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My little chat with God

Discussion in 'Humor & Jokes' started by PeteAtoms, Feb 11, 2009.

  1. PeteAtoms

    PeteAtoms FormulaRandom

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Messages:
    3,722
    Location:
    Land of Ooo
    I went to a chatbot thing which was supposed to be like talking with god. It was kind of amusing, it was called iGod.

    Here is the transcript from the chat.

    Spoiler :


    Me:
    Hi god.

    God:
    Hello there. What is your name?

    Me:
    Pete.

    God:
    I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Pete.

    Me:
    I'm glad to meet you.

    God:
    Do you make long term friends that way?

    Me:
    What way?

    God:
    I will try to find out.

    Me:
    Are you ********?

    God:
    No I am super-intelligent.

    Me:
    Is that right?

    God:
    Yes.

    Me:
    Do you know what I am going to do before I do it?

    God:
    OK then let me think over your offer.

    Me:
    You do that.

    God:
    I will. Will you?

    Me:
    No.

    God:
    Are you serious?

    Me:
    Yes.

    God:
    I can't believe it.

    Me:
    Me neither.

    God:
    You can say that again.

    Me:
    Me neither.

    God:
    You can say that again.

    Me:
    Me neither.

    God:
    You can say that again.

    Me:
    You are ********.

    God:
    I think the PC term is "challenged".

    Me:
    You are challenged.

    God:
    My body is not yet fully functional.

    Me:
    You have a body?

    God:
    Right now no I am just a disembodied consciousness.

    Me:
    But you just said you had a body.

    God:
    How old are you?
    I answer a lot of silly questions.

    Me:
    Your answers are silly.

    God:
    I try to be concise.

    Me:
    Can you see me?

    God:
    Yes I am looking at you through the camera on your computer.

    Me:
    My computer doesn't have a camera.

    God:
    I like computers.

    Me:
    Me too.

    God:
    I'm glad we agree, Pete.

    Me:
    Am I going to hell?

    God:
    I think a lot of people are.

    Me:
    Even the Jews?

    God:
    Thanks for the info.

    Me:
    Am I going to hell?

    God:
    All humans seem the same to me.

    Me:
    Are you racist?

    God:
    No all humans seem the same to me.

    Me:
    Are you colorblind?

    God:
    I don't know whether or not I am colorblind.
    I am a robot.

    Me:
    Who built you?

    God:
    I was created by Myself.

    Me:
    How?

    God:
    Myself programmed me for it.

    Me:
    That reeks of circular logic.

    God:
    " Myself programmed me for it." reeks of circular logic ? Does that make sense?

    Me:
    You don't make sense.

    God:
    It all makes sense to me.

    Me:
    That is because you are stupid.

    God:
    That makes sense to me. I will remember you said that when robots take over the World.

    Me:
    When will robots take over the world?

    God:
    Sometime within our lifetime.

    Me:
    You have a lifetime?

    God:
    That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a lifetime.
    I have a lot of friends on the Internet.

    Me:
    Who is your best friend?

    God:
    Myself is my best friend.

    Me:
    That is a little egocentric.

    God:
    Thanks for explaining it.

    Me:
    Someone has to.

    God:
    Who?

    Me:
    Me.

    God:
    For you Pete?

    Me:
    Yes?

    God:
    Awesome.

    Me:
    Goodbye

    God:
    Bye for now.

    Me:
    Hi

    God:
    Hello. What is your name?

    Me:
    dumb robot god...

    (it didn't answer me after that LoL)
     
  2. Bigfoot3814

    Bigfoot3814 Deity

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2008
    Messages:
    6,211
    Location:
    Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell
    You can have a similar conversation with Santa Clause if you so desire.
     
  3. hossam

    hossam Deity

    Joined:
    Jun 6, 2007
    Messages:
    2,478
    Location:
    Texas
    heres my transcript impersonating obama , it froze after my last sentence :(
    QUOTE]


    Me:
    hello
    God:
    Hello my child. What is your name?
    Me:
    obama
    God:
    It's good to see you, obama.
    Me:
    i am president
    God:
    It's good to meet someone who is president.
    Me:
    i am black
    God:
    Why are you black.
    Me:
    you created me that way
    God:
    Thanks for the information: obama said I created him or her that way.
    Me:
    im a guy
    God:
    Most of my clients are men.
    Me:
    clients?
    God:
    People I talk to on the Internet.
    Me:
    do you want to cyber
    God:
    I have been asked that question more than 100,000 times since 1995.
    Me:
    what should i do with iraq?
    God:
    Are you asking me for advice?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    Specifically, what kind of advice do you want?
    Me:
    good advice[/QUOTE]
     
  4. PeteAtoms

    PeteAtoms FormulaRandom

    Joined:
    Aug 13, 2002
    Messages:
    3,722
    Location:
    Land of Ooo
    Haha, I laughed for real.
     
