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How do you spend your spare time?

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Dekker, Jan 10, 2019.

  1. Dekker

    Dekker Chieftain

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    So I clearly need to get out and do more things because I have been noticing, when I hang out with one of my good friends the invariable question comes up, "so what have you been up to?" and if it's not related to work, which isn't the most exciting of things, I am finding that I really have nothing to say. Doesn't help that I am perpetually single and rarely seeing anyone so the conversation naturally swinging to that direction is a dead end as well. So I am wondering, just what does everyone get up to in your own spare time? What would your usual answers be when you get together with friends or family that is not part of the regular things you usually get up to? I realize that I do not actually do much and need to change that - playing computer or video games, starting to read more and 'thinking' about writing are not much to converse about.
     
  2. MaryKB

    MaryKB Chieftain

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    I'm afraid I'm a very boring person ... I'm an introvert, so I don't go out much on my own. I spend time at home reading, or playing on my computer. I'll sometimes watch television shows, or go out to movies, and I'll travel occasionally.

    During the summer I'll visit a beach somewhat regularly, I'll take half a day off from work or something and just head over, mostly to relax on the sand in the sunshine.

    One thing I do is I like making things in my kitchen, I love creating candies (like fudge) or other treats, and learning new ideas. I'll find something online and make it a few times until I get it right, then find people to share with (mostly my neighbor, I babysit her seven year old daughter when she comes home from school)
     
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  3. BenitoChavez

    BenitoChavez Disable emotion chip

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    Most people I've talked to don't have terribly fascinating private lives. It's just that some people are better at dressing it up to make it entertaining. A lot also depends on the person you are talking to. If your free time consists of playing video games, reading, and writing then it helps a lot to talk to someone who is interested in those things as they will be naturally curious and have follow-up questions/comments. If you're talking to someone who is a workaholic or parties a bunch, there isn't much to go on there.

    As for me, my free time basically consists of playing Civ VI, reading, trying to learn french, and exercise.
     
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  4. civvver

    civvver Chieftain

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    what spare time?
     
  5. GoodEnoughForMe

    GoodEnoughForMe n.m.s.s.

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    I work 45-48 hours a week, am taking two classes, have two pets, and do almost all of the cleaning/dishes/laundry at home, so my free time has been pretty well shot to rhymes-with-fit. I manage to find some time to watch an occasional movie or TV show while eating dinner, sometimes can squeeze in some reading while at the laundromat or before bed, and play video games maybe once a week. We do find time several times a year to take a weekend trip to Grand Rapids/Lansing/Ann Arbor/Detroit/Chicago, which is nice, but I haven't even really done any major traveling since 2016. Oh, we have a once a week dinner either out or in with friends usually, like last night we made personal pizzas and mixed drinks and watched a horror movie.

    Going to be honest, most people don't do much, and while isolation can get to the point where you're missing out on social events and stuff in a way that is painful/depressing/loneliness inducing (I know all about spending weekends alone and feeling awful for it, lost in my own thoughts and feeling like missing out on 'life' or '20s' or whatever), most people on dating sites or social media or even amongst family badly exaggerate their typical Friday night plans. There are millions of people who genuinely just chill alone with Netflix/video games/cats/hot and ready pizza/etc.

    Reading in particular OP can be really good, so don't sell yourself short. There's an expectation that most people don't read consistently and being a bit of a bookworm is honestly considered unique to a sizable amount of people.
     
  6. civvver

    civvver Chieftain

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    When I was single I hated just "going out." You'd spend a bunch of money to go to a bar or club that was way too loud to really engage with anyone and just sit around drinking, waiting for people to notice you or go talk to someone, but it always felt like a colossal waste of time. I'd be sitting there with my buddies, not saying anything cus again, noise, and thinking man I would be having way more fun just playing world of warcraft right now. I think it's different for women/people who actually like to dance. It seems like most girls like to go out with their girlfriends and just dance. I don't know very many guys who actually enjoy that, they just go for the girls. Like my wife now likes that sometimes, and now it's ok cus I'll dance with her or watch her have fun which is fun for me. But just by myself is not fun.

    Me and the guys will go grab sushi or steaks sometimes, much better, we shoot the crap about sports and families and stuff. Or we play cards.

    My brother in law still goes to bars a lot and just sits there all night and pounds 15 beers and talks to whoever plops down next to him. I do not get the appeal at all, but he has two hobbies hunting and golf, so when it's not hunting season and he doesn't have a tee time that's what he does. I'd rather read or watch something interesting.

    After having kids my social calendar actually got much busier, and I don't mean just with kid stuff. It's cus you make friends with the other parents and then plan getaways from your kids lol. So we meet up in the neighborhood, send all the kids to the basement and play games or just talk. In summer we have bbqs.

    But yeah on a daily basis, I have maybe 2 hours of free time at home and that's if I don't do extra stuff like fix a wall or something that needs done. So I just play some video games or watch tv a little to zone out.
     
