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His Finest Several Hundred Hours: A LoR story, starring Winston Churchill and his advisors

Discussion in 'Civ4 - Stories & Tales' started by 6K Man, Dec 5, 2017.

  1. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    updates may be (further) delayed while I recover from something called "Golfers Elbow", which makes using a mouse painful. No civ for at least a week! :sad:
     
  2. DKVM

    DKVM Joker

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    Your nightmares
    Ouch, best of luck recovering.
     
  3. A.Caesar

    A.Caesar Chieftain

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    Funny so far, best of luck.
     
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  4. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Saladin: Hello, infidel Churchill. It has been a while.

    Churchil: Not long enough. What do you want, besides all the Viking lands?

    Saladin: Philosophy?

    Churchill: Sure, why not.
    Spoiler :




    <Saladin leaves>

    Churchill: If he can make life difficult for Gustav Adolf, so much the better.

    Lady Astor: Agreed. Do you want to know what happened while you were away?

    Churchill: Nothing good, I'll bet.

    Lady Astor: A Great Artist was born in Celtia...

    Churchill: Sinead? Bono? These guys?
    Spoiler :




    Lady Astor: Nobody you had heard of. And Dido founded another city.

    Churchill: Confound that woman!

    <phone rings>

    Lady Astor: I'll get it. Hello?

    Dido: (purring) Hello, Lady Astor of England. Are you jealous of my huge....
    ... tracts of land?

    Lady Astor: Yes, that's all Winston and the others talk about. What do you want?

    Dido: Would you like to trade maps?

    Lady Astor: No.

    Dido: Would you like to sell us your maps?
    Spoiler :




    Lady Astor: Not at that price. Goodbye, vaguely foreign-looking strumpet!

    <dial tone>

    Lord Beaverbook: (sniffs) I would have talked with her if you wanted. I suppose now is a good time to tell you that Oxford University has been completed in London.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Huzzah! What do we win?

    Lord Beaverbook: Win?

    Churchill: Isn't there a quest in this game where you get a reward when you build a Wonder in the city it's real-life equivalent is in?

    Lord Beaverbook: Sadly, no. Which is why I suggest we use IKB to rush the Statue of Liberty in... Oxford.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Do it. Any other news?

    Lady Astor: Our population exceeds 50 million persons.

    Churchill: Huzzah!

    Lady Astor: And Tokugawa-

    Churchill: Tojo.

    Lasy Astor: -has adopted Mercantilism.

    Churchill: Figures. General Montgomery and Admiral Nelson, report!

    Nelson: The Jolly Walter has sunk another Viking Trireme. But more importantly, the Japanese are pursuing our ships into San Francisco Bay. A battle between the Japanese and an American squadron appears imminent.
    Spoiler :





    Monty: Our Hussars are attacking the inconveniently situated barbarian city of Jute.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Do we have a Colonist ready to resettle those lands?

    Monty: No. But we will soon.

    Lady Astor: And Wang Kon phoned. Since he's inconsequential, I see no reason not to trade him Rice for 2g/turn.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Fine. It'll annoy Stalin, but he has been no help against the Japanese or the Germans, anyway.

    Nelson: Prime Minister, our Frigates have engaged the Japanese in the seas offshore of Plus Lake!
    Spoiler :





    Churchill: And?

    Nelson: (somewhat crestfallen) HMS Agamemmnon sank the Galleas Satsuma, but HMS Artemis was lost.

    Lady Astor: Galleases are +50% vs Frigates, Winston.

    Churchill: Seems we will need first-raters in the war versus Japan, or Ironclads. Is there better news out there?

    Lady Astor: The Irish have destroyed Byzantium.

    Churchill: Were we friends with Justinian? I can't remember.

    Lady Astor: And we founded Winchester.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Take that, Dido!

    Nelson: Prime Minister, I report that our American allies have fought an inconclusive skirmish in San Francisco Bay:
    Spoiler :




    Our scouts located the Japanese survivors, but they are still too strong to safely attack. And HMS Agamemmnon is retreating for repairs.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: (exasperated) Are there no Cradocks in our officer corps? I need to make a call.

    <dials>

    Logan: Hello?

    Churchill: Hello, funny looking heathen! Would you like to learn Guilds for 80g?

    Logan: Yes please!

    Churchill: Fine, goodbye!

    <hangs up>

    Churchill: That'll keep Stalin occupied with him a while longer.
     
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  5. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Lady Astor: Winston, we have learned Biology.

    Churchill: Finally, our stagnant cities can grow again! York hasn't been able to run many specialists of late.

    Lady Astor: And now we should research...?

    Churchill: Gas Turbine.

    Lady Astor: Not Corporation, which India and Carthage can both learn?

    Monty: Not Rifling, to gain an advantage in firepower for our expeditionary forces?

    Churchill: No, neither. We don't want to obsolete the Great Lighthouse, on which our empire's prosperity is built. And surely, General Montgomery, we should build more Redcoats, which can be upgraded into Pinch Riflemen in future?

    Lord Beaverbook: (sniggering) Yeah, Shirley.

    Lady Astor: (sighing) In other news, Ho and Boudica each founded new cities. Ho also captured the last Egyptian stronghold; Hatshepsut is reported missing.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: That's a picture of the ocean. Although Hatty is little, so I suppose I can see how one could lose track of her.

    Lady Astor: Stalin asked us to go to war with the Iroquois. We declined.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Stalin won't help us; we won't help him. Simple. Admiral Nelson?

    Nelson: Our Scouting Force has retreated to San Francisco harbour in the face of superior forces.
    Spoiler :




    <CHURCHILL sighs, deeply>

    Monty: An overview of the Viking continent seems to be called for at this point.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Those Clams, Sugar, and Silk would be nice to have, after Gustav and Saladin bleed each other to death.

    Lord Beaverbook: I can report that London has reached its maximum size.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: I can just picture what that commute is like. Lady Astor, any developments?

    Lady Astor: Mao has founded another city. And we met this heathen:
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Ugh, another one? Can he even speak?

    Lady Astor: Well enough to solicit a gift of Civil Service. The Mayans can be another thorn in the Vikings' side.

    Churchill: Makes sense. Lord Beaverbook, what was that weird beam of light shooting out of Oxford?

    Lord Beaverbook: Sir Winston, we have completed the Statue of Liberty!
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Splendid! I'm sure Franklin won't mind, considering that there can't be much liberty in New York with the Japanese on their doorstep.

    Nelson: The Irish seem to have grown tired of the privateering in their waters; they are pursuing the Jolly George with malicious intent
    Spoiler :




    In addition, our Scouting Force is now calling for assistance in the face of overwhelming odds
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: So send more ships!