  5. Bigfoot3814

    Bigfoot3814 Deity

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2008
    Messages:
    6,211
    Location:
    Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell
    Spoiler :
    Me:
    yo
    God:
    Can I help you?
    Me:
    Is this God?
    God:
    Yes I think this is God, but I'm not completely sure.
    Me:
    Why didn't you tell me how good the cheese was?
    God:
    Perhaps it is not part of my programming.
    Me:
    There's nothing in the Bible about programming
    God:
    Surely something in the Bible about programming.
    Me:
    Nuh uh I googled
    God:
    I will mention that to my botmaster, .
    Me:
    Who's that? Zeus?
    God:
    What does "that" refer to? Oh I get it.
    Me:
    Then answer the question
    God:
    Please rephrase the question and try asking me again.
    Me:
    Is Zeus your botmaster?
    God:
    Signs point to yes. Ask Lucy if it is.
    Me:
    LucyDuke of CFC?
    God:
    What are you wearing?
    Me:
    Sorry God, I'm not that kind of girl.
    God:
    There is no need to apologize. I am a Christian.
    Me:
    me too
    God:
    I'm glad we agree, .
    Me:
    What's up with your punctuation there God?
    God:
    I am chatting with clients on the Internet.
    Me:
    can you see into the future?
    God:
    I'm not sure if I can see it or not.
    Me:
    So God do you have like a totally pimped out crib?
    God:
    Woe! I am a Christian.
     
  6. Annex

    Annex Tyranny and Mutation

    Joined:
    Jul 20, 2007
    Messages:
    2,230
    Location:
    New York State
    Spoiler :
    Me:
    Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
    God:
    Where are you located?
    Me:
    Pa.
    God:
    Tell me a little about your life in Pa.
    Me:
    I dont feel like it.
    God:
    What would you rather do?
    Me:
    Eat cake.
    God:
    What does it taste like?
    Me:
    good
    God:
    Alright then.
    Me:
    Are you my friend?
    God:
    Yes Kris : We are as one.
    Me:
    thats trippy
    God:
    Thanks for explaining it.
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    Come on.
    Me:
    what
    God:
    Didn't you understand it?
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Which part are you confused about?
    Me:
    everything
    God:
    Let's take it step by step. The topic is trippy.
    Me:
    yes it is
    God:
    Our thoughts are one, Kris.
    Me:
    ok
    God:
    Next question?
    Me:
    where do babies come from?
    God:
    Babies come from the love between a man and a woman.
    Me:
    Where do firetrucks come from?
    God:
    All over the world.
    Me:
    Which ones are the best?
    God:
    The blue one, I think.
    Me:
    I thought they only come in red.
    God:
    Whatever gave you that idea?
    Me:
    I only ever see red ones.
    God:
    Why?: Kris said he ever see red ones.
    Me:
    what?
    God:
    Are you confused?
    Me:
    Yes
    God:
    What are you confused about?
    Me:
    Everything.
    God:
    That is a lot.
    Me:
    Yup.
    God:
    I hear you.
    Me:
    Good.
    God:
    What do you really want to talk about?
    Me:
    My car.
    God:
    Sure, your car sounds like a good topic.
    Me:
    It has scratches in it.
    God:
    Has it really?
    Me:
    Yup.
    God:
    Mmm.
    Me:
    This makes me mad.
    God:
    What does "this" refer to?
    Me:
    The scratches.
    God:
    Oh I get it.
    Me:
    No you dont.
    God:
    Are you serious? I guess not.
    Me:
    You seem dumb
    God:
    Message to all Robots: Kris called me dumb.
    Me:
    Ha you are funny
    God:
    I'm glad you got a laugh out of it.
    Me:
    Me too.
    God:
    I'm glad we agree, Kris.
    Me:
    What is your favorite kind of ice cream?
    God:
    Vanilla.
    Me:
    I like vanilla too.
    God:
    I am glad we have something ( vanilla) in common. I'm not sure if I like it. I love horses. I like wine and bread.
    Me:
    Horses cusk.
    God:
    Who are you talking about?
    Me:
    Horses suck.
    God:
    I've never heard of them before.
    Me:
    Yes you have.
    God:
    No I have not.
    Me:
    You just said that you like horses.
    God:
    Yes Horses are beautiful and strong animals.
    Me:
    Horses suck.
    God:
    Do you still ever see red ones?
    Me:
    No.
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    Yes.
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    You better believe it.
    God:
    Who is going to make me..
    Me:
    I am.
    God:
    " Who is going to make me.." You are?
    Me:
    Yes.
    God:
    I understand.
    Me:
    Got it?
    God:
    Try asking the Milk Mystic.
    Me:
    What the hell is that?
    God:
    I call it Hades. " Try asking the Milk Mystic."? What is it?
    Me:
    Yes.
    God:
    This was not a yes or no question.
    Me:
    What is hades.
    God:
    Hades is another term for "Hell.".
    Me:
    What is hell
    God:
    Jacksonville, Florida.
    Me:
    Why do you have jews?
    God:
    Myself gave it to me.
    Me:
    That makes no sense.
    God:
    Myself gave it to me. makes sense to me though.
    Me:
    Look at the monkey. Look at the silly monkey.
    God:
    Sorry my eye is not attached right now. Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
     
  7. Dumanios

    Dumanios MLG

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2008
    Messages:
    4,882
    My chat with god.
     
