G-Man
A One Man's War
I just read an extremely funny book called "Israel's ambassador to the moon". This book is full of real, strange letters sent to all kinds of govermental offices, companies, etc. and the replies they got. All letters were sent by the writer to prove to his friends that you can get a good service in here. Later he decided to turn it into a book.
Here are some parts from the book:
(this is the letter that gave the book it's name)
"
To: the foreign ministry
Subject: Israel's embbasy to the moon
Recently hundreds of thousands of people bought lands on the moon. It's still unclear what country will be formed on the moon but, as thing look like today, it will happen soon. If you don't have a candidate for Israel's ambassador to the moon yet I would like to suggest myself. I think I have the right skills:
1. A degree in social sciences from the micronizian university
2. Language knowledge. I speak eight languages, including french, swahili and yidish (If I'll get the job I'll start learning english)
3. I've been attracted to the moon since I was a little kid, and I love to take a walk in the dark and see how he travels with me
4. My appearance will be helpful as well: I have a round and white face, I have no hair and I always smile
5. I'm very fat so I won't need to put weights that will keep me from flying
6. I can't sense heat and cold
7. Everyone always tell me I'm living on another planet
I'll thank you if you'll consider my nomination seriously and will meet me to talk about the subject.
Expecting your answer
Uri Malachi
"
the answer to it is quit boring so I'll save you the trouble of reading it and me the trouble of translating it...
Here's another letter he sent:
"
To the menegment of the Tel Aviv Museum
I wish to donate a work of art to the museum.
The item is a 110cm x 215.5cm painting. It was painted by king haila salsi (who was the leader of Habash) in oil paints. It describes quazimodo infront of the nostredam church in Paris. The painting is not in a good shape and will require a major restoration work. The picture was bought from one of the locals, but the goverment of Etheyopia doesn't allow this sort of art to be taken outside their country's borders and it will require a commando operation in order to bring the painting to Israel. I'm afraid I don't have the resources to fund this sort of operation.
I want to be informed if you have an interest in this painting and how do you wish to bring it to Israel
Expecting your answer,
Uri Malachi
"
He was replied with:
"
Dear mr. Malachi
in return to your letter from the 7.11.99
The Tel Aviv museum of art is not interested in the art object you offered.
Also, The Tel Aviv museum of art doesn't add items to it's collection using commando operation. Every item must be collected in the most legal and acceptable maner.
Thank you for your will to donate, I'm sure you'll find someone interested in this painting
prof. Mordechay Omer, Manager
"
Oh man... I'm tired... Translating is a hard work...
PS did any of you heard about something like that in your country?
Here are some parts from the book:
(this is the letter that gave the book it's name)
"
To: the foreign ministry
Subject: Israel's embbasy to the moon
Recently hundreds of thousands of people bought lands on the moon. It's still unclear what country will be formed on the moon but, as thing look like today, it will happen soon. If you don't have a candidate for Israel's ambassador to the moon yet I would like to suggest myself. I think I have the right skills:
1. A degree in social sciences from the micronizian university
2. Language knowledge. I speak eight languages, including french, swahili and yidish (If I'll get the job I'll start learning english)
3. I've been attracted to the moon since I was a little kid, and I love to take a walk in the dark and see how he travels with me
4. My appearance will be helpful as well: I have a round and white face, I have no hair and I always smile
5. I'm very fat so I won't need to put weights that will keep me from flying
6. I can't sense heat and cold
7. Everyone always tell me I'm living on another planet
I'll thank you if you'll consider my nomination seriously and will meet me to talk about the subject.
Expecting your answer
Uri Malachi
"
the answer to it is quit boring so I'll save you the trouble of reading it and me the trouble of translating it...
Here's another letter he sent:
"
To the menegment of the Tel Aviv Museum
I wish to donate a work of art to the museum.
The item is a 110cm x 215.5cm painting. It was painted by king haila salsi (who was the leader of Habash) in oil paints. It describes quazimodo infront of the nostredam church in Paris. The painting is not in a good shape and will require a major restoration work. The picture was bought from one of the locals, but the goverment of Etheyopia doesn't allow this sort of art to be taken outside their country's borders and it will require a commando operation in order to bring the painting to Israel. I'm afraid I don't have the resources to fund this sort of operation.
I want to be informed if you have an interest in this painting and how do you wish to bring it to Israel
Expecting your answer,
Uri Malachi
"
He was replied with:
"
Dear mr. Malachi
in return to your letter from the 7.11.99
The Tel Aviv museum of art is not interested in the art object you offered.
Also, The Tel Aviv museum of art doesn't add items to it's collection using commando operation. Every item must be collected in the most legal and acceptable maner.
Thank you for your will to donate, I'm sure you'll find someone interested in this painting
prof. Mordechay Omer, Manager
"
Oh man... I'm tired... Translating is a hard work...
PS did any of you heard about something like that in your country?
