If nations were people...

[ArneHD]

This is based on a conversation that I had with a few of my friends some time back, and at the time it seemed really funny:

Norway: A person who lives in a cabin on a far away mountain and is rich enough to be called eccentric rather than just outright mad. Has a drinking problem.

Finland: Smart guy, with glasses and a mobile phone, probably designed both of them himself using an old plastic bag, a piece of rubber and a used rubber duck. Has a drinking problem.

Sweden: Nice guy, stylish, doesn't talk too much, not too loudly, but is noncommittal. An engineer by profession. Has a drinking problem.

Denmark: Big, fat guy with double cheeks. Jovial and laughy, but prone to breaking down. Has a drinking problem.

Russia: Old army man, possibly an NCO. Got fired and his abused wife and children all hate him now. Now he just stumbles around drunk, singing songs about how great life used to be. Violent and prone to threaten with violence. Drinks more than all others combined, and has a problem with it.

Estonia: Child of Russia; hates him, but lives too close to say it out loud. Russia occasionally tries to phone him, but he doesn't pick it up. Still suffers trauma, but with counseling it's getting better. Has a drinking problem.

Latvia: Same as Estonia, more or less.

Lithuania: Like Latvia and Estonia, but lives further away, and is in much better shape than them. Has a drinking problem.

Poland: Young nun who was first married to Russia, then Germany, then Russia again. During this time, she was beaten, raped and in various ways abused. She now suffers trauma, but plays the victim role a bit too much. Has a drinking problem.

Germany: An engineer, used to be the abusive strongman in the area, but was beaten by Russia, among others. Drinks a lot, but is fine with it.

Netherlands: The hippy of the family, always slightly high, but for some reason or another, never seems to low on funds. All the children love this guy, but the parents exchange knowing glances at each other. Would have drunk, but with marijuana, why bother?

Belgium: The illegitimate offspring of France and the Netherlands. Currently going through an identity crisis. Drinks, but is fine with it.

Britain: Big, distant figure, who was probably driven away by France. The two never really got along despite their childhood together. Now he works in finance. Has a drinking problem.

France: Psychology student, probably due to having her own psychological problems. Used to hate Britain, but the two are now on speaking terms after Britain helped her get out of her brief marriage with Germany, which she was forced into. Has a drinking problem.

Belarus: One of the few children of Russia who actually likes him. Wants to follow in his dad's footsteps. Is dirt poor and has a drinking problem.

Ukraine: One part of him hates Russia with a passion, while the other isn't too sure. Tries not to draw too much attention to himself. Has a drinking problem.

Austria: Everybody suspects her of having an old SS uniform in the closet.

Switzerland: A big banker, and a rich one at that. Has not told anyone his opinion on anything, and generally stays out of everybodys hair.



Ok that's as far as we got: Any nations you would like to add?

 

[lutzj]

Italy: The old guy with all the stories about how he used to be the big guy on the block. Very religious. Manages to eat whatever he wants and stay thin.

North/South Korea, China, and Japan: Korea is a pair of Siamese twins, as a result of being the inbred offspring of China and Japan. The two parents divorced after Japan developed a drinking problem started beating China; they decided to each take one twin. Japan is now the cool dad and likes to play video games and read comics with South Korea; China is the angry and resentful mom who teaches her child to hate his dad, his dad's friends, and everything he stands for. North Korea, as a result, grew up to be very antisocial and violent.

 

[DBear]

If Belgium is the illegitimate offspring of France and Netherlands, you might want to change one of their definitions. Just sayin'...

 

[Kraznaya]

You should've put "Has a drinking problem" after each nation, I was shaking with laughter.

 

[ArneHD]

If Belgium is the illegitimate offspring of France and Netherlands, you might want to change one of their definitions. Just sayin'...

Ops, didn't notice that one.

 

[zxcvbnm]

USA: an old fat guy who served in the war, which he founds everything upon. When you tell him he doesn't do right he roars: "I was in the war, were you?" Filthy rich and religious, a friend of the children of Russia who hate him and in speaking terms with the other europeans. Became the stepfather of Israel after his parents were killed. Has a drinking problem.

Israel: An orphan child of immigrants, adopted by USA. He suffers from bad paranoia caused by childhood abuse, which has made him lock his wife Palestine up and never let her leave the house. The paranoia isn't eased at all because Iran and Syria live in his neighbourhood. Has accumulated a lot of guns to defend himself "just in case"

Palestine: The wife of Israel, would want a divorce but isn't let even to leave the house, let alone get a divorce. In her misery sometimes punches her husband who beats her in turn.