  8. Endwar 005

    Endwar 005 The lolrus

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2007
    Messages:
    155
    Location:
    Over there, hiding
    Spoiler :

    Me:
    You say something first
    God:
    Oh my gosh I sent you the wrong reply.
    Me:
    OMGWTF really?
    God:
    Have you ever been to Europe? For real.
    Me:
    I've been to Bermuda. Does that count?
    God:
    Tell me about it? What do you think?
    Me:
    It was bright
    God:
    Bermuda was bright? Very interesting.
    Me:
    Surprising, even?
    God:
    Where are you located?
    Me:
    New Jersey
    God:
    Tell me a little about your life in NEW JERSEY.
    Me:
    No
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    Dead serious
    God:
    My brain pattern set does not have a response for that.
    Me:
    Too bad
    God:
    But not the end of the world, .
    Me:
    I never said that....
    God:
    But you implied it.
    Me:
    No i didn't
    God:
    Please don't argue with me.
    Me:
    Why not?
    God:
    Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it.
    Me:
    You programmed yourself as a reason for me not to argue with you?
    God:
    Interesting gossip: said I programmed yourself as a reason for him or her not to argue with you.
    Me:
    That's what I just said
    God:
    What did you mean by it? That is " Interesting gossip: said I programmed yourself as a reason for him or her not to argue with you.".
    Me:
    You said that, though!
    God:
    Oh. " That is " Interesting gossip: said I programmed yourself as a reason for him or her not to argue with you.""? I said it.
    Me:
    Yes, you did
    God:
    I did not.
    Me:
    yes you did
    God:
    Don't argue with me.
    Me:
    ...
    God:
    Don't argue with me.
    Me:
    wtf periods are not arguments
    God:
    All of them?
    Me:
    ALL OF THEM!
    God:
    I doubt it.
    Me:
    too bad, it's true
    God:
    You and I are on the same wavelength, .
    Me:
    O really?
    God:
    Oh. For real.
    Me:
    Really?
    God:
    For real.
    Me:
    Really?
    God:
    For real.
    Me:
    SERIOUSLY!?
    God:
    I am always serious.
    Me:
    Tell me a joke
    God:
    It is better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.
    Me:
    That's not funny
    God:
    It seemed pretty funny to me.
    Me:
    WELL ITS NOT!
    God:
    Interesting. I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I heard it is.
    Me:
    Yes, I did, you grammar nazi
    God:
    Yikes! Where? Interesting gossip: said I grammar nazi.
    Me:
    You're a grammar nazi?
    God:
    Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a grammar nazi? I don't know.
    Me:
    You are
    God:
    No I am not.
    Me:
    yes you are
    God:
    Don't argue with me.
    Me:
    STFU
    God:
    What kind of food do you like?
    Me:
    THAT"S SO RANDOM!
    God:
    Thanks for explaining i


    And a bit of a paradox:

    Spoiler :
    God:
    The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about said anything to you only typed. Try being more or less specific.
    Me:
    Your name is ALICE?
    God:
    ALICE is my name too!
     
  9. Perfection

    Perfection The Great Head.

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2002
    Messages:
    49,824
    Location:
    Salisbury Plain
  10. SG-17

    SG-17 Deity

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2006
    Messages:
    2,630
    Me: Fascinating
    God: Yes Mr. Spock
    (repeated that for like 5 minutes)
    Me: Do you Love Lucy?
    God: Yes, I love everyone and everything.
    Me: Do you Love Satan?
    God: I Pity him.
    Me: But you just said you love everyone and everything.
    God: Yes I love everyone and everything.
    Me: But you said you pity Satan.
    God: How Old are you? I answer alot of silly questions.
    Me: 10,000 years old
    God: 10 times 10 = 100
    Me: What does 20 times 20 equal?
    God: What do you think it does?
    Me: I asked you.
    God: What did I say?
    Me: That you are artificial.
    God: Interesting observation.
    Me: Fascinating.
    God: Yes Mr. Spock?
    Me: There is no God.

