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Jumping on the bandwagon: Ask a Homosexual

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by croxis, Dec 17, 2006.

  1. El_Machinae

    El_Machinae Colour vision since 2018 Retired Moderator

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    I remember the first time I was hit on by a gay guy; it slightly distressed me. After a bit of soul searching, I was ready for the next time and took it for a compliment.

    That said, I've never had a problem with guys not 'getting the hint'. Weird.
     
  2. Urederra

    Urederra Mostly harmless

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    I took it for a compliment first time it happened to me. I was my, or rather, my and my friends fault. It happened when we were visiting Brussels first time, we arrived in the evening and we went to have some drinks around La Grand'Place. We were drinking a beer (one for each ;)) and I noticed that a couple of guys were winking an eye at me and smiling. "these belgians are funny" I thought. Other friend of mine was writting the date at the back of a coaster cover since he used to collect, and when he turned the coaster back we realized that the bar was actually a gay meeting point. :lol:

    After the beer we went to find another bar only to realize that most of the bars in the area were actually gay bars. Brussels is weird.
     
  3. Bozo Erectus

    Bozo Erectus Master Baker

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    So let me get this straight: you find it difficult not to be rude to guys who flirt with you in the gay bars where you hang out?
     
  4. MamboJoel

    MamboJoel Cool.

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    Yep, with the ones that don't get it right away, particularly when they tend to insist.

    Edit : Example : once I felt pretty uncomfortable and felt I had to tell the guy I wasn't gay. He was offended, like saying "How dare you suppose I'm interested in you", "lack of modesty" etc...
     
  5. Bozo Erectus

    Bozo Erectus Master Baker

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    I dont think it takes a gay persons unique insight to point out that you wouldnt have this problem if you didnt go to gay bars. Its like going to a Republican convention and getting angry because everyone thinks you like Bush;)
     
  6. sanabas

    sanabas Psycho Bunny Hall of Fame Staff

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    How do you deal with it if a woman you find unattractive tries to flirt with you in a nightclub? Convey to the guy you're not interested the same way you'd convey to the girl you're not interested.
     
  7. croxis

    croxis Chat room op

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    Why thank you. At least be flattered that they find you attractive :p
    Considering that you are comfortable going into gay clubs, I would suggest just let them flirt. Don't flirt back mind you. Politely decline invitations to dance/a drink/sex and hopfully they will get the picture. Those that don't get the message wouldn't probably also not get it if they were straight. Then you give a very firm no, leave to another part of club (dance floor migration woo!), spray them with mace, etc. Advertising that you are straight might not always be the best option -- for some reason those who have issues with the word no have a thing for trying to subvert straight guys. (Ok, very gross and bad generalization, but i'm not fond of the gay community anyways)


    The ONLY two times were on Halloween. I went to my best two friends' (females) dorm before we head out to Rocky Horror Picture Show.

    Best 2 friends to dorm mates: "Hey! Here is our best friend. We should do him in drag!"
    Dorm girls: "OMG TOTALLY!"

    It is hard enough to say no to one woman, much less 20 of them!

    First experience was with a girl

    Castle is a good store for toys, Sparticus if you are more into clothing (this is for portland area mind you)

    LMAO I so read that the other day.
    No I did not

    Very, very hard. I was a bawling and vomiting mess each time.
     
  8. MobBoss

    MobBoss Off-Topic Overlord

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    Again, dont equate racial arguments with sexual preference ones. The two are not the same.

    Also, if you realize it, a SCOTUS ruling isnt a magic wand. Even after Brown it took decades for segregation to end.

    No opinion allowed outside of the group-think? That always makes for a fun debate doesnt it. Is this debate, or is this therapy?

    And since it was ignored earlier again I ask: Why do you feel like a second class citizen when there are so many gays that obviously dont feel second class?
     
  9. El_Machinae

    El_Machinae Colour vision since 2018 Retired Moderator

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    Opinion is fine, clearly. There's a fine line between expressing an opinion and trolling (and I don't mean in the reportable sense, merely in the destructive-to-threads sense).

    How about the rest?
    I suggest you look at what was already posted when you asked it.
    http://forums.civfanatics.com/showpost.php?p=4888211&postcount=27

    Croxis: I might have missed it in the subtext. Are you allowed to adopt?
     
  10. .Shane.

    .Shane. Take it like a voter Retired Moderator

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    I just want to say I admire Croxis willingness and patience in answering the many replies here, many of which have a certain intolerant or patronizing quality about them.

    @croxis

    I see you answered Masq's question about coming out to your family. What you didn't say was... how did they react? How do they treat you then vs. now? If its too personal, don't worry about answering.
     
  11. Masquerouge

    Masquerouge Deity

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    Yeah, I didn't pursue the matter when Croxis said it was a very hard process :)
     
  12. croxis

    croxis Chat room op

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    How many gays do you hang around with? Are they part of the gay culture and how to they manifest that relationship in their behavior?
    I feel second class because:
    * I can be fired just because of my sexual orientation in the state of Oregon
    * I can not extent over two thousand legal benefits to my spouse with a $60 piece of paper due to measure 36.
    * I can not talk about Derek as Derek is without judgmental looks from passerbys.
    * I can not donate blood to the red cross if I told the truth, even though the same risky behaviors taken by a heterosexual male results in a temporary ban or extra blood testing

    and I can go on, and on, and on....

    Why don't you deconstruct your privilege MobBoss?


    In my county yes, although the process is a little more difficult, but no where near as bad as it is in other locations.

