How my mother stopped telling me to look for a boyfriend

[Ryika]

So, for more than a decade my mom had annoyed me with semi-constant comments ala:

"Ryika (obviously that's not my real name), it's time you stop with the drawing and video game nonsense and look for a boyfriend. You want to have children, don't you? You'll really hate yourself if you're 30 and still single, and that whole attitude about not wanting a family, that's all just a temporary thing that you should get over, or you'll hate yourself for ignoring your natural urges."

Given that her own marriage didn't work out so well, she didn't really have much of a chance in a direct argument, but that didn't keep her from still bringing it up every now and then.

Until earlier this year, it suddenly stopped.

I noticed that, but didn't really understand why. Until yesterday, when I visited her at home for a few hours and learned that above her, there lives a family with 3 kids, all young boys, all as active as you'd imagine.

So my theory is that that made her remember how terribly annoying kids are when they're around you for more than an hour. Haven't asked her directly, but I'm pretty certain that's the reason.

It's funny how our brains almost automatically filter the past to make it look better than it actually was... until reality catches up with us in one way or the other.

Anyway. Moral of the story: Don't have kids, okay? They're terrible, annoying, and just take away time that you could use for other things, such as posting in an internet forum, while watching anime, preferably of the adult nature, on your second monitor.

Also, if you happen to be pregnant now, it would probably be a good idea to have an abortion.

 

[Bootstoots]

I'm a borderline anti-natalist too. And a big Doug Stanhope fan.

The worst part about kids is that they turn formerly interesting people into drones who post and talk about nothing but their offspring. Many people who have kids essentially die from an interestingness/relatability standpoint, and they only start coming back to life after their kids are at least teenagers.

 

[mrt144]

Wife and I never wanted kids and never will. Honestly, made life so much easier for us. Kids would ensure poverty for us.

 

[mrt144]

I'm a borderline anti-natalist too. And a big Doug Stanhope fan.

The worst part about kids is that they turn formerly interesting people into drones who post and talk about nothing but their offspring. Many people who have kids essentially die from an interestingness/relatability standpoint, and they only start coming back to life after their kids are at least teenagers.

Yeah, quite a few of my friends have kids 3 years or younger and its an all consuming thing, and rightly so - Raising a kid is one of the most serious jobs you can take in life. But on the other hand, I miss my friends being down to watch basketball and drink brews, even via skype.

 

[Ryika]

Many people who have kids essentially die from an interestingness/relatability standpoint, and they only start coming back to life after their kids are at least teenagers.

That happened to a work colleague of mine a few years ago. Didn't really actively notice that myself, except for the fact that we had a lot less contact outside of work, which I knew would happen (and was amplified due to the fact that I too was pretty busy at that time). However, a few months or so after birth the rest of our little collegue-clique started complaining about how he only ever talks about his family now, and ironically, talking about how annoying he had become, became an annoying topic in itself.

I'm not in contact with these people anymore, so I'm not sure how the whole story turned out in the end, but it certainly had quite some impact.

 

[civver_764]

Personally having a kid has been the most amazing and fulfilling thing I've ever experienced. Of course it gets extremely annoying at times, but there is an underlying sense of divine purpose and love that can't be beat. I might think differently if I upped it to three kids though...definitely not a goal of mine .

 

[FriendlyFire]

Tell her you are a Lesbian have a waifu already
Problem Solved

I'd imagine that the market for Japanese robotic Waifus will be immense
With Robot technology advancing it shouldnt be long

 

[Synobun]

In my experience, the people consumed by their children were already like that before they had kids. It just happened with different things instead.

 

[Zelig]

The worst part about kids is that they turn formerly interesting people into drones who post and talk about nothing but their offspring. Many people who have kids essentially die from an interestingness/relatability standpoint, and they only start coming back to life after their kids are at least teenagers.

I've got friends who have kids and keep being awesome, you just need enough close family / money for sitters that you don't have to sacrifice out-of-house time.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

My mother wanted to be a grandmother, and it finally got to the point where she wouldn't have cared who the father was or if I'd bothered to marry him before getting pregnant.

I'd wondered why she wanted to be a grandmother so much when she wasn't a very good mother (even she finally had to admit that my dad's mother - whom she hated - had been a better mother to me than she had). But then someone pointed out that she likely saw this hypothetical grandchild as her chance for a "do-over" to get it right.

Even if I had opted for kids, I'd never let them near any of my relatives who were emotionally or physically abusive. And that's my mother on both counts. Even my cats couldn't stand her (not that I ever saw her hit them, but she would yell at them so they were afraid of her).

 

[mrt144]

My mother wanted to be a grandmother, and it finally got to the point where she wouldn't have cared who the father was or if I'd bothered to marry him before getting pregnant.

I'd wondered why she wanted to be a grandmother so much when she wasn't a very good mother (even she finally had to admit that my dad's mother - whom she hated - had been a better mother to me than she had). But then someone pointed out that she likely saw this hypothetical grandchild as her chance for a "do-over" to get it right.