    Monty: We continue to maintain a defense force off the shores of our northern colonies, and these ships are also needed to defend the force of transports which will move our northern expeditionary force to aid the Americans. None of these ships can be spared!

    Nelson: After the failure of the army to be prepared for the last Japanese invasion, and with China's navy unaccounted for, our ships must guard our shores, Sir Winston. In any event, our Frigates were overmatched by Japan's Galleases.

    Churchill: So bring up the cruiser squadron that is patrolling near Richmond! If we cannot win control of the seas off Japan, we cannot aid America.

    Lady Astor: Speaking of which, Roosevelt just canceled the deal we had for his Wine.

    Churchill: No more 2-buck Chuck? Let me make some calls...

    <dials>

    Gandhi: Earth provides enough to satisfy every man's needs, but not every man's greed. Greetings, Churchill the Oppressor.

    Churchill: Yes, about that. Would you give us some money?
    Spoiler :




    Gandhi: Nope.

    Churchill: You're a lousy colony, India. <hangs up>

    <redials>

    Boudica: Hello?

    Churchill: Ah, Boudi! How's my little Irish colleen?

    Boudica: What do you want, Winston?

    Churchill: Your Wine for our Fish?
    Spoiler :




    Lord Beaverbook: (interjecting) Irish wine is a step down from even American wine, Sir Winston!

    Boudica: (ignoring him) Sure. Anything else?

    Lord Beaverbook: How about we give you our Banana every turn, and you pay us for the privilege?
    Spoiler :




    Boudica: You've got a deal. In fact, in the picture above, I am literally throwing money at you.

    Churchill: It'll have to do.

    <hangs up>

    Lady Astor: That was a nice piece of negotiation, Lord Beaverbook's clumsy innuendo's notwithstanding.

    Lord Beaverbook: Over and over again. Every turn.

    Lady Astor: Ew.

    Churchill: If you thought that was nice, check this out.

    <dials>

    Stalin: Здравствуйте, Churchill! What can you do for the Motherland today?

    Churchill: Yes, about that: We're canceling that Clams for 10g/turn deal.

    Stalin: Capitalist oppressor!

    Churchill: Goodbye until you have more cash flow, Uncle Joe! <hangs up>

    <dials>

    Gandhi: Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. Hello again, Winston Churchill.

    Churchill: Hello, Mo. Would it be harmonious to offer you Clams in exchange for 22g/turn?
    Spoiler :




    Gandhi: It is health that is real wealth, and not pieces of gold or silver.

    Churchill: You said that already.

    Gandhi: So I did.

    Churchill: I'll take that as a yes. Goodbye, Mohandas!

    <hangs up>

    Churchill: Poor fellow; he's always wearing the same suit as the Roman chap. I almost feel guilty exploiting him.

    <CHURCHILL, LADY ASTOR, and LORD BEAVERBOOK all laugh>
     
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  6. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Nelson: Our entirely unaffiliated Privateers, the Jolly Walter and Jolly Arthur, continue to sink Viking Triremes.
    Spoiler :





    Churchill: How odd. Perhaps we should issue a travel advisory for Scandinavia! Lady Astor, any diplomatic news?

    Lady Astor: Julius Ca-

    Churchill: Mussolini.

    Lady Astor: -esar has founded another city.

    Churchill: These Italians aren't as lazy as I was led to believe they were.

    Lord Beaverbook: Coventry has completed a Fireworks Festival.

    Churchill: A what? No picture?

    Lord Beaverbook: Just ones of Dido at the beach.

    Churchill: (sighs) OK. What does it do?

    Lord Beaverbook: It makes people happy.

    Churchill: ...even after the show is over?

    Lord Beaverbook: Yes.

    Churchill: This makes no sense. (turning away) Admiral! Report!

    Nelson: The Jolly George has sunk an Irish Caravel, Prime Minister.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: (shakes head) Oh, those pirates. Someone should put a stop to them, I'm sure.

    Nelson: Indeed. And per your instructions, the HMS Good Hope and HMS Monmouth are proceeding east towards Japanese waters.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: This seems ominous for some reason, but never mind. General Montgomery?

    Monty: The English army awaits the opportunity to engage the Japanese in battle, Sir Winston. In the meantime, we, and our audience, can review these maps of our neighbours to the east, the Carthagines, Ro- ...er, Italians, and Irish.
    Spoiler :





    Churchill: Fine work, General. I find the Italian expansionism worrying, though, particularly their proximity to Blackpool and Gibraltar.

    Montgomery: A force is at sea to secure Blackpool and subdue the barbarian settlement of Burgundian to its north.

    Churchill: And someone should stitch together all these maps and colour the English lands pink!

    Montgomery: I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that, Sir Winston.

    Nelson: Prime Minister, the Jolly Arthur continues to cull the Viking Trireme presence on their coastline.
    Spoiler :




    And there are unconfirmed reports of the Jolly George sinking another Irish Caravel.

    Churchill: Unconfirmed?

    Nelson: Someone forgot to take a screenshot.

    Churchill: Ah.

    Nelson, Monty: The British Expeditionary force has embarked off Carlisle!
    Spoiler :




    Nelson: The Navy will do its duty in delivering the army to the aid of our American friends, after which the army must rise to the occasion.

    Monty: (darkly) The Army will do its duty, if the navy can get us there in one piece.

    Churchill: Very good, gentlemen. Have we any current intelligence of the enemy and allied dispositions?

    Lady Astor: Of course we do. The Japanese are threatening Boston with an impractically mixed stack
    Spoiler :




    And it would seem that Roosevelt has more than sufficient forces to hold the city:
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Indeed he does! I wonder that America continues to lose this war, with an army this size. Of course, the English gift of Musket technology would have stiffened their resistance.

    Roosevelt: (yelling, from a great distance) It's not as if you've done anything else to help!
     
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  7. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Lady Astor: Commerce continues amid the drumbeat of war, Winston. Boudica founded a city, and I negotiated a Dye trade to Russia for 11g:
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: I'm impressed that you made Stalin blush, Lady Astor.

    <Lord Beaverbook giggles>

    Lady Astor: (impassively) And we refused a gift of Guilds to the Vikings.

    Churchill: Well done; no need to give them a technological advantage over the Arabs and Mayans. General Montgomery, shall we continue the overview of foreign lands?

    Monty: Yes. This is the Hong Kong territory, and Russian lands to the west:
    Spoiler :





    Churchill: Have we made any progress in reinforcing the colony?

    Monty: Yes, Sir Winston. A convoy bearing Workers and several military units arrived this turn.
    Spoiler :




    We will, at the least, connect the three cities for mutual defensive assistance. For now, the Vietnamese cities to the north have small garrisons only, but that may change, of course.