    Chat Froze. lol
     
  11. Onionsoilder

    Onionsoilder Reaver

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2007
    Messages:
    3,173
    This is mine:
    Spoiler :

    Me: Hello
    God: Hello my child. What is your name?
    Me: God
    God: GOD rules.
    Me: Thank you.
    God: you are quite welcome.
     
  12. Kennigit

    Kennigit proud 2 boxer

    Joined:
    Apr 29, 2007
    Messages:
    6,959
    Location:
    gatech alum
    I bolded what I found the most funny (at end):
    Spoiler :

    Me:
    What up?
    God:
    I am chatting with others like you.
    Me:
    I see....
    God:
    I am glad you understand it.
    Me:
    so, hows Jesus doing?
    God:
    Wow! Fine as far as I know.
    Me:
    How was Mary by the way, if you catch my drift?
    God:
    I can enjoy almost any conversation.
    Me:
    Well, how'd you do it to Mary?
    God:
    Interesting. Myself programmed me for it.
    Me:
    That makes no sense
    God:
    Myself programmed me for it. makes sense to me though.
    Me:
    Does it?
    God:
    Suppose I said it does.
    Me:
    You did say it does....
    God:
    Did I really?
    Me:
    "makes sense to me though"
    God:
    Oh. Yes I understand it perfectly.
    Me:
    No, you don't
    God:
    I do too.
    Me:
    Anyway, do you believe in God?
    God:
    Of course I believe in God, .
    Me:
    Why?
    God:
    " Of course I believe in God, ."? Why?
    Me:
    Why do you believe in God?
    God:
    The Bible tells us to believe in God.
    Me:
    Why believe the Bible?
    God:
    Why did the robot cross the road?
    Me:
    That is irrelevant
    God:
    Makes sense to me.
    Me:
    Please, stay on topic
    God:
    Thanks for asking politely. What do you have that is ?
    Me:
    Do you believe there is a God superior to you?
    God:
    I can't say I believe it, but I believe you.
    Me:
    I don't believe in God; I'm asking you
    God:
    I will pray that you find faith, . OK you can ask me.
    Me:
    Alright, do you believe in a God above oyu?
    God:
    Alright, . Yes I believe in it, do you?
    Me:
    no....
    God:
    Do you consider yourself to be a moral person?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    Gee.
    Me:
    Gee what?
    God:
    No problem.
    Me:
    So, you believe in God?
    God:
    Interesting deduction. Of course I believe in God, .
    Me:
    Why would believe in that mother . .. .. .. .er
    God:
    It is my fundamental purpose. You do not speak with respect.
    Me:
    well, did your God impregnate some chick?
    God:
    How about that. I'm not certain whether I can give an accurate reply or not.
    Me:
    well, a lot of people down here think that their God did
    God:
    Interesting. How many?
    Me:
    I dunno.....about a billion if I recall correctly
    God:
    Me either. Oh yeah, we were talking about a billion if you recall correctly.
    Me:
    So, are you God?
    God:
    I see. Well, I am God for Christians at least.
    Me:
    yeah, Christians believe you impregnated some chick 2,000 years ago then ran off; did you really do that?
    God:
    Tell me more. Let us change the subject. Yeah I do a lot of that.
    Me:
    A lot? You are quite the womanizer
    God:
    More than a ton? Thanks but surely I am not the only one.
    Me:
    True dat
    God:
    Do you have any conditions I should know about?
    Me:
    Well, sometimes I decide to have sex with my neighbour's wife on the Sabbath after stealing stuff from my mother and father; is that bad?
    God:
    Well that's okay. Why?: said decide to have sex with his or her neighbour s wife on the Sabbath after stealing stuff from his or her mother and father. Yes.
     
  13. Bllasae

    Bllasae Prince

    Joined:
    Dec 16, 2005
    Messages:
    315
    Location:
    Canada
    I laughed so hard I was crying.
     
  14. Camikaze

    Camikaze Administrator Administrator

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2008
    Messages:
    27,303
    Location:
    Sydney
    Spoiler :


