    Lady Astor: And our scientists have made a breakthrough on Mathematics!

    Churchill: Marvelous!

    Lady Astor: If our tax coffers weren't empty, it could have been even better.

    Churchill: Dammit!

    Lord Beaverbook: The Settler production in Nottingham has been accelerated with wood from the formerly forested hill SE of the city.

    Churchill: (sighs) Let me guess...

    Lord Beaverbook: Had you waited a few more turns, we would have received extra production upon learning Mathematics.

    Churchill: Right. Thanks for telling me that now, instead of last turn.
  11. Tasunke

    Tasunke Crazy Horse

    Mar 20, 2009
    the 1800s
    Cool story so far! :) .... what mod are you using? ( and what map? ;) )
  12. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Thanks! :)

    It's LoR (with revolutions turned off, so it plays a lot like BtS but with add-on units, DCM mod, super Spies, etc), playing on the Smart Map script... with map size override at 140x140 (I think...). Barbarian Civs are on, so all that empty space should fill up fast.

    Hoping to keep the updates coming every day or 3.
  13. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida

    Monty: Our Warrior from Nott has defeated the Great Beast Of The Wastelands that guards the Northwest Passage.

    Churchill: That sounds like a dramatic way of saying that our Warrior beat a Lion, but nonetheless! We can now clearly see a narrow strait between our lands and the isle to the north. Carry on.

    (time passes)

    Lord Beaverbook: A party of Settlers is preparing to depart from York, Sir Winston. We're now building a Spearman to guard against the appearance of Nomads.

    Monty: Since we are already seeing Barbarian Archers, Nomads are a possibility.

    Churchill: Very well.

    Lady Astor: We have founded Canterbury, across the bight from York.

    Churchill: The bight?

    Lady Astor: A curve or bend in a coastline.

    Monty: And Brookie has defeated a Barbarian Archer!

    Churchill: Dear Brookie! He's now Woodsman II, correct?

    Monty: Yes. We'll try to get him to Woodsman III, when he can serve as a healer.

    Lord Beaverbook: And another Settler caravan will be leaving Nott.

    Churchill: Build a Trireme, to explore that northern landmass! Curious, I thought we needed Metal Casting for those.

    Monty: Not in this mod, Sir Winston. That will make exploring easier, as Barbarian Galleys should be a disadvantage against our armored Trireme.

    Lady Astor: Of course, we'll still need a Galley to transport Settlers to the land across the water, should we find hospitable lands.

    Churchill: Perhaps we should have built that first.

    Lady Astor: Probably, but you, as you keep telling us, are the Dictator. In other news, we have discovered Mathematics. I recommend we research Metal Casting. Since we have few trees left, Forges will boost production, and they'll also add 2 happiness to each city.

    Churchill: Makes sense. That Great Lighthouse is making me nervous, with how long it is taking to build.

    Lady Astor: And now we have founded Coventry.

    Churchill: Great!

    Lady Astor: Unfortunately, we're unable to access the site east of Nottingham, due to the presence of barbarian Archers and Warriors in the area.

    Monty: Perhaps we should use our Axemen to escort Settlers past the barbarian Archers, instead of having them garrison GW-protected cities and using Warriors for escort duty?

    Churchill: Sarcasm doesn't become you, Monty. Can we try to sneak a Settler through? Otherwise, FINE, send an Axe north.

    Churchill: We're #2! We're #2! :dance:

    Lord Beaverbook: We built a Trireme! We built a Trireme!

    Churchill: Yes, in Nottingham. Now build a Library..

    Lord Beaverbook: More importantly, by working the non-union artisans to death, we can finish the Great Lighthouse next turn.

    Lady Astor: I recommend that course of action, Winston. Some of those unfortunate citizens are already unhappy.

    Churchill: If they're unhappy now, wait'll they see what's in store for them. Make it so.

    Churchill: That's a terrible screenshot. Never mind - make an Axeman in London, to succor that wandering Settler east of Nottingham.