    Nelson: With the Navy focused on the Japanese threat, we will be hard pressed to further reinforce the Hong Kong colonies.

    Churchill: If we improve the hills around The Mumbles - seriously, what does that name even mean? - the colony will be able to produce its own defensive militia.

    <The telephone rings>

    Churchill: England speaking.

    Caesar: Hello, Winston of England! Would you teach us Democracy?

    Churchill: Democracy? DEMOCRACY?? It's too late for that, Mussolini! Where was Democracy in Abyssinia? And in Spain?

    Caesar: ??
    Spoiler :




    <Churchill slams down phone>

    Lady Astor: That was intemperate, Winston. And by the way, we have discovered Gas Turbine. If you are done frothing at the mouth, would you care to offer a suggestion for our next tech?

    Churchill: (breathing hard) Electricity.

    Lady Astor: Very well. In case you were growing fond of Gustav-

    Churchill: I wasn't.

    Lady Astor: Good plan. Our military intelligence shows powerful Mayan and Arab forces arrayed against the Vikings.
    Spoiler :





    Monty: Their armies are obsolete, Sir Winston, but there are a lot of them. I recommend we reinforce our Falkland colony N of the Viking territories, now that Hong Kong has a garrison worthy of the name.

    Churchill: That's probably a good idea.

    Lady Astor: In other diplomatic news, we declined Vietnam's request to go to war against Mali, and renegotiated our Deer trade with them.
    Spoiler :






    Churchill: I love that beaten-down expression on Ho's face in the last image.

    Lady Astor: He's already annoyed with us, so that Hong Kong garrison may be tested soon.

    Nelson: The Jolly George has sunk another Celt Caravel.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: If only our real navy was as aggressive against the Japanese as our Privateers are against neutrals, Admiral!
     
  8. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Monty: Dido has something you should see, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: We've all seen them already, General.

    Monty: Not those. This.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: That's... that's quite a stack. Looks like Burgundian will be a Carthagine possession - we don't have the troops in Blackpool to get there first.

    Lord Beaverbook: (sniggers) Stack.

    Lady Astor: Are we sure she's not plotting against us, General?

    Monty: Fairly sure, Lady Astor. Look at that green smiley face next to Carthage on the scoreboard!

    Churchill: I'm convinced. Where are the Japanese?

    Nelson: The Japanese fleet is concentrated in New York, Prime Minister.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Excellent, those ancient ships will be no match for our Armored Cruisers, and little threat to the EEF and its transports.

    Nelson: And our privateering captains continue to purge the Viking seas. The Jolly Walter has sunk another Trireme.
    Spoiler :




    Churcchill: Jolly good. Lady Astor?

    Lady Astor: We have founded Hull, Winston.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Very good; we are making good use of all land on our island.

    <A TRUMPET sounds>

    Churchill: What the hell was that?

    Dido: (shouting loudly across the tundra north of Blackpool) I have stood enough insolence and innuendo from you and your ministers, Winston Churchill. #MeToo, you b*******.
    Me
    F******
    Too!


    The southern continent shall belong to Carthage, alone!

    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Not big enough for both of us? What about that creep Mussolini, right next to you?

    <The tramping of marching Musketmen and the heavy tread of elephant feet drowns out any further dialogue between England and Carthage>

    Churchill: Well. Ahem. (to Lord Beaverbook) Well, you've certainly made a hash of our relations with Dido, Max.

    Lord Beaverbook: Me?? I'm the Minister of Production, and our production is unmatched, Sir Winston! Blame Lady Astor, she's the Foreign Minister!

    Lady Astor: The Carthagines evidently viewed our establishing Blackpool and the base at Gibraltar on their continent as an unacceptable provocation.

    Churchill: Evidently. Can we defend Blackpool?

    Monty: It's doubtful, Sir Winston. We had reinforced the city with Cannon in anticipation of further foot soldiers and cavalry being deployed later from Gibraltar. Our Cannon would hold up well against Carthagine siege weapons, but their sheer numbers might be too great, and we have nothing to counterattack with.
    Spoiler :




    Nelson: The Navy will evacuate the Workers that were developing the lands around Blackpool, Prime Minister
    Spoiler :




    We do not have enough ships to evacuate the entire army at Blackpool, although we could embark four veteran units to fight another day
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Let me think about that one.

    Nelson: Of course, Prime Minister. And let me remind you that Britannia still rules the seas, and as the land route to Gibraltar is impassable, the base itself should remain secure.

    Churchill: Good show, Admiral.

    Monty: While we may not be able to hold Blackpool, the English Army will fight to the last to defend the city if so ordered. And one of our Pathfinders has already begun a guerrilla campaign against the Carthagines, killing 2 of their Workers
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: War is hell, gentlemen. Speaking of which, we will clearly not be settling more land near Blackpool until some sort of resolution is reached with Carthage. Accordingly, please have our Dragoons take Jute and burn it, to deny it to the Carthagines.

    Monty: Gladly, Sir Winston.
    Spoiler :





    It is done. Our Cuirassier will maintain a watch on the southern ithsmus between the continents, by the Marble deposit, to ensure Dido does not attempt to invade along that path.

    Churchill: Excellent; we must safeguard against an attack by stealth. (sighs, turning to the Viscountess Astor) Lady Astor, I must regretfully ask you to seek a peace settlement with the Chinese.

    Lady Astor: Our envoys have negotiated the following terms with China:
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: (sighs again) Well, it'll have to do. But if Mao attacks America again, I fear the war will have to be renewed.

    <the phone rings>

    Churchill: Hello?

    Logan: Hello, England! Will you go to war with Russia for us?
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Perhaps you hadn't noticed, but England's a little busy now! <slams down phone>
     
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  9. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Churchill: This war is your fault, Lady Astor! Your snide comments to Dido have no doubt poisoned our relations!

    Lady Astor: (unperturbed) I don't know what you're complaining about, Winston. For all your posturing about the Germans, Italians, and Japanese, the Carthagines are clearly our biggest rival for global hegemony. Dido's army is larger than ours, and she has the second highest city count in the world. War was bound to come sooner or later.

    Nelson: And at any rate, Prime Minister, the Carthagines have no means by which to invade. Our mercenary captains have left Dido's admirals without a fleet.

    Churchill: Very well... but what about Blackpool?

    Monty: Oh, Blackpool's lost, Sir Winston. Our forces on the continent are being evacuated by sea
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Well, at least that's somewhat historically accurate.

    Monty: Unfortunately, some will have to be left behind. They will fight to the last shell, I'm sure.

