Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by innonimatu, Nov 4, 2018.
you sound like a perfectly reasonable and well adjusted human being.
I had to hear variations of that phrase almost daily for a year because some prostitutes had set up camp (with a trailer) near the street between my job and the bus station.
It was really awkward.
Is not there really a connection?
You made her believe that you think that overweight=/= unattractive and she believes that you will understand that asian =/= non-white. She is delusional to social norms and she expected you to join her in such way of thinking. FUBAR or not, it can be speculated that she holds even more weird ideas and you can be happy you found that out so quickly.
I feel it's much more common than you'd think ... I know many women who've asked men out on dates, and also proposed to their husbands. And I asked my current boyfriend out on our first date (coffee after meeting him at a movie)
^ i don't feel it's that uncommon either, the issue is that many men don't look approachable. your body needs to be an invitation. your smile an open gate. your body language should read "hello, world, my name is carl, what can I do for you?" or some sheet
observe yourself. do you often have your arms crossed? do you look people in the eyes or try to avert eye contact? do you smile a lot? do you slouch? do you wear clothes that make you invisible? be conscious of what your outside says about your inside
I was asked out by three or four different young woman in high school alone (and that was back in the early '90's), one of which was also Asian.
I do nearly all those things LOL. I don't mean to be that way, I just am. And what kind of clothes am I supposed to wear?
Its a fishing reference. Alternatively, it could refer to Corlear's Hook, a section of New York City. In the first instance, do you imagine that a fisherman is asking the fish out?
Come on, let's not pretend that the onus isn't overwhelmingly on the man to take the front seat in nearly all seduction rituals. That's tantamous to victim blaming
There's also the apocryphal theory of Union General Hooker and his men stopping at all the Confederate brothels during his campaign, but that's now largely regarded as an urban legend.
the two statements are entirely compatible
1) the onus of asking out is mostly on men
2) sometimes women ask men out (and it doesn't make them sluts, nor does it make them coocoo)
it's never about what types of clothes to wear, but about your physique. you either want to show off or you want to conceal. really, with fashion it's the same as with hair styles. it needs to fit your face/body, otherwise you're not gonna look your best. me personally I try to stay away from graphic t-shirts and neon colors, my outfits are mostly plain, fit really well and include some "odd" choices of color like burgundy, "old" pink, purple and yellow. I think many people screw up when they try to dress classy/preppy/extravagant/fashionable/special. what's important is getting the absolute basics right. models look good because their clothes fit them perfectly and enhance the best parts of their physique. you'll look better in a well-fitted Uniqlo plain white with H&M jeans than you would with a slightly ill fitting armani suit.
there are certain types of clothes which tend to make you disappear in a crowd/group. grey or dark hoodies. baseball hats without a logo. bleached jeans and plain grey t-shirts. an ill-fitting suit and shirt. things like that.
I slouch. I have awkward hand and arm movement. I sometimes give off defensive body language. all these things are normal and common, but you can compensate for them by smiling, radiating good mood, having a nice smell, a soothing voice, being an interesting human being, having broad shoulders or a nice beard or cute dimples or.. many things really. find out what it is that's captivating and special about you and enhance those qualities
I don't avert eye contact, and while I don't smile constantly I don't think I look unfriendly by default. I do seek out eye contact with people a lot of the time. As for clothes, I dunno, I dress for comfort (except when observing the dress code at work) and don't really care too much about how it looks. I don't think I wear clothes that make me "invisible" most of the time though, and particularly not when I'm doing social activities where I think single women will be around.
Welp, guess I'm just pretty unattractive then. Nothing I didn't know already
Not that I'm complaining, mind. It's not like I'm too scared to ask women out and "need" them to ask me out - it would just be nice once in my life to have the feeling of being desired sufficiently for a woman to put herself out there like that for me, you know what I mean?
You have the privilege of not being harassed by random guys when you're in a bar. Isn't that a good thing?
Well, in the modern day and age, he has the option of shedding that privilege for a night and visiting a gay bar, so...
"I'm wondering if you'll go somewhere with me.. I'll pay you."
"Not like a prostitute or anything, I mean I'm not Jack the Ripper. I'm not killing prostitutes or anything haha."
at least we're not michael bluth.
in your case I doubt you'd ever be invisible just due to your height. I think for a woman to approach a man the setting also has to be right. it shouldn't be too loud or a high-pressure situation, or a situation that you cannot bail from quickly. to some degree it's just a numbers game, really. if you are in the right places at the right time looking presentable, you will get asked out. maybe your height is also an intimidating factor? nevertheless I wish you best luck in your romantic pursuits, whether you'll be the hook or the hooker.
if you're getting harrassed constantly you're going to the wrong kinds of gay bars my man I will admit I get asked out by men occasionally, and definitely not just in gay bars. I don't mind tho.
Go for a walk in Darlinghurst sometime.
Frum would throw himself out a window if he had to treat me. I don't have issues, I have subscriptions.
