Looking for an old thread


Nov 14, 2002
New Port Richey, FL
Maybe someone here can search better than I can... there used to be a humorous thread where a King was having some of the idiosyncrasies of Civ4 explained to him by an underling as if it were happening to his real empire... and he kept getting mad and calling for "GUARDS!!" because it made no sense.

Was that here? Anyone able to find that thread?


Feb 7, 2006
Yes, it was on these forums... Probably in stories and tales is my guess, but I am not sure on that. I am trying to remember some key phrase to search on, but nothing is comming to mind at the moment. It was a great thread!


Rock N Roller
Sep 17, 2010
City Major at the newly built airport - Now thats a bloddy fine airport! What is it good for?

Airport manager - Well, its for taking off and landing airplanes, mainly...

Major - Cool! I think I'll stick arround for a recon take-off, always wanted to be on one.

Manager - I'm sorry to dissapoint you. We haven't got any airplanes. We have no access to oil. No oil, no airplanes. Sorry.

Major - Hmm. Well, that IS quite dissapointing... How about a helicopter take-off then?

Manager - Sorry. No helicopters either.

Major (grunting) - What a waste of money... Maybe we should reconsider the airport management...

Manager - Ahem, we could airlift something for you? How about this tank!

Major - You could? How? Thought you didn't have oil?

Manager - We don't. But our special airlift helicopters don't run on oil.

Major - They don't? What do they run on then?

Manager - Ahem, I'm not quite sure. Some wierd abundant supply of illogical fluid substancs I think. You gotta ask the ground people about that.

Major - Hm. Doesn't matter. Couldn't you just use the airlift helicopters for recon missions them?

Manager - No no no no! - can't do that. The airlift helicoptes gotta transport large heavy objects from one city to another, thats what they do! Thats ALL they CAN do!

Major - Hmm. Sounds very limiting... But well, if they don't use any oil like the airplanes, bombers and regular helicopters, I guess the airport isn't totally useless.

Manager - Eh, actually, the airplanes, bombers and helicopters doesn't actually USE oil. We just need oil to BUILD them. Once build, the oil is no longer needed.

Major - What?! We don't need oil to RUN the aircrafts? - just to BUILD them?

Manager - Thats right sir. Once constructed, they run on the same strange substance mentioned ealier.

Major - Well, NOW you got me confuced. But what the heck, I think our ally in the east has an oil well we could borrow for a few turns. Just to build a small fleet. I think I will arrange that right away. Think you could give me an airlift?

Manager - Sure! I'd be glad to. Where would you like to go?

Major - To Petrol City.

Manager - Oh, I'm sorry, no can do. There has already been a airlift destined for Petrol City this year - they can't possible handle another transport already. But why not have a lift for Boringdale? - no one has been transported to Boringdale for years, I'm sure they can handle a transport by now?

Major (sighing) - Ah, never mind. I'll go visit the construction work of the new dam project instead. Its quite amusing. Some guy invented a new material called plastics and produced a lot of small colorful bricks. We are going to build the dam out of them. Wanna come?

Manager - Sounds fun! I'm game. What is this plastic material made of?

Major - Not sure. Oil I think.... Hey, wait a minute!!!


Some great material in there, thanks for digging this up :)


Rock N Roller
Sep 17, 2010
Or how about:-

Advisor "Your excellancy, we have discovered a marvellous new idea, which we shall call "writing"...we should build a library at once.
King : "Writing? , Library? what are they?"
Advisor: " Writing is a method of placing the spoken word on ...erm...paper using a form of regular characters called an erm ..erm alphabet. A library is a place to store and view these written works"
King: "This sounds most excellent (Bill & Ted King) my man, but tell me ..which characters do our alphabet consist of"
Advisor : "Eeeehhhermmmm, we don't have one sir"
King "I see...and this "paper" you speak of"?
Advisor "Oh I just made that up sire....but we should still build a library at once sire, it will add to our city's culture..people will come from far afield..
King "...to view the empty shelves...no they'll think we're bloody daft.....GUARDS!"


I'm dying here!! :lol:
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