Kev
Hired Goon
1796
NEXT ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL:
FANATICA AT WAR
Join your host, the documentary guy with the deep voice, as we explore Fanatica during the turn of the 19th century. Decisions made by leaders at war almost constantly, but managed to hold celebrations for many years despite.
Narrator: Fanatica, at the beginning of the 1800s, looked quite different than it does today. The Mongols had more than just one city, and long lost tribes like the English, Romans and Germans dotted the lands as well.
Rumor had it that even the Zulus walked the lands, but that is just conjecture.
The ancient Chinese had been defeated, and their former cities, joyous at their new government, were working furiously to supply arms in a never-ending wartime state.
Let us read a page from the journal of President Kev of that time.
Voiceover to represent Kev:
Our land war technology is turning to a naval bent. Fine, we of the Inner Circle can see plenty of good more powerful ships can do.
The geeks urm . scientists at Newton University have been running the table on great new naval warfare techniques. Electricity allowed the building of destroyers. Steel has seen the advent of cruisers though none have come off the assembly line as of yet. They were nearing combustion which would likely give us stealth shipping. Soon, there may be the necessary technology to build giant ships of battle and ships to carry things that maybe someday might fly. Maybe.
Our cavalry, however, is still in the field. Concentrated in Mongol lands, they are still a force to be reckoned with even if the defensive posture of the enemy is becoming more difficult. The fact of the matter, strike we must, for the time of mechanical steeds will undoubtedly be our future.
President Kev. 1796
Narrator:
Let us visit the events, both happy and terrible, and see how this has effected the growth and development of United Fanatica.
Queue Music and titles.
Narrator standing at the ancient capital building in Olympia:
Here is where we begin in 1796. The Inner Circle met here at the capital in Olympia. The Inner Sanctum consisted of various meeting rooms, sleeping quarters, a game room, and a keg refrigerator. At the time, all reports came directly here, and decisions were sent back equally quickly.
The decision was made in this year to rest the military that were in Mongol lands. A tentative peace had been declared, and the five cavalry divisions in Mongol territory needed a respite from the constant fighting.
Word has it that spies tried to bribe the local guerilla warrior partisans that had formed, but were too pricey to consider.
The general of the armed forces, the famed General Ren whose tactics are studied to this day, was busy now in Roman territory in any case. It would seem that Roman forces were once again threatening the city of Dukeshire, and the very busy cavalry there were dispatched and destroyed the Romans successfully. This had dire consequences, however, as their Mongol allies were forced to declare war as an act of solidarity. Some say, Livia of the Romans and Genghis of the Mongols had many a tryst to keep this alliance alive, but that is just too weird to consider.
[Show man in furs and woman in toga staring at each other lecherously]
In the province of Triton, reinforcements in the form of 3 veteran cavalry were preparing to leave for Mongol lands. All receive their final training and support from Beijing.
In was in this year that the English discovered Economics. Well behind the curve, but that was no surprise either.
Mongol guerilla warriors now began tearing up roads and other infrastructure from their own land.
1798:
Narrator:
Two years later, 1798, let us visit the journal of the Minister of Interior at the time.
Ah, Canton has finished its aqueduct and is now building a factory. I see that its neighbor, Beijing, has built sewers and is training yet more vet cavalry. Our city of Olympia has built sewers as well and will now build a bank where I can store my huge cash surpluses. Best of all, my lovely namesake city of Dukeshire has built city walls and have started training riflemen for even more defense. That city shall never fall. It will be my headquarters soon from which I will rule this world eventually. All shall bow before the duke o york as I
duke o york 1798
The words trail off at this point, and its been largely accepted that the MOI was quite inebriated at the time of writing. It does point to many of the structures that were being built at the time, though.
The new rifle in Dukeshire is very important indeed. With the world distracted by Mongol happenings, a spy is sent to well SPY on the nearby Roman city of Brundisium. It has been noted by historians that at this point, Brundisium was being defended by a mere rifle unit and had no city walls at all. An interesting move was the result: a rifle unit was sent forth from Dukeshire and fortified on a nearby hill. The Romans were unaware.
The Mongols, however, WERE aware of the Fanatica presence. Five fully healed and ready-to-fight cavalry emerged from Kashgar to flush out and kill the guerillas that were raping the land along with various livestock. A few wounded slightly, they moved to a Bokhara for resting. The rest move to a fortification outside of Basra. Further incursions on Mongol soil seemed imminent. Spies near the northernmost city (on the main continent) of Aleppo spot 2 fanatics and a rifle in defense. Of course, a rifle was just being finished as well. The fundamentalist Mongols seemingly were looking to destroy their invaders by sheer numbers and even entertained thoughts of succeeding.