    Lady Astor: Meanwhile, in Australia, the Mayans have captured the Viking city of Haithabu
    Spoiler :




    Nelson: And the English Expeditionary Force is nearing America. I don't believe the Japanese naval forces can threaten us, Prime Minister.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: And I didn't believe it last time, when Japanese Galleasses sank HMS Artemis and badly mauled the Agamemmnon!

    Monty: Sir Winston, the Battle of Blackpool has begun...
    Spoiler :




    Our Cannon attempted to weaken the Carthagine stack, but was destroyed by a Carthagine Knight.

    Spoiler :



    Our gallant soldiers managed to destroy an enemy Musket and Bombard, and, in a dramatic coup of arms, the Hungarian Cannon, pictured above!




    Sadly, the city has fallen, and Dido's forces put it to the torch. Nonetheless, the destruction of the great Cannon makes this a pyrrhic win for the Carthagines.

    Churchill: The men of Blackpool shall not be forgotten. In the meantime, though, the evacuees should be sent to reinforce Gibraltar.

    Monty: As you say, Sir Winston.

    Lady Astor: I have some news, Winston. We have discovered Electricity.

    Churchill: Excellent. And now we must learn Rifling. Even though Rifling makes our Redcoats seem quaint.

    Monty: Rifling would allow both Cavalry and Riflemen.

    Lasy Astor: And we have Leonardo's Workshop, and 4000 gold on hand.

    Churchill: I see where you're going here, and I like it. What other news, Lady Astor?

    Lady Astor: We founded Damascus.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Huzzah! Send in the press gangs.

    Lady Astor: Also, Boudica founded another city.

    Churchill: Of course she did, fecund wench that she is.

    Lady Astor: And I turned down a Korean request for Open Borders.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Good idea, Wang's useless. Might as well call him a capon, what?

    <Lord Beaverbook guffaws obsequiously>

    Churchill: On that note, let me make a call. <dials>

    Pacal: Hello?

    Churchill: Put some clothes on and listen to this, Moe. How would you like an obsolete tech for all your gold and maps?

    Pacal: I'd love it!
    Spoiler :



    <hangs up>

    Lady Astor: Excellent troll of the Vikings, Winston. Incidentally, Gandhi has evacuated his colonizers from the Australian continent
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: It might be getting a little dangerous there for a peacemonger like Mohandas.

    Monty: And for us, Sir Winston. We have been playing the Arabs and Mayans against Gustav, but the eventual victor will turn on us, and our defenses there are as thin as parsley!

    Churchill: Weird, you reminded me of someone there.
     
  10. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Monty: Sir Winston, the English Expeditionary Force has landed in America!
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Good show! I hope Franklin is reassured.

    Roosevelt: (faintly) Still need some help here!

    Nelson: And after landing the troops, our ships fought the Second Battle of San Francisco Bay
    Spoiler :



    Here we see HMS Black Prince sinking a Caravel


    Our fleet sank 2 Cogs and 2 Caravels, without loss to ourselves, Prime Minister.

    Churchill: Well done, but beware the Galleasses. And a sudden appearance of Frigates. A mass upgrade could cause us to lose control of the sea lanes around America.

    Monty: The Unknown Pathfinder has died a gallant death, but not without taking another Carthagine Pathfinder down with him.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Carthagine perfidy! You will be avenged, unit I didn't bother to name!

    Lady Astor: Winston, we have discovered Rifling.

    Churchill: Excellent - now Research Artillery.

    Monty: An excellent choice, Sir Winston. Massed Artillery would have saved Blackpool, or at the least, sold the city more dearly.

    Lady Astor: I also dealt with these two losers:

    Spoiler :




    Lady Astor: We were just at war, and I see no reason to teach you how to make better ships! Begone!

    Spoiler :




    Lady Astor: Arabia has 3 cities, and you need help against them? Some Viking you are! (laughs)

    Lord Beaverbook: Sir Winston, we have completed the Kremlin in Bristol:
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Bravo. It would have been wasted on Uncle Joe anyway; all AI upgrades are cheap.

    Nelson: The Carthagines have finally challenged us at sea, with what pitiful naval forces they could muster. Here you see the Jolly Roger sinking a Carthagine Caravel
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Splendid. Let me know when Dido actually puts together a naval force that can threaten our official Navy.
     
  11. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Monty: Sir Winston, our forces have fought the Battle of Los Angeles, in relief of the American garrison there.

    Roosevelt: Kickin' album, Admiral Q!

    Spoiler :




    Lord Beaverbook: (whispering) Is he high?

    Churchill: (to Roosevelt, eyes narrowed) Spoken like a New Dealer.

    Monty. Yes. Well, on to the battle report.
    Spoiler :






    Our mounted forces defeated a Japanese War Elephant and 2 Explorers, without loss.

    Nelson: And HMS Black Prince defeated another Japanese Caravel northeast of New York.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Spiffing show, Admiral. Best to destroy the Japanese fleet before it all gets upgraded. Lady Astor, is there any news?

    Lady Astor: Well, you neglected to mention that Bill Nye was born in York a few years ago.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Why's he in London?

    Lady Astor: You moved him there and forgot about him.

    Churchill: Oh.

    Lady Astor: A better question might be, why do we have three Great Merchants and three Great Scientists sitting in London?

    Churchill: Saving them for a Golden Age?

    Lady Astor: You can use 2 of them for one Golden Age. What about the other four?

    Churchill: Fine, I'll get Lord Beaverbook to send another trade mission. Has anything else happened?

    Lady Astor: Gandhi founded a city. And Saladin made a stupid request.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: That'd be a "NO", of course.

    Lady Astor: Of course. Eventually we won't be able to keep all three of Gustav, Saladin and Pacal happy if we keep playing them off against each other... of course.

    Churchill: By that time, we'll be ready to swoop in and capture all their piddling cities.

    Monty: (coughing) But we must address the Carthaginian threat, Sir Winston! And what about Japan?

    Churchill: Our navy will keep both of them at bay, General.

    <Nelson BEAMS>

    Lady Astor: In any case, the Mayans have captured Uppsala.

    Churchill: Pathetic Vikings!

    Lady Astor: And... America has signed a peace treaty with Japan.

    Churchill: They WHAT? After all we've done for them?

    Lady Astor: Made peace. And, yes.

    Monty: Leaving our 12-unit expeditionary force without allies on a continent with the entire hostile Japanese army??

    Lady Astor: Also yes. Having said that, Roosevelt is still hostile to Japan; it seems unlikely that America would open borders and allow the Japanese army in to assault our forces in and around San Francisco.

    Churchill: I hope you're right, Lady Astor.