Even if I had opted for kids, I'd never let them near any of my relatives who were emotionally or physically abusive. And that's my mother on both counts. Even my cats couldn't stand her (not that I ever saw her hit them, but she would yell at them so they were afraid of her).

One of the reasons that weighed on me was that both my parents put their careers pretty high up on their importance - spent a lot of time being watched by people who werent my parents. They did support me in big, public facing things like sports but day to day their lives were more important, and I knew it. And I could never do that to someone who didn't ask to be here, who got here because of wanton sex.

When I told my dad about me and my wife not having kids he got it. But my mom didn't for a long time. Kinda still doesn't

 

[Broken_Erika]

Just get a cat instead.
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/baby_vs_cat

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Just get a cat instead.
http://theoatmeal.com/comics/baby_vs_cat

Thanks, already did. My household has included at least one cat (and at one point as many as 7 cats - 5 were kittens) for most of the past 40 years (will be 40 years on October 8, 2017).

I'd rather clean a dozen litter boxes than change one diaper.

 

[Commodore]

Anyway. Moral of the story: Don't have kids, okay? They're terrible, annoying, and just take away time that you could use for other things, such as posting in an internet forum, while watching anime, preferably of the adult nature, on your second monitor.

Also, if you happen to be pregnant now, it would probably be a good idea to have an abortion.

When people who think like this become the majority, that's when humanity goes extinct.

In all seriousness though, if you aren't interested in reproduction, then you really are just here wasting resources that could be better spent on someone who is actually interested in keeping the species going and contributing to the genetic diversity of the species. That's why I am opposed to single, childless adults having access to any type of social welfare program.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

When people who think like this become the majority, that's when humanity goes extinct.

In all seriousness though, if you aren't interested in reproduction, then you really are just here wasting resources that could be better spent on someone who is actually interested in keeping the species going and contributing to the genetic diversity of the species. That's why I am opposed to single, childless adults having access to any type of social welfare program.

Congratulations on making one of the most offensive posts I've ever seen on this forum.

Some of us have excellent reasons for opting out of reproducing. I've enumerated mine on several occasions, and one of them includes the fact that I decided that the genetic "legacy" of cancer that's been "gifted" to the women in my mother's side of the family down through the generations stops with me. There will be no descendants of mine in doctors' offices or taking chemo or dying in hospice, wondering why their mothers were so damn irresponsible to have children, knowing they could pass this on.

So I've done my bit for the human race. You're welcome.

 

[Commodore]

Some of us have excellent reasons for opting out of reproducing. I've enumerated mine on several occasions, and one of them includes the fact that I decided that the genetic "legacy" of cancer that's been "gifted" to the women in my mother's side of the family down through the generations stops with me. There will be no descendants of mine in doctors' offices or taking chemo or dying in hospice, wondering why their mothers were so damn irresponsible to have children, knowing they could pass this on.

Conversely, that's also one less potential test subject that could contribute to finding a "cure" for cancer to spare future generations from the suffering it causes. And that's even if they get cancer, which is certainly not a guarantee. I mean, as far as I know, you haven't gotten cancer so it's far from guaranteed that you or any of your descendants would get cancer.

Plus, genetic predisposition for cancer is a very, very small factor in determining one's chances of getting cancer in their lifetime. And even the cancers that are caused by genetic defects aren't the result of genetic makeup at birth or conception, but rather the result of genetic changes in cells that occur at some point later in life. In other words, there's not a lot of evidence out there to suggest cancer is hereditary. Research shows that cancer can sometimes seem hereditary though because of common behaviors, such as smoking, or common traits, such as obesity, that run within families which increase the risk of multiple family members across several generations getting similar types of cancer.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

How about respecting my choice, instead of doing as MobBoss did a few years ago? I don't need to be scolded or chastised by either of you, especially when you basically say that I cheated the world of my offspring for some selfish reason.

You do not know my family's history, but I'd say that having a grandmother, two great-aunts, my mother, one of her sisters, and a cousin afflicted with cancer is an excellent reason for me not to risk yet another generation. My youngest aunt's kids were both boys, so hopefully it stops there, as well. My other cousins are adopted, and as far as I know they and their kids are healthy.

I have other reasons as well for not having kids; this is just one of them. But they're all good reasons, and your judgmental attitude is not required.

 

[NovaKart]

I would like to have children but I would prefer they be raised by a governess with an attitude of children should be seen and not heard.

I don't have the financial resources for that and being gay puts a damper in it too. And yes I realize both Oscar Wilde and Elton John had kids. Still it's harder for us.

Maybe some day I'll do it but honestly most people have kids and there's no reason to encourage people to reproduce if they don't want to. We're not in danger of the human race going extinct.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

I would prefer they be raised by a governess with an attitude of children should be seen and not heard.

That doesn't usually result in happy kids who don't end up with emotional issues or other problems.

There needs to be a balance between expecting kids to be able to play or work quietly and letting them be noisy.

 

[Aleksey_aka_al]

For kids there are husbands, and boyfriends are for other nice and crucial things. Cats won't do, no matter how many.