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If Your Citizens Could Write Books About You....

Discussion in 'Civ4 - General Discussions' started by MarigoldRan, May 27, 2011.

  1. MarigoldRan

    MarigoldRan WARLORD

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    1,486
    What would they say?

    I think my people would say I was a great leader because I cared about the welfare of my citizens. After all, in my civs, none of my people are unhappy. EVER.
     
  2. Archon_Wing

    Archon_Wing Vote for me or die

    Joined:
    Apr 3, 2005
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    1,656
    Gender:
    Male
    "He's a huge douchebag that enslaves half the population when anyone complains. Will fire nukes just because another leader insults him. Also, would rather build wonders rather than infrastructure. Has been known to keep ending turn for hundreds of years, neglecting everything else. And why isn't he dead after thousands of years?"
     
  3. Optical

    Optical The Fall of the Eleventh

    Joined:
    Sep 16, 2010
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    5,734
    Location:
    Help me. I don't know where I am.
    This for me too :lol:
     
  4. joanne

    joanne Barbarian

    Joined:
    Jun 1, 2009
    Messages:
    489
    They'd view me as a god above all gods (well except the RNG gods perhaps :)) how else could they harvest bread and gold coins from sea water, or summon an army by magically breathing life into wooden sculptures a la Pinocchio with rifles, or send a humongous spaceship on course to alpha centauri using no precision computing equipment other than abacuses (also carved out of wood :crazyeye:)

    I think you need to whip & draft more, especially before declaring war to hasten preparations and thus minimize the risk of your target researching a tech that enables them to build better units: 30+ turns of stacked unhappiness < one less rival civ to contend with. Bring on the "cruel oppression!" :mwaha:
     
  5. Peregrine

    Peregrine The Swift

    Joined:
    Dec 30, 2001
    Messages:
    440
    Location:
    The Nether Regions
    The citizens of nations I control would never know who I was. I would manipulate puppet leaders who would faithfully execute all my orders unquestioningly. If they ever balked, there would be either an unfortunate "accident," or a political assassination. New leader placed afterward.

    This way, I personally would never be targeted as the "head of the snake." Any of my puppet leaders who were targeted would, of course, be expendable.

    There would, however, be books written by "cranks" about secret "shadow governments" and a good number of "conspiracy theories." All of which would, of course, be wrong, but contain small elements of the truth. Anyone who did happen to stumble onto the facts would be dismissed as a fruitcake.

    Sound familiar?
     
  6. Wheatandoats

    Wheatandoats Chieftain

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2011
    Messages:
    20
    There would be no book because my civilization would have been destroyed long before language........:( STUPID BARBARIANS!!!!!!




    If only I used a warrior first opening! :aargh:
     
  7. Ataxerxes

    Ataxerxes Chieftain

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2009
    Messages:
    3,073
    I would be regarded as a brutal dictator in the BC's as I whip my populace mercilessly and then kill them off. I would then be regarded as a beficient leader after 1000 AD as I give freedoms, encourage trade and keep everyone happy and healthy. The rest of the world would always regard me as an imperialist beast and more treacherous than Cathy.
     
  8. oldskald

    oldskald Chieftain

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2010
    Messages:
    228
    If my serfs could write books (and I'm not sure they should be allowed to - perhaps some form of licensing system? Hmmm), they would be utterly confused as to why they spend generations on seemingly irrelevant tasks but then suddenly everything goes dark and they are placed in a weird form of suspended animation.

    My soldiers, on the other hand, would utterly love me.

    Oh, and I'd be nicknamed "the Greedy" as I hoard large amounts of cash whenever possible. Just in case.
     
  9. Lemon Merchant

    Lemon Merchant Smarticus Pantsidae

    Joined:
    Jun 27, 2008
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    Gender:
    Female
    Location:
    Red Sector A
    I would likely be dubbed "Oh Cranky One" by my loyal, yet trembling subjects, since I have a habit of whipping indiscriminately when I need something in a hurry. In later years, they would lavish praise on me when I "win" them nice wonders, cities, and other trinkets.

    My opponents would probably do the same as they do now. When they open the diplo screen and say "Oh great, it's that cranky Irish skag again."