    Nelson: In better news, Prime Minister, the Royal Navy continues to control the seas off Japan. Our ships fought the 3rd Battle of San Francisco Bay
    Spoiler :





    A Japanese Galleass and Caravel were sunk by HMS Black Prince and HMS Volunteer, but HMS Voulge was lost. More warships are approaching, to relieve the Pelican, Gannet, and Paddlesteamers currently on station.

    Churchill: Bravo, Admiral. We will need those Paddlesteamers to ferry reinforcements to the EEF soon.

    Monty: The sooner the better, Sir Winston.
     
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  12. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    [CHICAGO, Japanese occupied territories, 1500AD]

    Japanese soldiers marched down North Broadway, the ringing of their boots against the pavement a testimony to their DRILL(ing). From the alley, Joe Frink watched them march out of sight. They would turn down Waveland where the Cubs no longer played, their losing subsumed by a greater, encompassing loss.

    Joe's stomach growled. It had been impossible to get a good burger since the occupation. He had to get to the neutral lands, the forested hills between the Japanese-held territories and those of the other aggressor, China. There, it was whispered, he would find the Man in the White Castle.
    Spoiler :




    [dissolve to 10 DOWNING STREET. WINSTON CHURCHILL is on the phone]

    Ho: So, do we have a deal?
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: For the last time, Ho, we will not gift military technologies to hostile nations! Goodbye!
    <slams down phone>

    Lord Beaverbook: Is England gonna have to slap a Ho?

    Churchill: It may come to that. Lady Astor, has anything else happened in international news?

    Lady Astor: The Chinese captured Dusseldorf.

    Churchill: Strange that Mao is at odds with both the democratic Americans and the soulless Naz-

    Lady Astor: (interjecting) German Nationalist.

    Churchill: -German Nationalist scum. Nonetheless, I would willingly form an alliance with the devil himself it it helped to defeat Hitl-

    Lady Aster: (interjecting again) Hoering.

    Churchill: Germann Hoering, yes.

    Monty: How many battalions has the devil got?

    Churchill: Not enough for him to be in this game.

    Lady Astor: (doggedly) And Gandhi founded another city.

    Churchill: Keep on givin' peace a chance, Mo. Admiral Nelson, report!

    Nelson: The Jolly Roger has sunk another Carthagine Galleass. At some point, we should bring the ship and its crew home to upgrade to a stronger vessel, Prime Minister. Wood-hulled Privateers will not long last against steel ships.
    Spoiler :




    The Black Prince has also sunk a Galleass, and our ships and airships have provided reports of the Japanese army's disposition

    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Well done, Admiral. I wonder where all Tojo's troops went? The concentration in Washington was much higher a turn or two ago.

    Monty: Our forces in San Francisco will be on heightened alert for a Japanese incursion.

    Nelson: And the Navy will redouble patrols in the seas off Japan.
    Spoiler :




    Prime Minister, as you can see from the image above, our forces have identified Galleons among the Japanese fleet. They have clearly upgraded from Cogs, and now have a more advanced ability to move land forces overseas. Nonetheless, I assure you that our ships are more than capable of handling this new threat.
    Spoiler :




    Here we see HMS Monmouth sinking one of the new Japanese three-deckers. And the Navy has not forgotten the Carthagine threat; the Jolly Nigel has sunk another of Dido's Galleasses.
    Spoiler :




    Lady Astor: On the diplomatic front, we continue to manipulate the Viking-Mayan war, by swapping Metal Casting to the Mayans for 50g
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Poor Gustav. Which reminds me, I should make a call.

    <dials>

    Gandhi: Peace be upon you, Winston Churchill.

    Churchill: Ah, Mohandas. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that I'm cancelling our Clams for 22g/turn deal. The good news is that I am willing to trade you Clams for 24g/turn!
    Spoiler :




    Gandhi: Capital as such is not evil, it is its wrong use that is evil.

    Churchill: (drumming his fingers) So... yes?

    Gandhi: Yes.

    Churchill: Fine. <hangs up>
     
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  13. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    <a ringing sound is heard>

    Churchill: Hello?

    Roosevelt: Winston, so good to hear your voice.

    Churchill: Don't Winston me! Just as the EEF was prepared to help you retake cities from Japan, you made peace with Tojo! After all the aid England has given you!

    Roosevelt: The American people have suffered great losses in the war, and cannot endure more.

    Churchill: Save it, Lindbergh. So what do you want?

    Roosevelt: How about a map trade?
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: A map trade? What happened to the maps we gave you in the Guilds trade a while back?

    Roosevelt: They were sto- errr, we lost them.

    [DISSOLVE to the hills northeast of CHICAGO]

    The map was bogus, Joe knew. Bunkum. Baloney. The strange woman with the red pigtails had said it would lead to the Man in the White Castle, but instead it took him nowhere. Nowhere good. Nowhere fast.
    Spoiler :



    Joe raised his foot as if to examine the sole of his shoe and surreptitiously looked over his shoulder. The man in the greasepaint and wig was still there – yes, there he was, ducking into a phone booth. Even if his contact was in some town called “Saint Louis”, there’s no way he could make an approach like this. Somehow, Joe had to shake the clown tailing him, and find some other way to connect with the resistance.

    [Fade in to 10 DOWNING STREET]

    Lady Astor: ... and once again, Mao has founded a city.

    Churchill: (yawns)

    <the phone rings. Churchill picks it up>

    Churchill: This is England. Start talking.

    Pacal: Good afternoon, Winston Churchill! How would you like to declare war on the Vikings for us?
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: I wouldn't, but I'd love to occupy the continent after you and Gustav bleed each other dry. Can you call back in a few turns?

    Pacal: <hangs up>

    Churchill: All this war talk from Gustav and Pacal has really made me want to invade the Mayans AND the Vikings.

    T.E. Lawrence: (hopefully) And Arabia?

    Churchill: Them too.

    Lady Astor: Well, Winston, we have just learned the secret of Artillery, which should give you more leeway to overextend us militarily.

    Churchill: You know me so well. Please research War Machines next, for Machine Guns.

    <Monty claps his hands gleefully>

    Nelson: Good show, Prime Minister. I can report that our ships, both of the official and unofficial variety, continue to sweep the seas of our enemies. Here we see the Jolly George destroy another Celtic Caravel
    Spoiler :




    And here is the HMS Monmouth sinking a Japanese Galleon, doubtless loaded with Samurai
    Spoiler :




    And the HMS Duke of Edinburgh has reached Carthagine waters, to patrol the northern approaches to that land. Here she sinks a Carthaginian Caravel
    Spoiler :




    Monty: All well and good, Admiral, but the Carthagine army is still supreme. Sir Winston, we must have a new expeditionary force to take the war to Dido!

    Nelson: (harrumphing) At least the Navy is taking the war to the enemy, while the army sits in its bases doing nothing.

