Can you be in a committed relationship but still see other people no strings attached? Will it just lead to problems along the way? I'm assuming that both parties know about it, not talking about secretly cheating. It would be great if someone had actual anecdotes and/or real life experience but I guess theoretical discussions are OK too.
Open relationships - Is it realistic?
- Thread starter NovaKart
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Eukaryote
Deity
I don't think this is a yes or no question. Different people are capable of different things. What's realistic for one person may not be for another.
Kraznaya
Princeps
It would never work for me but it's not for me to know or decide whether it can work for other people.
Mr. Dictator
A Chain-Smoking Fox
Well how else could you do the Eiffel Tower?
Thorvald of Lym
A Little Sketchy
I think so. It's a highly subjective question, but if two people are convinced their commitment is built on lasting love and regard the extramarital affairs as... for lack of a better term, weekend diversions, I can imagine an arrangement that doesn't end in heartbreak.
Mr. Dictator
A Chain-Smoking Fox
Its a famous landmark in the land of Ménage à trois
Traitorfish
The Tighnahulish Kid
This, basically. There are really no universal norms in these things, nor should we expect there to be.
I had a girlfriend (Jenny) back when I was at college who wanted an "open relationship" with me. To be completely honest though, I wouldn't describe our relationship as "committed" as my feelings for her were fairly shallow and her's for me were probably even less substantive, but regardless, we were in a relationship and it was "open".
Oddly enough, being in this relationship seemed to make me more attractive to women who knew about it. For them, knowing that I was in an open relationship seemed to give me some mystical magnetism that I hadn't had before hand. I got so much, umm, action, shall we say, I was spoilt for choice. I'm not exactly Brad Pitt either.
Of course, being a young male who wasn't used to this level of female attention, I went somewhat mad, like the proverbial child in a sweet shop and this is what ended up causing Jenny to end our relationship. She seemed fine with the idea of an open relationship and was happy enough to see other people herself, but when I started getting rather a lot more female attention than she got male attention it was game over...
I've never been as popular with the ladies before or since. I'd say, as long as you don't love the person you're in an open relationship with, it's a pretty good way to play the field, if that's what you're after. In my opinion though, monogamy is the only way to be with somebody you truly love. Love and "open relationship" is a recipe for emotional turmoil and ultimately failure of the relationship.
Stay unemotional and it's great fun, get emotionally involved and say hello to heartbreak.
I know three people that tried it and none were succesful. Personally it would probably drive me crazy.
Likewise. I'm sure that SOME people can pull it off, but i've only personally seen it fail. It would absolutely break my heart...I know I couldn't do it.
Can work, requires the right sort of person and a lot of emotional maturity. I have known people for whom it does. Particularly gay couples, interestingly enough.
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Tani Coyote
Son of Huehuecoyotl
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There are straight people who don't mind gay sex at all and others who think it's icky and would never even ponder it. Therefore, your mileage may vary on open relationships, since sexuality is very different to some people.
Case in point: the internet. Some e-romances think cybersex is as bad as the real thing, and others just shrug. It all depends on inhibitions and preference.
Case in point: the internet. Some e-romances think cybersex is as bad as the real thing, and others just shrug. It all depends on inhibitions and preference.
JohnRM
Don't make me destroy you
Not unless you could eliminate jealously, and I doubt it can be done.
I was once in a relationship that was de jure polygamous, but de facto monogamous. As it was allowed to fool around, it wasn't so tempting anymore. It just didn't feel worth the effort, and besides although I was allowed to do so, my girl may still have felt bad about it, and I just didn't want to hurt her. I don't think it would have gone this way when I was 20 though.
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