Iran: A guy who used to be a secular muslim but later became a fanatic. Has a long beard and acts threateningly towards Israel, who should move away according to him.

 

[Love]

I'm amazed you didnt have USA

EDIT XPOST XD

 

[Deep Thought]

San Marino: A very old and forgotten dwarf who has similar behaviors as Italy. Has drinking problems.

Greece: A hot (Climate) chick, but no one understands her. Once got raped by Turkey.

Turkey: An old and religous callibane who hates Greece and wants to eat Cyprus.

Cyprus: Child to Greece and UK. Got limbs lost after Turkey's trial to eat him.

Faroe Islands: Completely forgotten and anomynous loser. Denmark's son.

Canada: USA's twin. Less religous and more peaceful and European.

 

[zxcvbnm]

I think Canada would be a lumberjack

 

[Love]

Brazil: The only thing he does is playing football on the beach. Has a suntan and is always seen with atleast one girl with him. Is a relative to Portugal.

 

[Swedishguy]

Swaziland: A lunatic locked up in an Asylum. He doesn't get much food or water but seems to be holding up well.

 

[ArneHD]

Mostly I didn't include anyone outside Europe, because it started as a conversation about the European family, what kind of people the individual nations were; so the Netherlands was the uncle that all the children loved, but all the parents hated. So nothing outside Europe.

 

[raketooy]

Ireland: A bit overweight man who likes eating and drinking. Seen by everyone as really fun, talkative and impulsive person. Little brother of the UK.

 

[Love]

Vatican: A (very) religous old man who likes talking tales from his childhood. Wears glasses and consider himself as a god. Looks like this:

 

[LAnkou]

Scotland: A strange guy wearing skirt and talking in a very funny way to its cousin England. England has forced him to accept the fact that England was the family chief. Ask regulary to broke up from the family and recently he got the right to spend his pocket money on what he wants...Has a drinking problem.

Wales: a little brother of England, a sheep sheppard. He gives strange name to everything (llanglawivilonomaly...). Every other european wonder who that guy is on the UK family picture. has a drinking problem...

Monaco: a old cousin of France. He's accountant and as luxembourg, lienchtenstein and switzerland, is very secret about his money and the one people give him in deposit. Likes circus.

Spain: A religious women with dark hair and brown eye. Has a hot temper. Recently get into building houses, however, she build too much of them...

Portugal: A religious guy and cousin of Spain. Used to build house for France.

 

[Yoda Power]

Romania: Has a fetish for dressing up in dark clothes and run around in the night. A relative to Italy. Has a bloody drinking problem.

Slovenia: The little sister of Croatia and Serbia. They all used to live together, but Slovenia moved out at some point and never looked back.

Croatia: The older sister of Slovenia and Serbia. Got into a big child custody fight with Serbia after they had incest kid.

Serbia: The brother of Slovenia and Croatia. Had a child with the older sister, and got into a big fight.

Bosnia-Hercegovina: The incest child of Croatia and Serbia, converted to Islam, and got messed up by fighting parents.

Macedonia: Another child of Serbia, this time with Bulgaria. Macedonia think it's real mother is Greece.

Montenegro: The forgotten brother of Slovenia, Croatia and Serbia, was still a baby when all the trouble happened.

Kosovo: Serbias last child, untill a DNA test proved that it was infact Albanias. The mother is unknown. Serbia has a hard time dealing with the loss of Kosovo.

Bulgaria: Party woman with a taste for roses. The mother of Macedonia.

 

[Love]

Iceland: A guy who has been living on an island for so long no one can remember. Think he's a viking and likes bathing and he has a stable with horses he sells around to get money.

 

[Deep Thought]

You would still not see a difference in Eurovision. (Musical contest where politics and nationalism has played a big role in recent years.)

 

[Zenon_pt]

IF Achmed was nation, which nation should be?

 

[Zenon_pt]

Scotland: A strange guy wearing skirt and talking in a very funny way to its cousin England. England has forced him to accept the fact that England was the family chief. Ask regulary to broke up from the family and recently he got the right to spend his pocket money on what he wants...Has a drinking problem.

Wales: a little brother of England, a sheep sheppard. He gives strange name to everything (llanglawivilonomaly...). Every other european wonder who that guy is on the UK family picture. has a drinking problem...

Monaco: a old cousin of France. He's accountant and as luxembourg, lienchtenstein and switzerland, is very secret about his money and the one people give him in deposit. Likes circus.

Spain: A religious women with dark hair and brown eye. Has a hot temper. Recently get into building houses, however, she build too much of them...

Portugal: A religious guy and cousin of Spain. Used to build house for France.

And UK is the ex-wife of France ???