How to get good prose?

[Mouthwash]

It seems that I can't wrap my head around the art of writing well. I've read a huge amount and can read faster (naturally, with no speed-reading techniques) than anyone I've ever met, including adults. But this doesn't seem to have bled over into my own writing.

I actually write fiction myself, and do so reasonably well, but it takes like an hour to crank out a single paragraph. Usually each sentence gets written three times over and requires deep thinking to create in the first place. I'm simply horrible at diction, and it reflects in my posts. This is a sample of my attempt (via email) to defend US unipolarity in the modern world:

"We are so integrated with the world economy and political hierarchy that disregarding state power in favor of some categorical imperative would lead to global chaos."

Does that sound like someone who knows what he's talking about to you? The concepts are there, and the thought process is there, but the words aren't.

On the other hand, most others don't seem to have this problem. TF has the best prose and vocabulary I've ever seen, and can express it so concisely it's like an economy of language. It seems as natural as breathing for him. I also like ParkCungHee and Crezth based on style and their smooth, logical flow. Other than that, there aren't many exceptional writers on here, but I've found plenty in other forums.

When I want to say something complicated or hard to express I generally try and recall words or phrases others have used in similar situations and try and fit it in, but it never sticks with me. I've steadily improved my prose over the last few years, probably from being around so many well-spoken people, and now I've hit a wall. I don't want to grow up and go to college like this, where essays will take five times as long as they should because while the concepts and arguments are elementary for me, I can never, ever put it on paper without huge effort.

 

[Antilogic]

It would appear your writing and editing process causes you to put too many dependent clauses into a single sentence. Don't be afraid to break it up when it is natural to do so.

 

[Synobun]

The key to driving a point is not to pretend you're a thesaurus but to understand the words you're using. This is a huge problem for skilled foreign English speakers. They have grammar and syntax under control, but they use unnecessarily complex words in normal conversation in an attempt to show that they're are intelligent and fluent when in fact doing this makes them look like they really have no idea what they're doing.

You don't need complex words to express an intelligent opinion. However, if you do want to use complex words, what you need to do is subscribe to a service that provides you one word a day. With this word, you investigate the definition and you apply yourself to use this word at least five times through the day in different sentences, making sure to pay attention to whether or not the flow of text is ruined or improved and if it makes sense.

"We lost the game" will, in most instances, work better and fit better than "we suffered a grave defeat at the hands of our competition".

In regards to writing assignments, stop focusing on playing the word game and focus more on what you want to convey. You can switch words and phrases around later to improve the flow of text but you have to make sure it actually improves it. Steady practice will result in possessing a 'feel' for what works and what doesn't. Stop looking to other people. Stop copying literature. Stop comparing yourself to other people. These are all toxic to what you're attempting to accomplish.

 

[Mouthwash]

It would appear your writing and editing process causes you to put too many dependent clauses into a single sentence. Don't be afraid to break it up when it is natural to do so.

Example? (I don't know what a clause is... I don't know much beyond nouns, verbs, and adjectives.)

The key to driving a point is not to pretend you're a thesaurus but to understand the words you're using. This is a huge problem for skilled foreign English speakers. They have grammar and syntax under control, but they use unnecessarily complex words in normal conversation in an attempt to show that they're are intelligent and fluent when in fact doing this makes them look like they really have no idea what they're doing.

You don't need complex words to express an intelligent opinion. However, if you do want to use complex words, what you need to do is subscribe to a service that provides you one word a day. With this word, you investigate the definition and you apply yourself to use this word at least five times through the day in different sentences, making sure to pay attention to whether or not the flow of text is ruined or improved and if it makes sense.

"We lost the game" will, in most instances, work better and fit better than "we suffered a grave defeat at the hands of our competition".

In regards to writing assignments, stop focusing on playing the word game and focus more on what you want to convey. You can switch words and phrases around later to improve the flow of text but you have to make sure it actually improves it. Steady practice will result in possessing a 'feel' for what works and what doesn't. Stop looking to other people. Stop copying literature. Stop comparing yourself to other people. These are all toxic to what you're attempting to accomplish.

I don't think you understand my problem. I know not to use complex words. In the example I gave of me fumbling over basic geopolitical terms it wasn't that I used sesquipedalian language to bolster my argument, but that I literally couldn't find any other way of expressing myself. What term should I use, for instance, for a general rule that should be followed in a Prisoner's Dilemma-type scenario where everyone stands to gain by doing so? I've never read Kant, but it was the only thing I could think of that was remotely tied to the concept I was arguing against.

Maybe the problem is neurological, because I have a horrific short-term memory.

 

[Souron]

It sounds like you're a bit of a perfectionist on rough drafts. When you're trying to get an idea down, don't worry about clarity, just get it on paper. Then move on until the essay is written. Later you can go back and improve your prose.

 

[Mouthwash]

It sounds like you're a bit of a perfectionist on rough drafts. When you're trying to get an idea down, don't worry about clarity, just get it on paper. Then move on until the essay is written. Later you can go back and improve your prose.