    It seems that my reputation precedes me everywhere I go. :lol:
     
  10. TheMulattoMaker

    TheMulattoMaker Dictator of RF

    Joined:
    May 28, 2008
    Messages:
    1,474
    Location:
    Far-GO!
    A Concise Biography Of
    THE MULATTO MAKER
    -or-
    6,000 Years of Epic Douchery

    written by
    Starting Warrior

    So we magically came into existence in 4000 BC, at the Time of the Great Awakening. Our close "friends" the Starting Settler were chosen by our tribe's then-chief to sit down next to this cozy riverside- and do a whole lot of nothing. They are still harvesting that same wheat, year after year. And they get all the nice toys, too. The first thing our :lol:leader:lol: did was help them figure out better ways to grow their wheat. The second thing he did was kidnap all their children for three centuries (okay, I guess that probably sucked for them) and then send them out to plow the field. Through the millenia, those same stupid wheat-growers get everything. Are they the ones martyred so our :lol:Dear Leader:lol: can build himself a giant tomb (he never even died, wtf) and change his government? No, someone else took the fall for that one. Were they the ones drafted when the Aztecs invaded (due to some stunningly ignorant military policies, I might add)? No. They get to go home every night and make babies after relaxing at the theater for a few hours. And get drunk on the wine that we found. And eat that tasty seafood that we discovered. And listen to those new-fangled "hit records" we keep hearing about, the ones they bought from the French? Yeah, who was it that discovered France? And who stumbled across that fantastic gold mine that paid for those records? Three guesses: Us, us, and freakin' us.

    But enough complaining about how easy those scumbags in the capital have it. Nobody ever paid any attention to us, and all the things we've contributed to this empire. Right from the beginning, when you all got to go swimming in the river after a nice day in the sun (poking at the dirt with a stick- ooh, there's some hard work for ya), our :lol:Benevolent Leader:lol: sent us out into the nothing. Literally the nothing. It was like going the wrong way in The Never-Ending Story. The whole world was black. He sent us out there- into bears and wolves and Montezuma and Vedic Aryans. After five early near-death encounters with wild animals- in which we peed in our loincloths more than once- did we get to stop and rest? Heck no. He said we were now "Woodsman 2" or some crap, and to stop whining about how walking through rain forests slowed us down. (We got a good laugh in, though- he might make us walk up a jungle-covered hill and then keep going, but if walked into some nice easy flat land we could take a breather, haha, sucker!)

    While you guys farmed your silly wheat (which we've heard about but never actually gotten to eat any of), we defended you idiots from the Goths. We lost 90% of our number but we just kept on walkin'. While you were enjoying watching the lions eat the Christians (and, um, it was we who found both the lions and the Christians), we were getting marched straight towards Genghis freakin' Khan. You don't know this, but his keshiks used to ride circles around us and laugh. We peed in our loincloths more than once. We did get to "rest" once- after that great silver deposit was discovered (do I really need to tell you who found it?) he had us stand still in one place.

    For.

    Seven.

    Hundred.

    Years.

    Seven hundred years, standing in one place. Sit down and chill for a bit? Naw. Apparently this was the only known silver in the whole wide world. And we couldn't let the Japanese have it, because Tokugawa doesn't share. Good idea- have us stand there and look menacing (ooh, clubs in the air, scary- we felt more like we were waiting for Hideo Nomo to strike us out) while aggresive samurai and protective longbowmen walk up to us every year and stare us down. We peed in our loincloths more than once. Finally a group of settlers showed up. They sat down, made a city, and proceeded to dig up our silver. What did we do? We stood there, baseball bats in the air, and waited.

    For.

    Three.

    Hundred.

    More.

    Years.