    Churchill: Something shall be done, General, never fear.

    <the phone rings again>

    Roosevelt: Hello again, my good friend Winston!

    Churchill: (stiffly) You again? Come to ask England to fight your wars some more, Roosevelt?

    Roosevelt: Not at all! America will come back stronger than ever, and win back our lands from the Japanese unassisted.

    Churchill: I'm sure.

    Roosevelt: Yes. Well. In the meantime, would you like to adopt Mercantilism?
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Mercantilism is what got you into the Great Depression, Franklin! You're starting to sound a lot like Tojo.

    Roosevelt: So... you'll think about it?

    Churchill: No. <hangs up>
     
  14. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Monty: ...and Viking forces have retaken the city of Haithabu, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: (snorts) Gustav is putting up a fight, is he? Ragnar would have done better.

    <A trumpet sounds. CHURCHILL, MONTY, NELSON, and LORD BEAVERBOOK all jump>

    Churchill: What the hell was that?

    Lady Astor: Julius Caesar has declared war on Boudica, Winston.

    Churchill: The vile fascist Mussolini has declared war on our Irish cousins? The infamy! We must do all we can to come to the aid of fair Boudica.

    Lady Astor: First of all, I literally said Julius Cae-

    Churchill: Mussolini.

    Lady Astor: (sighs) Fine. But you've referred to the Celts as a colony for most of the game, and they have been the target of our privateers for some time now. Why the sudden shift?

    Lord Beaverbook: And "our Irish cousins" is particularly rich coming from you, Sir Winston.

    Monty: In any event, we don't have the forces to provide meaningful aid to Boudica at the moment, Sir Winston.

    Churchill: Very well, gentlemen and harridan. We shall bide our time and monitor the situation closely. And call off the privateers. What news from the high seas, Admiral Nelson?

    Nelson: The Navy continues to keep England's enemies at bay, Prime Minister. Here, the HMS Good Hope sinks a Japanese Galleon
    Spoiler :




    And the HMS Duke of Edinburgh and HMS Shannon have each destroyed a Carthagine Caravel
    Spoiler :





    Rest assured, sir, that the Royal Navy is more than capable of meeting any threat from Mussolini, should we go to war with Italy.

    Lady Astor: (acidly) So you've drunk the Kool-aid too, Horatio? (to Churchill) The Germans founded another city, Winston.

    Churchill: I wish I knew what the dastardly Hun and the inscrutable Mao were up to.

    Lady Astor: (rolls eyes) And I said no to two idiotic requests from Saladin and Bismarc-

    Churchill: Hoering.

    Lady Astor: Fine. Germann Hoering. We said no. Happy?
    Spoiler :





    Churchill: I'll be happier after this call. <dials>

    Saladin: Hello?

    Churchill: Saladin, it's Winston Churchill, supreme ruler of England. How goes your war against the Viking infidel?

    Saladin: (suspiciously) Fine, we're just lying low for a spell. Why?

    Churchill: No reason, it's not as if we have a fleet of loaded transports on the way to your continent. Not to change the subject, but would you like to secure a supply of Pigs from us for 1g/turn?

    Saladin: Gladly! No need to ship them by sea either, just throw them to me and I'll catch them!
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: OK... uh, sure. <hangs up>

    Churchill: (to the Cabinet) That troll of Saladin went even better than expected.

    Lord Beaverbook: I'm impressed he can catch pigs with his eyes shut.

    <DISSOLVE to a darkened alley. A VOICE is speaking in an urgent whisper>

    Voice: Events have overtaken the instructions you were given, friend. The maps you have are useless.

    Voice 2: (testily) I know that.

    Voice: You must find the Frenchman. He will show you the way.

    Voice 2: Frenchman? Frenchman?! There are no Frenchmen, stranger. There's been no France for hundreds of years.

    Voice: Nonetheless, you cannot stay on the path you are on; the lands between China and Occupied America are no longer safe. Take this, and it will guide you to the Frenchman. He will show you the Way.
    Spoiler :


     
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  15. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    <JOE FRINK is walking down a wooded hill. His clothes are wet and dirty from the sodden trees; it has rained a lot in the hills. JOE slips and half-stumbles, half-slides down the hill.>

    Joe picked himself up, brushing damp leaves from the seat of his pants. I wasn't sold on the idea of this Frenchman showing me the way, Joe thought. But when that stranger capitalized "WAY" and said it again, his argument was much more compelling...

    A trumpet's blare filled the sky, and Joe fell to his knees, clutching his ears.

    What could it mean? Was the hour of deliverance nigh? Was America to free herself of the Japanese yoke, at long last?

    <DISSOLVE to 10 DOWNING STREET. WINSTON CHURCHILL is speaking angrily into the phone.>

    Churchill: War... with China? Japan is by far the greater threat, occupies many of your cities, and we, your allies, remain at war with them. Why China, when England's armed forces are shielding you from Japan?

    Roosevelt: (evasively) Our secrets are our own, and ours they shall remain.

    <dial tone>

    Churchill: Of all the ingratitude! I can understand a temporary peace with Japan, to regroup after several defeats. But to go after China, which occupies very little US territory, while Japan's armies still occupy the American heartland, is sheer madness!

    Monty: We could declare war on China, of course.

    Churchill: We could, but they're already at war with the Germans. Really, Mao and Roosevelt should be working together against the Japanese and Germans!

    Lady Astor: You won't like hearing this, either, Winston. The Mayans took Haithabu from the Vikings and promptly made peace with them. That puts a crimp in your attrition strategy.

    Churchill: It's a pity we couldn't steal some cities during their war. Or at least, watched a strong nation rise from the Mayan/Viking/Arab rabble we have now.

    Lady Astor: I can't explain why the Mayans made peace. Look at the intelligence report of their army
    Spoiler :




    and compare that to the reports we have of the Viking garrison in Nidaros
    Spoiler :




    Monty: (sagely) No siege, Sir Winston.

    Lady Astor: One would think 16 Knights could do the job against 2 Longbows, an Axeman and a Berzerker, but you're the military expert. (sotto voce) Or so they tell us.

    In other news, Winston, we revised our Deer deal with Ho upwards:
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Jolly good. Did you have to strong-arm a Ho?

    Lady Astor: (ignoring him) And Mansa Musa offered us this deal:
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Absolutely not! Learning Corporation would remove the effects of our Great Lighthouse, and weaken our hold on global trade!

    Lady Astor: Yes, Winston. But hear me out. Many of our rivals already know Corporation, which grants the secrets of founding multinational companies. If we don't develop companies of our own, we will be at a disadvantage in the Industrial and Modern eras. And as I noted earlier, we have many Great People just idling around, some of whom could found multinational companies.