I'm referring to essays with a time limit. Essays without I blow off.

 

[Hygro]

It seems that I can't wrap my head around the art of writing well. I've read a huge amount and can read faster (naturally, with no speed-reading techniques) than anyone I've ever met, including adults. But this doesn't seem to have bled over into my own writing.

I actually write fiction myself, and do so reasonably well, but it takes like an hour to crank out a single paragraph. Usually each sentence gets written three times over and requires deep thinking to create in the first place. I'm simply horrible at diction, and it reflects in my posts. This is a sample of my attempt (via email) to defend US unipolarity in the modern world:

"We are so integrated with the world economy and political hierarchy that disregarding state power in favor of some categorical imperative would lead to global chaos."

Does that sound like someone who knows what he's talking about to you? The concepts are there, and the thought process is there, but the words aren't.

On the other hand, most others don't seem to have this problem. TF has the best prose and vocabulary I've ever seen, and can express it so concisely it's like an economy of language. It seems as natural as breathing for him. I also like ParkCungHee and Crezth based on style and their smooth, logical flow. Other than that, there aren't many exceptional writers on here, but I've found plenty in other forums.

When I want to say something complicated or hard to express I generally try and recall words or phrases others have used in similar situations and try and fit it in, but it never sticks with me. I've steadily improved my prose over the last few years, probably from being around so many well-spoken people, and now I've hit a wall. I don't want to grow up and go to college like this, where essays will take five times as long as they should because while the concepts and arguments are elementary for me, I can never, ever put it on paper without huge effort.

What I bolded was an example of you writing well.

When you were thinking outside of yourself, you wrote well. When you were writing about yourself, you wrote well enough. When you were trying to show yourself through your writing, you wrote terribly.

I'm going to hazard a guess and get a little out of line here, and say you are too concerned with "being smart" to perform. The example you gave... I study political economy and I can read Judith Butler and actually understand what she is saying and I have no idea what you meant.

Stop trying to cover all your bases and just say what you want to say.

 

[Gori the Grey]

First, be aware that the process of extensive revision that you describe is the norm for strong writers. The passages that you admire are probably the result of a similar hour-per-paragraph revision process.

Second, your speed reading won't help you; to become a better writer, you will probably have to become a slower reader. Reading to improve your style is entirely different from reading to absorb content. When you find a sentence you like, study how it was constructed. Articulate the qualities that make it a good sentence. Reverse-engineer it, to appreciate what was involved in building it.

Now, to consider the example sentence you provide us.

"We are so integrated with the world economy and political hierarchy that disregarding state power in favor of some categorical imperative would lead to global chaos."


To start with, all of its nouns, except chaos (and even it is iffy), are abstractions: economy, hierarchy, power, imperative. And these are modified with adjectives that only increase the level of abstraction: world, political, state. Only philosophers can process more than two abstractions per sentence. Ground your writing in concrete language, in things that your reader's mind can actually picture.

Next, you've placed your most vibrant idea, chaos, in a dependent clause. You will have to start learning grammar if you want to become a better writer. [Grammar lesson: Consider the end of your sentence as though it were a free-standing sentence. I give a simplified version of it: "Disregarding state power would lead to chaos." That's a complete thought, right? But once you add the word "that" to it, it becomes a thought that depends on another thought. Read this all by itself: "that disregarding state power would lead to chaos." Do you see how, phrased that way, it does not convey a complete thought? Ironically, adding a word has made it a less complete grammatical unit. It now depends for its meaning on the beginning of your sentence. That's a dependent clause. End of grammar lesson.] Anyway, again, you've buried your most vibrant thought in a prepositional phrase at the end of a dependent clause. What if you started your sentence, "Global chaos would result if we disregarded state power . . ." Something else that you should notice has happened as a result of this rephrasing. The subject in your previous clause was "disregarding," the -ing form of a verb, used to designate ongoing action. It too is very non-picturable language. In our new sentence, it has become a finite verb. You'll learn the subjunctive (and the proper phrasing of this alternate sentence, "Global chaos would result if the U.S. were to") in a later lesson.

The other material in your example sentence gives the reasons why such chaos would result. You're going to have to include that material in the sentence, but you can do so in a way that communicates to readers its logical connection to the other material. Spell out these logical connections using the words that are usually called transitional expressions. Heck, the sentence that you give could be improved simply by spelling out the logical connection between the main thoughts in it: "Because the U.S is so integrated with the world economy and political hierarchy, to disregard state power in favor of some categorical imperative would lead to global chaos." You still have a dependent clause; the opening clause. But it's a dependent clause that explicitly indicates its relation to the main clause.


Read slowly and observantly. In your own writing, minimize abstractions. Determine what are the logical connections between your thoughts and spell them out for your reader.

That you want to improve probably means that you will.

 

[Mouthwash]

First, be aware that the process of extensive revision that you describe is the norm for strong writers. The passages that you admire are probably the result of a similar hour-per-paragraph revision process.