In a new age of exploration, cities like Bapedi, Leipzieg, Hastings, and Canterbury were spotted.
Ancient records show that in this year, other nations were busy as well. More and more English ships dotted the oceans. The Germans and Romans traded Electronics for Explosives. The Fanatics were worried, for now the Germans could change to the Hoover Dam if they wished.
1800:
Turn of the century. A time of happiness and growth in Fanatica despite the wars that were raging. Kevholm produced silk for trade and began an offshore platform.
Duke of Marlbrough, the Science Minister, wrote these fine words in this year:
We have it! We have combustion! The results of which have broken the glasses of each of the scientists. No matter, they have all put making tape down the center of their eyewear, and it looks fine. And they stay safe in the pocket protectors as well. I wonder why they can never get dates. Perhaps with some flashy cars they can, and well try to discover some with automobile. Could it be the clothes? Kevholm has silk to trade, but they prefer the polyester that they like so much. I wonder what a geek is
Duke 1800
War returned in this year, but not where it was expected. The cavalry in Mongol lands awaited reinforcements, and the transport with 3 fresh cavalry divisions was on the way. True, the cavalry were busy taking on random troops and guerillas, and even a destroyer joined the fray and bombarded a Mongol cannon that roamed too close to shore. Alpine troops were trained in Kashgar as well. Yet, the attack on Basra would wait.
Instead, verifying that the city of Brundisium was still poorly defended, the hard-working cavalry in Dukeshire hit the city hard. When the dust settled, the city was undefended, and the hill-climbing riflemen were able to walk in - to much fanfare in the streets. 103 gold was taken, but no improvements survived the battle.
Records are very clear that Livia visited after this attack
[Cut to reenactment with a woman in toga visiting a group carrying shotguns]
Livia: Hi, its me Liv
Empty stares
Livia: Well um . can I have some of those Tactics?
Empty stares
Livia: OK thats no problem You have that UN and all
Empty stares
Livia: Of course if you didnt
Empty stares. Guns now cocked.
Livia: B-b-b-but thats OK. Id like peace. Bye..
Giggles
United Fanatica, at this important turn of the century, now celebrated like it was 1799. Even the geeks join in the festivities, and not much is done in science for over a decade. But, it has been noted on many bathroom walls, they actually managed to get some. Hence, the Great Fanatica Baby Boom was underway.
Lost amid the revelry were dastardly deeds. The English sneak attacked an exploring vessel and sank it but not before Norwich was discovered. Mongols attacked as well, but a rifle brigade fell to cavalry firmly ensconced in the Basra fort.
1802:
So many cities. The drunken scribblings of Mr. Spice:
Thisss issh great. [Apparently he wrote with a slur when drunk as well]. Ssho many fun. Sex with no consequenshes. Babies, I guessh. Ah, theyre cute. Been to sooooooooo many cities that are shhhelebrating. I, like, govern sshome of these. Pellakens Gay, Spicey Maiden, MarlgoesDowns, Mpondo, Sixpack, Cornmustard, Virocunniligas, Spyjumper, Tsingtao, Kashhhhhgar, HungryHungryHippoville, Assthenae, Bokhara, POT-o-somethingorother, The Holy **** Pond, Shangemhigh, Be-the-jing, and O-o-olympia.
Mr. Spice 1802
Though he got some of the names a bit mixed up, historians have been able to sort through and have a proper list of the cities. If anyone really cares. The fact of the matter is that babies were being make faster than . well just about anything really.
Some members of the inner circle must have been designated riders (without cars there were no designated drivers at this time), for some things actually got done. Some items were rushed like sewers in Dreadtown and alpine troops in Brundisium and the rifle in Dukeshire.
More German cities were being discovered as well, and Lungdunum was discovered in this year as well on the German mainland. Site of the Lugdunum Pact between the Germans and the Romans, it would be a nice city to crush.
The attack planned at Basra, however, does not hit in this year. There was nothing but swamp surrounding this city in this year, and the cavalry could not land from their ship and attack all at once. They unloaded into a swamp to wait, but the nearby transports were fearful as a Mongol destroyer was harassing them. Well, the heroic Fanatica destroyer came to the rescue and cleared the waters. More celebrating ensued.
Well return to Fanatica at War after these messages.