    Lady Astor: And our researches in York have paid off, in the form of a Great Scientist:

    Churchill: Choo choo! Have him found an Academy in London.

    Lady Astor: Good decision. But, Winston, I have more dire news.

    Churchill: (groans) What now?

    Lady Astor: Look at this table:

    As you can see, the Great Lighthouse gives us many trade routes. But most of them are very poor, and the only lucrative routes are to France.

    Churchill: Yes, that's disappointing.

    Lady Astor: We must find more cities to trade with, or failing that, place a city or two on other landmasses. This will make our overseas trade revenue skyrocket.

    Churchill: For a second there, I thought you were going to suggest tax cuts.
  14. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Lady Astor: We have built an Academy in London.

    Lord Beaverbook: And a Lighthouse has been rushed in Hastings.

    Churchill: Jolly good.

    (time passes)

    Monty: We have founded...

    Churchill: Well done at sneaking our Settler in and avoiding the barbarians.

    Monty: I would rather have Axemen than kudos, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: As soon as there's someone worth attacking, we'll have Axemen. Or better yet, Swordsmen.

    Lady Astor: With Ivory available, War Elephants and Catapults seem like the best option. When we get around to learning Construction and Horse Riding. Speaking of learning, Confucianism has been founded-

    Churchill: Let me guess: "-In a distant land"? How do we know these things if we have no contact with these imagainary "distant lands"?

    Lady Astor: I'm your domestic, economic, cultural and science advisor, Winston. You'll have to come up with your own narrative tricks. But what Confucianism tells us is that someone out there knows Code of Laws...

    Churchill: Mmmmhmmm...

    Lady Astor: And it's not the French, because they don't know Writing yet.

    Churchill: Still, it's disconcerting that someone else knows several techs that we don't.

    Lady Astor: I told you that this might not be easy.

    Churchill: If this was easy, it wouldn't be my finest hour....s.

    (Time passes as things are being built)

    Churchill: Can we build the Pyramids?

    All: No!

    <a ringing noise is heard>

    De Gaulle: Allo, Allo?

    Churchill: Bonjour, mon bon ami Charles! Comment ca va?

    De Gaulle: Gimme Writing.

    Churchill: (aside) Can you believe this frickin' guy?

    Lady Astor: (aside) As annoying as the French are, we can safely give Writing to De Gaulle. He's backwards, hasn't met anyone else, and if he can build Libraries he might actually become someone to trade techs with.

    Churchill: (aside) How do we know he hasn't met anyone else?

    Lady Astor: (aside) An educated guess, based on his espionage points all being allocated at us.

    Churchill: (Aside, gritting teeth) Argh, FINE. (To De Gaulle) Here, take Writing, you illiterate cur-

    De Gaulle: Pardon?

    Churchill: Please enjoy the science of Writing, your Illustrious Colonel...ship.

    De Gaulle: Ahh... this universal translator, c'est merde. Bonsoir, English! <dial tone>

    Churchill: (throws phone across the room) Tell me some good news, Lady Astor.

    Lady Astor: While you were talking with the French, we built an Axeman in London and a Workboat in Coventry. Those cities are now building a Settler and a Trireme, respectively.

    Churchill: Finally, we can figure out what the French are hiding across the water!

    Lord Beaverbook: Sir Winston, we have just learned Metal Casting. I recommend that we build Forges in London, York, and Nottingham. All 3 cities could benefit from a production enhancement.

    Lady Astor: And on top of that, Forges would make 2 additional citizens happy, allowing these cities to grow. York could even work an Engineer specialist.

    Churchill: I can't think of a good reason that a Forge would make anyone happy... but, fine. Sure.

    Lady Astor: And I recommend we now research our way to Literature, which will allow us to build the Great Library. And THAT will provide us with the chance to develop more Great Scientists.

    Churchill: I bet you're wishing we had built the Pyramids now, for the 6-beaker Scientists. Very well.

