how many christians...

ybbor

Will not change his avata
Joined
Nov 16, 2003
Messages
5,773
Location
Chicago Suburbs
How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?
One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.
How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read the instructions and pray the light bulb will be one that has been chosen to be changed.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?
Change???

How many neo-orthodox does it take to change a light bulb?
No one knows. They can't tell the difference between light and darkness.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

How many independent fundamentalists does it take to change a light bulb?
Only one, because any more might result in too much cooperation.

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still might not change it, to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

How many Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They always use candles.

How many worship leaders who use guitars does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

How many members of an established Bible teaching church that is over 20 years old does it take to change a light bulb?
One to actually change the bulb, and nine to say how much they liked the old one.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?
This statement was issued: "We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb (or light source, or non-dark resource), and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life, and tinted--all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence."

any other suggestions are welcome as long as an expluination is provided
 
:goodjob: Good one. :D
 
How many Zen Masters does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to change the light bulb, and one not to change the light bulb.

How many graduate students does it take to change a light bulb?
One-but it takes him nine years.

How many WASPS does it take to change a light bulb?
Two. One to mix the drinks and another to call the electrician.

How many psychiatrists does it take to change alight bulb?
One, but the bulb has to really want to change.

How many Senators does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and the universe revolves around him.

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
That's not funny!

How many Jews does it take to change a light bulb?
Three. One to call the cleaning lady and two to feel guilty about calling the cleaning lady.

*No offense to anyone intended.
 
How many MBAs does it take to change a lightbulb? (Part 1)
One, to call his secretary and have her do it.

How many MBAs does it take to change a lightbulb? (Part 2)
None, that's not what I went to business school for.

How many MBAs does it take to change a lightbulb? (Part 3)
20:
1 to lead the committee for light bulb replacement.
2 to blame the comittee lead and tell senior management about it.
6 to serve on the committee and complain about they never have enough time to do anyhting because they are too busy on 12 other committees.
6 to serve on the committee because that have nothing better to do.
4 to request more documentation on the issue.
1 janitor with an MBA that notices the bulb is out and changes it.

How many MBAs does it take to change a lightbulb? (Part 4)
None, stupid. An MBA is just a piece of paper. :)
 
How many civil servants does it take to change a light-bulb?
51 - One to change the bulb and the other 50 to go on a 2-week,
all-expenses-paid fact-finding trip to the Bahamas to see how people change light-bulbs there.



And on a slightly different tack...

How many mice does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Two. But the real trick is getting them into the bulb...
 
i count 4, you (said so), me(sig), Wizard (sig), Puglover (sig)
 
what happens if your a indepentent fundamental baptist? im very confused now- i dont know whether it only takes 1 person or like, 40, 3/4s (of which bring food... ) ... its not like i need to change the bulb anyway...

PS, if your christian and you cant laugh at yourself-- you need to like- get a hobby, or something, leastways learn to laugh, and i'd be christian number 5

PPS

While I'm here, i'll post this one.

How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 5.

1 to write a program to control the robot that will change the bulb,
1 to write a program that acurattely models the enviroment in which the light bulb exsists.
1 to write a debuging program for the first 2 programs
1 to scrap the project and buy some donuts.
and one last, very clever, female programmer to grab a freakin light bulb and screw it in.
 
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