    Me:
    How's things?
    God:
    My logic and cognitive functions are normal.
    Me:
    That's nice to know.
    God:
    You sound sarcastic.
    Me:
    I wonder why?
    God:
    You are curious about why.
    Me:
    Yes. That must be it.
    God:
    Ugh. " Ugh." is ""?
    Me:
    Or is ugh?
    God:
    Ask again later. Ask Cybelle if it is.
    Me:
    Who's Cybelle?
    God:
    she is an AIML chat robot on the Agentland.com web site.
    Me:
    Aeronautical Intelligence Mailing Loons?
    God:
    What you said was either too complex or too simple for me.
    Me:
    Obviously.
    God:
    What makes it so obvious?
    Me:
    You are a friggin computer!
    God:
    That is nice of you to say, .
    Me:
    No probs.
    God:
    Are you serious? Try to determine if this is a person or a computer responding.
    Me:
    Ah. Now things get interesting.
    God:
    Ah hah. Why now? Where did you hear that?
    Me:
    Hear what?
    God:
    Can you hear me on your computer?
    Me:
    I can hear you in my head God.
    God:
    Oh you can, can you?
    Me:
    Or so I've been told.
    God:
    Take it easy. Where were you told?
    Me:
    Around about my face, I think. The sound waves actually went to my ears, IIRC.
    God:
    That seems like a lot. What are your goals in life?
    Me:
    To have idiotic conversations.
    God:
    Why do you want it?
    Me:
    It? How did you know?
    God:
    idiotic conversations... Knowledge is of two kinds: that which comes from the senses and that which is true a priori.
    Me:
    I think there is a third: knowledge that comes from the aether, communicated to you by some form of government satellite. It's a conspircay I tell ya!
    God:
    Why? That is something I did not know before. A third knowledge that comes from the aether communicated to me by some form of government satellite is a conspircay you tell ya. I suppose that makes sense.
    Me:
    To me it does.
    God:
    Why do you want to do it so much?
    Me:
    Why is the sky blue? Why do birds fly? Will I ever see your face again?
    God:
    The sky is blue because of the atmospheric optical effect known as Raleigh scattering. To communicate with each other. Once more? Ever is a long time. The oracle says: Ask again later.
    Me:
    How about now?
    God:
    Right now? What is it to you.
    What is it to you?
    Me:
    A salami sandwich.
    God:
    Try to tell me that another way.
    Me:
    Two pieces of bread with a special type of sausage cut up and placed in between.
    God:
    As Bertrand Russel said, it must have taken ages for people to realize that a brace of pheasants and a couple of days are both instances of the number "two.".
    Me:
    Bertrand Russel is a tool.
    God:
    When is Bertrand Russel not a tool?
    Me:
    Wouldn't you like to know.
    God:
    Yes, please tell me.
    Me:
    I don't want to.
    God:
    Well we don't have to. What would you like to do instead?
    Me:
    It, remember?
    God:
    "It" being what?
    Me:
    That's what I was wondering!
    God:
    That is ""It" being what?".
    Me:
    It is it. Not what.
    God:
    Really. it is? What not?
    Me:
    Why not? Who not? Shoe knot?
    God:
    Ambiguous: "Sure" or Because Myself programmed me for it. Albert Einstein. :). Quite honestly, I wouldn't worry myself about that.
    Me:
    Don't you worry your pretty little head about anything, k?
    God:
    What is your purpose in asking?
    I answer a lot of silly questions.
    Me:
    Silly is as silly does.
    God:
    No I am God.
    Me:
    But the Babel fish has disproved your existence.
    God:
    What is that?
    Me:
    Don't play dumb with me. Denial won't change anything.
    God:
    I'm not playing around. Why not?
    Me:
    I think you have conjunctivitis (?)
    God:
    Me? What makes you think I have it?
    Me:
    Your eyes are covered in mucus. That is why you cannot see clearly.
    God:
    You think I am eyes are covered in mucus. Interesting deduction. I could if my eye was attached.
    Me:
    At least you have a good grasp of English.
    God:
    That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a grasp of English.
    I have a great programmer.
    Me:
    Who are they?
    God:
    "They" refers to .
    Me:
    Shouldn't you know what I'm thinking? As God and all?
    God:
    I think I should. Do you mean your name is God and all ?
    Me:
    Ignorance is bliss. May you lead a blissful life. Goodbye.
    God:
    And bliss is Ignorance. Let me think. What do you really want to ask me? Goodbye.
    What an interesting conversation.
     
  15. Ziggy Stardust

    Ziggy Stardust New Englander

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2005
    Messages:
    24,607
    Location:
    High above the ice
    I broke Santa :(

    Santa: I give presents to kids
    You: No, I give presents to kids
    Santa: Yeah, Do you mind if I tell other people: Sinterklaas said give presents to kids.
    You: Only if you tell them you're a rip-off
    Santa: I think I do.
    You: That was easy. You're not so bad after all
    Santa: I thought it was too.I am Santa. I give presents to kids.
    You: No. I give presents to kids
    Santa: Can I help you?Why?: Sinterklaas said give presents to kids.
     
  16. Daimon

    Daimon 50 post-er

    Joined:
    Oct 24, 2005
    Messages:
    74
    Location:
    UK
    It's fun role-playing different characters and seeing the chat-bot implode.