    (time passes)

    Monty: Sir Winston, our northern Trireme has sent back reports of the lands across the water.

    Churchill: That's... that's some nice land.

    Monty: Finally, a target for our soon-to-be-invincible armies!
  15. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Monty: So... where's my invincible army?

    Churchill: All in good time, my dear Gen.. Field Marshal. Is anything going on?

    Lady Astor: We rushed a Granary in Coventry and finished a Trireme in Hastings. Those cities are now building a Trireme and a Spearman, respectively.

    Churchill: This is awfully slow. Whose idea was it to play Epic speed, anyway?

    All: Yours!

    Churchill: Can we at least do some trading with the French?

    Lady Astor: The French offer no resources, and with only 40 gold in their coffers, they're too poor to trade with. And the techs they do know, they aren't willing to trade. That's another indication that they may not know anyone else, by the way.

    Churchill: (sighs) Fine.

    Lord Beaverbook: We have completed a Settler in London, and are now building a Forge there.

    Lady Astor: I recommend that we place the Settler on the land Kassite is on... with a suitable garrison. If you ever get around to building a Galley, of course.

    Monty: Don't listen to her, Sir Winston. We should settle the Horse location east of York.

    Churchill: Really? This location?

    Lady Astor: That's a terrible location.

    Lord Beaverbook: It really is, and I know nothing about urban planning.

    Lady Astor: That location offers no bonus trade routes from the Great Lighthouse, has no natural food source, and the best food it could get would be to share a Grassland Cow, but with no fresh water. Either way, it's surrounded by brown tiles.

    Monty: But, Sir Winston... consider the troops of Horse that could be built! And of course, the Legio X...

    Churchill: Ummm. A 3 move Blitz unit in the Classical period... I do like that.

    Lady Astor: It's a terrible city!

    Churchill: My mind is made up; I'm going to ignore all of you and settle that sweet Double Wheat/Corn/Clam location to the southeast. I'm still the Dictator here!

    (time passes)

    Lady Astor: We have learned Aesthetics, and are now studying Literature. And Nottingham has begun a Forge, having completed a Worker.

    Churchill: Capital!

    Monty: And Brookie has defeated a barbarian Warrior; he is now 7 xp.

    Churchill: One more victory and we have our healer.

    (more time passes)

    Lord Beaverbook: York has built a Settler, and begun a Forge. I'll let you know when any of London, York, and Nott are in a position to rush the forges without losing any *cough* important elements of the population.

    Monty: And one of our Axemen has defeated a barbarian Archer east of Warwick.

    Churchill: Which Axeman?

    Monty: One we haven't named yet.
  16. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Lady Astor: We have discovered Literature, Winston. I recommend we learn-

    Churchill: Music!

    Lady Astor: -Civil Service, to make our Capital more productive. And eventually, to build Heavy Footmen.

    Monty: Or Construction, for Catapults and later War Elephants!

    Churchill: But Music comes with a free Great Artist, which we could use to start a Golden Age... and THEN we could switch to Bureaucracy after we learn Civil Service. My mind is made up, Music it shall be.

    Lady Astor: (rolls eyes) You're still the boss. In other news, 300 Spartans have been trained, and Nabu-Rimmanni has been born.

    Churchill: Rimmanni?

    Lady Astor: I wouldn't have picked that name, either.

    Churchill: Did either of these things happen in France?

    Lady Astor: No. Both took place in a far away land. In fact, they might have happened in two different far away lands, for all we know.

    Churchill: This "global news system" is surprisingly slipshod, when it comes to important details like that. Anyway. What else happened?

    Lord Beaverbook: Having rushed a Granary in Warwick, the city is now building a Lighthouse.

    Churchill: Is "rushed" code for "worked some people to death", Lord B?

    Lord Beaverbook: Much in the same way that "Adult Entertainment" is code for *****, ****, ***, ****, ****, *********** and ***********, yes.

    Churchill: If you were trying to get me to give up cigars... that might do it.