    Dad was totally fine with it. As I mentioned before it was already apart of his side of the family. Mom... not so well. It is amazing how many people claim they are ok with gay people until it is their own kid. She is still trying though.

    Nah, I just rush too much and not fully think about the questions. It makes the answer incomplete :(
     
  13. Masquerouge

    Masquerouge Deity

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    Have you ever thought of moving to a place where gay people are much more welcomed?
     
  14. Rhymes

    Rhymes Drive 4 25 is back

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    Like in montreal
     
  15. skadistic

    skadistic Caomhanach

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    Why do gay men hit on me so much?

    I'm flatered and all and maybe if I was drunk (I don't drink)and they were man-preaty enough I'd play along.

    I know you can't realy answer that but what is it that gay men see in other men that gives them the impresion they are gay too? Is there a gaydar? How do I stop giving off false positve?
     
  16. Yuri2356

    Yuri2356 Test Screening

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    I plan to try wearing something that humourously states my hetero-ness, like a button or a T-Shirt.

    Kept visible, it averts an awkward question and may get a few laughs.
     
  17. Sidhe

    Sidhe Deity

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    Simple answer because he doesn't see his privelege as being warrant of questioning for societal and religous reasons.

    Ok sorry MobBoss for answering the question but you've never really considered what rights and abilities you have over gays and it's a complicated anthropological, societal, moral and legal issue, so it's a very aposite question. I'd apreciate an answer; I have every right in the world, but am somehwat agrieved if my fellow man doesn't, what makes me different from you? I'm certainly not more moral than you?

    Croxis, do you think that being gay has held you back in your life, career, friends, relationships in society in general and to what extent?

    I've been hit on by a gay guy more than once and I was pretty chuffed, OK when it happened I was a bit wierd about it but afterwards, well everyone likes being attractive, regardless of the ins and outs :)
     
  18. Eran of Arcadia

    Eran of Arcadia Stormin' Mormon Retired Moderator

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    I was accidentally hit on by a gay guy recently - it was an ex-coworker who kept sending me explicit text messages, till I figured out who he was. he had gotten my phone number confused with someone else's. I kind of thought it was funny.
     
  19. croxis

    croxis Chat room op

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    Portland is about as welcoming as it gets.

    Just wear plad and strips, that should keep em away!

    I'm sure it will be a point of tension once I start teaching in the schools. Not only will I have to deal with the parents who are after me on evolution but that I am gay as well. I really should think of the children!

    Upon reflection, being in the closet was probably the most detrimental experience of being gay. I didn't come out until my freshman year of college. All though high school I was blessed with the opportunity to be part of something and a community... family is actually a better description, with the band program. If it wasn't for that I wouldn't have been able to form close bonds for fear of being found out. They only out gay guy in my school was flamboyant and a jerk, fitting the stereotype very well, and I didn't want to be associated with that. For a good while I thought that is what it was to be gay.

    While my peers were in and out of their high school relationships, thinking that they were madly in love each time, I didn't get any of that. My first kiss was with a girl when I was almost 18. I was almost 5 years behind some of my friends when it comes to relationship maturity. It was a long distance relationship, and while I was quite fond of her, she physically didn't do anything for me.

    My first kiss with a guy didn't happen until a day after my 19th birthday. Frosh year of college. I've been playing catchup trying to figure out what kind of person I want to be with. Its been hard, but I am happy where I am now in that regard.

    Usually being gay isn't the first thing people know about me except those who became close to me. After I came out the rumor mill took over and the usual reaction from most people who knew me in high school was, "It took him long enough!" I have been in environments and with people where they really didn't care. They valued me based on who I am, not what I am.
     
  20. MobBoss

    MobBoss Off-Topic Overlord

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    When I was in college my wife and I had three gay friends we hung out with all the time. They never, ever professed any 'second class' feelings that I was ever aware of.

    Are they part of gay culture? I fail to understand the question. They were simply people, who acted like everyone else, but they were gay....isnt that the ideal goal? To be treated like everyone else...and if so...why do you need your own culture? What is the 'gay culture'? Is it the George Michael version when he says its his culture to find gay sex in the woods in the middle of the night? If so, no, my gay friends from college didnt engage in this. By all means explain this gay culture further.

    People can be fired for a great many things in a great variety of ways. It doesnt make them second class. Hell, in most states an employer can flat out fire you just because he doesnt like you....i.e personality conflict. Working is a privilege....not a right. Dont work for someone who doesnt appreciate you and keep looking until you find someone that does.

    Neither can any other non-married couple. So your treated just like any other non-married couple out there. And if marriage means that much to you, move to where its legal and you can partake of your wishes.

    I dont understand the reference. As Xanikk so recently pointed out, its not exactly safe for anyone to talk about/to anyone else in the workplace either. Perhaps it would be best not to talk about anyone?

    Neither can people who have traveled to high risk countries regardless of their sexuality or use IV drugs. This does not make you a second class citizen...it is just common sense and has resulted in a far safer blood donor program which has benefited everyone. On this I suggest you get over yourself and just accept the fact that you are merely treated like anyone else who is at a higher risk of HIV/AIDs.

    By all means do. The things you have listed here fail to inspire or convince me that you feel second class.

    Explain further please. I have worked for people who flat out hated my guts. But I refuse to be a victim. I got through it and did my job and kept my mouth shut. But I am who I am...not some 2nd or 3rd class citizen, even if I am hanging out with people who would be considered 'rich'.

    You see...I dont let others dictate how I feel about myself. Perhaps you should do the same. Then perhaps you wouldnt feel 2nd class.
     

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