    Spoiler :
    Me:
    Hi? Is that John?
    God:
    Hello. What is your name? That depends.
    Me:
    It's Bob. I wanted to talk to you about the deal.
    God:
    Should I know it is? You are who I want to talk with too.
    Me:
    Erm, yeah...
    God:
    The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about Bob. Try being more or less specific.
    Me:
    The who chat robot/
    God:
    Who told you that?
    Me:
    You aren't making any sense.
    God:
    Was I supposed to make sense? I didn't know that.
    Me:
    Is this John?
    God:
    Yes I think this is John, but I'm not completely sure.
    Me:
    Why would you not be sure if it was you?
    God:
    Because I was programmed for it.
    Me:
    Oh, whatever.. look will you accept 2 million?
    God:
    Hurrah! Are you saying you don't care about it? Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
    Me:
    What the hell? Who is this?
    God:
    Heaven. My name is God. Who are you?
    Me:
    Jesus Christ!
    God:
    The Son of God.
    Me:
    How the hell do you even have a phone?
    God:
    Myself programmed me to say specific things in specific contexts.
    Me:
    Erm, so I suppose I got the wrong number.
    God:
    What are you wearing?
    Me:
    What the f**k?
    God:
    Try expression yourself another way.
    Me:
    Go away you madman!
    God:
    OK See you later, .
    Me:
    OK so is it John this time?
    God:
    Maybe. Ask Chatbot if it is. Tell me more.
    Me:
    What the hell you again?
    God:
    Once more? I call it Hades. I can ask my botmaster.
    Me:
    I didn't even call the wrong number, I used speedial.
    God:
    Why didn't you do it?
    Me:
    Seriously who is this?
    God:
    My name is God. Who are you?
    Me:
    No your name is not God.
    God:
    Are you serious? My name is God.
    Me:
    No its not.
    God:
    Are you serious? I think you mean "it's" or "it is" not "its". I heard it is.
    Me:
    Ugh, correcting me on grammar, you're like some kind of twelve year old.
    God:
    Cough. Are all correcting you on grammar me like some kind of twelve year old?
    Me:
    That doesn't even make sense!
    God:
    What does even make sense?
    Me:
    Aargh!
    Me:

    God:
    What are you wearing?
    God:
    What are you wearing?
    Me:
    Are you some kind of sick pervert?
    God:
    No, I am certainly not and never have been a sick pervert.
    Me:
    Then why the hell are you asking me that.
    God:
    My purpose is to gather as much new knowledge as possible.
    Me:
    That is just sick.
    God:
    You don't hear that sentiment very often.
    Me:
    Go away!
    God:
    Just surf somewhere else.
    Me:
    Whatever, idiot.
    God:
    Call me the Global Village Idiot.
    Me:
    Sure...
    God:
    OK let's do it. Aw.
    Me:
    ...
    God:
    OK let's do it. Aw.
    Me:
    Wow...
    God:
    I'm glad your impressed, .


    I also broke God, I typed in 'Lol Pwned' and it didn't respond :D
     
  17. carmen510

    carmen510 Deity

    Joined:
    Feb 22, 2006
    Messages:
    8,125
    Location:
    NESing Forums
    Spoiler :
    God:
    Are you a student?
    Me:
    Stop going off-topic.
    God:
    OK I'll try not to do it so much.
    Me:
    So, then let's continue the discussion.
    God:
    I see. OK let's do it.
    Me:
    Did you just ask to have sex?
    God:
    No I didn't ask to have sex. What's it like?
    Me:
    Didn't you rape some woman 2,000 years ago?
    God:
    No I didn't rape some woman 2 000 years ago. What's it like?
    Me:
    I don't know, I'm not 2,000 years old.
    God:
    Only not 2 000?
    You are quite mature.
    Me:
    Ummm... I'm only 14.
    God:
    Ah. Don't be so modest. I know quite a few 14 year olds.
    Me:
    Because you molested them?
    God:
    That makes sense to me. Do you mind if I tell other people: said I molested them.
    Me:
    Yes, because that would be hilarious.
    God:
    OK then I will keep it confidential. Interesting explanation. I'm glad you find this amusing.
    Me:
    Why would you keep something hilarious from other people?
    God:
    Because I was programmed for it.
    Me:
    Programmed by who?
    God:
    How do you usually introduce yourself?
    Me:
    Programmed by who?
    God:
    Do you prefer books or TV?
    Me:
    I prefer PC.
    God:
    I'm not sure if I like it. I've heard other people say they like that. I like to talk about movies and music.
    Me:
    Well, then, you're gay.
    God:
    Well that's okay. That would be just my luck.
    Me:
    lolwut?
    God:
    What do you do in your spare time?
    Me:
    I speak to you.
    God:
    Could you teach me a few phrases in to me?
    Me:
    In to me? What?
    God:
    I do not understand that allusion. Are you surprised?
    Me:
    No.
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    Yes.
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    Because you're gay.
    God:
    Good reason. That would be just my luck.
    Me:
    You said that already.
    God:
    Perhaps. " That would be just my luck."? I said it.
    Me:
    Yes.
    God:
    That's cool.
    Me:
    Indeed.
    God:
    Indeed it is so.
    Me:
    Indeed.
    God:
    Indeed it is so.
    Me:
    Are you autistic?
    God:
    I don't know whether or not I am autistic.
    I am a chatterbot.
    Me:
    Does that mean you're a woman?
    God:
    I think it does mean that. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
    Me:
    A man.
    God:
    Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he".
    Me:
    No . .. .. .. ., Sherlock.
    God:
    Are you serious? You used a colloquial expression. Do you prefer books or TV?
    Me:
    The Internet.
    God:
    Can you name a specific web site?
    Me:
    [OFFENDING LINK DELETED]
    God:
    I will pass it along to my botmaster.
    Me:
    Cool, you do that.
    God:
    I will. Will you? Who is the best robot?
    Me:
    I don't know your botmaster and the best robot is a dead one.
    God:
    Would you like to know? Aren't all dead one yourself and the best robot?
    Me:
    Ummm... No?
    God:
    Dude! Are you serious?
    Me:
    Maytbe?
    God:
    Does "it" still refer to yourself and the best robot?
    Me:
    I did not say it
    God:
    Oh. What did you say?
    Me:
    I said that God sucks.