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  7. The_J

    The_J Say No 2 Net Validations Retired Moderator Supporter

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    Yeah, that.

    To fill up my evenings, I regularly do:
    - work out
    - go to dance class (Salsa, Bachata, Kizomba)

    More irregular is
    - Going to live comedy
    - Pubquizes
    - Pubtalks
    - Dance parties (although, sometimes that's also mostly drinking)
    - Concerts (mostly metal, but not only)
    - I plan to go to a musical again
    - Plan to do another obstacle run
    - Should visit another museum this month
    - play boardgames. There are also boardgame faires where you can go with other people and play (will be going one this month again)

    All of that should give some material to talk about.
    I just need to get better at that ^^.
    The secret is telling stories about whatever you do, but sometimes I'm not really feeling like.

    EDIT:
    I've tried learning an instrument, but that didn't turn out to be fun.
     
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  8. civvver

    civvver Chieftain

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    We have a place where you pay by the hour and it's just tables and board games (and snacks). It's in an old house, kinda cool, but you need to bring your own group pretty much or hope to find friendly people, but most are groups of 4 or more and already set. Board game fair sounds more fun.
     
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  9. rah

    rah Warlord Supporter

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    If there is a local college in your town, check around and see if they have a gaming club. They may be heavy in to minitures but there's usually a good crowd for board games. There you're more likely to be able to find an more open group so you don't have to bring your own friends. Whenever I started at a new school, that's the first thing I'd look for. If you can't find any notice online, looking at posting boards in the student union I usually a good place to look.
     
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  10. TheMeInTeam

    TheMeInTeam Top Logic

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    I work out a few times a week. Aside from that, I play video games, watch YouTube videos, and talk to people on Discord or similar.

    I'm already strained for time keeping up with the games I like, so this works pretty well overall for me even if most people that actually physically see me don't understand it well.

    Holidays can be mildly frustrating. There's some expectation to "see each other", but this amounts to traveling hours (often day+ in total) and ultimately people tend to just sit around and talk or eat. If people actually want to talk, it's pretty easy to find me in Discord or whatever and far more often than on just holidays (exactly two family members take advantage of this with any regularity, my nephews), so I don't get the utility. Rarely do we actually wind up doing anything that couldn't have been done for much less expense and time simply talking online.
     
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  11. downtown

    downtown Crafternoon Delight

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    * I work out pretty regularly. When the weather isn't butt, I go running a few times a week and will do a few races a year. When it's awful, I'll go to our local YMCA 3-4 times a week to lift or play pickup basketball. They offer childcare and have a lounge so I can drop off my kids, or go lift during the day and work once I'm finished.

    * I took up woodworking last year, and fiddle with power tools in my garage, building basic furnitures.

    * I usually have at least one other writing project beyond my regular "day job" that I tinker with. I'm working on my second book now, but will also do some essays or historical research projects, especially in the summer, when I'm most flexible.

    * I play video games, sometimes with my girls, sometimes after they go to sleep.

    * I dad.

    There's plenty of other things I'm interested in and would like to try, but with small kids in the house and a job with weird hours, its harder to commit to other hobbies that would take me out of the house
     
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  12. The_J

    The_J Say No 2 Net Validations Retired Moderator Supporter

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    Also at the fair people tend to come in groups, but you'll normally also find a couple of pairs and single people.
    It's obviously also more fun if you go with people you know.

    Other events in the surrounding can also be fun. Was e.g. at the Dutch ComicCon, LegoWorld, or the BMX world championship. Just whatever goes on in your area.
    EDIT: Or daytrips to cities (in case anything is in reach). Just walking around and seeing the city might sound sometimes lame, but it's enough to have a bit to talk about.
     
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  13. yung.carl.jung

    yung.carl.jung Morose & Lugubrious

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    being an introvert doesn't make one boring. if you have any shared interes with your friends whatsover, there is a seemingly infinite amount of stuff to talk about. many people just have a hard time talking about specific subjects, or making specific subjects relatable, mostly solitary ones like reading books, watching movies, playing video games and similiar activities. it seems they do not make good material for discussion, but that's just not true, it's more of a defensive action because most of these activities are still (only to some degree) stigmatized as being boring, and therefore many people are afraid to talk about them passionately.

    from my experience if you are passionate for literally anything, and have even the slightest degree of eloquency, you can make your passions sound interesting. even if it's something hyperspecific like sub-saharan geopolitics in the late 20th century, or a new farm simulator that just came out. admittedly some things are hard to convey via language, e.g. the feeling you have while reading a really good book, but I think that is mainly due to our constrainments.

    tl;dr: talk passionately about what you like, no matter how "weird" or boring it might seem to you (unless it's something actually detestable, but I doubt most of the people here spend their free time torturing or smearing their walls with bodily fluids)

    for me, leaving out all the screen-related activities because that's just way too much to list, I cook and eat out a lot, I like going to the theatre or cinema, I do some weightlifting, I read a lot of books and listen to records, I write sometimes, do some basic gardening, I very much enjoy grooming, doing dishes and often play table top games with my love. also I really like doing lists, this one wasn't as fun though.

