Please Help

[Commodore]

Okay, so my wife just got her iguana back from her parents for the first time since we've been married and this thing needs to go. He is noisy, violent, and constantly wakes our baby girl up with all the noise he makes. He scratches my wife and whips me with his tail. Not to mention heating his cage is driving our electric bill through the roof.

Despite all of this, my wife refuses to get rid of him or give him back to her parents. She is a huge animal lover and a very emotional person, so I've tried to convince her of my side while trying to respect her feelings with absolutely no success. I've tried telling her about the electric bill and my fears that once our daughter becomes more mobile that the iguana will be as violent towards her as he is towards us. I could try the hard approach and demand that she gets rid of him, but that will just end with her bawling her eyes out and no closer to getting rid of the little demon. It's gotten so bad that I have seriously been considering ways I could kill him and make it look like a natural death.

So short of committing murder, is there any of you that could provide a little assistance in this matter? I need to convince my wife that this iguana has to go and go now.

 

[Ayn Rand]

Have you thought about why your iguana is so unhappy? Maybe you should change your attitude and build trust with it, or maybe read up on the subject and learn what diet or environment factors contribute to their moods, and maybe watch some videos on youtube or join an pet owner's website?

Also, stop worrying so much. It's only a little iguana, so man up.

 

[LucyDuke]

Killing the iguana would never go away. Stand up for your kid.

 

[Silurian]

You should not kill it. If you do your wife may never trust you again.

What about off risks to the baby from bacteria carried by the iguana

 

[Commodore]

Have you thought about why your iguana is so unhappy? Maybe you should change your attitude and build trust with it, or maybe read up on the subject and learn what diet or environment factors contribute to their moods, and maybe watch some videos on youtube or join an pet owner's website?

Also, stop worrying so much. It's only a little iguana, so man up.

Treating the iguana better isn't going to reduce his impact on my electric bill or reduce the amount of noise he makes which disturbs my daughter's sleep. Plus, I don't want the iguana, my wife does so I'm not going to make any effort to care for him. My wife is the animal lover so she handles his care (at least she and I agree on that matter).

 

[JollyRoger]

File for divorce and give your wife custody of the iguana.

 

[Commodore]

File for divorce and give your wife custody of the iguana.

I would like to resolve this without losing half of my assets. Also, contrary to the trend in modern society, I actually love my wife.

 

[timtofly]

I would like to resolve this without losing half of my assets. Also, contrary to the trend in modern society, I actually love my wife.

Whose love is stronger? Until something really terrible happens, it seems that your wife is not going to give up her iguana. If you have talked to your wife about your concerns with the same enthusiasm here, then that is all that you can do.

 

[Commodore]

Whose love is stronger? Until something really terrible happens, it seems that your wife is not going to give up her iguana. If you have talked to your wife about your concerns with the same enthusiasm here, then that is all that you can do.

There has to be a solution I'm not seeing though. My issue is (and I have expressed this to her several times) that I firmly believe humans and animals should not live together. Now I compromised and let her have the guinea pigs, but I protested this iguana from the get go. She assured me everything would be fine, but it's not working out and I feel it is not fair that my wishes are completey ignored while she gets what she wants.

On the other hand though, she has had this iguana for years and is very attached to it, so being forced to get rid of it would cause her a great amount of emotional stress. While I understand those feelings, I still feel she should compromise and get rid of the iguana just like I compromised by agreeing to having guinea pigs.

 

[Antilogic]

I don't recommend taking the money approach with something like this. It'll only lead to conversations you and your wife may regret.

What is more important is how this newcomer (and based on your story, it definitely sounds like a newcomer) fits into your house. The violence is what concerns me--is it just adapting to its new environment, or has it always been violent? Have you talked to her parents about the animal and how it behaved? Learning a little about iguana behavior to figure out why its acting this way might help, but if the animal's temperament can't be improved, giving it to another family or an adoption agency sounds like a good plan.

 

[Silurian]

Maybe you could agree that she will not replace it when it dies.
If she has had it a long time how much longer will it live.
They seem to live mostly about 15 to 20 years.

 

[emzie]

If she won't get rid of an iguana for her kid, you have some serious issues ahead of you.

If she's in anyway open to reason, say you want to see improvement in its behaviour within a month for you to be willing to consider keeping it. Never lose focus of the fact that this is less about you and your happiness, but your child's safety.

 

[Commodore]

I don't recommend taking the money approach with something like this. It'll only lead to conversations you and your wife may regret.

What is more important is how this newcomer (and based on your story, it definitely sounds like a newcomer) fits into your house. The violence is what concerns me--is it just adapting to its new environment, or has it always been violent? Have you talked to her parents about the animal and how it behaved? Learning a little about iguana behavior to figure out why its acting this way might help, but if the animal's temperament can't be improved, giving it to another family or an adoption agency sounds like a good plan.

According to my wife, it's always been violent towards anyone but her. Given this, it makes sense that he would be violent towards me, but now he is even being violent towards my wife. Like I said, he now scratches her and whips me with his tail. He's about 3.5 feet long from the tip of his snout to the tip of his tail and he actually drew blood on me with his tail once.

 

[Flying Pig]

How about a romantic weekend in which the friend you appoint to 'look after' the iguana 'accidentally' posts it to Australia?

 

[Skwink]

Adopted a German Shepard. It might get ugly, but I bet the dog would "Play" with the iguana a little too rough in the end.

 

[Yeekim]

Next step: adopt a Siberian tiger to get rid of the German Shepherd.

 

[peter grimes]

The money angle is a non starter - correct me if I'm wrong but I doubt the equipment is drawing more than a 100w light bulb.

My question is why she thinks it's good for an animal that seems unhappy to be forced to remain in that environment.

If the animal isn't happier (less violent) in a month or so it's time to evaluate other housing options - for it's own sake! Not to mention your kid's safety.

I disagree with you that humans and animals aren't meant to live together, but certainly very few animals benefit from living in a human household.

 

[Antilogic]

According to my wife, it's always been violent towards anyone but her. Given this, it makes sense that he would be violent towards me, but now he is even being violent towards my wife. Like I said, he now scratches her and whips me with his tail. He's about 3.5 feet long from the tip of his snout to the tip of his tail and he actually drew blood on me with his tail once.

Has it been getting more or less violent? I don't know how long iguana's memories are, but if it has lived apart from your wife for a prolonged period, they it may have forgotten her and is now treating her like a stranger, just like everyone else.

 

[Ayn Rand]

There has to be a solution I'm not seeing though. My issue is (and I have expressed this to her several times) that I firmly believe humans and animals should not live together. Now I compromised and let her have the guinea pigs, but I protested this iguana from the get go. She assured me everything would be fine, but it's not working out and I feel it is not fair that my wishes are completey ignored while she gets what she wants.

On the other hand though, she has had this iguana for years and is very attached to it, so being forced to get rid of it would cause her a great amount of emotional stress. While I understand those feelings, I still feel she should compromise and get rid of the iguana just like I compromised by agreeing to having guinea pigs.

I think the only solution is for you to respect your wifes feelings on this issue and learn to deal with the iguana.

Spoiler :

You should also get a mistress. Sure, you'll feel guilty at first... But when she does finally divorce you and take you for everything you've got, moving in with the iguana and her new man while you slave away to pay the alimony to keep them both comfortable, you can at least look back and smile knowing that you weren't completely under control

 

[JollyRoger]

If you can document the iguana looking up your skirt, have it arrested.