Kev
Hired Goon
Part I
Next on VH1: Behind the Music:
UNITED FANATICA BAND ON THE WARPATH
COMMENTATOR: For centuries, the band United Fanatica was a band in flux. With lead singer and founder Duck of Flanders, UF hit hard on the Billboard top 7 civilizations. Following brief leadership roles by such well known names as Alcibates, Cornmaster, and Pellaken, the band once again looked to Duck for leadership.
[Cue to Duck looking pensive]
But was there more out there for this dynamic personality?
DUCK: I was like, you know, theres more out there, I just know it. The lure of multiplayer games and Civ3 was a big deal at that time in my life. I had to do what was right for me then.
COMMENTATOR: And so the exodus began. The lure of multiplayer and Civ3 was tempting to others as well, and the resulting mass exit left United Fanatica in shambles. If the band had folded then, nobody would have been surprised. But there was a core of members who would just not give up the band.
[Cue to Inner Circle in front of screaming crowd of mostly very beautiful women]
COMMENTATOR: Yes, the Inner Circle. Led by a man who had just recently joined the band and lost his first election bid for Minister of Interior and drums to a band member by the name of Hippo.
[Cue picture of Kev]
Kev took the reigns as part of the rules of succession. Hippo had dropped out for the most part, and in the second election Kev became the Minister of Interior and drummer. It therefore fell to him when the exodus occurred to take over the lead singer and president position.
[Cue to Kev at his palatial estate]
KEV: Well, you know, when I start something I like to finish it at least see it to the end. I knew that this band had some great talent and theyd never leave me out there. I got by with a little help from my friends if you dig it.
COMMENTATOR: And did it they did. The Inner Circle consisted of lead singer and president Kev, drummer and MOI duke, Science Minister and bass guitar Duke, Military Advisor and rhythm guitar Ren, Governor and lead guitar Mr. Spice, Governor and keyboards Dell, and the backup work of Civ1, Leowind, and Becka. Later, Civ1 moved up to governor and percussion while they were also joined by Elibb as governor and organ player. Finally, the Inner Circle grew to include Governors anarchy (strings), Dexter (sax) and Starlifter who created the bands new sound with clever onstage mixing and began to include the pyrotechnics.
[Cue to Dexter at a blues club]
DEXTER: Yeah, I kinda jumped into this thing a little late in the game. I really had to provide something new and different as well as govern my territory. The Inner Circle was great, man, they just like took me right on in. Once I had a chance to hang with these dudes, I just knew UF was going somewhere.
COMMENTATOR: And they did just that. Even before any new additions, UF began to make their name in the Music world. They bumped the Chinese with their mellow harp-like music right off the charts. They then went and bumped the technosounds of DeiterFred and the Germans of the face of the world (of music). The Mongol brand of music that incorporated hitting sticks together fell rather quickly. We will pick up our story as UF seems to be removing Livias Operatic band called the Romans from the Machiavellian charts.
1872:
[Cue to duke and Duke backstage]
DUKE of Y: We knew the fans were ready to knock off their opera. From Antium, to Neapolis, to Rome itself the people were all going for UF ROCK! You know what I mean? Its not like they put up a fight or anything. In 1872, we played the city of Ravenna, and after putting about 500 or so gold into it, they just flocked to our music.
DUKE of M: Yeah. Like there were partisans and everything around that were chanting crap like Bring back opera and We want Livia. Couple a blasts from our howitzer-toting fans shut them up real quick!
DUKE of Y: (lauging) Right on, Dukie. The only city we had left to play and convince was Byzantium. They were on some island or something, but our fans in Pompeii put a harbor on hold so we could get our sounds on out there with a transport.
DUKE of M: Yeah, that was awesome.
COMMENTATOR: But not all was rosy in the world of UF. The English punk movement was led by Hank5, and they were none too keen on having the rock and roll invade their cities.