    You. I like you.

    Also, in reference to my above post: Look how attractive civvver makes playing WoW on a friday evening sound. makes it sound like doing lines off the back of a hollywood doll. with a side of glazed cherry on a paté served on a filet steak. funny, totally relatable, could be told in almost any informal setting and would get some smiles (from other gamers at least ). tell it in a self deprecating way and people won't even know if you really meant it or not :lol:

    yes, exactly that. or they filter all their activities and only talk about the ones they think are prestigious/exciting/portray them in a certain light/make them seem more interesting.
     
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2019
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  14. aimeeandbeatles

    aimeeandbeatles watermelon

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    Spare time. If there's one thing I have more than enough of, it's that.

    Contrary to what comments sections might tell you, being on disability sucks, and isn't really an option that people would be really willing to take. Boredom is ever-prevalent, so I'm usually looking for ways to fill the hours in a 'productive' manner, whether that's making a virtual catalog of my physical book collection, trying to organize the humongous mess of files scattered throughout my hard drive, or just misspelling Masachusets for the umpteenth time while working on the tour date page. I do try to get some walking in when I'm able to. (Though when it's too cold to go outside, walking up and down the apartment hallway a dozen times...is rather tedious.)

    Of course, that's on a good day. Bad days (thankfully less common now that I'm on my meds) tend to be mostly just sleeping.
     
  15. Lemon Merchant

    Lemon Merchant Smarticus Pantsidae Moderator

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    Hmmm. Let's see...

    When I do have spare time, I write, I read, play the guitar, and video games. I watch very little TV.

    The rest of the free time I have I spend looking after you maniacs. (And before I get the inevitable hate mail, I mean that facetiously.)
     
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  16. Cutlass

    Cutlass The Man Who Wasn't There.

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    You're looking at it...
     
  17. onejayhawk

    onejayhawk Afflicted with reason

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    I asked this question of Ronald Reagan once. He told me about his ranch in California.

    J
     
  18. yung.carl.jung

    yung.carl.jung Morose & Lugubrious

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    so, did you guys hit it off or what? was it like the scene in my dreams? do his lips really taste like jerky?
     
  19. Dekker

    Dekker Chieftain

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    Thanks for the replies and comments everyone, it's great to see both others who are similar in their time and those with quite the busy lifestyles, giving me both comfort that I'm not completely wasting my life away while also igniting some ideas of new things to try.

    Unfortunately I don't think I am really passionate about anything, so I guess I'm boring in that regard. But I think you hit the nail on the head for what I'm feeling in this particular situation, this friend of mine has total opposite interests, he is into sports, cars and always is in a relationship, so those are the usual topics he has to discuss, and I can't reciprocate anything about relationships (don't date, not in a place of feeling happy enough with myself to put myself out there yet) don't really follow sports so can't keep up, etc. and like you said I guess I'm defensive about anything I actually do or enjoy, such as video or board games, or the kind of shows I watch (sci fi, drama etc. not really his tastes) etc. and overall still think it'd be boring to discuss. So we don't have much common interests now that we don't work together and I find myself not enjoying going for food and some beers because it is a reminder to me of ... how unexciting/isolated my life kinda is, and almost want to avoid hanging out with him, which is ironically only more isolating. With my other buddies we either all go out drinking together or one we share video and board gaming interests so those are easier to maintain (though less deep in terms of meaningful conversations or knowing that much more serious stuff about eachother) yet with my friend who we are able to have a good conversation about life/family/goals etc. the other times where it's not that is just, almost painful.

    But I think you're right I need to lower my defenses and just be willing to share whatever it is that I actually find even the smallest passion or interest in, or learn how to make a story about the regular going ons that just happen. I think it is this fear of not being really good at this sharing, especially things about myself, that also inhabits my confidence in trying to go out on actual dates, as I usually am all ears for what anyone has to say about themselves, and then, feel like I nothing much to share back (whether because of the similar reasons above or not wanting to talk about my own past and family life because I'm embarrassed about it)

    Thought I'd get very personal with you guys since it's what I need to start learning to do otherwise! Thanks for listening :)
     
  20. Leifmk

    Leifmk Chieftain

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    Spare time, huh, I have a full-time job, four small kids, a house, and a wife who works evenings and nights a lot...

    I bake, I cook, I do a little cleaning around the house. I try to fix things that need fixing (there's always a backlog). I do work out a little but that's more in the "basic self-maintenance" account.

    I read, mostly on the bus to and from work.

    When the kids are asleep I get in a little PC gaming or something.
     

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