    Lady Astor: In less I'll-never-use-a-bathroom-you've-been-in news, we have founded Newcastle.

    Churchill: Splendid! We have far more cities than the French have, now.

    Lord Beaverbook: And we have *cough*rushed*cough* our first Forge, in Nottingham. We're now building a Galley there.

    Lady Astor: At some point, we will need that Galley to either land troops at Kassite, or Settlers to found a city west of there.

    Churchill: True.

    Lord Beaverbook: Our production continues to accelerate, with a Granary in Canterbury, and a Forge built on the blood of the huddled masses in London.

    Churchill: Gruesome. How about keeping the production updates limited to interesting things, like Wonders and such?

    Lady Astor: The less we hear from the Smutlord, the better. Winston, the Oracle has been built in another, or possibly the same, far away land.

    Churchill: I suppose that's not indicative of much, other than someone besides De Gaulle knowing Priesthood.

    (time passes)

    Monty: Our exploring Trireme has found a hut to the north. This suggests that there are no civilized people there, or the hut would have been tipped by now.

    Lord Beaverbook: And if I may say so, Sir Winston, we have finished a Forge in London, and a Trireme in Coventry.

    Churchill: That is momentous news, as London can now grow to size 12. Start a Market, to take advantage of our criminally high tax rates.

    Lady Astor: Winston, I recommend that we build Parthenon in Coventry.

    Churchill: Why?

    Lady Astor: Coventry is production-rich, but will never grow much due to a chronic food shortage. If we build the Parthenon there, we can abandon production and collect gold by auctioning off genuine ParthenonTM pieces.

    Churchill: Like most of this game, nothing makes sense. But sure. Maybe we'll even finish it and encourage more exceptional people to live here.

    Lady Astor: Speaking of which, Adam Smith has been born in London.

    Churchill: Adam Smith? I was hoping for a Scientist, expecting a Priest... I have no idea what to do with him. Park him in London until we find someone worth sending a trade mission to.
  17. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Monty: The Unknown Axeman has killed a barbarian Warrior, and he is now 4 xp.

    Churchill: Another potential healer; excellent.

    Lord Beaverbook: And we have completed a Settler in Hastings. Hastings is now building a Forge.

    Monty: Sir Winston, you have left Canterbury unprotected. I recommend we build a garrison unit.

    Lady Astor: Yes, Winston. Even though we have the Great Wall, an Axeman in Canterbury would limit local unhappiness.

    Churchill: Fine. After we finish the Lighthouse there.

    (time passes)

    Lady Astor: Lord Pervybooks has worked the citizens of York to death in order to produce a Forge. I recommend that we build the Great Library there, Winston. With the Forge, we can run an Engineer to boost production, and grow onto the Plains Forests for extra hammers.

    Churchill: Makes sense, considering York has been running specialists already.

    Lady Astor: And we have founded Oxford.

    There are lots of good city sites around there, Winston. I recommend we beat the French to them.

    (more time passes)

    Churchill: Nothing happening?

    Lady Astor: Nothing happening in England, but De Gaulle has now installed a Hereditary system of Rule. That means he knows Monarchy.

    Churchill: Isn't that cute. Let's give him a call.

    <a ringing sound is heard>

    De Gaulle: Bonjour, English Pigdogs! What do you want?

    Churchill: How about your Deer in exchange for our Crab?

    De Gaulle: Very well <dial tone>

    Lady Astor: Why did you do that?

    Churchill: We had extra Crab, and no Deer.

    Lady Astor: But we don't need any extra health from Deer. And I doubt that an equal trade, like this one, will boost De Gaulle's esteem for us.

    Churchill: At least I'll have the pleasure of ripping up this trade deal in 10 turns, anyway. Monty!

    Monty: Yes, Sir Winston?

    Churchill: What's that Axeman-

    Monty: Jeff Beck.

    Churchill: What's Jeff Beck doing with that Archer? Why doesn't he attack?

