Honesty or Diplomacy?

[Elgalad]

I have noticed some major cultural differences between many people on this forum and have wondered if these reflect on our ideological differences as well. For the purpose of this thread, please assume that the term "Diplomatic" means to always attempt to maintain courtesy with another, even at the cost of being straightforward with them. "Honesty" on the other hand is not necessarily telling the Truth, but rather, telling what one believes to be the truth even if is impolite to do so.

So if presented with this choice, which would you pick? Please explain why, and also tell us which you would prefer to receive from someone else.


-Elgalad

 

[Turner]

From close friends/family members, I prefer honesty. From other, it doesn't really matter to me.

Now, on the reverse, I try to be diplomatic whenever possible. One, makes things easier for me. Two, I figure they're going to have a close family/friends network like myself, and they can get the info from them.

But if someone comes to me asking for my honest opinion, I'll give it. And try to be 'honestly diplomatic' about it. I'll leave it as an excercise for the reader to determine what I mean about that.

 

[Elgalad]

Honesty has always been my choice. It's probably very related to the manner in which I was raised as well as many aspects of culture here in the United States.

The blunt individualist who "tells it like it is" and isn't afraid to take an unpopular stand is often made into a heroic figure in movies and other forms of pop culture as well. John Wayne, Jimmy Stewart, Bruce Willis... these guys never beat around the bush when they had something to say.

I know Diplomacy is vital to maintaining peaceful relationships and I use it when I can, but if it ever came down to one or the other, I would have to stay with Honesty. I prefer to receive that from others as well.



-Elgalad

 

[Arminius]

I voted Honesty, but the truth is I give people what they ask for. As for myself, I always perfer to hear what people think than what they think I want to hear.

 

[Mescalhead]

In personal relationships I prefer honesty wholesale, but in politics I prefer diplomacy. If politicians started being honest with their subjects or other politicians, a big part of the system would collapse because so much of the corruption that is inherint in making the system run would be out in the open and up for scrutiny. Then chaos would ensue and another dishonest tyrant will continue the cycle.

 

[WickedSmurf]

It depends...

I am always honest, for good or bad, with friends and family and expect them to be honest with me.

At work, diplomacy is to be preferred.

 

[The Person]

I try to be honest as much as I can, but sometimes I need to resort to diplomacy.

 

[zippy]

I always try to be diplomatic, there is no point just getting someones back up. However, that doesn't mean I cannot say what I think. I just keep things polite and never stop until the misguided fools finally accept that I am right

 

[Mise]

My honesty is so subtle that it is often mistaken for honesty.

EDIT: Hmm that sounds stupid, I'll rephrase:

My honesty is so subtle that it is often mistaken for sincerety.

 

[Scuffer]

It depends on what I want out of it, so I suppose that when I am honest, I am being honest diplomatically. I'm never honest for the sake of it.

 

[stormbind]

I prefer to be both, though in reality, diplomacy is the hurdle I often trip on

You are never honest for the sake of it?

For me to tell a lie is unheard of, at least in the last decade. For me to fumble a sentence and accidentally insult someone is quite common

 

[Dann]

Due to circumstances, I'm more often diplomatic rather than honest. It's simply much more helpful. Plus, because you don't betray your position, you can always twist your own words later and backpedal, if necessary. Besides, I don't trust people.

And if necessary, I could lie to your face without batting an eyelash, all the while looking in your eyes....

 

[IglooDame]

I voted diplomatic, though I'd say that I am closer to diplomatically honest.

 

[Scuffer]

@stormbind

By 'never honest for the sake of it', I mean I'm not blunt spoken. Reading what I wrote back, I'm certainly obtuse though!

 

[test_specimen]

Are you trying to troll with this thread? Obviously you're insinuating that those who think Bush has failed on foreign affairs would prefer him lying (i.e. "diplomacy" in your view) to being "honest".

You should have distinguished between "polite" and "impolite". Or at least between "honesty" and "lies". Honesty and diplomacy are not mutually exclusive (it seems that's what you're thinking, correct me if I'm wrong). Ignorance of other cultures and intolerance of other opinions is not compatible with diplomacy (maybe you just got the wrong words). You don't have to insult your partners when you tell them the truth, otoh not every insult is the truth.

 

[Hakim]

If we have a common objective, I wan't tell a colleague that he's incompetent, speaking too slow or ugly. Neither is honesty worth much if it's just an opinion from my part or doesn't help much (unless the opinion itself is requested of course).

For me to fumble a sentence and accidentally insult someone is quite common

Same here, and I often fail to put it right afterwards, chocked by my own insult. Examples: to a girl in a seminar: "shouldn't you sit further away?", to a friend :"I don't want to work at the same place as you", commenting the newly born baby of a collegue: "she's ugly".

 

[aneeshm]

I prefer honest diplomacy , where you tell the truth in such a way that it will be palatable to the person you are speaking to . And I'm from India .

 

[Sanaz]

1. Do no harm
2. Do not lie

So, honesty is important, but not more important than not harming others. If a lie will harm others, then tell the truth. But telling the truth just because it's the truth may harm someone.

A simple example that most can relate to. My wife asks me how an outfit looks before we go out. If I tell her it makes her look fat, I'd better run fast (even if it's true). But if I tell her it looks good when it doesn't, and she wears it, she'll realize it at some point and feel betrayed because I let her wear it. So, I recommend a better outfit for her, and use some diplomacy. She feels good, I didn't lie, but I definitely wasn't completely "honest".

 

[Moss]

I usually tend to be honest... (actually it's more like I always tend to be honest)

Mainly because I would much rather have someone be honest with me than come up with some diplomatic bull...

There are of course special circumstances where a lie may be best...but those are few and far between.

 

[betazed]

And why can't you be always diplomatically honest?