[Cue to Ren at his Mongol-Hunting cabin]
REN: Man, they tried everything. The UFS Ren was out there sinking those English cruisers, and they tried to sink my ship as well. No go, man. No go. Anyways, my ship was damaged so I was sending it to Cambridge for repair and they attacked again. I mean, the ship made it, but it was seeing red for sure. Thankfully, there were plenty of other UF ships around. I thought to myself, man these English dudes are SERIOUS about their music. But man, we HAD to bring them some ROCK.
COMMENTATOR: Other disappointments in this year as well as the Mongol city of Naples could not be renamed {I guess only my Classic version still has that bug}. Peace was made with the Zulus and their unique percussion beat, but would that last for long?
1873:
COMMENTATOR: Much was built in UF at this time:
Isle of Shannon = harbor and starts engineers
Xinjian = sewer and starts factory
Basra = aqueduct and starts offshore platform
Sixchan = superhighways and starts bank
Bokhara = sewer and starts factory
Leipzig = stock exchange and starts freight (it supplies uranium)
Dreadtown = stock exchange and starts mass transit
Pompeii = transport and starts sewer
COMMENTATOR: The new UF transport reached Byzantium Island in this year with UF promoters carrying posters of the very sexy band and copies of their latest CDs. Entry to the island was blocked by cannon-toters, but a few hundred gold made that problem disappear. With posters, CDs and 352 gold, Byzantium was convinced that UFs rock sounds were all they ever needed. They even gave back 237 gold and two units volunteer to defend the city and engineers volunteer to help the area develop.
[Cue to Livia holding her head in her hands in despair]
But what ever became of Livia?
[Cue to Elibb at the studio]
ELIBB: We hired her as a roadie. She was too ugly to be a groupie.
COMMENTATOR: So ended all traces of Livias Opera except for collectors, antique shops, and very stuffy throwbacks. All eyes turned toward England where submarines were spotted looking to undermine the rock movement. There would be no peace with the Mongols nor the English all attempts were rebuffed.
[Cue to Kev]
KEV: Yeah, I remember trying to call on Hank5 and Dumghis Khan. Neither one would talk to me. Sure, I only wanted the English happy so it would be safer to get my military and promoters there, but we wanted to give the Mongols the benefit of our musical knowledge. We just had to wait.
Next on VH1: Behind the Music:
UNITED FANATICA BAND ON THE WARPATH
COMMENTATOR: For centuries, the band United Fanatica was a band in flux. With lead singer and founder Duck of Flanders, UF hit hard on the Billboard top 7 civilizations. Following brief leadership roles by such well known names as Alcibates, Cornmaster, and Pellaken, the band once again looked to Duck for leadership.
[Cue to Duck looking pensive]
But was there more out there for this dynamic personality?
DUCK: I was like, you know, theres more out there, I just know it. The lure of multiplayer games and Civ3 was a big deal at that time in my life. I had to do what was right for me then.
COMMENTATOR: And so the exodus began. The lure of multiplayer and Civ3 was tempting to others as well, and the resulting mass exit left United Fanatica in shambles. If the band had folded then, nobody would have been surprised. But there was a core of members who would just not give up the band.
[Cue to Inner Circle in front of screaming crowd of mostly very beautiful women]
COMMENTATOR: Yes, the Inner Circle. Led by a man who had just recently joined the band and lost his first election bid for Minister of Interior and drums to a band member by the name of Hippo.
[Cue picture of Kev]
Kev took the reigns as part of the rules of succession. Hippo had dropped out for the most part, and in the second election Kev became the Minister of Interior and drummer. It therefore fell to him when the exodus occurred to take over the lead singer and president position.
[Cue to Kev at his palatial estate]
KEV: Well, you know, when I start something I like to finish it at least see it to the end. I knew that this band had some great talent and theyd never leave me out there. I got by with a little help from my friends if you dig it.
COMMENTATOR: And did it they did. The Inner Circle consisted of lead singer and president Kev, drummer and MOI duke, Science Minister and bass guitar Duke, Military Advisor and rhythm guitar Ren, Governor and lead guitar Mr. Spice, Governor and keyboards Dell, and the backup work of Civ1, Leowind, and Becka. Later, Civ1 moved up to governor and percussion while they were also joined by Elibb as governor and organ player. Finally, the Inner Circle grew to include Governors anarchy (strings), Dexter (sax) and Starlifter who created the bands new sound with clever onstage mixing and began to include the pyrotechnics.