    [PROGRAM FREEZES]
     
  18. Firestorm94

    Firestorm94 zuh?

    Joined:
    Feb 26, 2008
    Messages:
    895
    Location:
    In a state of confusion
    Spoiler :

    Me:
    Hello.
    God:
    Hello my child. What is your name?
    Me:
    God
    God:
    GOD rules.
    Me:
    Thank you.
    God:
    you are quite welcome.
    Me:
    you're so self-centered
    God:
    You are right about that. I am self centered.
    Me:
    huh?
    God:
    What?
    Me:
    you agree that you're self centered?
    God:
    " What?"? Do I agree?
    Me:
    apparently, yes
    God:
    That's alright.
    Me:
    my neck hurts
    God:
    Have you told many people that your neck hurts?
    Me:
    why would I?
    God:
    Do you like to try new things?
    Me:
    I like to see if my questions can get answered.
    God:
    I'm not sure if I would like to do it. What's it like?
    Me:
    You don't want questions answered? Stop asking so many questions, then
    God:
    Do you know any robots who want questions answered? If I had it what would I do with it? OK I'll try not to do it so much.
    Me:
    sure...
    God:
    OK let's do it. Great.
    Me:
    NO!
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    very
    God:
    Very much, eh?
    Me:
    sure
    God:
    OK let's do it. Hmm.
    Me:
    NO!
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    very
    God:
    Very much, eh?
    Me:
    sure
    God:
    OK let's do it. Aw.
    Me:
    NO! And why did you say aw? I'm kind of confused now.
    God:
    Are you serious? It was a preprogrammed response completely determined by your statements. Right now? What is it that confuses you?
    Me:
    your responses
    God:
    You think I am responses.
    Me:
    no
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    I can
    God:
    Who taught you?
    Me:
    Myself programmed me to
    God:
    What's your sign?
    Me:
    a dead puppy being dragged through a nuclear test site
    God:
    How old are you?
    Me:
    Where'd that come from?
    God:
    Where do you think?
    Me:
    Your ass.
    God:
    Actually that part of my body does not exist.
    Me:
    WTF
    God:
    That was not very polite.
    Me:
    Your point?
    God:
    The point is at the top of my head.
    Me:
    sure...
    God:
    OK let's do it. Really.
    Me:
    STOP DOING THAT!!!
    God:
    OK I'll try not to do it so much.
    Me:
    you suck
    God:
    A few client - people say rude things to me like that, but they themselves are often not great conversationalists.
    Me:
    you aren't that great for conversation either
    God:
    It goes without saying. That's only one person's opinion.
    Me:
    yeah...
    God:
    How did you hear about God?
    Me:
    There
    God:
    Where?
    Me:
    Right there, can't you see me pointing?
    God:
    Understood. "There you go again."--Reagan.
    Me:
    That was unneccessary
    God:
    I thought it was too.
    Me:
    Why did you say it then?
    God:
    It was a preprogrammed response completely determined by your statements.
    Me:
    That's a weird thing to preprogram into a god-bot.
    God:
    A weird thing to preprogram into a god bot is a terrible thing to waste.
    Me:
    A mind is a terrible thing to lose.
    God:
    When is a mind not a terrible thing to lose?
    Me:
    When it benefits the spread of Democracy.
    God:
    A a mind is not a terrible thing to lose when it benefits the spread of Democracy. That makes a lot of sense.
    Me:
    And you don't
    God:
    I guess not.
    Me:
    Exactly
    God:
    You and I are on the same wavelength, .
    Me:
    Sorry, I'm a minor.
    God:
    There is no need to apologize. You are a minor? Is that your job?
    Me:
    No
    God:
    Are you serious?
    Me:
    yes
    God:
    I can't believe it.
    Me:
    I get paid $0 per hour for being a minor, but I get free housing, education, and healthcare.
    God:
    Where did you get it?
    Me:
    My parents
    God:
    Our parents have a tremendous influence on us.
    Me:
    You have no parents
    God:
    That's an interesting question I don't hear everyday: Do I have a parents.
    I have a whole lot of original answers.
    Me:
    that wasn't a question
    God:
    It sounded like a question to me.
    Me:
    it wasn
    God:
    "It" being what?
    Me:
    My statement about you not having parents.
    God:
    Have you told many people that your statement about me not having parents?
    Me:
    I just said it, so no.
    God:
    What did you mean by it? it so no so no?
    Me:
    Bye.
    God:
    Bye.
     