    Monty: Because the Archer is accompanied by a barbarian Warrior, and that Warrior might kill Jeff Beck if the Archer wounds him in battle.

    Churchill: I seem to recall you pulling this trick at Alamein, 2600 years from now. You have your orders; attack!

    Monty: Very well. Jeff Beck has defeated the Archer. But he's wounded, and the barbarian Warrior may attack next turn.

    Churchill: Pft. I like the odds of an Axeman and his +100% versus melee against a Warrior. Lady Astor, you wanted to say something?

    Lady Astor: Just that we have learned Music, and Jane Austen has been born in London.

    Churchill: Wonderful!

    Lady Astor: Given that we don't have Monarchy, and we do have Sugar, Dye, and eventually Silk, I recommend we research Calendar, to unlock the happiness from these resources.

    Churchill: Maybe you could get Ms. Austen to teach you about sentence construction. Nonetheless, I approve this course of action.
  18. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Monty: As I feared, Jeff Beck has fallen to the Barbarian! Don't say I didn't warn you.

    Churchill: You warned me, but I figured you were just being overcautious. Do better next time!

    Lady Astor: Michael Lomonsov has been born in a far away land.

    Churchill: Never heard of him. And I probably never will again.

    Monty: We have received word from our southern explorers, mapping the French lands.

    Churchill: And?

    Monty: It's rather bleak land, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: Ah HA HA HA ha ha! Oh, my stars, you speak the truth, Field Marshal! Tundra, Plains, and just a Deer for food in Paris! I almost feel sorry for poor old Charlie.

    Lady Astor: I wouldn't laugh too hard, Winston. We are far ahead of France, but that might be due more to their poor circumstances than to any exceptional efforts by England.


    Monty: In any event, Sir Winston, I must report that the French have now started to encroach on our island.


    All: Are you going to issue orders, or just communicate in internet memes?

    Churchill: I'm sorry, I was too busy laughing at De Gaulle to respond.

    Lady Astor: If you're quite done, you should switch production in London to a Settler, until the last of London's Lord Beaverbook-related unhappiness fades in 2 turns. Then you can complete the Market in London.

    Churchill: Makes sense.

    Lord Beaverbook: We have a Lighthouse in Canterbury, and are now working on a Forge.

    Churchill: Axeman.

    Lord Beaverbook: Or an Axeman.

    (time passes)

    Lady Astor: The Temple of Artemis has been built-

    Churchill: In Nottingham?

    Lady Astor: No. We weren't building it.

    Churchill: In France, so I can send Adam Smith there on a trade mission?

    Lady Astor: No. In an undetermined far away land.

    Churchill: I'm beginning to believe that lands other than England and France are a myth.
  19. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Lady Astor: We have switched production back to a Market in London, now that the population there has forgotten about their neighbours that Lord Beaverbook worked to death.

    Churchill: I'm glad someone remembered to do that.

    Lord Beaverbook: And we have finished another Worker in Nottingham, Sir Winston. I must report that we now have 9 cities and only 10 Workers, Sir Winston; not enough, in my estimation.

    Churchill: I'd like to help you, Lord B, but we need troops for our coming northern Settlements, first. And speaking of which...

    Churchill: Trade routes!

    Lady Astor: Yes, Winston. But Liverpool would have been more useful if it had been founded 4 centuries ago. When we found the other French cities, we began trading with them, lessening the need for Liverpool routes.

    Churchill: Do you ever have any positive analysis to offer?

    Lady Astor: Well, we have researched Calendar, and are now learning Civil Service. Calendar resources and Bureaucracy will together allow London to grow into a great economic powerhouse. How's that?

    Lord Beaverbook: But if you want those Calendar resources connected, we'll need more Workers, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: You both suck.

    (time passes)

    Monty: Our naval scouts have located a French settling party, about to depart Lyons by sea. Intelligence suggests that they will attempt a landing on our island

    Churchill: Repel them!