[Cue to Dexter at a blues club]
DEXTER: Yeah, I kinda jumped into this thing a little late in the game. I really had to provide something new and different as well as govern my territory. The Inner Circle was great, man, they just like took me right on in. Once I had a chance to hang with these dudes, I just knew UF was going somewhere.
COMMENTATOR: And they did just that. Even before any new additions, UF began to make their name in the Music world. They bumped the Chinese with their mellow harp-like music right off the charts. They then went and bumped the technosounds of DeiterFred and the Germans of the face of the world (of music). The Mongol brand of music that incorporated hitting sticks together fell rather quickly. We will pick up our story as UF seems to be removing Livias Operatic band called the Romans from the Machiavellian charts.
1872:
[Cue to duke and Duke backstage]
DUKE of Y: We knew the fans were ready to knock off their opera. From Antium, to Neapolis, to Rome itself the people were all going for UF ROCK! You know what I mean? Its not like they put up a fight or anything. In 1872, we played the city of Ravenna, and after putting about 500 or so gold into it, they just flocked to our music.
DUKE of M: Yeah. Like there were partisans and everything around that were chanting crap like Bring back opera and We want Livia. Couple a blasts from our howitzer-toting fans shut them up real quick!
DUKE of Y: (lauging) Right on, Dukie. The only city we had left to play and convince was Byzantium. They were on some island or something, but our fans in Pompeii put a harbor on hold so we could get our sounds on out there with a transport.
DUKE of M: Yeah, that was awesome.
COMMENTATOR: But not all was rosy in the world of UF. The English punk movement was led by Hank5, and they were none too keen on having the rock and roll invade their cities.
[Cue to Ren at his Mongol-Hunting cabin]
REN: Man, they tried everything. The UFS Ren was out there sinking those English cruisers, and they tried to sink my ship as well. No go, man. No go. Anyways, my ship was damaged so I was sending it to Cambridge for repair and they attacked again. I mean, the ship made it, but it was seeing red for sure. Thankfully, there were plenty of other UF ships around. I thought to myself, man these English dudes are SERIOUS about their music. But man, we HAD to bring them some ROCK.
COMMENTATOR: Other disappointments in this year as well as the Mongol city of Naples could not be renamed {I guess only my Classic version still has that bug}. Peace was made with the Zulus and their unique percussion beat, but would that last for long?
1873:
COMMENTATOR: Much was built in UF at this time:
Isle of Shannon = harbor and starts engineers
Xinjian = sewer and starts factory
Basra = aqueduct and starts offshore platform
Sixchan = superhighways and starts bank
Bokhara = sewer and starts factory
Leipzig = stock exchange and starts freight (it supplies uranium)
Dreadtown = stock exchange and starts mass transit
Pompeii = transport and starts sewer
COMMENTATOR: The new UF transport reached Byzantium Island in this year with UF promoters carrying posters of the very sexy band and copies of their latest CDs. Entry to the island was blocked by cannon-toters, but a few hundred gold made that problem disappear. With posters, CDs and 352 gold, Byzantium was convinced that UFs rock sounds were all they ever needed. They even gave back 237 gold and two units volunteer to defend the city and engineers volunteer to help the area develop.
[Cue to Livia holding her head in her hands in despair]
But what ever became of Livia?
[Cue to Elibb at the studio]
ELIBB: We hired her as a roadie. She was too ugly to be a groupie.
COMMENTATOR: So ended all traces of Livias Opera except for collectors, antique shops, and very stuffy throwbacks. All eyes turned toward England where submarines were spotted looking to undermine the rock movement. There would be no peace with the Mongols nor the English all attempts were rebuffed.
[Cue to Kev]
KEV: Yeah, I remember trying to call on Hank5 and Dumghis Khan. Neither one would talk to me. Sure, I only wanted the English happy so it would be safer to get my military and promoters there, but we wanted to give the Mongols the benefit of our musical knowledge. We just had to wait.