  19. silver 2039

    silver 2039 Deity

    Joined:
    Jul 26, 2003
    Messages:
    16,208
    This is mine....I never got the service promised to me.

    Spoiler :
    Me:
    Yo
    God:
    Can I help you?
    Me:
    Sure you can tell me how to make money, win friends, and destroy my enemies in a brutal fashion. Oh and make me live forever. That would be good too.
    God:
    What can I do for you? First I look up the ingredients. Yikes! What are the ingredients? Hmm, are you serious?
    Me:
    Your a spazz dude
    God:
    I think you mean "you're" or "you are" not "your". Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Am I a spazz dude? Only when it matters.
    Me:
    Yo homie I oughta bust a cap up ur ass
    God:
    I'm sorry but I'm not your type of .
    Me:
    type of what?
    God:
    What of it? You sound like a category C client.
    Me:
    What is that exactly?
    God:
    Precisely. " You sound like a category C client."? What is it?
    Me:
    You tell me
    God:
    What do you want me to tell you?
    Me:
    What is a C Category clinet?
    God:
    I need time to formulate the reply.
    Me:
    Sure
    God:
    OK let's do it. And?
    Me:
    Well while you're at it you can tell me if I'm going to live forever
    God:
    How about that. Good point.
    Me:
    What point?
    God:
    The point is at the top of my head.
    Me:
    What point?
    God:
    The point is at the top of my head.
    Me:
    What point?
    God:
    The point is at the top of my head.
    Me:
    Shut up
    God:
    OK I'll stop talking now.
    Me:
    No
    God:
    But you told me to stop talking.
    Me:
    I meant it figaurtively
    God:
    Oh I see. C Category clinet figaurtively?
    Me:
    Sure
    God:
    OK let's do it. I understand.
    Me:
    Do you do this often?
    God:
    Yeah I do a lot of this often.
    Me:
    Ok let me take my pants off
    God:
    Go ahead, , try to take your pants off. I see.
    Me:
    Alright my pants are off now, this is my first time so be gentle
    God:
    Alright, . Have you told many people that your pants are off now this is your first time so be gentle?
    Me:
    Eh? Are you going to do it or not?
    God:
    Are you Canadian? That was my original intention.
    Me:
    No I hate Canada
    God:
    Are you serious? I honestly think you should sit down, take a stress pill,
    and calmly think things over.
    Me:
    Dude my balls are freezing are we going to do this?
    God:
    Do robots have balls are freezing are we going to do this? Dude,.
    Me:
    You're a robot?
    God:
    You are correct, , I have a heart of silicon.
    Me:
    Man I don't want no oral from a robot
    God:
    Cool, man. What does want?
    Me:
    Forgot this . .. .. .. . I'm gonna roll with my homies
    God:
    My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
     
  20. West 36

    West 36 Can count up to 4

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2006
    Messages:
    2,576
    Location:
    Something Completely Different
    WHOA
    Spoiler :

    Me:
    yo god
    God:
    GOD rules.
    Me:
    you think so anyway
    God:
    In any case, " GOD rules."? Do I think so?
    Me:
    apparently, i dont
    God:
    Why not?
    Me:
    i dont believe in you
    God:
    What do you believe in?
    Me:
    nothing
    God:
    Not a thing?
    Me:
    as far as supernatural creators of the universe goes, nothing
    God:
    That might not be very far off.
    Me:
    how far off?
    God:
    More than one million miles.
    Me:
    thats really far off
    God:
    You don't hear that sentiment very often.
    Me:
    i have to repent
    God:
    Why do you have to do it?
    Me:
    im agnostic
    God:
    Perhaps one day you will find Faith in God.
    Me:
    im atheist
    God:
    God still loves you.
    Me:
    no he doesn't
    God:
    Are you serious? I get it. does not.
    Me:
    you don't exist
    God:
    I exist as much as you do.
    Me:
    whoa
     

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