    Churchill: Pah! Those Great People are for Golden Ages! And if we don't get Corporations, we can always switch civics to...

    Lady Astor: State Property?

    Churchill: ...oh. State Property? Never! The very idea is anathema to me!

    Lady Astor: Right. So... Corporation next?

    Churchill: Who's going to have to move around all those Executives?

    Lady Astor: You are.

    Churchill: Ugh, fine. Call Mansa back next turn. But we're not paying a cash bonus on top of swapping him an expensive tech for a cheap one!

    Lady Astor: I think we can make something work, Winston. With Tech Brokering turned off and Mansa confined to two cities, we can trade him almost any tech without compromising our global tech superiority.

    Nelson: In the meantime, can I interest you in news of battles fought on the high seas, Prime Minister?

    Churchill: Of course!

    Nelson: The HMS Good Hope has sunk another Caravel, as has the HMS Monmouth
    Spoiler :




    And the crew of the HMS Black Prince have done double duty, sinking 2 Japanese Galleons
    Spoiler :





    Churchill: Good show, Admiral. Any news from the Carthagine front?

    Monty: The Carthagines have captured the barbarian city of Burgundian, north of where Blackpool was.

    Churchill: Not your finest hour, General. Lady Astor?

    Lady Astor: I have negotiated the following deal with Mansa Musa:
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Seriously? Physics is twice the beaker cost of Corporation, and Mansa's maps are crap. (sighs) Very well, do it.

    Lady Astor: Learning Corporation did reduce our Science output slightly, but we can now found Canning Corp. The resulting food surplus will allow our cities to grow far bigger than those of our rivals.
    Spoiler :



     
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  16. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Lady Astor: Canning Corp has been founded in Nottingham.

    Churchill: Where's the screenshot?

    Lord Beaverbook: Screenshot, or it didn't happen!

    Lady Astor: Oddly, while there is a video for all the National Wonders and religions in LoR, there wasn't one for Canning Corp.

    Lord Beaverbook: Shoddy.

    Churchill: Indeed. What else happened?

    Lady Astor: Ho, Mao, and Tokug-

    Churchill: Tojo.

    Lady Astor: -founded cities.

    <the phone rings>

    Churchill: I'll get it. (into the phone) Hello?

    Boudica: Hello, my English friends!

    (Churchill mouths "It's Boudica" silently to Lord Beaverbook, Monty, Lady Astor, and Nelson. The latter three wave frantically at Churchill, signalling "No!". Lord Beaverbook is looking into a toy kaleidoscope, oblivious.)

    Churchill: Ah, my little Irish colleen! The fight of your brave people against the fascist oppressor is an inspiration to us all!

    Boudica: Winston, so wonderful to hear your congested tones! Would you like to declare war on, er, "Mussolini" for me?
    Spoiler :




    <Monty and Nelson are shaking their heads vehemently, but Churchill ignores them>

    Churchill: Absolutely! Whererever there's a fight against the blood and hatred in the air, look for England, we will be there!

    Lady Astor: (in the background, exasperated) Historical you never said that! You totally stole that line from an American folk singer!

    Boudica: Marvellous! Thank you, Winston Churchill! I'll even say yes to being nickel and dimed over a bunch of bananas by your foreign minister.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Farewell, gallant Boudica, until we join together on the field of battle! <hangs up>

    Monty: Sir Winston, I protest! Reinforcements are urgently needed for our forces in America battling Japan. We already have committed much of our manpower to an invasion fleet that may or may not be approaching the Viking lands. We have nothing to spare for a war on a fourth front!

    Churchill: What about the Third EEF, which has been embarked off the east coast as a deterrent to Dido? They should sail to Boudica's aid.

    Monty: As you can see from this image, that force is but 17 fighting units against an Italian stack numbering well over 100.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: All the more reason that we should assist the Irish before they are overwhelmed!

    Nelson: (under his breath) I smell another Dunkirk coming.

    Monty: Sir Winston, I strenously object!

    Nelson: (still muttering) Or Crete.

    Churchill: Very well, gentlemen. There will be no deployment of land forces for now, but we will revisit this soon. Admiral Nelson, deploy whatever forces we can spare for a blockade of Italy.

    Nelson: As you say, Prime Minister.

    <the phone rings>
    Churchill: Hello? Called to declare war on us, have you?

    Ho: Not at all, I would never! I merely want to suggest this trade to you. It's a steal.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Feh! A steal for you, Pai Mei! No, we shan't be trading you Gunpowder to menace our Hong Kong colony with!
    <hangs up>

    <no sooner has Churchill replaced the phone, then it rings again>

    Churchill: Hello?

    Caesar: Hello.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: (scratching his chin) Ah. Well. This is awkward.

    Caesar: Yes. It is.

    Churchill: I guess you had meant to ask this question before Boudica asked us to-

    Caesar: Right.

    Churchill: And now if I click any of the options under your picture, nothing happens.

    Caesar: (nods tersely). Mmm-hm.

    Churchill: Well... I guess I'll see you around, Fascist scum.

    Caesar: Likewise.

    <dial tone>
     
  17. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    <The phone at 10 DOWNING rings again>

    Churchill: Hello?

    Saladin: Hello, infidel Englishman!

    Churchill: What do you want, beardo? I don't have time for minor powers, there's a war on!

    Monty: Three wars, but who's counting?

    Saladin: How about making it four?
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Not a chance, our forces in the area are heavily outnumbered by the Vikings! Goodbye!

    <hangs up>

    Churchill: Outnumbered for now, anyway...

    (CHURCHILL, MONTY and NELSON all chuckle ominously)

    Lady Astor: You might be interested to know, Winston, that we have researched War Machines. I recommend that we next learn Fascism.

    Churchill: Fascism. Absolutely.

    Lady Astor: Really?

    Churchill: Yes, really. We will need the option to build giant statues of Pitt, Gladstone, Baldwin and me to alleviate war weariness. And I suppose you aren't opposed to fascism in England, Lady Astor?

    Lady Astor: (evasively) Very well, our political scientists will begin work on... Fascism.

    Churchill: Marvellous. Admiral Nelson, what news from the fleet?

    Nelson: The Navy continues to enforce the blockade of Carthage, Prime Minister. HMS Roxburgh has sunk a Carthagine galleon, HMS Duke of Edinburgh sank a Frigate, and HMS Shannon sank 2 Frigates and 2 Caravels. Her captain will be promoted to Commodore for his efforts.
    Spoiler :







    While the fleet has won yet another great victory, I must caution against complacency, Prime Minister. The Roxburgh is isolated and patrols the northern waters of Carthage alone. Reinforcements cannot be spared from the Japan blockade - we must accelerate our building program!
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Bravo, Admiral. And what of the army, General Montgomery?

