santo67
Huitzilopochtli
...there was a young couple living in Sweetwater, Texas. One evening, while watching the local news, the TV weatherman predicted a cold snap for that night. It had been an unusually warm winter, even for Texas, and the wife of this couple had already put the potted plants outside. She decided to bring them inside. But on bringing the last set of pots in, the wife noticed a small green garden curled up in one of the pots. Now, this snake is perfectly harmless, but, the woman didn't know that, and shrieked at the sight of it. She dropped the pot, nearly smashing one toe, and the snake slithered away, under the couch. The husband, who had been in the shower at the time, heard the shriek and crash, and, worried for his wife's safety, rushed out to her, stark naked. She, trembling, thrust her finger in the general direction of te couch and stammered 's-s-snake!' The husband rolled his eyes, but, nonetheless, got down on his knees, and began to fish around under the couch with a rolled-up magazine. At this time, the family dog decided to come inside. It ran right up, and started to sniff at the husband's right buttock. The husband, feeling the cold, thought he had been bitten, jumped forward a bit. Unfortunately, he hit his head hard against the table next to the couch and collapsed. The wife, uncertain of what to do, called on a neighbor to help. The neighbor, after surveying the situation, and the small trickle of blood on the husband's forehead, decided that an ambulance needed to be called. He did so, then, at the wife's urging, continued to search for the snake. After a while of poking around below the couch, he decided that it must have gone. The wife gave a sigh of relief, and sat down on the couch. Her hand drifted into the space between the cushions, and felt the still-present-afterall snake. She shrieked, and fainted. The neighbor, think she had been bit and uncertain of what else to do, began to give her CPR. Unfortunately, the neighbor's wife, just home from the grocery store, saw her husband 'kissing' her neighbor and best friend through an open window. She ran into the house to confirm her suspicions, and, while not sure what to make of the naked man on the floor, decided that the best course of action was to hit her husband in the head with the sack of groceries in her right hand. Unfortunately, this was the sack with the canned goods stacked in the bottom. Her husband screamed and fell unconscious, a trickle of blood running down his forehead. The scream woke the fainted woman, who was being screamed at by her neighbor. After managing to calm her down, the woman explained the situation. The neeghbor felt horrible, and decided something had to be done. Remembering an old family 'remedy,' she grabbed a bottle of whiskey she had just purchased and began to pour it down her husband's throat. At this time, the ambulance, flanked by police cars, arrived. While the ambulance team was unloading the stretcher, one of the men's fingers slipped. The heavy stretcher fell, breaking the man's leg. The cops went inside to survey the situation inside the house. Seeing the two crying women, the two unconscious men, one naked, and the nearly-empty whiskey bottle, the assumed that a drunken brawl had occurred and drew their guns. The hysterical women managed to explain what had happened with the snake, the husband, the dog, the neighbor, his wife, the whiskey, etc. The cops started to put their guns away, but the snake decided at that moment to come out from under the couch. One of the cops foolishly opened fire on it, but missed and hit the leg on the end table next to the couch. The table fell over, the lit lamp on top of it burst and set the drapes ablaze. The other cop ran over in a futile attempt to stomp out the fire, but, instead, somehow managed to fall out the window, onto the family dog who had run back outside from all the commotion. The dog yelped and ran out into the street, where a car swerved to miss it, but ran instead into one of the parked cop cars, setting it on fire. The fire department was soon called, and rushed a truck out to fight the growing blaze. The crew began to lift the ladder of the truck before arriving, in an attempt to save time. Unfortunately, the ladder ran into an overhead power line, cutting power to a six-block area.
Time passed. The two men suffered mild concussions, but healed. The broken leg was set, power was restored, fire damage was fixed, the dog was found, the police replaced their squad car. Just over a year later, the TV weatherman once again predicted an unexpected cold snap. The husband suggested to his wife that she bring the potted plants inside. She shot him.
Time passed. The two men suffered mild concussions, but healed. The broken leg was set, power was restored, fire damage was fixed, the dog was found, the police replaced their squad car. Just over a year later, the TV weatherman once again predicted an unexpected cold snap. The husband suggested to his wife that she bring the potted plants inside. She shot him.
Where'd you find this, or did you write it?
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