    So we walked around fighting almost everything for about forty centuries- and then we had to stand there, ready for who knows what, for a thousand years. Eventually, some guys with these scary boom sticks showed up from the capital and told us to take off. We asked where they got their boom sticks (curiosity of a colleague, ya know) and were informed that they used to have clubs like us, but before they were sent here our :lol:Wise Leader:lol: paid a lot of money to give them something called "rye fulls". We asked if we could get some rye fulls, and were told some whiny garbage about the economy being bad right now. Even flush with the money from our silver? we asked, and were told that the silver had been given to Montezuma because the wheat farmers got scared of something or other. Whatever. For another few centuries it was more wandering. He stopped bothering to pay attention to where we were going. Once he even forgot we were there and let us lie down for a few decades (that was a much-needed break, lemme tell ya- don't ever complain about an eight-hour shift with no breaks until you've tried a 5500-year shift, ugh). Then we wandered some more. Once in about 1900 AD (roughly, we kinda lost track of time out there) this ginormous green landbeast roared up next to us and some guys that kinda look like us jumped out (only they didn't have loincloths, they were wearing weird green stuff head to toe). They said for us to head back to the capital. We asked if maybe we could get some of those rye fulls before we left. They chuckled and said we could have an "ant eye aerk raft myssel" (sp?), as the country had plenty of money now, but then they told us some nonsense about "not being inside cultural bor-" We didn't even wait to hear the rest of their excuse. We headed home by the shortest route possible. :lol:The Great One:lol: stuck us in the capital (which looks a bit different now) without so much as a "how was your trip?"

    No reward for our service. No parade. "Can we get some of our wine we found?" No. "How about some wheat, there must be a lot of that?" Nope. Nothing.

    So, after 6,000 years of "leading" our people, we will still continue to refer to this friggin' guy as Dan Quayle.

    ...

    tl;dr- That "Mulatto Maker" guy is real pain to work for. If you wanna be a warrior, go play for TMIT or somebody.
     
  11. Civvi

    Civvi Chieftain

    Joined:
    May 18, 2011
    Messages:
    87
    My people would think that I am ok not the best. I have many protest in my city and I give into peoples demands to shut them up. Other world leaders could never trust me for long when I declare war on someone I would take them over and then I would stop for a while and then continue again.
     
  12. s.bernbaum

    s.bernbaum Mostly lurking

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2006
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    2,607
    Location:
    The wilds of Montana
    @TheMulattoMaker: That was hilarious! :lol::lol::lol:
     
  13. Optical

    Optical The Fall of the Eleventh

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    Help me. I don't know where I am.
    I needed a laugh. That post, Mr. Mulatto Maker, just did it for me. :lol:
     
  14. awesome

    awesome Chieftain

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    Dec 29, 2009
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    2,574
    Location:
    behind you
    "when we said we wanted our civilization to 'stand the test of time', we didn't mean 'reloading time!'"
     
  15. nfw

    nfw Chieftain

    Joined:
    Aug 31, 2010
    Messages:
    733
    Despot NFW's big book of recycling center humor, most likely.
     
  16. Ice_Tyrant

    Ice_Tyrant I am Western Culture

    Joined:
    Nov 30, 2008
    Messages:
    584
    Location:
    Kentucky
    First and foremost they'd probably all be curious about my incredibly long life, and would probably consider me a living god. Not a nice god or even smart one. There would be complaints about the ways I build railroads, since I don't build railroads based on who needs them most but on where my workers happen to be at the time I become able to make them (Which often leads to recently conquered countries having a more developed transportation system than the land around my capital.)

    Probably just view me as an extremely incomptent living god.
     
  17. theskibum

    theskibum Brewer of Oatmeal Stout

    Joined:
    Jul 14, 2005
    Messages:
    790
    Location:
    PDX
    @the MulattoMaker

    Excellent...simply excellent:goodjob:
     
  18. TheMulattoMaker

    TheMulattoMaker Dictator of RF

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    Location:
    Far-GO!
    :thanx: Cheers!
     
  19. MarigoldRan

    MarigoldRan WARLORD

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2011
    Messages:
    1,486
    In my civilizations, unhappy non-productive people don't exist. They... simply...[stop]...existing.

    As a result, I notice that all my people are productive and happy. When I'm around, they never stop smiling. Hence, they must think I'm a great and benevolent leader. Based on the evidence, what other conclusion could I come to?
     
  20. Skwink

    Skwink FRIIIIIIIIIITZ

    Joined:
    May 14, 2010
    Messages:
    5,612
    "Skwink was our leader. He wasn't a great leader. He always made sure we had food to eat, but we were always unhappy and sick. Then he would force us into the army so he could of fought his idiotic wars started only for the sake of MAD. Then Skwink created a mass supply of Nuclear weapons and bombed the enemies (aka everyone on Earth, even those who helped us for thousands of years). Occasionally one would fall to close and destroy part of us, but we didn't mind, if we minded he wouldn't care anyway."
     

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