Hang on, overweight=unattractive is a social norm? Even Bill Clinton was a chubby chaser while President. And most guys like big girls. Whether they'll admit it or not is a separate question, but there is not a heterosexual man on the planet that hasn't enjoyed some time with a big girl at some point.
Mary, where've you been all my life?
For all I joked earlier, I actually do get asked out a fair bit. It's just that the "women" asking me out tend to be around 17 years old. Sometimes younger. Seriously, where the hell where these girls when I was 17? I over 30. What the hell?
Pants, for one thing.
Definitely not. If I had the chance to marry/sleep with Charlize Theron, I wouldn't give a damn how much plastic fruit she ate.
Asking out older men, obviously.
I agree with most of what @yung.carl.jung is saying, I feel often in my experience many men are trying too hard to be edgy and assertive or something, which I find very unattractive, or seem to be not caring at all. I feel grooming is important, like if you're going to have a beard then take care of it (I find neck beards a huge turnoff, but I generally don't care for facial hair much anyway), wash and trim your hair, and also I think it helps a lot if your clothes are clean and in good shape. I agree with carl about style, like I think it's pretty obvious when you're trying to emulate some look you think is attractive ("preppy", ugh!) rather than when you pick something that's just you, and shows your personality for who you are. Colorful is definitely good, he's right and I think he makes a lot of sense about greys and blacks and such help you fade into the background. I also agree with him about things like your body posture can send bad signals, like totally things you can control, you know what I mean?
I feel also your attitudes and actions can play a big part, being genuinely kind and interesting can really help I think. I'm not a dog person, and I probably wouldn't want to date a guy who has a bunch of dogs (I'm really sensitive to how they smell), but I can understand how attractive it is when you see a guy taking care of an animal, or taking care of children, you can just imagine him being sensitive and nurturing. But you can also tell when he's faking it just for attention, and that's really a turnoff. Also I've seen so many men who just talk about themselves, and when he tries to just take over conversations and act like he knows everything, I find that a huge turnoff. If you're showing real interest in me, and not because you're just trying to date me but because you respect me as a person and my interests as an equal, I can see myself wanting to get to know you more.
I met my boyfriend at a movie, he was taking his young brother who's severely disabled with cerebral palsy, and by virtue of assigned seating I was sitting next to his brother (I went by myself because I really wanted to see the movie, lol). I saw him a couple seats down, and he's no Harrison Ford but he was dressed nicely and he takes good care of himself. He's quiet and shy, but he's also very kind. My own baby brother is also disabled with Down's Syndrome, so I totally know what it's like caring for your younger sibling and how much of a sacrifice it is, I was able to relate to him over family. His brother was really upset by what happened at the end of the movie, I helped console him, and afterwards I took my opportunity to talk to him. I told him about how my brother went through something like that when we took him to see Star Trek: Generations, and he and I were talking about what happened in the movie we just saw, and there was just something about how he talked and things he said to me, I really knew I wanted to know him more, and I was terrified of losing my chance so I asked him if he and his brother would like to go to my favorite cafe to talk about the movie more, and he agreed and now I'm getting married to him When he proposed to me, he told me he noticed me but he thought I was out of his league (haha! not a chance), so I'm glad I did something.
I think I totally know what you mean, it feels really good to be asked out, even when you have to decline. I feel though it's really hard sometimes to ask men out, because there's a lot of social stigma, often as a woman you're afraid of being labelled a "slut" if you appear to be too interested in dating and sex, and if you actively pursue men (you'll find many pejorative terms for women who do so) My feeling is when you ask out a man, you have to really want to go out with him, so badly that you're afraid of what will happen if you don't ask him, you know what I mean? I think like carl says, you just sort of have to be a really ideal mate material and be at the right place at the right time where you're going to meet a like-minded woman who finds you really irresistible, you know what I mean?
I think I saw a photograph of you in that one thread with Hobbs and Tim? Oh dear please do forgive me if I'm mistaken, I think they said that was you, and if so I'd say you're definitely not unattractive at all. My feeling is a lot has to do with kindness, you can really tell when a man is genuinely kind. I'm not talking about a man who acts what he thinks is "nice" because he thinks he'll be rewarded for it, I don't feel that's the same thing at all, I mean a man who really cares about other people and truly believes in respecting everyone and his earnestly generous, he just sort of radiates it, if I'm making sense? I feel those men get snatched up pretty quickly, and women like myself will do whatever it takes when we find one, lol!
I can't speak for all women though, I do know my own nature how normally I'm very reserved and shy, but I do have a habit of when I want something really, really badly I take it. I'm not at all into zodiac, but my cousin is and she's been trying to convince me for years it's a common trait of scorpio women (haha!)
spoken straight from my heart. even before I knew I was allergic to dogs I thought it pretty damn disgusting to have your hand licked by an animal that eats its own feces. the smell in a dog apartment is absolutely soul-crushing. but it's not nearly as bad as a dog car. you ever been in a dog car? the smell is so overwhelming it makes me retch
also I agree about Lexi being a qt, and yes I do think that picture was of Tim and him (heh)
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