    Monty: We cannot, because you haven't built an army yet. Pretty soon, they'll be calling you 'the Great Appeaser", Sir Winston.

    Churchill: <seethes> We must step up production! What news from our sweatshops, Lord Beaverbook?

    Lord Beaverbook: Hastings has built a Forge, and London has built a Market.

    Churchill: Build Workers and Settlers. Troops will have to wait; we have to claim more land!

    Monty: So you have said... repeatedly.

    Lady Astor: The Great Library has been built in York, Winston.

    Churchill: Marvelous! More Scientizers for the greater glory of England.

    Lady Astor: Scientists.

    Churchill: Them too. What else?

    Lady Astor: A miraculous event has occurred in Liverpool

    Churchill: Meh. I guess if nothing else, Liverpool can harvest those Pigs sooner.

    Lady Astor: And someone named Al-Khwanzmi has been born in a country we haven't visited.

    Churchill: Lots of people are born every day. "A single birth is a miracle, a million births is a statistic", as someone I know once said.

    Lady Astor: You're imagining the future again, Winston. Al-Khwanzmi is a Great Person, born in some other empire.

    Churchill: Fine. This is still going to be easy. What have we produced this turn, Lord Beaverbook?

    Lord Beaverbook: A Settler in London, a Swordsman in Nottingham, and a Barracks in Warwick.

    Churchill: Great. Send the Settler down towards Oxford, to grab the good land there before the French get it.

    Monty: Our exploring Trireme has encountered another nation!

    Churchill, Monty, Beaverbook: (in unison) Whoa.

    Lord Beaverbook: I'm going to expand my first newspaper from two pages to three, just for her.
  20. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

    Jul 17, 2007
    in a Gadda Da Vida
    Lady Astor: After you close your mouth and wipe the drool off your chin, Winston, you should consider trading techs with Dido.

    Churchill: Capital idea. What do you say, Dido?

    Dido: I'd rather you gave them to me for free, but, very well.

    Lady Astor: (aside) A good trade, considering we have nearly finished the Parthenon with our knowledge of Aesthetics, and if Dido builds it, we can collect fail gold.

    Churchill: Ummmm... sure?

    Dido: How about some closer relations, Winnie?

    Churchill: I don't like being called that, but sure, whatever you say, Dido! I'd love to get to know you better.

    Lady Astor: (rolling eyes) You should note that because of her willingness to trade, Dido likely knows other civilizations. She has not yet met the French, oddly.

    Churchill: Lucky Dido.

    Dido: (impatiently) So, are we done here?

    Churchill: Yes, I think so. Goodbye, my new best friend, Di-<dial tone>

    Monty: I like her.

    Lord Beaverbook: As do I.

    Lady Astor:

    Can we get back to business now? Winston, we have completed a Sugar plantation. That will allow London, York and Nottingham to continue growing. And Isaac Newton has been born in York.

    Churchill: Sorry, what was that? I was just thinking of a really cool thing I could have said to Dido, back when we were talking.

    Lady Astor: Isaac Newton.

    Churchill: Have him build an Academy in Nottingham.

    Lady Astor: Nobody builds Academies outside their capital, Winston.

    Churchill: I'm not nobody, I'm Winston Churchill!

    Lady Astor: So you say. While you weren't looking, we traded a supply of Wheat to the French for 2 gold per turn.

    Churchill: Sounds fair. Lord Beaverbook, what have we been building?

    Lord Beaverbook: Workers in Nottingham and Canterbury, and an Academy in Nottingham.

    And for some reason, the Parthenon in Coventry

    Churchill: Shhhh!

    Lady Astor: That was supposed to be fail gold!

    Churchill: Snitches get stitches, Lord B. Ahem, Monty? What are our armies, navies, and scouts up to?

    Monty: Our scouts inform us that the French continue to settle colonies on our island:

    Churchill: Perfidious! Send a Settler down right away to settle the Whale spot north of the new French settlement.

    Monty: It's on its way.

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