Second, your speed reading won't help you; to become a better writer, you will probably have to become a slower reader. Reading to improve your style is entirely different from reading to absorb content. When you find a sentence you like, study how it was constructed. Articulate the qualities that make it a good sentence. Reverse-engineer it, to appreciate what was involved in building it.

Now, to consider the example sentence you provide us.

"We are so integrated with the world economy and political hierarchy that disregarding state power in favor of some categorical imperative would lead to global chaos."


To start with, all of its nouns, except chaos (and even it is iffy), are abstractions: economy, hierarchy, power, imperative. And these are modified with adjectives that only increase the level of abstraction: world, political, state. Only philosophers can process more than two abstractions per sentence. Ground your writing in concrete language, in things that your reader's mind can actually picture.

That's the problem. Technical terminology often eludes me, even if I'm more than familiar with the subject at hand. The US's economy is globalized. China creates growth by exporting to us. Arab countries sell oil to us. Japan maintains high tech industries by trading with us. When we hit a recession, the world quickly follows. How do I articulate that? All that integration creates conflict, and an awful lot lot of countries depend on us to prevent it. For instance, Saudi Arabia needs us to pressure Iran, Japan and China might take unilateral action against each other if not for the fact that US interest requires that they both remain stable, etc. Withdrawing military and financial support for other countries would thus lead to chaos, as each state tried to act in its own interest in the new global order. That's pretty hard to word, even if I had split it up into multiple sentences.

 

[JollyRoger]

My writing can be pretty clunky until I have edited it quite a bit. In general, apply the miniskirt rule to most everything - long enough to cover the essentials, but short enough to still be interesting. Usually, I use two or three or more words when one will do. That one word is generally fairly common and not some 5 dollar word that you have to go to a thesaurus for.

 

[Murky]

I can write reasonable prose if I take enough time to edit it. Not everyone is a naturally good writer. You might consider taking a class to get more practice. There you would have others to give critical advise of your work. That is so that you can figure out where you're going wrong. You can't fix it if you don't know what the problem is.

 

[Synobun]

Such a complex concept cannot be sufficiently described without a novel's worth of clarified information. You're never going to be able to summarize something like that in a paragraph without missing out on pretty much all of the important details. If you're seeking an introduction to the concept, you can touch base on the general idea and not the specifics. Don't single out nations unless you are specifically going to focus on them throughout the entire paper/novel/whatever. Only mention the primary idea of what is going to come next.

Also, you don't need to have your opening statement restricted to a singular sentence. Assuming you're not a part of a university that arbitrarily restricts the length of papers, you are more than able to fill out an entire paragraph to introduce your idea and opinion.

 

[Quackers]

My writing is dire too. The best solution is to practice. Write about anything that interests you and than read it through critically (i'll wait a few days before going back to it); it will be easier to spot your limitations.

I have tried to stay true to this in the past. It is well worth it to read all the way through, albeit it is slightly off topic, and then take on his six rules at the end of the essay.

 

[Crezth]

Art consumption does not begat art production.

 

[Antilogic]

Example? (I don't know what a clause is... I don't know much beyond nouns, verbs, and adjectives.)

So the quoted sentence you gave us has a few, but look first at how many different ideas you are trying to cram into a single sentence:

"We are so integrated with the world economy and political hierarchy that disregarding state power in favor of some categorical imperative would lead to global chaos."

The two blue sections are part of the same clause but the mid-blue contains a different point. Five points in a single sentence is a bit much. Hygro's advice is also quite good.

 

[Angst]

Oh god I'm loving this thread. I suck so much at writing so this is brilliant.

 

[Mouthwash]

Would reading this do anything for me? I had it recommended to me an extremely literate person.

 

[Murky]

Art consumption does not begat art production.

Some of world's greatest artist started out by copying the work of others. They would eventually go on to develop their own style and methods. I don't know if it would work with writing. Maybe you could take a really good movie you like and try to write as it as a story for practice.

 

[Angst]

It's extremely important to read other people's stuff when writing. Good stuff, mind you. You know why so much teenage diary poetry doesn't resonate with people? Because the aforementioned teenagers don't actually read that much.

http://teenangstpoetry.blogspot.dk/

I find a peculiar charm within it myself, but I sure guess other people don't.

 

[sophie]

Would reading this do anything for me? I had it recommended to me an extremely literate person.

Read this.

If you're really interested in improving your prose I would recommend:

1. Learning the elements of English grammar
2. Close reading of writers whom you admire
3. Lots of writing on your end
4. Most important to step 3, after you finish writing, take a sober and measured evaluation of what you produced. Identify what you did well and what needs work. Maybe list out your weaknesses on a piece of paper and keep them handy while writing.

An important thought on editing: the editing process is finished, not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. When you are editing your paper, with every word, every sentence, and every paragraph, you should be asking yourself, "Do I really need this to be here?"

By close reading I mean, as was said above, spending a long time breaking down the prose of your peers into its basest elements, and understanding how they do what they do. From there you can begin to develop your own style and thereby grow as a writer.