If you could replace all politicians with animals, which would you choose?

[GoodEnoughForMe]

Pretty simple question. Let's say some fairy godparents decide that you, as a middle class person living in relative stability (like Timmy before you) deserve to have their magic powers. The condition is that they only have one magic power, and that magic power is to replace all politicians in the world with animals, who will now hold said elected positions. What animal do you replace politicians with?

Cats? They are cute as hell, but they also wholesale slaughter birds. Dogs? They **** everywhere and then eat it. Dolphins? They rape and torture other animals. Chimpanzees? Too close to humans probably. Ants? They have colony-wide wars that result in millions of deaths by the day. Bonobo? The sex stories would be great, at least.

Please pick an animal and discuss why you chose that animal. Extinct animals do not count, sorry.

 

[tetley]

Fruit flies. They all die within 48 hours.

 

[dusters]

Phoenix. So they rebirth before each election.

 

[PhroX]

Humans.

 

[Valka D'Ur]

Hmm. It depends on the individual politician. Some would be pigs, and others would be cows. Some would be yappy little chihuahuas. I can think of some that remind me of Grumpy Cat, but even Grumpy Cat must purr sometimes. Some politicians are never happy unless they're making life miserable for people who don't vote for them.

(Yes, I am disgusted with the crop of Harper/Reformacon sycophants who think they're qualified to be Prime Minister; they don't care about improving the country - all they want is to "get back into power" and still haven't realized that this attitude is a huge part of why their party got turfed last year in the first place).

 

[Tahuti]

Nobody mentioned lizards yet.

 

[warpus]

I would go with species of near extinct animals, like the black rhino.

 

[Gori the Grey]

When I saw the thread title, I instantly formulated my answer, only to come into the thread and discover that PhroX had already given it. So the only vote I've made is a like for his post.

But my other answer is "dogs."

 

[GoodEnoughForMe]

I thought about saying "humans don't count" in the OP but I figured nobody would stoop so low as to interpret my question as including them.

 

[Gori the Grey]

See, but it's a mind-bender. If only politicians would act like humans (the ideal that we have for humanity, that is), then we could even have humans as our politicians and things would be okay.

Edit to add this joke: Then we'd have a humane society! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

 

[Kyriakos]

Lizzards? If you want little difference.

Now saw it was already posted

 

[jackelgull]

Trump is a braying a- er, I mean mule.

 

[Lohrenswald]

Lizards for Douglas Adams reference

 

[Phrossack]

Humans are, for better or for worse, animals that have unsuccessfully tried to domesticate themselves.

But probably something nearly extinct--so, about 2/3 or all life on Earth.

 

[Zkribbler]

Can any of these animals understand language? Can any read? Can any use logic? Give me a break.

 

[Kyriakos]

While some animals (eg crows or octopodes) apparently are able to use "logic", they all lack any significant mutual language, so are doomed to be the same thing more or less nomatter how many aeons pass.
Other animals (whales iirc) are said to have very complicated 'communication' systems, but apparently can't do anything in the first place.

Obviously man is like god next to any other creature on this planet. Despite the current state of humanity.

 

[GoodEnoughForMe]

Can any of these animals understand language? Can any read? Can any use logic? Give me a break.

But think of how much better photo ops would be.

 

[warpus]

I mean, as soon as they turn into animals, they'll just run away. Then we'll have to elect new officials