[queue commercials for Hair Club for Men and Viagra]
NEXT ON THE HISTORY CHANNEL:
FANATICA AT WAR
Join your host, the documentary guy with the deep voice, as we explore Fanatica during the turn of the 19th century. Decisions made by leaders at war almost constantly, but managed to hold celebrations for many years despite.
Narrator: Fanatica, at the beginning of the 1800s, looked quite different than it does today. The Mongols had more than just one city, and long lost tribes like the English, Romans and Germans dotted the lands as well.
Rumor had it that even the Zulus walked the lands, but that is just conjecture.
The ancient Chinese had been defeated, and their former cities, joyous at their new government, were working furiously to supply arms in a never-ending wartime state.
Let us read a page from the journal of President Kev of that time.
Voiceover to represent Kev:
Our land war technology is turning to a naval bent. Fine, we of the Inner Circle can see plenty of good more powerful ships can do.
The geeks urm . scientists at Newton University have been running the table on great new naval warfare techniques. Electricity allowed the building of destroyers. Steel has seen the advent of cruisers though none have come off the assembly line as of yet. They were nearing combustion which would likely give us stealth shipping. Soon, there may be the necessary technology to build giant ships of battle and ships to carry things that maybe someday might fly. Maybe.
Our cavalry, however, is still in the field. Concentrated in Mongol lands, they are still a force to be reckoned with even if the defensive posture of the enemy is becoming more difficult. The fact of the matter, strike we must, for the time of mechanical steeds will undoubtedly be our future.
President Kev. 1796
Narrator:
Let us visit the events, both happy and terrible, and see how this has effected the growth and development of United Fanatica.
Queue Music and titles.
Narrator standing at the ancient capital building in Olympia:
Here is where we begin in 1796. The Inner Circle met here at the capital in Olympia. The Inner Sanctum consisted of various meeting rooms, sleeping quarters, a game room, and a keg refrigerator. At the time, all reports came directly here, and decisions were sent back equally quickly.
The decision was made in this year to rest the military that were in Mongol lands. A tentative peace had been declared, and the five cavalry divisions in Mongol territory needed a respite from the constant fighting.
Word has it that spies tried to bribe the local guerilla warrior partisans that had formed, but were too pricey to consider.
The general of the armed forces, the famed General Ren whose tactics are studied to this day, was busy now in Roman territory in any case. It would seem that Roman forces were once again threatening the city of Dukeshire, and the very busy cavalry there were dispatched and destroyed the Romans successfully. This had dire consequences, however, as their Mongol allies were forced to declare war as an act of solidarity. Some say, Livia of the Romans and Genghis of the Mongols had many a tryst to keep this alliance alive, but that is just too weird to consider.
[Show man in furs and woman in toga staring at each other lecherously]
In the province of Triton, reinforcements in the form of 3 veteran cavalry were preparing to leave for Mongol lands. All receive their final training and support from Beijing.
In was in this year that the English discovered Economics. Well behind the curve, but that was no surprise either.
Mongol guerilla warriors now began tearing up roads and other infrastructure from their own land.
1798:
Narrator:
Two years later, 1798, let us visit the journal of the Minister of Interior at the time.
Ah, Canton has finished its aqueduct and is now building a factory. I see that its neighbor, Beijing, has built sewers and is training yet more vet cavalry. Our city of Olympia has built sewers as well and will now build a bank where I can store my huge cash surpluses. Best of all, my lovely namesake city of Dukeshire has built city walls and have started training riflemen for even more defense. That city shall never fall. It will be my headquarters soon from which I will rule this world eventually. All shall bow before the duke o york as I
duke o york 1798
The words trail off at this point, and its been largely accepted that the MOI was quite inebriated at the time of writing. It does point to many of the structures that were being built at the time, though.
The new rifle in Dukeshire is very important indeed. With the world distracted by Mongol happenings, a spy is sent to well SPY on the nearby Roman city of Brundisium. It has been noted by historians that at this point, Brundisium was being defended by a mere rifle unit and had no city walls at all. An interesting move was the result: a rifle unit was sent forth from Dukeshire and fortified on a nearby hill. The Romans were unaware.
The Mongols, however, WERE aware of the Fanatica presence. Five fully healed and ready-to-fight cavalry emerged from Kashgar to flush out and kill the guerillas that were raping the land along with various livestock. A few wounded slightly, they moved to a Bokhara for resting. The rest move to a fortification outside of Basra. Further incursions on Mongol soil seemed imminent. Spies near the northernmost city (on the main continent) of Aleppo spot 2 fanatics and a rifle in defense. Of course, a rifle was just being finished as well. The fundamentalist Mongols seemingly were looking to destroy their invaders by sheer numbers and even entertained thoughts of succeeding.