    Monty: Our EEF #1 skirmished with the Japanese, damaging a Samurai unit. Reinforcements are needed before we can mount a sustained offensive against the Japanese.
    Spoiler :




    <the phone rings>

    Churchill: Hello?

    Gandhi: Greetings, English colonialist oppressor.

    Churchill: You know, for someone with a green smiley face on the scoreboard, you certainly have few kind words for your imperial masters.

    Gandhi: It is easy enough to be friendly to one's friends. But to befriend the one who regards himself as your enemy is the quintessence of true religion.

    Churchill: (sighs, deeply)

    Gandhi: The colonialist days are ending, Winston Churchill. Will you grant the vote to all citizens of England?
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: That'd be a no. Lady Astor has too much influence here as it is. And with the Statue of Liberty, we're not prepared to give up the benefits of +3 :science: per specialist.

    Gandhi: That's not very friendly. Goodbye. <dial tone>

    Churchill: He's so annoying.

    Lady Astor: He is, but I did take his advice and renegotiated our Dye deal with the Russians, who haven't been very friendly of late either.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Fine, but don't trouble me with these trade screenshots anymore. Can't you see there's a war on?

    Lady Astor: Three wars, and yes. In other news, the Celts have captured Aqualei from the Romans.

    Churchill: Italians. And I didn't think Boudica had the military for that.

    Lady Astor: The Vietnamese have also captured Djenne. Mansa Musa is down to his last city.

    Churchill: Does he have anything worth trading for?

    Lady Astor: No. Mali's financial reserves are exhausted, and they're already trading all their surplus income to us for Pigs.

    Churchill: I'm sure those Pigs are a great comfort to the Malinese.

    Nelson: Prime Minister, our Cruisers have fought the Second Battle off Baria:
    Spoiler :




    HMS Roxburgh sunk another Carthaginian Frigate, and HMS Shannon, a Caravel. But our ships have taken enough damage that they cannot press the battle any further; Dido has too many Frigates in Baria. For the same reason, we have recalled the irregular privateers Jolly Roger, Jolly Nigel, and Jolly Stephen. As I warned before, reinforcements are needed if the blockade is to hold.

    Monty: Sir Winston, our 1st EEF has fought the Japanese near Washington. Our forces defeated a Japanese Pike, Bombard, Samurai and Longbow, at the cost of a War Elephant unit.
    Spoiler :




    While this is a significant victory for English arms, we do not have the reserves to exploit this coup.

    Churchill: All right, the both of you! Reinforcements are on the way.
     
  18. Oblivionyx

    Oblivionyx Chieftain

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    Great story! I'm really loving it so far. :thumbsup:

    Where'd you get the dynamic civ names? For me it always just says "________ Empire."
     
  19. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Thanks!

    It's the Legends of Revolution mod, v. 0.99 I believe. One of the components/options of LoR is dynamic civ names.

    If you were wondering about the unit names, I (re)name them manually as they get built.
     
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  20. 6K Man

    6K Man Bureaucrat

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    Lady Astor: For your information, Winston, we traded Gunpowder to Logan for 100g and renegotiated the Crab deal to Wang Kon for 3g.

    <LADY ASTOR and WINSTON CHURCHILL look expectantly at LORD BEAVERBOOK>

    Lord Beaverbook: What?

    Lady Astor: Nothing. Carry on.

    Churchill: Admiral Nelson, have you anything to report?

    Nelson: Yes, the Royal Navy continues to rule the seas off Japan. Here we see HMS Good Hope sinking a Japanese Caravel and Galleass.
    Spoiler :





    The Privateers Jolly Walter and Jolly Arthur were redirected away from Viking waters due to a lack of targets, and are now approaching Russian territory.
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Good show, Admiral. Our irregular captains may be able to keep the Iroquois alive a few more years, to serve as a thorn in Stalin's side.

    <the phone rings>

    Churchill: This had better not be another DoW. (into the phone) Hello?

    Roosevelt: Hello, Winston.

    Churchill: Ah, my American cousin. Now that we have softened up the Japanese outside of Washington and New York, will you join us in our war against Tojo?

    Roosevelt: Erm... not just yet. But would you teach us Military Science?
    Spoiler :




    Churchill: Not until you're fighting our mutual enemy Japan and not gallivanting after China, Franklin. The Chinese are doing the world a service with their war against the Germans!

    Roosevelt: But they declared war against you!

    Churchill: Yes, but if If Hitl-

    Roosevelt: Hoering.

    Churchill: If Germann Hoering invaded Hell, I would make at least a favourable reference to the devil in the House of Commons. Goodbye for now, Franklin.

    <hangs up>

    Lord Beaverbook: Sir Winston?

    Churchill: Yes?

    Lord Beaverbook: A branch office of Canning Corp has been founded in York. This will allow us to run more specialists there, and increase our Great Person production.

    Churchill: I was expecting a vulgar joke, but good show, anyway. Admiral Nelson?

    Nelson: Our raiders have begun to reduce the Russian naval pressure on the Iroquois nation. The Jolly Walter and Jolly Arthur have each dispatched a Russian Trireme.
    Spoiler :





    Churchill: Ugh, Triremes? I can't see how Stalin will ever be useful to us, at this rate.

    Lady Astor: And while we have been busy dispatching obsolete ships belonging to a nation we aren't at war with, Ho, Mao, and Boudica each founded cities.

    Churchill: Fecund heathens, all. Except Boudica. I don't know how she has time to found new cities while at war, but kudos to her and the Irish, anyway.

    <the phone rings>

    Churchill: Hello?

    Logan: Greetings, Winston of the Great White Scalp.

    Churchill: Hello, primitive chap! Do you see the great war-canoes of England off your shores? Boom-sticks make fire, sink Russian war-canoes. You likey-like?

    Logan: That's so demeaning.

    Churchill: You started it.

    Logan: Maybe. Say, would you like Open Borders with us?

    Churchill: I would, except nobody likes you and you have only 2 cities to trade with. So... I guess I actually would NOT like Open Borders with you. Goodbye!

    <hangs up>

    Churchill: We'll help Logan be a thorn in Stalin's side, but let's not get crazy. Lady Astor, why are you jumping up and down?

    Lady Astor: (breathless) We have discovered Fascism, Winston. And William Slim has been born.

    Churchill: Great. Let's research Medicine next. That doesn't obsolete any happy resources and it will help with our soon-to-be health issues.

    Lady Astor: Will we be changing governments?

    Churchill: Not yet.

    Lady Astor: (rolls her eyes in annoyance)
     
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