Independent Research Body proposes new JFK conspiracy

nonconformist

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The Specialist Project for American Matters has recently released its new report on the JFK assassination, providing credible alternative hypotheses for the controversy surrounding it, as well as the assassination itself.

While I'm aware many people will discredit this out of hand, there is some credibility to this. I have simplified and maade more acccesible key parts of the report, which stretches to 1679 pages.

jb_modern_kennedy_1_e.jpg


The crux of the matter they deal with is *why* Kennedy was assasinated?

The report concludes via forensic ballitic methods that there wasn't a second gunman, and Oswald acted alone; alone in the sense tht there was a single shooter, not that there wasn't a larger conspiracy, since, as you will shortly see, the report concludes there was.
The lone gunman theory is substantiated by extensive tests carried out using both highly accurate computer simulations, and dressing live pigs up as JFK, Jackie, and Connolly, and shooting at them, and ti concluded that a person, having been sufficiently trained to shoot, as Oswald was in the USMC, could fire a shot that would hit the rear-view mirror, ricochet backwards, fly past Kennedy icochet again off the steel skull-plate of the body-guard standing behind him, and hit Kennedy in the head and blow it open.

But why would anyone do this?
Well, recently uncovered documents from the national archive postulate that Oswald was actually a free-lance assassin, and was hired to kill JFK.
But who by?
None other than this feller:

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John Kennedy's death wasn't an assassination, it was a suicide.

Kennedy was reportedly very depressed around the time of his death, and documents show that he took out a $25 million life insurance policy (equivalent to $400 million in today's money) a fortnight before the assassination.
Circumstancial, you say?
Well, not if his will had not been re-written three days later, to split $25 million between a number of people, including a fifth to Osward L. Harveystein, aka Lee Harvey Oswald.

This in itself is pretty indicting, but it gets worse.

A full third went to Jackie, and Aristotle Onassis. In fact, Onassis was present that fateful day, but it's not obvious, the imagery needs to be enhanced.

limo2.jpg


If enhanced we see this:


That's right, Onassis was the limo used to transport Kennedy!

But if JFK didnt love Jackie, who did he love?

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That's right, Joe Mccarthy! The reason that JFK was so depressed what that his long time lover, Mccarthy, had recently left him.
Kennedy's long term homosexuality and liberalism was most obvious in his inaugural address where he famously outed himself:
"Ask not what I can do for you, but ask what you can do to me, you dirty boy".

Most people would point to the fact that Mccarthy was dead by the time of Kennedy's assassination. Not so. Mccarthy had faked his death a few years previously to take up a job as a porn star, Ron Jeremy.



In fact, we can see this by looking at the corrolation between US sponsored anti-communist actions and porn films:

1964: Vietnam escalation and release of Debbie does Dallas (DALLAS? as in where JFK was assassinated)
1973: yom kippur war and release of I came, I saw I conquered
1975: release of Deepthroat

in other words, US foregn involvement is financed entirely by pornography.

Finally, Oswald wasn't killed by Jack Ruby, but using the fifth he earned, was able to buy a small island near to the America he loved, and reigned free over it for many years.

 
Maybe move this to humor and jokes? I was first thrown off at the sentence about "ricochet" off the car mirror, since I don't believe anyone ever postulated that happened, and knew something was fishy. A medium funny read overall.
 
It was credible for the first paragraph or so. Then I saw the picture of Onassis' head on the car, and... yeah.
 
didn't even chuckle nor crack a smile...
 
In fact, we can see this by looking at the corrolation between US sponsored anti-communist actions and porn films:

1964: Vietnam escalation and release of Debbie does Dallas (DALLAS? as in where JFK was assassinated)
1973: yom kippur war and release of I came, I saw I conquered
1975: release of Deepthroat

in other words, US foregn involvement is financed entirely by pornography.
finaly the amerikan sheeple know the truth about the pornographic-industrial complex .
 
:lol: great post.

But seriosuly everyone knows it was LBJ that did it. Look at this guy winking at him and tell me he wasn't in on it:

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RON PAUL!
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Don't tell me nobody knew it was ridiculous from the start by the fact that it referenced an organization named after a meat.

Didn't know that at first. Without that, it starts out seeming a little bit credible. But, it quickly degrades to beyond silly.
 
finaly the amerikan sheeple know the truth about the pornographic-industrial complex .

Incidentally, the guy who basically built/took over the American porn distribution network in the 50's was a badass. The truth about that subject is actually a very interesting read. :)
 
I was hooked by the first half then stopped at "Ask not what I can do for you, but ask what you can do to me, you dirty boy." I missed the head-limo thing. :rotfl:
 
I was fooled until that guy became a limo. Then I laughed out loud, but couldn't read any more.
 
That is highly debatable.

And it was posted in the wrong forum? Good point.
 
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