As per another thread, you can try starting a game with NO barbarians and it may work for you. Otherwise, MP in 2.8 and 2.81 is just broken and not going to be fixed until 2.9 (though some work is going on in hopes of helping out there). We've had good luck playing in 2.71 MP.
Makes multiplayer work a treat... you have to make sure all parties have exactly the same downloads though.
I would recommend all players downloading RoM 2.8 full, then the 2.81 patch. Install them and then run the AND mod installer on the MP option. Do a fresh download/install of ROM and AND though.
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