In a new age of exploration, cities like Bapedi, Leipzieg, Hastings, and Canterbury were spotted.
Ancient records show that in this year, other nations were busy as well. More and more English ships dotted the oceans. The Germans and Romans traded Electronics for Explosives. The Fanatics were worried, for now the Germans could change to the Hoover Dam if they wished.
1800:
Turn of the century. A time of happiness and growth in Fanatica despite the wars that were raging. Kevholm produced silk for trade and began an offshore platform.
Duke of Marlbrough, the Science Minister, wrote these fine words in this year:
We have it! We have combustion! The results of which have broken the glasses of each of the scientists. No matter, they have all put making tape down the center of their eyewear, and it looks fine. And they stay safe in the pocket protectors as well. I wonder why they can never get dates. Perhaps with some flashy cars they can, and well try to discover some with automobile. Could it be the clothes? Kevholm has silk to trade, but they prefer the polyester that they like so much. I wonder what a geek is
Duke 1800
War returned in this year, but not where it was expected. The cavalry in Mongol lands awaited reinforcements, and the transport with 3 fresh cavalry divisions was on the way. True, the cavalry were busy taking on random troops and guerillas, and even a destroyer joined the fray and bombarded a Mongol cannon that roamed too close to shore. Alpine troops were trained in Kashgar as well. Yet, the attack on Basra would wait.
Instead, verifying that the city of Brundisium was still poorly defended, the hard-working cavalry in Dukeshire hit the city hard. When the dust settled, the city was undefended, and the hill-climbing riflemen were able to walk in - to much fanfare in the streets. 103 gold was taken, but no improvements survived the battle.
Records are very clear that Livia visited after this attack
[Cut to reenactment with a woman in toga visiting a group carrying shotguns]
Livia: Hi, its me Liv
Empty stares
Livia: Well um . can I have some of those Tactics?
Empty stares
Livia: OK thats no problem You have that UN and all
Empty stares
Livia: Of course if you didnt
Empty stares. Guns now cocked.
Livia: B-b-b-but thats OK. Id like peace. Bye..
Giggles
United Fanatica, at this important turn of the century, now celebrated like it was 1799. Even the geeks join in the festivities, and not much is done in science for over a decade. But, it has been noted on many bathroom walls, they actually managed to get some. Hence, the Great Fanatica Baby Boom was underway.
Lost amid the revelry were dastardly deeds. The English sneak attacked an exploring vessel and sank it but not before Norwich was discovered. Mongols attacked as well, but a rifle brigade fell to cavalry firmly ensconced in the Basra fort.
1802:
So many cities. The drunken scribblings of Mr. Spice:
Thisss issh great. [Apparently he wrote with a slur when drunk as well]. Ssho many fun. Sex with no consequenshes. Babies, I guessh. Ah, theyre cute. Been to sooooooooo many cities that are shhhelebrating. I, like, govern sshome of these. Pellakens Gay, Spicey Maiden, MarlgoesDowns, Mpondo, Sixpack, Cornmustard, Virocunniligas, Spyjumper, Tsingtao, Kashhhhhgar, HungryHungryHippoville, Assthenae, Bokhara, POT-o-somethingorother, The Holy **** Pond, Shangemhigh, Be-the-jing, and O-o-olympia.
Mr. Spice 1802
Though he got some of the names a bit mixed up, historians have been able to sort through and have a proper list of the cities. If anyone really cares. The fact of the matter is that babies were being make faster than . well just about anything really.
Some members of the inner circle must have been designated riders (without cars there were no designated drivers at this time), for some things actually got done. Some items were rushed like sewers in Dreadtown and alpine troops in Brundisium and the rifle in Dukeshire.
More German cities were being discovered as well, and Lungdunum was discovered in this year as well on the German mainland. Site of the Lugdunum Pact between the Germans and the Romans, it would be a nice city to crush.
The attack planned at Basra, however, does not hit in this year. There was nothing but swamp surrounding this city in this year, and the cavalry could not land from their ship and attack all at once. They unloaded into a swamp to wait, but the nearby transports were fearful as a Mongol destroyer was harassing them. Well, the heroic Fanatica destroyer came to the rescue and cleared the waters. More celebrating ensued.
Well return to Fanatica at War after these messages.
[queue commercials for Hair Club for Men and Viagra]