Is porn cheating?

[Narz]

I wouldn't have used to have thought so but my gf has a rather strict definition & she's convinced me it is.

What's your definition of infidelity?

 

[Farm Boy]

Not particularly more than having a good imagination. I guess it is "grosser" but that's about it.

 

[pob]

Cheating is whatever breaks your relationship rules. It's up to you and your partner to figure out what they are, and what the consequences would be for breaking them.
A very jealous person may not want their partner to look at another person lustfully in any context, whether real life or on a tv screen. This would not be a realistic expectation for most people.

 

[Narz]

Cheating is whatever breaks your relationship rules. It's up to you and your partner to figure out what they are, and what the consequences would be for breaking them.
A very jealous person may not want their partner to look at another person lustfully in any context, whether real life or on a tv screen. This would not be a realistic expectation for most people.

There's a difference between looking lustfully & taking sexual action, spending one's sexual & emotional energy towards another person (albeit a person they don't know IRL)

 

[The_J]

It matters what you do, not what you think.
I think many people at some point in their life thought about killing someone. Doesn't make any of them a killer. Because they didn't do it.
So looking at someone is not betraying someone.

And hell, I don't let anyone tell me what I'll think in private, which I'll probably also never tell someone. That's definitely my bussiness, and not someone else's.

 

[Farm Boy]

If one gets emotionally invested in pornography, there is a better argument maybe its cheating. Maybe if one partner desires more intimacy, it could be viewed as a disloyal spending of a refraction period. Those get longer as you age, I hear tell.

 

[Berzerker]

porn made me do it?

that dirty little devil on my shoulder told me to look

Jesus said adultery begins in the heart...well...brain. Just thinking about it is a sin. But who doesn't? jhc

 

[MontyJava]

Is flirting cheating? Is thinking about other women cheating? Is looking at other women cheating?
Yes and no.
It's not the healthiest thing, that's for sure.
Up to the two of you to figure it out.
That said, this seems like it's headed to a "it's me or the X" scenario.
That's usually not healthy for a relationship, though I suppose we all have our red lines.
All these things will undermine the relationship in some way. Many, if not all, are capable of being overcome if there's a will and commitment still.
Some people make polyamory work, but they might be just wired for that. Not an experiment I care to try with a high risk relationship.

 

[Gorbles]

As others have mentioned, cheating should be something that's defined with regards to your relationship. It's not necessarily translatable outside of that context. If porn is cheating for the both of you, and it's acceptable that that's the definition, then I don't see a problem. It doesn't have to be her exercising too much control, or some slight on you as a person.

Sure, it can be indicative of a power imbalance, but there are generally other warning signs for that kind of stuff. What matters is the both of you being comfortable within that space. If one of you isn't (or both of you aren't), then like I said - there'll be other warning signs.

 

[emzie]

Boundaries are unique to each relationship, but I would not accept the ones your girlfriend has.

 

[amadeus]

I thought cheating like how you’d cheat on a test, and I was ready to say hey we can’t all be James Bond.

 

[Ajidica]

Depends on the individual relationship, but I would say occasional use is not cheating.

 

[Birdjaguar]

If porn is more important to you than your gf's wishes, then it appears to be a deal breaker. If giving it up is too difficult for you, then you have a second problem.

 

[Narz]

It's not difficult. I think it's bad for the brain and emotions anyway.

 

[Yeekim]

There's a difference between looking lustfully & taking sexual action, spending one's sexual & emotional energy towards another person (albeit a person they don't know IRL)

One would have a point if they felt their partner is neglecting them, sexually or otherwise, due to (over)consumption of porn.
However, it is not "cheating". Not better or worse, just something else.

 

[Gori the Grey]

Myself, I'm continue to be more impressed by feats achieved without performance enhancers.

But out of curiosity, how far?

 

[TheMeInTeam]

If one gets emotionally invested in pornography, there is a better argument maybe its cheating.

Is this a thing? I've heard of addiction to it, but always thought that was more similar to drug addiction than to an emotional connection.

If porn is more important to you than your gf's wishes, then it appears to be a deal breaker. If giving it up is too difficult for you, then you have a second problem.

I would agree these are both definitely problems, but they belong in a different category box than "cheating". At least normally/by default. People define their relationships to each other.

Though there's also the cases of gf wanting to use access to sex as a means to control/constrain actions of the man, and not liking porn because it reduces or removes her ability to do that. That's also a deal breaker, though for different reasons. If a woman is willing to use sex as a tool of control, you are probably better off dumping her regardless of the porn.

 

[Farm Boy]

People will probably call emotional attachment to porn an addiction. I think.

But why not? They get emotionally attached to characters on TV. If somebody is lonely and nobody ever touches them, not uncommon, then why not? Pornographic actors have careers one can follow. Like Robin Williams or something. The content is certainly intimate. If it's a streamed show, you can even "talk."

 

[Zardnaar]

Is this a thing? I've heard of addiction to it, but always thought that was more similar to drug addiction than to an emotional connection.



I would agree these are both definitely problems, but they belong in a different category box than "cheating". At least normally/by default. People define their relationships to each other.

Though there's also the cases of gf wanting to use access to sex as a means to control/constrain actions of the man, and not liking porn because it reduces or removes her ability to do that. That's also a deal breaker, though for different reasons. If a woman is willing to use sex as a tool of control, you are probably better off dumping her regardless of the porn.

Porn can have addiction issues and put pressure on people often women but not exclusive to them.

It can create unrealistic expectations and body image issues.

Can also be a generational thing eg Playboy vs more explicit magazines in 80's and 90's to easily accessible video content now.

 

[TheMeInTeam]

Porn can have addiction issues and put pressure on people often women but not exclusive to them.

It can create unrealistic expectations and body image issues.

Can also be a generational thing eg Playboy vs more explicit magazines in 80's and 90's to easily accessible video content now.

I was aware of the addiction issues, but not of it working as a substitute for a relationship emotionally. I am less sympathetic to "body image issues" in a broad sense. Society prioritizes attractive people generally even in situations where it should not matter, whereas this seems like one of only a few industries where that's fair.

Though someone who compares their SO to porn negatively is not a good person.